| June 29, 2025
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Paving the Way for Help and Reciprocity in the Workplace

Yesterday, we had work done on our patio – pressure washing, repair, sealing, etc. It was 92 degrees, with no shade. My office is in my home, so periodically I checked on progress. I became increasingly concerned about the man doing the work. I loaded up a small cooler with ice and bottles of water and took it out to him.  He looked surprised, thanked me, and went back to his tasks. Later he knocked and told me he was finished for the day. Then he said, “By the way, I power washed your small deck and steps, just my way of saying thanks for being so kind. Just don’t tell my boss!”  A simple act of kindness came full circle for me. I didn’t do it to get something in return, rather because I was concerned for him. Sometimes we are kind just because it is the right thing to do.  Sometimes, it’s just plain smart.

If you are newer to the workplace, you may not be aware of how much of your workday may be controlled, at least influenced, made easier or more difficult by people in service roles. Administrative Assistants; Delivery People; Mail Carriers; Security Guards; Schedulers; Lunchroom Servers; Cleaning Staff; Interns, etc.  First and foremost, everyone deserves respect. Second, these people can be key in whether your day goes smoothly or it’s a nightmare. Third, if you are a *+& $, the lunchroom server may spit in your tomato soup!

You NEVER know who those people know, who they have great relationships with, what they may be involved with outside of work.  Don’t be so narrowly focused that you only can see people on your rung or above as valuable to your career.  Perhaps, I don’t need to remind you not to yell at servers when they are backed up or be snippy or snotty because someone has priority work and can’t get to you until later.  I’m advocating not just being kind because it’s right.  I am advocating going a step further.  Get to know these people, as people.

I am beyond grateful for a relationship I built ten years ago.  I had been hired for a keynote and my main contact was the Admin.  We got to know each other rather well prior to the event.  At that time, our son and daughter-in-law were living in Columbus with our baby granddaughter.  They were eager to be back in Cincinnati with family.  The challenge was, at least one of them had to secure a position here before they could move.  In my conversations with Chris, the Admin, I mentioned the situation.  She asked several questions about my daughter-in-law and then asked me to have her email resume to her.  She has a friend at GE who was looking for someone just like Abby.  As a result, Chris forwarded the resume, Abby came to Cincinnati for the interview and got the job.  Now our son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter live seven minutes from us!  It wasn’t just being kind to her; it was developing a relationship. 

How does all this start?  Questions and really listening to the answers.  But what do you ask someone who you know nothing about?  Here are ten questions that might start a relationship, they are inquisitive but not horribly intrusive and they build upon the previous question:

  1. What’s the best thing that has happened so far today?
  2. What’s made you laugh today?
  3. If you could start the day over, what would you avoid doing?
  4. If you could start the day over, what would you do again?
  5. What surprised you today?
  6. What dumbfounded you today?
  7. If you weren’t at this job today, what would you love to be doing?
  8. What are you dying to do when you leave work today?
  9. What recommendation do you have to make this job easier?
  10. What do you wish I knew about you?

Perhaps many workplace relationships are challenging for you, not just with peripheral individuals.  Relationships can make or break your career.  It’s critical to know how to effectively develop connections that will aid you in moving your career where you wish it to go.  If you struggle with creating workplace bonds, you don’t have to navigate this path alone.  Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation to determine if coaching with me might be the guidance you need.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Uncategorized |
| April 22, 2025
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Standing Out to Step Up

You will not protect yourself by running under the radar! You may have the illusion of safety but it’s only an illusion. There is no protection in anonymity. If no one knows you, you risk everything in the workplace. Are you thinking that this doesn’t apply to you because of your position? Sorry, it applies to you, too! Thinking that it’s only important to stand out when you move up is counterproductive.

The wonderful thing about emerging from being under the radar is that it takes no more time!  Well, maybe a little bit of thinking.  However, it does take courage.  If you have always been in the shadows, it takes courage to start stepping into the light.  In fact, it may be terrifying.  It’s also frightening to be very skilled, full of ideas, and working your tail off and not be reaping the rewards.

Let’s think about the why of many women stay under the radar, then I will give you simple ideas for emerging into the light.

  • Avoiding Conflict and Backlash:  The double standard is alive and well in 2025!  Some women believe they will be branded as aggressive if they are more visible.  This does happen.  Fighting the bias of being “bossy” haunts us from girlhood into womanhood.  The pushback comes from both men and women.  Few people like to be criticized and changing your behavior may garner some “who does she think she is” backlash.  DO IT ANYWAY!

  • Fighting Personality:  Are you introverted and more comfortable under the radar?  I have many clients who are introverts.  The fact that they were not achieving their goals motivated them the light.  It didn’t happen overnight.  They put in a toe, then a foot, an arm, then in “Hockey Pokey” fashion, they put their whole self in!  Are you equating visibility with a commanding style?   If that’s not you, it is o.k.!  You can still be collaborative, mission driven, and have a quieter style and be visible.  DO IT ANYWAY!

