Tag Archive for Success

Standing Your Ground to be Heard in Your Career

If you don’t watch out, your voice can be rolled over, just like a steam roller smashing everything in its path.  You’ve seen steam rollers on the highway, machines with giant rollers that flatten everything in their path.  You don’t want to be smashed.  I am presenting a workshop on this issue at a conference at the end of April.  Talking with a client, I happened to mention the workshop topic and she commented that this is a significant problem in her workplace.  She suggested I write a newsletter about this — here you go!  What does it mean to go “Toe to Toe”? 

  • Your ideas, perspectives, and recommendations are heard and acted upon at work
  • You are physically visible and recognized in the workplace
  • You are treated with respect and equality in the workplace

To stand your ground, get your ideas across, and have credibility without being perceived negatively, is no easy trick for a woman.  Yet without credibility and powerful communication, it is an uphill battle to succeed in your career. History is not on women’s side.  Bias, stereotypes, and sexism toward women has lasted through antiquity.  Thankfully, we have laws today that give women some protection against the most blatant abuses.  However, laws do not protect us from being constantly interrupted, talked over, ignored, dismissed, and talked down to.  If leadership would demand a culture of equality and respect in their organization, women would certainly see their opportunities and careers shift.  If you are in a leadership role, pay close attention to the culture in your workplace.  It can be frightening and intimidating to go “Toe to Toe” but no one cares more about your daily experience and long-term success than you!  Take the reigns!  You can start shifting your behavior immediately! Here are three problems you likely encounter and steps you can take to shift your experience:

  1. Being interrupted.  Dr. Kristin J Anderson, professor at the University of Houston and Dr. Campbell Leaper, professor at the University of California, have analyzed 43 studies on men/women and interruptions.  Their findings show men interrupt women 96% of the time and women often acquiesce.  When a woman avoids addressing and managing it, she loses credibility and an opportunity to get her points across.  It is tricky, because when you start to change your behavior, you can be perceived as the “B” word.  If you don’t address it, you will continue to collide.  There are many steps you can take, try these three:
    • Just keep talking and ignore the interruption
    • Use the interrupters’ name and use an open palm, stop motion
    • Say, “I’m not done” “I haven’t finished” or “Just a minute.”
  1. Manage comments.  Some comments women hear from men in the workplace are blatantly sexist, some are condescending, some are demeaning.  Likely, you have heard versions of all of these.  Dr. Sian Beilock, President of Dartmouth University, coined the term “Benevolent Sexism.” Check out this insightful Forbes article about this issue: How To Address Subtle, ‘Friendly’ Sexism At Work.  It is usually not intended to be offensive but because it singles out women as different, it puts women in a marginalized position.  It stems from ignorance versus maliciousness. You may be called “Bossy;” “Feisty;” Emotional;” “Dramatic;” “Over-Sensitive,” etc.  Regardless of subtle or blatant, here are options:
    • Identify higher expectancy. Comments like, “I know you didn’t mean to put me down, but that word feels demeaning.” 
    • Call out sexism.  Blatant sexism, not the “friendly” type needs to be named and called out.  It might sound like, “It’s interesting that you called Nancy “shrill.”  I don’t hear men with strong opinions called that.  Have you ever thought about that?  That is sexist.”
    • Use humor.  Not every woman is comfortable with this or can pull it off.  Once in a meeting a man said, “You are such a cute little thing.”  My response? I turned to him and said, “You are a cute little thing yourself.”  He turned bright red, realized his mistake, and apologized.  He never said anything like that to me again. 
  1. Manage affect.  Your face is a phenomenal tool for going “toe to toe.”  I have been quoted as saying, “Often our indignation forgets to tell our face.” When you are feeling ignored, insulted, marginalized and you do not LOOK distressed, that’s a problem.  Throughout history women have heard, “You are so pretty when you smile.”  Understand that smiling in a negative situation sends a very mixed message.  It is essential that your reaction and your affect match.  Consider these three actions when you are boiling inside:
    • Go stone-faced.  A neural face equals power. Smiling telegraphs vulnerability and you are trying to reduce your vulnerability.  It is clear you are not willing to take the comments and behavior you are encountering.
    • Employ the “Pat Summitt Glare.”  As some of you know, I am a University of Tennessee graduate.  Fortunate to have witnessed the legendary women’s basketball coach at U.T. for decades.  Pat’s players would tell you that there was never a more loving, caring, or personally concerned coach for her players than Pat Summitt. They would also tell you, if Pat were displeased with your performance on the court, her icy stare could render your legs into jelly.   Try out this affect and see what it does for you. 
    • Avoid eye contact.  No, I am not confused.  This sounds like just the opposite recommendation.  Avoiding eye contact is used when the offending person is your boss or other individual higher than you in your organization.  You must be more diplomatic with these individuals.