  • Work Life Balance:  Are you under the illusion that staying under the radar will protect you from extra work or more complex assignments?  If you are striving for a more balanced life, great!  I have witnessed that the more women are under the radar, the more they get work dumped on them!  As you get more visible, you may notice that your self-image begins to shift.  As your self-image and sense of worth are stronger, you will find your boundaries also get stronger.  The ability to assertively manage your workload will certainly enhance your work life balance.  DO IT ANYWAY!

Simple “Classroom” Steps to Increased Visibility

  • Please stand up and go to the head of the class.  When there is an opportunity to introduce yourself, get out of your chair, stand, and introduce yourself with your first and last name.  When appropriate, go to the front of the room.
  • Lead the class.  Think about some meetings you attend.  Are any of those meetings chaotic?  Has the designated leader lost control of the meeting or have no idea how to lead an effective meeting?  Could you step in and say something as simple as, “It seems we have veered from our meeting goal.  How can we get back on track?”  Your co-workers will thank you.
  • Write your classroom essay.  I am betting you send multiple emails every day.  Many of my clients have significantly shifted their writing style.  Delete phrases like: “I just wanted to say…;” “Just a quick question…;” “Just checking in on….”  All of these are under the radar phrases.  Stealing from Nike’s “Just Do It,” just say it.
  • Dress for classroom picture day.  Recently I presented a workshop for women in leadership positions.  One woman was in sweatpants.  She commented that that was her style, and she could not imagine ever changing.  The more she talked the more it seemed that her clothing style matched her leadership style, casual.  In fairness, she was new to her leadership role.  Her biggest complaint was that her staff ignored her directives.  The visibility of leadership includes the visibility of having the mantle of a leader.  Her attire would be a suitable place to start in the transformation of her leadership quest.

If you have been under the radar for most of your career, even these simple steps can seem overwhelming.  With assistance, you can move into the light.  If you are ready to put a toe in and need a need a hand, let’s have a conversation.  Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation to determine if coaching with me might be the guidance you need.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
| February 26, 2025
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The Scourge of Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome! This term is used frequently but do you really understand what it is, what it does, and how to manage it?  Most people do not, so let’s take a deeper dive.  In my decades of coaching women in the workplace to greater success, most of my clients have struggled with this scourge.  In fact, The International Journal of Behavioral Science states that 70% of people in the United States have experienced imposter syndrome sometime in their lives.  The term was first coined in the 1970’s by clinical psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.  They noted that many high-achieving women believed they were not competent even though they had many accomplishments.  Often, this is a silent saboteur, feeling like fraud is often unvoiced due to feelings of shame.  The more it is not expressed, the more it is internalized.

Do you know the feeling of being terrified that other people will figure out that you do not belong in your role, that you are not up to promotion, that you are not who you say you are?  That is imposter syndrome.  Maybe you have a lifelong foundation of self-doubt and anxiety.  That is the breeding ground for imposter syndrome.  It often rears its ugly head at each new level of success for you.

Another underpinning of imposter syndrome can be understood through Attribution Theory.  Attribution Theory is the psychological concept that explains how people interpret their own behavior of success.  This often divides across gender lines.  More men tend to attribute their successes to being smart, skilled, and competent.  More women tend to attribute their successes to luck, the help of others, or a fluke.  It’s not surprising if a woman attributes all of her success to external factors, the groundwork is set for feeling like an imposter. 

There are many ways imposter syndrome thwarts success.  Imposter syndrome may prevent you from applying for a position for which you are qualified.  Often women will not apply unless they have every qualification the position lists.  Many men will apply with just a few qualifications.  At the very least, feeling like a fraud makes you anxious, hesitant, and restricted, not a good foundation for succeeding at the next opportunity.

One of the fascinating things about imposter syndrome is the inclusiveness of the behavior.  In my coaching practice, I coached CEO’s; COO’s, CFO’s; doctors; attorneys, tenured professors; all who have struggled with imposter syndrome.  Education level, position, and salary level are not protective shields from this undermining belief system.  So, if you are thinking – when I receive my Master’s; when I pass my CPA exam; when I have been in my field longer – then imposter syndrome will vanish, don’t delude yourself.  It is a hitchhiker that goes along for the ride.

O.K., you have determined, “Yep, this is me!  I am suffering from imposter syndrome.”  Maybe you are feeling very discouraged?  Now what?  I always remind my clients, “Shame surges in silence!”  When you have the courage to voice your deepest fears of feeling like a fraud to another human being, that’s when healing begins.  Understanding that you are not alone, knowing that this is a pretty common experience for women, can go a long way in reducing the shame.  Your first powerful step forward is finding a trusted individual to express these feelings.  Choose wisely, hopefully you have another woman in your circle who has shown up for you as a trusted confidante.  You are seeking someone who listens effectively, empathizes, and acknowledges your feelings.  Just like you need a buddy to go swimming, you need a buddy to crush imposter syndrome.  The best news of all?  You do not have to stay stuck in this success sabotaging loop.  There are concrete steps you can take to kick the feeling of being an imposter to the curb.  Keep reading, in Kay’s Corner I will give you a step-by-step process to actively attack imposter syndrome.  Try going through the steps in Kay’s Corner with your trusted friend.  Talking through each of the seven steps is a powerful experience that can begin to lift the weight of feeling like a fraud.  There is light at the end of this tunnel!  You deserve to own your accomplishments and feel confident as you step up in responsibility and roles!