Are you experiencing the problems discussed in this article?  Do you want to make changes but are nervous about trying these ideas?  Remember, you don’t have to go it alone.  Let’s schedule a time for a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513)561-4288 to set a time for us to talk.

Recognizing and Coping with the Saboteurs in the Workplace

If you have been in the workplace for more than about two minutes, you are bound to have encountered saboteurs.  You may just want to ignore them and hope they go away. That’s understandable, it can be unnerving to think about taking these people on.  They come in several forms:  employee saboteurs; peer saboteurs; and boss saboteurs.  If you get nothing else from this article, hear this — ignoring it is self-sabotage.  You must act!  It’s the variety of ways you can act that can be confusing yet gives multiple options.  Remember, while saboteurs are doing their dirty work, the dirt is flying around and landing on you.  Saboteurs are everywhere.  Right now, I have four clients dealing with this issue and they each come from a different type of workplace:  large corporation; small business; non-profit; and government sector.  No one is safe. 

Saboteurs come in three general flavors:  1) Employees; 2) Bosses; 3) Peers.  Let’s look at how the problem shows up with each and different ways to handle it. 

  1. Employees – Imagine you have hired a new employee that you believe is going to do a great job, plus you like her and suddenly she is acting like she wants your job. Another scenario is that you become the boss of people that were once your peers. Either way, let’s say she believes she could do your job better than you do.  One way she may proceed is to spread lies about you, to get your job or to retaliate if she thought she should have been chosen.  What to do?  Your inclination may be to do nothing, you are her boss, after all.  Do not be naïve, this type of coup does happen. You may want to protect yourself by doing the following: 
    • Document everything immediately.
    • Act fast by having a one-on-one, putting her on notice of the behavior you have observed.
    • Get your name on all ideas and reports.
    • Let your boss know about her shenanigans.
    • Curtail her power.
  1. Bosses – Do not be surprised when a boss feels threatened by you and decides to keep you in your place.  Maybe the boss is older, and you come in with fresh ideas, enthusiasm and energy.  That can strike fear in many people. What are the signs that you have a boss saboteur?  If your boss keeps you out of meetings that would be appropriate for you to attend, that’s a sign.  If you are left off emails that are pertinent to you, that’s a red flag.  If you have a duo presentation and he tells you he will do your part, at the last minute, that’s a tip-off.  Now what do you do?
    • Get a mentor and or sponsor who can advocate for you.
    • Keep important people abreast of your work progress and successes.  These successes are often customer success stories, new sales figures or other news that your thumbprint is on.
    • Bring this behavior to your boss by framing it something like this: “I am somewhat confused that I was not included the budget meeting, especially since I had done a deep dive into the numbers that were that be presented.”
    • Don’t blindside the boss!  Making the boss look bad because she wasn’t informed of something you did, can rachet up saboteur behavior by the boss pretty darn quick. 
  1. Peers – These can be the worst saboteurs of all.  Usually, you have little control over peers.  Peers may want you to look bad, so they look good.  They may try to take credit for your work.  They may try to get a leg up by sucking up to the boss and cutting you out.  They may try to undercut you because you have a better relationship with the boss than they do.  How to proceed? 
    • Don’t be gullible, expect this behavior to happen and be thrilled if doesn’t.
    • Don’t share your ideas if you haven’t presented them to the boss yet.
    • Don’t complain about them to another peer!  I promise you; it will make you look bad.  If you need to process this, go to an outside trusted person like a coach or wise family member.
    • Call them out, not in a nasty way but let them know you are aware of their actions and antics.

What you probably notice about this entire article is that acting is the key.  The sooner you address this behavior the better. 

Does the prospect of addressing saboteur behavior scare the pants off you?  Would you rather do anything else?  You are not alone; many people would much rather hide from the entire mess.  I get it.  Would having someone aid you in navigating these pitfalls ease your mind?  That is what I do with my coaching clients.  Let’s discuss the situation.  High-Heeled Success offer 45-minute complimentary telephone consultations.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to get the ball rolling.

Exuding Calm Like a Duck Gliding on Water

My recent Tip Tuesday social media post read “To have a great professional reputation as confident, on top of things, and unflappable — be a duck!  Yep, be a duck!  You may be peddling like the very devil underwater but on top you look like you are gliding over water.  Bosses, employees, clients, and co-workers think highly of individuals who have their act together.  Craft your reputation by being a duck.”  After I posted it, three clients reached out to me asking me to do a deeper dive into how this applies to leaders.  I realized they were likely not the only ones who could benefit from this information.  So here you go, leaders take heed.  However, this information can apply to anyone in the workplace, whether you are in a leadership position or are a newbie to the workforce. 

In a previous article, I wrote about the way so many American women have adopted the mantle of stress as a Badge of Courage!  Many women equate stress to being a hard worker and successful.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  If you want a great reputation and to have others benefit from your demeanor, exude calm. 

Every day can be stressful in the workplace for leaders.  There are deadlines to meet, budgets to create, feedback to give, etc.  Remember, you set the tone for others.  When you are calm, keep your emotions in check, and appear to have situations under control, staff members feel safe and secure.  You create an environment of stability that people pick up on. In an LA Times article by Joyce E.A. Russell, she reports that according to a study by TalentSmart, 90% of top performers demonstrate the ability to manage their emotions and stay calm during stressful times.  Leaders make better decisions and think more clearly when calm.  During times of crisis, it’s even more important to show calm.  When leaders become emotionally overwrought, so do their teams.  Look around, in a workplace where the leader often “loses it” you will see low morale, low creativity, team conflicts and errors made. 

Recently, one of my clients sent me feedback she had received about her leadership style from her team.  One of the consistent themes was how much they respected and appreciated her ability to keep calm during challenging and stressful times.  You can see how important it is to the team for the leader to remain calm but what about the leader herself? If the leader doesn’t keep calm under fire, Harvard Business School’s Online Blog reports:

  • 53% of leaders become more closed-minded and controlling during times of stress
  • 43% become angry and over-heated

Does that sound like the type of leader you would want to follow?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would have a great reputation?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would continue to be promoted? Unlikely, you would say “YES” to those three questions.  In my coaching business, I have encountered clients who say being rattled during stressful times is just their personality and emotional makeup.  Perhaps that has been your style in the past, but you can make headway toward becoming a duck.  Here are three important ways you can develop that critical calm, not just as a façade, but as a legitimate part of your leadership style.

  • Stop.  Don’t act quickly.  Give yourself time to really assess the situation.  If you jump in an over-heated state, you are apt to show up frenzied, rattled, and driven by emotion.  This doesn’t mean you won’t be emotional but take time to become more in control of your emotions.  When you are in this agitated state you are apt to take unwise actions and speak in unwise ways.  This may be a perfect time to recite the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can, and
The Wisdom to know the difference.

Knowing what you can and cannot change will enable you to focus and take more appropriate action.

  • Gather Support.  This is the time to call in the troops!  Hopefully, you have a support system that you can call on.  It’s during times of calm waters that you develop your leader support system.  I cannot state strongly enough that this is NOT your work team!!!  If you attempt to use your employees as your support system, you do them and yourself a huge disservice.  You do not need to be dumping on them, they are looking to you to be the oasis of calm.  Plus, you may lose their respect if they see you out of control.  This is the very reason my clients have Emergency Calls as part of their coaching package.  I am a critical part of their support system.  Sometimes we don’t even talk, they just send me an email and vent!  I am the safe place for them to do that without repercussions.  Sometimes all you need is an outlet, other times you need some perspective, and in some situations, you need advice. 

  • Gather History.  Unless you were promoted to leadership yesterday, you have been in similar situations before.  At the very least, you have other leadership challenges that you can pull from as a good self-role model.  Perhaps, you didn’t handle difficult situations like a duck in the past.  Consider what didn’t work then and do something significantly different now.  If you don’t have a written log of situations you have overcome, now would be a great time to start this history.  My log goes back decades.  I have used that history more times than I can count to talk myself off the edge!  This is an action I encourage many of my clients to develop for themselves.

Are you aware you are less like a gliding duck, and more like a flailing goose?  Is your style holding back your career?  Do you react versus respond wisely during difficult work situations?  I may be able to offer some guidance.  Let’s at least talk.  High-Heeled Success offers 45-minute complimentary telephone consulting.  Email Kay@hhighheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to set a time for us to chat.

Understanding Career Fears

It’s that scary time of year, Halloween, when fear is actually fun!  But the rest of the time, the Hobgoblins of fear, regarding your career, are anything but fun.  Overwhelming fear in your career can render you stuck, discontented, and even paralyzed.  If you are expecting this article to tell you not to be afraid, stop reading now.  That is lousy advice!  If you are feeling fearful, that is a legitimate feeling that you deserve to have validated.  Feeling your fear allows you to acknowledge and use tools to cope with that fear.  There is no magic wand to make it go away but you do not have to let fear rule you.  You will likely have to face fear throughout your career and life at each new stage. 