Have you had your hand raised throughout this article?  Have you said, “I know imposter syndrome is sabotaging my career success.”  Are you looking for guidance in tackling this obstacle?  This is a frequent issue that clients come to me for coaching.  Would you like to determine if I might be the right person to assist you in turning this around?  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to see if we can kick imposter syndrome and other self-sabotaging behaviors to the curb for you.   Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
| December 29, 2024
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The Career Impact of Mental Overload

No, you don’t have a migraine, not having a stroke, no aneurysm, thank goodness!  Yet, you do have a serious problem.  It’s the women’s dilemma of mental overload.  It is the mental burden for working women that includes juggling children and households.  We are not talking about the actual physical labor of taking care of children, shopping, cleaning, etc., that physical work is visible and exhausting.  However, the invisible mental overload can be even more destructive.  Time management gurus usually talk about planning, prioritizing, time blocking etc., to be able to focus more effectively on work.  We talk less often about the mental overload that limits women’s careers.  What if you cannot focus at work because you are worrying about scheduling vet appointments, children’s parent/teacher conferences, and buying new clothes for your child?  It’s bound to take a hit on your career.  This mental overload for women is significant.  It drains focus, creativity, problem solving and work satisfaction.

Below is an article recently published by the Most Powerful Women Daily Newsletter from Fortune, with Emma Hinchliffe on December 20, 2024.  It is captured verbatim to not miss any insightful information. 

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Ana Catalano Weeks, a senior lecturer in comparative politics at the University of Bath who often studies gender and society, has two new research papers that study the impact of the mental load on women.  The first, published with University of Melbourne sociology professor Leah Ruppanner in the Journal of Marriage and Family, follows parents in the U.S. and found that mothers carry, on average, 71% of the mental load.  This includes the unseen work that precedes physical work: noticing that the faucet is leaking and must be repaired, remembering when to schedule a doctor’s appointment or cut the kids’ nails, or keeping track of who to give gifts to each holiday season.

Catalano Weeks’ research is among the first to quantitatively, rather than qualitatively, study this labor.  “This is work that goes on in people’s heads, so it’s not really possible to observe it,” she explains — compared to typical measures of physical labor like time-use surveys.

So why do women get stuck doing the overwhelming majority of this work?  Like with the physical labor of housework, it’s a way of “performing gender,” the researchers found.  “The work itself isn’t visible, but the implications of it are,” Catalano Weeks says.  If parents don’t remember that it’s Christmas sweater day at school or that the kids are outgrowing their shoes, the mom is typically the one who internalizes that lapse.

Which brings us to Catalano Weeks’ second study:  the impact of all this labor on women’s roles in public life through a study of working parents in the U.K.  The research, accepted by the British Journal of Political Science but not yet published, finds some of the first causal evidence between the mental load and women’s participation in the workforce and political life.  It’s not that women don’t have enough time, but that the cognitive load takes up more space in their minds and “crowds out” the ability or desire to take on additional responsibility at work.  Men, who more often are able to forget about the never-ending work of managing a home and family, don’t see that phenomenon to the same degree.

What’s unique about the mental load is the way it cuts across class and privilege.  Unlike physical household labor like chores, it’s near impossible to outsource the entire mental load; even for the wealthiest couples who hire a household manager or equivalent staffer to handle much of this work, someone would still carry the mental load of managing that person.

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Does this sound like you?  This is a topic that I have addressed in keynotes, training, and with individual clients for many years.  Here is an activity I conduct at corporate training events that always causes laughter, sometimes tears, and nods of recognition:

Two female volunteers pretend to be watching a football game, and I become a journalist interviewing them.  One volunteer reacts as a female and the other reacts as a male.  I ask the female “What are you thinking about right now?”  She often responds, “I am worried that the sitter is actually paying attention to my twins, if I remembered to get out their pajamas, and if my presentation at work tomorrow needs to be tweaked.”  When I ask the “male”, he responds, “Is Burrow going to be sacked on this play?”  This could easily be reversed asking women what they are thinking about when they are at their work desk.  You can see the potential challenge of focus, productivity, and career advancement.

If your career is floundering because of this mental overload, you are not alone.  This is an issue often discussed, processed, and managed with my individual clients.  It CAN be changed.  If you are ready to tackle this issue and need guidance, let’s talk.  We can do a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule. 

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Work/Life Balance | Tags: , , , ,
| October 29, 2024
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Strategies for Coping with Failure

Fall is not just about falling leaves.  We are talking about the big falls in a career.  It happens to everyone at some time in your career, you have experienced a failure.  How you manage the situation will depend on your personality but even more importantly on what you learn to do in that situation.  You got fired from your job, you did not get promoted, your proposal was rejected, your presentation bombed, or you received a terrible annual review — you fill in the blank.  I rail against those that say there is no such thing as failure, it is just a word.  Tell that to someone who has just had one of the above experiences, it really feels like failure to them!  Even more importantly, to discount their experience compounds the problem.  The first step in bouncing back, picking oneself up and moving forward, is to say the words “I failed” aloud.  The more we try to push it down, the higher the risk.  What is the risk?  Labeling oneself as a failure.  Having failed and being a failure are vastly different.

People fail numerous times every day, which is just a part of life and a career.  The more we try to hide our failures, the more internalized it becomes.  I remember presenting a terrible workshop a decade ago.  I had a two-hour drive back home afterwards.  The more I hashed it over in my mind, the more the failure stung.  It was not until I called a colleague on that drive back that the sting began to lessen a bit.  I am not a mind reader, but I can predict that you will have failures in your career.  Check out the recent cover song by Kelly Clarkson of Frank Sinatra’s classic “That’s Life.”  The words are, “You’re riding high in April shot down in May, but I know I’m gonna change that tune, when I’m back on top in June.  Each time I find myself flat on my face I pick myself up and get back in the race.”  Be ready, know the steps to take, plan now and getting back in the race will be far easier.

  • Allow yourself to grieve:  Failure hurts, it can be embarrassing and humiliating. You have experienced a loss, allow yourself to experience your emotions.  Identify your feelings, name them.  Allow yourself to cry, feel sad, and get angry.  Whatever your feelings, honor them.
  • Know what you did, or did not, do:  One of the comments I sometimes hear from clients is, “I don’t know how this happened.”  Are you sure about that?  Sometimes the initial humiliation is so intense that we cannot bring ourselves to acknowledge what happened.  As soon as possible, start identifying what really happened.  What part of this failure do you own?  Ask yourself:  Did I give it an earnest effort?  Did I really understand my audience?  Did I do my part in self-promotion to allow my boss to know my value?  Was I willing to adapt my leadership style?  Was I an effective team member?  If there are factors outside of your control, acknowledge them as well.  Resist taking responsibility for circumstances that you had no way of seeing coming.
  •  Find your grief team: Who are your perfect supporters?  At various times of working your way through this failed attempt, you will need different support.  In the beginning, supporters who listen, offer empathy, affirm your feelings, and allow you space to express are key.  There is nothing that feels less valuable than a big dose of positivity at this stage, there will be time for that later.  I often call these people my grieving partners.  They can tolerate tears, silence, and intense emotions.  Not everyone in your circle can do this.  It takes special people to “hold your hand and heart” in the grieving process.  Keep in mind that having failed at something can feel like a career death.  Work is a significant part of your life and identity.  Allow yourself the time and space for acknowledging workplace failures.
  • Find your cheerleading team:  The next people that can serve you well are your encouraging cheerleaders.  Identify the people that convince you that you have it in you to bounce back. These people know you well.  They know your history of what you have overcome personally and professionally.  They have a memory of your history when you may have filtered it out.  That is one of the evils of failure, it can wipe your memory clean.  The scenario can sound like, “I failed, I have always failed, and I will fail again.”  They can be the voice of reality.
  • Find your action team:  Fear creeps in with failure.  It can cause even the strongest person to hunker down in their foxhole.  It feels safer there.  Action can seem overwhelming.  Who will be a bit of gentle butt-kicker?  Who will hold you accountable for acting?  You do not need a drill sergeant, but rather someone to nudge you along.  They may be the people that help you develop the action plan necessary to take your next steps.
  • Grow from failure:  As painful as it is, failures will be part of your road to success — if you grow from the failure!  What have you learned about yourself?  What have you learned about the workplace?  What have you learned about your skills?  If you learn nothing from a failure, all you have is failure.  However, if you unlock the treasure chest of failure there is gold.

If you are in the workplace growing, you will have failures.  Harness those failures to lead you to your next successes.

Have you fallen on your face?  Reeling from a recent career failure?  This can be such a painful time.  If you do not have the support team that I mentioned above, a career coach might be your best bet.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute consultation to see if we can turn this failure into your next success.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Uncategorized |
| August 29, 2024
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The Girl Scout Motto – “Be Prepared” – is Critical to Workplace Success

As a lifelong Girl Scout, their motto, “Be Prepared” was drummed into my head from age 7.  I have found there is no better career advice, than to be prepared.  For instance, when I am coaching female presenters, the warning is to be prepared to present without your PowerPoint; be prepared to present to half or double the audience you were told to expect; be prepared to cut your presentation time in half or double it!  You get the idea. Recently, I got caught being unprepared!  I was doing a pro bono presentation and did not plan to sell books, so I had none with me.  Several people afterwards asked if they could buy one of my books and I had to send them to my website or Amazon.  Luckily, they all followed through but the chances were not good.  It’s the whole out of site out of mind mindset.  I won’t be caught unprepared like that again.