This quote by Nancy Anderson, author of Work with Passion, is key:Courage is not the absence of fear: rather, it is the ability to take action in the face of fear.”  Keep in mind, the way you think about, and address fear is often a gender issue.  Men are taught that fear is a signal to push through.  They aren’t supposed to be afraid and certainly should not show it.  And don’t cry!  In sports, men and boys are taught to look their opponent in the eye and be fearless.  The watch word men are taught is: Do Something!  Women are more frequently taught that fear is a sign to stop.  There is an ongoing message to women that “It’s dangerous out there!”  There is some truth to that, especially for women.  Sexual predators, domestic violence, and sexual harassment are just a few of the risks for women.  I can remember, visiting my mother once in the hospital after her serious surgery, as I left her parting words were, “Be careful.”  Throughout my entire life my parents admonished me to be careful!  Is it any wonder that I have spent a lifetime having to manage my fear, especially in the workplace?

Here are some of the workplace fears that often come to light with my clients:

  • Fear of being laid off or terminated.
  • Fear of being harassed.
  • Fear of making a major mistake.
  • Fear of not getting a promotion.
  • Fear of wage stagnation.
  • Fear of asking for a raise. 
  • Fear of being left out of the circle of influence.
  • Fear of going back to school.
  • Fear of interviews.
  • Fear of changing careers.
  • Fear of business networking.
  • Fear of giving presentations.
  • Fear of retiring from the workforce.

Keep in mind there are two types of fears in this list, those things that happen TO US and those things that WE MUST INITIATE.  Both fears have at their core one antidote — ACTION.  Without action the risk is a fear spiral.  Fear followed by inaction results in a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and paralysis. 

You may be thinking, there is nothing I can do about my company deciding to lay employees off.  True, you can’t control that corporate decision but there are several actions you CAN take.  Always have your resume up to date and be adding new skills, certifications, and education.  Plus, having a good Financial Planner or a Financial Coach will help you save money, create a cushion, and reduce debt should a layoff occur.  Additionally, you always need to be networking and nurturing your network.  I have two family members who had career doors open for them because of my networking contacts. 

Maybe, you are terrified by interviewing!  Develop a strong list of expected questions and have answers, stories, and examples for each.  Do multiple mock interviews.  This is a step I frequently take with clients, even those individuals that are not freaked out by interviews.

Right now, go through the list in this article and circle a couple of career fears you have.  Identify one action you can take for each one.  This will show you that there IS something you can do.  With every action you take, fear diminishes.

Perhaps your career Hobgoblins are keeping you from the success you strive for in your career and you need more in-depth information and assistance.  Don’t let those fear Hobgoblins win!  I have guided terrified and stuck women to a point where they are in charge of fear, not the other way around.  Do we need to talk?  High-Heeled Success offers a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to determine our game plan for locking up those career fear Hobgoblins. 

Career Comparisons, the Road to Discontent

“Frequent social comparisons may, in the short-term, provide reassurance.  But in the long-term they may reinforce a need to judge the self against external standards.”  Judith White, Ph.D.

It starts early, the comparison trap.  You are on top one minute and are on the bottom the next.  You are the shortest kid in your class; the tallest; the kid struggling most with math; the player who hasn’t made a basket in any game, on and on and on!  Teenage years come and you KNOW what kind of judgment we place on ourselves.  Fast forward to the world of work and it continues to ramp up.  The fastest route to career discontent is the game of comparison.  This tendency to compare ourselves to others is called social comparison, and it is a natural way for us to evaluate how we are doing.  Unfortunately, it can be quite destructive, make you feel dissatisfied and maybe even sabotage your career!

I currently have a client who is struggling with this issue, and it has almost derailed her career.  We are going to call her Marti.  Marti came to me for career rehabbing because her sister saw the self-sabotaging path she was taking.  She was consistently complaining to her boss that she hadn’t received a raise, a promotion or a conference speaking opportunity like a colleague had.  Her boss was getting a negative impression of her.  Now don’t misunderstand me, I consistently prod clients to advocate those very things.  However, Marti did not have the evidence needed to self-advocate for any of those.  All Marti could see was she was BEHIND her work friend.  As we began to explore, I was to learn the colleague had been at the company longer, with stellar performance reviews, she had far more experience in the industry, and she consistently worked 60 hours a week!

The first insight Marti had was she has a family history of intense comparisons.  Her parents had consistently compared Marti to her siblings:  academically, socially, and physically.  She began to realize how automatic this response was for her.  Together we began the process of self-career definition, evaluation, and development.