Let’s look at five categories that are essential areas in which to be prepared:

  1. Workplace basics: Leadership guru John Maxwell says, “Prepare Don’t Repair”!  It’s so much easier to prepare to protect your reputation than to try to repair your reputation. Are you coming in every day on time?  Are you constantly running late, realizing that when you arrive you’ve forgotten important items?  Starting the day feeling and looking frazzled is not smart for your career.  Do you look like you just rolled out of bed?  Does your hair look like it’s never met a brush?  Do your clothes look wrinkled and stained?  This sounds so basic but it’s easy to let the basics slide.

    Are you mentally and emotionally prepared for your day?  We all deal with “stuff” in our lives but the smart career woman does everything she can to leave these mental and emotional issues at the door.  Make sure you check Kay’s Corner for some specific ways to have this mental and emotional preparation.

  2. Your Day:  You are not prepared for you day unless you plan your day.  There will always be emergencies that pop up and you are smart to plan in time for urgent items that you have no control over.  When you plan depends on your peak and low energy times.  I always have tomorrow’s plan by the end of the day. I can’t relax until I know what tomorrow holds.  The next morning I likely know what may need to be added or deleted.  I admit my greatest challenge to preparation is procrastination.  I will be working on managing this trait until I die!  The greatest tool I have in combating procrastination is my history.  Every time I think of the things that would have completely derailed a speaking engagement or any other business task, it motivates me to tackle the task early.  I am preparing this newsletter NOW because I do not want to be working on it while we are on our annual chalet trip.  Historically, the newsletter due date falls during this trip and I remember procrastinating on the blog and having to work on it over vacation.  I get cranky with myself and it’s my own darn fault!  That history is a strong motivator for me.

  3. Opportunities:  Sometimes the best opportunities come before you when you least expect it.  Perhaps a friend knows you are seeking a new position and calls you out of the blue with news that her company has just posted a job that is perfect for you.  Can you jump on it?  You can if you always have a resume that is up to date.  A fresh resume is a key preparation component, even if you are not looking for a new job.  Maybe you will want to keep a jacket in the trunk of your car, that’s preparation. Imagine your current job dress code is rather casual but this same friend texts asking, ”Could you jump on a Teams interview in an hour?”  Jog down to your car, grab the jacket, take ten deep breaths and do the interview.  That’s preparation.

  4. Meetings:  It’s essential that you are prepared for your meetings.  Here are a few things to prepare:  Read the agenda and prepare one pithy/insightful question; bring one new idea to present; scout out who the “players” will be at this meeting; and determine a “player” you may want to have a meeting with before the meeting. 

  5. Networking:  How do you prepare before a networking event?  Determine your key objective for attending.  If it is a new group for you, perhaps the objective is to ask questions to determine whether this group is a good fit for you.  Determine at least two attendees you want to meet (if you can see who will be at this event).  Go armed with plenty of business cards or download the HiHello app, a digital business card.

Start brainstorming what it means to be prepared in your workplace, in your industry, with your strengths and foibles.  Be the best Girl Scout you can be!  Be prepared!

Are you always playing catch up?  Do you know what that’s all about for you?  If it seems this and other behaviors are standing in the way of your workplace success, we need to talk.  One of my super powers is seeing in others what they don’t see in themselves.  High-Heeled Success offers complimentary 45-minute telephone consulting.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time for us to talk.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , ,
| April 22, 2024
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Standing Your Ground to be Heard in Your Career

If you don’t watch out, your voice can be rolled over, just like a steam roller smashing everything in its path.  You’ve seen steam rollers on the highway, machines with giant rollers that flatten everything in their path.  You don’t want to be smashed.  I am presenting a workshop on this issue at a conference at the end of April.  Talking with a client, I happened to mention the workshop topic and she commented that this is a significant problem in her workplace.  She suggested I write a newsletter about this — here you go!  What does it mean to go “Toe to Toe”? 

  • Your ideas, perspectives, and recommendations are heard and acted upon at work
  • You are physically visible and recognized in the workplace
  • You are treated with respect and equality in the workplace

To stand your ground, get your ideas across, and have credibility without being perceived negatively, is no easy trick for a woman.  Yet without credibility and powerful communication, it is an uphill battle to succeed in your career. History is not on women’s side.  Bias, stereotypes, and sexism toward women has lasted through antiquity.  Thankfully, we have laws today that give women some protection against the most blatant abuses.  However, laws do not protect us from being constantly interrupted, talked over, ignored, dismissed, and talked down to.  If leadership would demand a culture of equality and respect in their organization, women would certainly see their opportunities and careers shift.  If you are in a leadership role, pay close attention to the culture in your workplace.  It can be frightening and intimidating to go “Toe to Toe” but no one cares more about your daily experience and long-term success than you!  Take the reigns!  You can start shifting your behavior immediately! Here are three problems you likely encounter and steps you can take to shift your experience:

  1. Being interrupted.  Dr. Kristin J Anderson, professor at the University of Houston and Dr. Campbell Leaper, professor at the University of California, have analyzed 43 studies on men/women and interruptions.  Their findings show men interrupt women 96% of the time and women often acquiesce.  When a woman avoids addressing and managing it, she loses credibility and an opportunity to get her points across.  It is tricky, because when you start to change your behavior, you can be perceived as the “B” word.  If you don’t address it, you will continue to collide.  There are many steps you can take, try these three:
    • Just keep talking and ignore the interruption
    • Use the interrupters’ name and use an open palm, stop motion
    • Say, “I’m not done” “I haven’t finished” or “Just a minute.”
  1. Manage comments.  Some comments women hear from men in the workplace are blatantly sexist, some are condescending, some are demeaning.  Likely, you have heard versions of all of these.  Dr. Sian Beilock, President of Dartmouth University, coined the term “Benevolent Sexism.” Check out this insightful Forbes article about this issue: How To Address Subtle, ‘Friendly’ Sexism At Work.  It is usually not intended to be offensive but because it singles out women as different, it puts women in a marginalized position.  It stems from ignorance versus maliciousness. You may be called “Bossy;” “Feisty;” Emotional;” “Dramatic;” “Over-Sensitive,” etc.  Regardless of subtle or blatant, here are options:
    • Identify higher expectancy. Comments like, “I know you didn’t mean to put me down, but that word feels demeaning.” 
    • Call out sexism.  Blatant sexism, not the “friendly” type needs to be named and called out.  It might sound like, “It’s interesting that you called Nancy “shrill.”  I don’t hear men with strong opinions called that.  Have you ever thought about that?  That is sexist.”
    • Use humor.  Not every woman is comfortable with this or can pull it off.  Once in a meeting a man said, “You are such a cute little thing.”  My response? I turned to him and said, “You are a cute little thing yourself.”  He turned bright red, realized his mistake, and apologized.  He never said anything like that to me again. 
  1. Manage affect.  Your face is a phenomenal tool for going “toe to toe.”  I have been quoted as saying, “Often our indignation forgets to tell our face.” When you are feeling ignored, insulted, marginalized and you do not LOOK distressed, that’s a problem.  Throughout history women have heard, “You are so pretty when you smile.”  Understand that smiling in a negative situation sends a very mixed message.  It is essential that your reaction and your affect match.  Consider these three actions when you are boiling inside:
    • Go stone-faced.  A neural face equals power. Smiling telegraphs vulnerability and you are trying to reduce your vulnerability.  It is clear you are not willing to take the comments and behavior you are encountering.
    • Employ the “Pat Summitt Glare.”  As some of you know, I am a University of Tennessee graduate.  Fortunate to have witnessed the legendary women’s basketball coach at U.T. for decades.  Pat’s players would tell you that there was never a more loving, caring, or personally concerned coach for her players than Pat Summitt. They would also tell you, if Pat were displeased with your performance on the court, her icy stare could render your legs into jelly.   Try out this affect and see what it does for you. 
    • Avoid eye contact.  No, I am not confused.  This sounds like just the opposite recommendation.  Avoiding eye contact is used when the offending person is your boss or other individual higher than you in your organization.  You must be more diplomatic with these individuals.

Are you experiencing the problems discussed in this article?  Do you want to make changes but are nervous about trying these ideas?  Remember, you don’t have to go it alone.  Let’s schedule a time for a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513)561-4288 to set a time for us to talk.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
| February 23, 2024
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Recognizing and Coping with the Saboteurs in the Workplace

If you have been in the workplace for more than about two minutes, you are bound to have encountered saboteurs.  You may just want to ignore them and hope they go away. That’s understandable, it can be unnerving to think about taking these people on.  They come in several forms:  employee saboteurs; peer saboteurs; and boss saboteurs.  If you get nothing else from this article, hear this — ignoring it is self-sabotage.  You must act!  It’s the variety of ways you can act that can be confusing yet gives multiple options.  Remember, while saboteurs are doing their dirty work, the dirt is flying around and landing on you.  Saboteurs are everywhere.  Right now, I have four clients dealing with this issue and they each come from a different type of workplace:  large corporation; small business; non-profit; and government sector.  No one is safe. 

Saboteurs come in three general flavors:  1) Employees; 2) Bosses; 3) Peers.  Let’s look at how the problem shows up with each and different ways to handle it. 