If you are a coaching client of mine, have attended a keynote I have presented, have participated in a training of mine, or just read my articles, you have likely heard me use the phrase, “This is your game, and you get to play it any way you like!”  Not only in your career, but the game of life is more satisfying playing by your rules.  The first step for Marti was to remember a couple of important rules of HER game. 

  1.  She had taken a year off between high school and college.  As a result, in comparison to her friend, she would always be somewhat behind time wise.  This was set in stone, there was nothing Marti could do about this.  It had been the smart thing for her to do, as she just wasn’t ready socially or academically for college.
  2. It had taken her six years to graduate because of changing her major twice and she had worked full-time to afford her schooling.  Once again, in comparison to her friend, she was behind.  Marti was quick to affirm her final choice of a major was what was right for her.  Plus, working was necessary to augment her financial package.  She said the skills she learned while working were essential to the success of her college career. 
  3. Marti acknowledged she had health issues that made extremely long hours not wise for her.  She also commented that her buddy was having health problems because of the struggle for work/life balance.

What about you?  Have you slipped into the comparison game and come up short?  Are you feeling very dissatisfied with your career as a result?  Are you making a position that you could possibly love a miserable one because you are playing by some else’s rules?  You are unique, you and only you can determine how a successful career is defined.  Using standard rules of the game will likely result in a sub-standard career!

Are you perplexed by both how you got to this career dilemma and even more perplexed as to how you are going to get out?  Don’t resign yourself to being in a career that is not satisfying.  Remember, we work an average of 55,000 hours in the average career, that’s a great deal of misery if you are in comparison mode.  Time for a chat?  High-Heeled Success offers 45-minute complimentary telephone consulting, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to see how you can get out of the comparison game and into loving your career.

Capitalizing on Your Strengths at Work

Strengths and Weaknesses

Do you often feel like you are pushing a rock up a mountain at work?  Perhaps you are not working in your talents and strengths.  In 1993, I experienced several life-changing moments and events.  I was dissatisfied with my career at Mental Health Services North Central and had the screaming sense that I was being under-utilized and wasn’t fulfilling my potential.  I stood in the stacks at the Madeira Public Library, scanning the titles for help and direction.  My eyes seemed to be magically pulled to the book titled, Soar with Your Strengths, by Donald O. Clifton, Ph. D., and Paula Nelson.  I read that book from cover to cover in one day! To say it was an epiphany was to put it mildly, it changed my life!  It led me to starting my business and the rest is history, as they say.  Clifton started the strength-based development movement upon returning from WWII and empowered millions to be their best self. He asked, “What would happen if we studied what was right with people versus what’s wrong with people?”  Since that time, Tom Rath, wrote the book Strengths Finder 2.0 and he and Marcus Buckingham, of the Gallup Organization, have shepherded the Strengths Movement into a global phenomenon.  There is an easy and inexpensive assessment to take online, the link is here:

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/254033/strengthsfinder.aspx

You may have taken the assessment at work or independently but are you using the information?  Are you working in your talents and strengths daily?  From the time most of us are born, someone is telling us to “fix” ourselves!  Fix your weaknesses!  It comes from our parents, teachers, and coaches during our youth.  Then our workplace takes over in the form of feedback, conferences, and performance reviews.  Have you noticed how exhausting, frustrating, and unsatisfying fixing your weaknesses happens to be?  Many people beat themselves up daily for their weaknesses.  I am a recipient of this message and unfortunately, a perpetrator of it, as well.  In my own defense, these messages are so foundational for most of us, it’s hard to shake.  However, on the days that I stay focused on my talents and strengths, those are the days that fly by, I know I’ve made a profound difference and I feel THE most satisfied.  When you are not working in your strengths you likely:

  • Hate going to work
  • Have more negative than positive interactions with your colleagues
  • Treat your customers pretty lousy
  • Tell your friends what a terrible company you work for
  • Achieve less on any given day
  • Have a low number of positive and creative ideas

Just as a reminder, for those who are well versed in the concepts of Strengths Finder, and as information for those new to the concept, talents are innate, you are born with these. Early on my talents for empathy, influencing others, and seeing the uniqueness is people emerged.  The recipe looks like this:  talent + knowledge + practice = strengths.  It’s only when talents are given the opportunity to develop that they become strengths.  My talents morphed into my top five strengths:

  • Significance
  • Empathy
  • Individuation
  • Developer
  • Discipline

But you don’t care about my strengths, unless you are one of my clients, a future client, or a meeting planner.  YOU DO CARE about finding and using your strengths.