  1. Employees – Imagine you have hired a new employee that you believe is going to do a great job, plus you like her and suddenly she is acting like she wants your job. Another scenario is that you become the boss of people that were once your peers. Either way, let’s say she believes she could do your job better than you do.  One way she may proceed is to spread lies about you, to get your job or to retaliate if she thought she should have been chosen.  What to do?  Your inclination may be to do nothing, you are her boss, after all.  Do not be naïve, this type of coup does happen. You may want to protect yourself by doing the following: 
    • Document everything immediately.
    • Act fast by having a one-on-one, putting her on notice of the behavior you have observed.
    • Get your name on all ideas and reports.
    • Let your boss know about her shenanigans.
    • Curtail her power.
  1. Bosses – Do not be surprised when a boss feels threatened by you and decides to keep you in your place.  Maybe the boss is older, and you come in with fresh ideas, enthusiasm and energy.  That can strike fear in many people. What are the signs that you have a boss saboteur?  If your boss keeps you out of meetings that would be appropriate for you to attend, that’s a sign.  If you are left off emails that are pertinent to you, that’s a red flag.  If you have a duo presentation and he tells you he will do your part, at the last minute, that’s a tip-off.  Now what do you do?
    • Get a mentor and or sponsor who can advocate for you.
    • Keep important people abreast of your work progress and successes.  These successes are often customer success stories, new sales figures or other news that your thumbprint is on.
    • Bring this behavior to your boss by framing it something like this: “I am somewhat confused that I was not included the budget meeting, especially since I had done a deep dive into the numbers that were that be presented.”
    • Don’t blindside the boss!  Making the boss look bad because she wasn’t informed of something you did, can rachet up saboteur behavior by the boss pretty darn quick. 
  1. Peers – These can be the worst saboteurs of all.  Usually, you have little control over peers.  Peers may want you to look bad, so they look good.  They may try to take credit for your work.  They may try to get a leg up by sucking up to the boss and cutting you out.  They may try to undercut you because you have a better relationship with the boss than they do.  How to proceed? 
    • Don’t be gullible, expect this behavior to happen and be thrilled if doesn’t.
    • Don’t share your ideas if you haven’t presented them to the boss yet.
    • Don’t complain about them to another peer!  I promise you; it will make you look bad.  If you need to process this, go to an outside trusted person like a coach or wise family member.
    • Call them out, not in a nasty way but let them know you are aware of their actions and antics.

What you probably notice about this entire article is that acting is the key.  The sooner you address this behavior the better. 

Does the prospect of addressing saboteur behavior scare the pants off you?  Would you rather do anything else?  You are not alone; many people would much rather hide from the entire mess.  I get it.  Would having someone aid you in navigating these pitfalls ease your mind?  That is what I do with my coaching clients.  Let’s discuss the situation.  High-Heeled Success offer 45-minute complimentary telephone consultations.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to get the ball rolling.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
| December 25, 2023
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Exuding Calm Like a Duck Gliding on Water

My recent Tip Tuesday social media post read “To have a great professional reputation as confident, on top of things, and unflappable — be a duck!  Yep, be a duck!  You may be peddling like the very devil underwater but on top you look like you are gliding over water.  Bosses, employees, clients, and co-workers think highly of individuals who have their act together.  Craft your reputation by being a duck.”  After I posted it, three clients reached out to me asking me to do a deeper dive into how this applies to leaders.  I realized they were likely not the only ones who could benefit from this information.  So here you go, leaders take heed.  However, this information can apply to anyone in the workplace, whether you are in a leadership position or are a newbie to the workforce. 

In a previous article, I wrote about the way so many American women have adopted the mantle of stress as a Badge of Courage!  Many women equate stress to being a hard worker and successful.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  If you want a great reputation and to have others benefit from your demeanor, exude calm. 

Every day can be stressful in the workplace for leaders.  There are deadlines to meet, budgets to create, feedback to give, etc.  Remember, you set the tone for others.  When you are calm, keep your emotions in check, and appear to have situations under control, staff members feel safe and secure.  You create an environment of stability that people pick up on. In an LA Times article by Joyce E.A. Russell, she reports that according to a study by TalentSmart, 90% of top performers demonstrate the ability to manage their emotions and stay calm during stressful times.  Leaders make better decisions and think more clearly when calm.  During times of crisis, it’s even more important to show calm.  When leaders become emotionally overwrought, so do their teams.  Look around, in a workplace where the leader often “loses it” you will see low morale, low creativity, team conflicts and errors made. 

Recently, one of my clients sent me feedback she had received about her leadership style from her team.  One of the consistent themes was how much they respected and appreciated her ability to keep calm during challenging and stressful times.  You can see how important it is to the team for the leader to remain calm but what about the leader herself? If the leader doesn’t keep calm under fire, Harvard Business School’s Online Blog reports:

  • 53% of leaders become more closed-minded and controlling during times of stress
  • 43% become angry and over-heated

Does that sound like the type of leader you would want to follow?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would have a great reputation?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would continue to be promoted? Unlikely, you would say “YES” to those three questions.  In my coaching business, I have encountered clients who say being rattled during stressful times is just their personality and emotional makeup.  Perhaps that has been your style in the past, but you can make headway toward becoming a duck.  Here are three important ways you can develop that critical calm, not just as a façade, but as a legitimate part of your leadership style.

  • Stop.  Don’t act quickly.  Give yourself time to really assess the situation.  If you jump in an over-heated state, you are apt to show up frenzied, rattled, and driven by emotion.  This doesn’t mean you won’t be emotional but take time to become more in control of your emotions.  When you are in this agitated state you are apt to take unwise actions and speak in unwise ways.  This may be a perfect time to recite the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can, and
The Wisdom to know the difference.

Knowing what you can and cannot change will enable you to focus and take more appropriate action.