Consider the importance of working in your strengths, some of the benefits are:

  • Your work satisfaction
  • Satisfaction with your performance from managers, customers, and colleagues
  • Career advancement
  • Higher career compensation
  • A personal sense of a life well lived

Perhaps you know this information already and are not putting it to work, keep reading to Kay’s Corner. I will give you some simple steps in making this information come to life.  In this one life we get to live, use yours to the hilt!

Does this entire process seem formidable to you?  What might happen if we spent 45 minutes on a complimentary consultation call to discuss this.  It’s easy to make that happen, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call the office at (513) 561-4288 to set up a complimentary 45-minute consultation.

Understanding Attribution Theory for Success

It is critical that you see your thumbprint on your success.  Without owning and internalizing your successes, it’s challenging to raise your self-esteem, feel confident, believe you are worthy of higher pay, promotions, respect, great opportunities, etc.  There is an entire field of study around what you attribute your successes and failures to at work and in life.  Drumroll, please, we are talking about Attribution Theory.  Research has found that gender strongly impacts the way in which we explain our successes and failures.  Many studies have found that men tend to blame external forces for their failures and women assume the failure lies within them.  Men may say they were terminated because of the economy, a non-appreciative boss, or office politics.  Women are more prone to say it’s because they were not smart enough, skilled enough, or savvy enough.  Just NOT ENOUGH!  An interesting study was conducted at the Center for Creative Leadership in North Carolina. Program participants were asked to respond to the statement, “Tell me about a time you tried something and failed.”  All the women responded in detail, but half of the men said they could not come up with a single example.

What about successes?  Gender plays a role here, as well.  Often men own their successes, their result is great because they are smart, skilled, and savvy. Women frequently will attribute the success to luck, help, or hard work.  Hard work is a slippery slope. On the surface hard work would seem like a positive attribute but compare it to being smart, skilled, or savvy and you will see the difference.  I currently have a client who is a perfect example of not seeing her thumbprint on her success.  Let’s call her Lindsey.  Lindsey works for a large Fortune 500 corporation.  She has been performing the role of the leader in her department, without any perks.  She had not received a raise, the title of the leader, or any authority.  Together we have been positioning her successes to increase her credibility, increase her visibility, and increase her clout.  She emailed recently, she was overjoyed to report that she had landed the raise, the title, and the accompanying authority.  When I congratulated her, her response was, “It’s all thanks to my boss, he advocated for me.”  Where is her thumbprint?  Yes, he did advocate for her but without her skills, leadership, and smarts he would have had nothing to “sell” about Lindsey.

If you wonder, how did we end up in this success/failure gender discrepancy?  One origin can be found in our education system.  Groundbreaking work by Dr. Myra Sadker and Dr. David Sadker shows teachers often explain away boys’ poor performance by suggesting they were tired, distracted, or having a tough day, etc.  Rarely did the researchers find the teachers excused the behavior of girls in the same way. This is just the tip of the iceberg in the gender research done by this pair.  For an eye-opening read, get your hands on the book Failing at Fairness:  How Our Schools Cheat Girls.

Does all this mean we should never be appreciative of the efforts of our employees, team members, colleagues, bosses, sponsors, mentors, or coaches?  Of course not, but we certainly deserve at least equal ownership of having our thumbprint on successes. The belief that we have efficacy, that ability to produce a desired or intended result, gives us confidence in creating outcomes in the world. Outcomes not just once, but over and over.

Don’t stop reading here.  Kay’s Corner will give you a step-by-step plan for impacting the negative effects of gender-skewed Attribution Theory. 

To what you attribute your successes and failures can make and break your career.  These tendencies are deeply rooted and if you fear changing this may be daunting, perhaps guidance in this area would be impactful for you.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation and determine if coaching could change the tide for you!  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call the office at (513) 561-4288 to set up a complementary 45-minute consultation.

Using Reflection for Career Success

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” Author Barbara De Angelis.

You may find that you are always the last on your list and you consistently have far too much to do!  You need to create a presentation for the board on Tuesday; your son has a basketball game tonight you want to attend; you realized this morning you are down to your last pair of panties; and your parents are coming for dinner Tuesday night AND it is only Monday morning.  Now you are telling me, Kay, I need to pause to self-reflect!  What kind of world are you living in?  The world where you take care of your needs and your career.

Reflection is an impactful tool for your professional growth.  Without self-reflection you are on career auto pilot.  Being on auto pilot is a sure-fire path to hating your job; not using your strengths and experiencing burnout.  Reflecting can help you learn what changes you want to make in your career in an intentional way, instead of just cruising along.  Besides being busy, why don’t you ever get around to career reflection?  I would propose to you that often it is because you are scared to death, scared of what you might hear!  If you get quiet, you may have thoughts and feeling come to the surface.  Pushing thoughts and feelings down are often our way of coping, just putting one foot in front of another.  If you got quiet, you might hear:

  • I have really made a ton of mistakes lately
  • I was a jerk today with Tony
  • I have not had a raise in six years
  • My boss dumps work on me and always get the credit
  • I am not moving up in this organization
  • There is not another position here I aspire to
  • I have been here too long

Or

  • I have never felt more respected in my career
  • My talents and strengths are being used every day
  • My manager really cares about my professional growth
  • I love my team
  • I see a clear path for promotion here
  • My employees are the best
  • Every project I work on is creating growth

Who knows what you might hear!  Indeed, the #1 job site in the world, proposes the following as possible benefits of quiet self-reflection:

  • Reducing negative thoughts
  • Increasing understanding of yourself and your coworkers
  • Emphasizing your strengths and improving your weaknesses
  • Clarifying your intentions for your time and talents
  • Defining professional goals and being strategic with opportunities for growth
  • Developing creative thinking skills
  • Encouraging engagement in work processes
  • Building confidence

I am not proposing you just get quiet and hope a lightening bolt of new awareness hits you.  Instead getting skilled at asking yourself great questions is the key.  Open-ended questions starting with the words: what, how, when, why, who, which, etc. will get you reflecting. Included below are some great questions to get you started.

  • What steps do I need to take now to advance in my career?
  • What professional changes do I want to see in my future?
  • Which of my work relationships need improvement?  What steps do I need to take to make them better?
  • What achievements am I most proud of this year?
  • How can I better reach my goals this year?
  • When will I take the first step to get those goals moving?
  • Who is the key person for me to get in my corner now?
  • How would I feel if every day were like today?

It’s time to move from auto pilot to planned, intentional, strategic career enjoyment.  You certainly deserve to have the career that fulfills you, uses your skills and talents, and makes an impact.  Self-reflection is a powerful tool in digging up the answers you need for your professional journey. 

If this self-reflection journey feels horribly daunting, you are not alone.  Many of my clients initially didn’t know the questions to ask or how to implement the answers when they did get answers, that’s where I come in.  My career maximizing coaching is based on asking the right questions at the right time to right you on your right course.  Unsure if this would make a difference?  Let’s find out by doing a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to see if coaching could maximize your career.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to get the ball rolling.   

Generating Career Catapulting Ideas

There’s nothing new under the sun! Or is there? Women who excel in their careers become idea factories, churning out ideas aplenty. But sometimes it seems like there is nothing new to be had, all the great ideas have been taken. Whether you own a business, work in a corporation, or non-profit, it’s essential to continue to generate ideas and solutions. The key is to say or do it differently! Let’s take Spanx, as an example. It’s all about holding “stuff” in! In my great grandmother’s day, it was a corset. In my mother’s day, it was a girdle.  In my day, it was first control top pantyhose, and now it’s Spanx, Shapermint, or other garments designed to yank it in. Remember, it’s just a new twist on an old idea. To be a changemaker you only need to tweak, not necessarily revolutionize. The same is true for ideas and concepts. You’ve likely heard of SMART goals, standing for Specific; Measurable; Achievable; Relevant, and Time-bound. One of my keynotes, “Cracking the Code for Goal Setting,” presents other essential aspects of achieving goals, START goals.  This is a concept I use with my individual clients, too. It’s looking at how to better view goals, based on what is commonly overlooked. It’s truly how to build a better mousetrap. Just a little better, just a little different, just a little more down-to-earth. Your spin makes it YOURS! Give your idea a name, acronym, or initialism. (If you don’t know the difference, google it.) Once you have a term, it takes on newness.

Become a solution sleuth! Problems are everywhere. Even small or partial remedies can set you apart. What you don’t want to do is consistently dismiss your ideas as inconsequential and table them. Timing is important but that doesn’t equate to never! Commonly, my clients don’t give their ideas enough credit for usefulness, originality, and value. If the message in your head is a reoccurring loop of “No one will care about this,” understand that reflects how you value yourself. If you need encouragement, affirmation, or a kick in the pants, run it by someone you trust and who will be candid with you. Even if they are a naysayer, it’s your ultimate decision to make.

Another critical factor in the idea factory is ownership. In the entrepreneurial world, it may entail a copyright, a Registered Trademark, or patent. In a corporate or non-profit world, it likely means having a paper trail.  It also means starting at the top. Divulging your idea, at high ranks first, helps you “own” the idea and prevent someone else from taking credit. I hear from clients often how they casually threw out a fabulous idea at a meeting and the next thing they knew, someone else had repeated it and taken credit for it. This happens to women frequently. Consider times where you have observed a woman tossing out an idea in a meeting, getting little reaction and then a male has repeated it and received a glowing response. Just another example of the struggle for women to have a voice and be acknowledged in the workplace.