  • Gather Support.  This is the time to call in the troops!  Hopefully, you have a support system that you can call on.  It’s during times of calm waters that you develop your leader support system.  I cannot state strongly enough that this is NOT your work team!!!  If you attempt to use your employees as your support system, you do them and yourself a huge disservice.  You do not need to be dumping on them, they are looking to you to be the oasis of calm.  Plus, you may lose their respect if they see you out of control.  This is the very reason my clients have Emergency Calls as part of their coaching package.  I am a critical part of their support system.  Sometimes we don’t even talk, they just send me an email and vent!  I am the safe place for them to do that without repercussions.  Sometimes all you need is an outlet, other times you need some perspective, and in some situations, you need advice. 

  • Gather History.  Unless you were promoted to leadership yesterday, you have been in similar situations before.  At the very least, you have other leadership challenges that you can pull from as a good self-role model.  Perhaps, you didn’t handle difficult situations like a duck in the past.  Consider what didn’t work then and do something significantly different now.  If you don’t have a written log of situations you have overcome, now would be a great time to start this history.  My log goes back decades.  I have used that history more times than I can count to talk myself off the edge!  This is an action I encourage many of my clients to develop for themselves.

Are you aware you are less like a gliding duck, and more like a flailing goose?  Is your style holding back your career?  Do you react versus respond wisely during difficult work situations?  I may be able to offer some guidance.  Let’s at least talk.  High-Heeled Success offers 45-minute complimentary telephone consulting.  Email Kay@hhighheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to set a time for us to chat.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
| October 30, 2023
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Understanding Career Fears

It’s that scary time of year, Halloween, when fear is actually fun!  But the rest of the time, the Hobgoblins of fear, regarding your career, are anything but fun.  Overwhelming fear in your career can render you stuck, discontented, and even paralyzed.  If you are expecting this article to tell you not to be afraid, stop reading now.  That is lousy advice!  If you are feeling fearful, that is a legitimate feeling that you deserve to have validated.  Feeling your fear allows you to acknowledge and use tools to cope with that fear.  There is no magic wand to make it go away but you do not have to let fear rule you.  You will likely have to face fear throughout your career and life at each new stage. 

This quote by Nancy Anderson, author of Work with Passion, is key: “Courage is not the absence of fear: rather, it is the ability to take action in the face of fear.”  Keep in mind, the way you think about, and address fear is often a gender issue.  Men are taught that fear is a signal to push through.  They aren’t supposed to be afraid and certainly should not show it.  And don’t cry!  In sports, men and boys are taught to look their opponent in the eye and be fearless.  The watch word men are taught is: Do Something!  Women are more frequently taught that fear is a sign to stop.  There is an ongoing message to women that “It’s dangerous out there!”  There is some truth to that, especially for women.  Sexual predators, domestic violence, and sexual harassment are just a few of the risks for women.  I can remember, visiting my mother once in the hospital after her serious surgery, as I left her parting words were, “Be careful.”  Throughout my entire life my parents admonished me to be careful!  Is it any wonder that I have spent a lifetime having to manage my fear, especially in the workplace?

Here are some of the workplace fears that often come to light with my clients:

  • Fear of being laid off or terminated.
  • Fear of being harassed.
  • Fear of making a major mistake.
  • Fear of not getting a promotion.
  • Fear of wage stagnation.
  • Fear of asking for a raise. 
  • Fear of being left out of the circle of influence.
  • Fear of going back to school.
  • Fear of interviews.
  • Fear of changing careers.
  • Fear of business networking.
  • Fear of giving presentations.
  • Fear of retiring from the workforce.

Keep in mind there are two types of fears in this list, those things that happen TO US and those things that WE MUST INITIATE.  Both fears have at their core one antidote — ACTION.  Without action the risk is a fear spiral.  Fear followed by inaction results in a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and paralysis. 

You may be thinking, there is nothing I can do about my company deciding to lay employees off.  True, you can’t control that corporate decision but there are several actions you CAN take.  Always have your resume up to date and be adding new skills, certifications, and education.  Plus, having a good Financial Planner or a Financial Coach will help you save money, create a cushion, and reduce debt should a layoff occur.  Additionally, you always need to be networking and nurturing your network.  I have two family members who had career doors open for them because of my networking contacts. 

Maybe, you are terrified by interviewing!  Develop a strong list of expected questions and have answers, stories, and examples for each.  Do multiple mock interviews.  This is a step I frequently take with clients, even those individuals that are not freaked out by interviews.

Right now, go through the list in this article and circle a couple of career fears you have.  Identify one action you can take for each one.  This will show you that there IS something you can do.  With every action you take, fear diminishes.

Perhaps your career Hobgoblins are keeping you from the success you strive for in your career and you need more in-depth information and assistance.  Don’t let those fear Hobgoblins win!  I have guided terrified and stuck women to a point where they are in charge of fear, not the other way around.  Do we need to talk?  High-Heeled Success offers a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to determine our game plan for locking up those career fear Hobgoblins. 

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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