How might you get started in catapulting your career with workplace changing ideas?  Here are three foundational steps you may want to take:

  • Keep a problem log! Since problems are everywhere, this may be easy. The hard part might be deciding which problem to consider first. Then try my “NOUN SOLUTION” — what person, place, or thing could impact this problem? Looking at the problem from these different vantage points can give you quite different perspectives.
  • Talk the problem aloud. You may hear a phrase, hear a question, hear an explanation that will create an idea. That is exactly how the concept of “The Fast Five” came to be, which is a term I use with my coaching clients. I was recommending a time of reflection be taken at the end of her day with a client. She needed to capture her successes. She commented, “When I am done with my workday, I am exhausted, and I want to get the heck out of there.”  My response was, “I promise you that this can be done fast, and it doesn’t need to take more than five minutes.”  Voila, “The Fast Five” was born!
  • Perhaps you already have the idea, and now your job is to fine tune and develop an action plan. What that means is 1) Name it and 2) Create your pitch for getting the idea out there.

If you are feeling shaky about producing ideas that will catapult your career forward or how to roll them out, having a coach to hone this aspect of your career could be beneficial.

Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute consultation to determine if we could be a good match to address this problem. 

Understanding and Managing Career Decisions

Decisions, decisions, decisions! The need to make decisions surrounds you, at home and at work. In the November/December 2020 newsletter, I talked about making your own decisions. The challenge is to think independently and make decisions unduly influenced by others. We are going down the decision pathway again, but this time focused on other challenges of decision making. Perhaps, you are one of the fortunate individuals who do not struggle to decide or have regrets after. Woohoo for you!!! My term for you is a “stabilizer.” Keep reading, likely you have an employee who struggles, or you work with someone who struggles. If you work with those people, you can be a link to this information and assist them.  Likely, more of you fall into either the “ruminator” or “jumper” category. Ruminators struggle to make decisions, even small ones, and take an eternity to reach the decision. Jumpers make hasty decisions, without due diligence and regret many of their decisions. Where do you fall? I have clients who struggle with both ends of this spectrum.

If we boiled it down into the simplest of terms, the advice would be for the ruminators to speed it up and the jumpers to slow it down. I realize it isn’t quite that simple, however, if you need a rule of thumb, three words say so much. Speed it up! Slow it down! Your goal is to manage your behavior, so you become more “stabilizer” like.

The greatest gift I can give you is a powerful list of questions. When you ask these questions the “ruminator” tends to feel strengthened and is more confident in her decision making. The “jumper” tends to explore avenues she hasn’t in past decision-making situations. Though there are other questions you may need to ask, this is a wide-ranging list and initially stick with these. Ruminators, DO NOT ADD 20 more! Jumpers, DO NOT IGNORE half of them. Gain insight from your urge to add or subtract based upon your style. Here you go.

Key Questions for Sound Decision-Making

  • What are the pros and cons of pursuing each option? Which is most advantageous?
  • What is your “gut” saying? Which feels right?
  • Imagine you wake up tomorrow and have chosen option A. How do you feel? Imagine you wake up tomorrow and you have chosen option B. How do you feel?
  • How will this course of action affect the people around you? Your team? Your boss? Who will benefit, who will be hurt?
  • How do the key principles and priorities you live by apply here?
  • How well does this decision align with your career goals, short and long term?
  • If you have a significant other, what is their perspective? Perspective of key advisors?
  • What fears or inner drives are influencing your response?
  • What would it cost in terms of time and resources to do this? What would it cost you if you don’t do this? What’s the cost if you don’t decide or let circumstances overtake you?
  • What is the payoff for each option? What is the penalty for each option? Can you live with the worst-case outcome? What steps could you take to minimize the risk?
  • If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?

I recently took a client, who is a ruminator, through this set of questions. When we had completed the questionnaire, she stated, “I know everything there is to know at this point. It comes down to me trusting that I can handle the situation if things don’t work out.  I can do something different down the road.”  Her mother had always said, “If you make your bed you have to lie in it.”  “Martha” now knows that is NOT TRUE! In the words of the Singer/Song Writer, Paul Simon, in the song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover “Make a new plan, Stan!”  Er, Martha.

If you are facing some big decisions and believe you need more guidance, ongoing coaching is just what the doctor ordered.

Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute consultation to determine if this could be a valuable step for you.