Tag Archive for professionalism

| October 30, 2023
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Understanding Career Fears

It’s that scary time of year, Halloween, when fear is actually fun!  But the rest of the time, the Hobgoblins of fear, regarding your career, are anything but fun.  Overwhelming fear in your career can render you stuck, discontented, and even paralyzed.  If you are expecting this article to tell you not to be afraid, stop reading now.  That is lousy advice!  If you are feeling fearful, that is a legitimate feeling that you deserve to have validated.  Feeling your fear allows you to acknowledge and use tools to cope with that fear.  There is no magic wand to make it go away but you do not have to let fear rule you.  You will likely have to face fear throughout your career and life at each new stage. 

This quote by Nancy Anderson, author of Work with Passion, is key: “Courage is not the absence of fear: rather, it is the ability to take action in the face of fear.”  Keep in mind, the way you think about, and address fear is often a gender issue.  Men are taught that fear is a signal to push through.  They aren’t supposed to be afraid and certainly should not show it.  And don’t cry!  In sports, men and boys are taught to look their opponent in the eye and be fearless.  The watch word men are taught is: Do Something!  Women are more frequently taught that fear is a sign to stop.  There is an ongoing message to women that “It’s dangerous out there!”  There is some truth to that, especially for women.  Sexual predators, domestic violence, and sexual harassment are just a few of the risks for women.  I can remember, visiting my mother once in the hospital after her serious surgery, as I left her parting words were, “Be careful.”  Throughout my entire life my parents admonished me to be careful!  Is it any wonder that I have spent a lifetime having to manage my fear, especially in the workplace?

Here are some of the workplace fears that often come to light with my clients:

  • Fear of being laid off or terminated.
  • Fear of being harassed.
  • Fear of making a major mistake.
  • Fear of not getting a promotion.
  • Fear of wage stagnation.
  • Fear of asking for a raise. 
  • Fear of being left out of the circle of influence.
  • Fear of going back to school.
  • Fear of interviews.
  • Fear of changing careers.
  • Fear of business networking.
  • Fear of giving presentations.
  • Fear of retiring from the workforce.

Keep in mind there are two types of fears in this list, those things that happen TO US and those things that WE MUST INITIATE.  Both fears have at their core one antidote — ACTION.  Without action the risk is a fear spiral.  Fear followed by inaction results in a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and paralysis. 

You may be thinking, there is nothing I can do about my company deciding to lay employees off.  True, you can’t control that corporate decision but there are several actions you CAN take.  Always have your resume up to date and be adding new skills, certifications, and education.  Plus, having a good Financial Planner or a Financial Coach will help you save money, create a cushion, and reduce debt should a layoff occur.  Additionally, you always need to be networking and nurturing your network.  I have two family members who had career doors open for them because of my networking contacts. 

Maybe, you are terrified by interviewing!  Develop a strong list of expected questions and have answers, stories, and examples for each.  Do multiple mock interviews.  This is a step I frequently take with clients, even those individuals that are not freaked out by interviews.

Right now, go through the list in this article and circle a couple of career fears you have.  Identify one action you can take for each one.  This will show you that there IS something you can do.  With every action you take, fear diminishes.

Perhaps your career Hobgoblins are keeping you from the success you strive for in your career and you need more in-depth information and assistance.  Don’t let those fear Hobgoblins win!  I have guided terrified and stuck women to a point where they are in charge of fear, not the other way around.  Do we need to talk?  High-Heeled Success offers a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to determine our game plan for locking up those career fear Hobgoblins. 

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
| June 29, 2023
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Capitalizing on Your Strengths at Work

Strengths and Weaknesses

Do you often feel like you are pushing a rock up a mountain at work?  Perhaps you are not working in your talents and strengths.  In 1993, I experienced several life-changing moments and events.  I was dissatisfied with my career at Mental Health Services North Central and had the screaming sense that I was being under-utilized and wasn’t fulfilling my potential.  I stood in the stacks at the Madeira Public Library, scanning the titles for help and direction.  My eyes seemed to be magically pulled to the book titled, Soar with Your Strengths, by Donald O. Clifton, Ph. D., and Paula Nelson.  I read that book from cover to cover in one day! To say it was an epiphany was to put it mildly, it changed my life!  It led me to starting my business and the rest is history, as they say.  Clifton started the strength-based development movement upon returning from WWII and empowered millions to be their best self. He asked, “What would happen if we studied what was right with people versus what’s wrong with people?”  Since that time, Tom Rath, wrote the book Strengths Finder 2.0 and he and Marcus Buckingham, of the Gallup Organization, have shepherded the Strengths Movement into a global phenomenon.  There is an easy and inexpensive assessment to take online, the link is here:

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/254033/strengthsfinder.aspx

You may have taken the assessment at work or independently but are you using the information?  Are you working in your talents and strengths daily?  From the time most of us are born, someone is telling us to “fix” ourselves!  Fix your weaknesses!  It comes from our parents, teachers, and coaches during our youth.  Then our workplace takes over in the form of feedback, conferences, and performance reviews.  Have you noticed how exhausting, frustrating, and unsatisfying fixing your weaknesses happens to be?  Many people beat themselves up daily for their weaknesses.  I am a recipient of this message and unfortunately, a perpetrator of it, as well.  In my own defense, these messages are so foundational for most of us, it’s hard to shake.  However, on the days that I stay focused on my talents and strengths, those are the days that fly by, I know I’ve made a profound difference and I feel THE most satisfied.  When you are not working in your strengths you likely:

  • Hate going to work
  • Have more negative than positive interactions with your colleagues
  • Treat your customers pretty lousy
  • Tell your friends what a terrible company you work for
  • Achieve less on any given day
  • Have a low number of positive and creative ideas

Just as a reminder, for those who are well versed in the concepts of Strengths Finder, and as information for those new to the concept, talents are innate, you are born with these. Early on my talents for empathy, influencing others, and seeing the uniqueness is people emerged.  The recipe looks like this:  talent + knowledge + practice = strengths.  It’s only when talents are given the opportunity to develop that they become strengths.  My talents morphed into my top five strengths:

  • Significance
  • Empathy
  • Individuation
  • Developer
  • Discipline

But you don’t care about my strengths, unless you are one of my clients, a future client, or a meeting planner.  YOU DO CARE about finding and using your strengths.

Consider the importance of working in your strengths, some of the benefits are:

  • Your work satisfaction
  • Satisfaction with your performance from managers, customers, and colleagues
  • Career advancement
  • Higher career compensation
  • A personal sense of a life well lived

Perhaps you know this information already and are not putting it to work, keep reading to Kay’s Corner. I will give you some simple steps in making this information come to life.  In this one life we get to live, use yours to the hilt!

Does this entire process seem formidable to you?  What might happen if we spent 45 minutes on a complimentary consultation call to discuss this.  It’s easy to make that happen, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call the office at (513) 561-4288 to set up a complimentary 45-minute consultation.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership | Tags: , , , , , , ,
| February 28, 2023
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The Overwork Paradigm Shift – “Death is bad for your career!”

Many of my clients have heard the above quote of mine more times than they would like to admit.  One of the values of having a career-maximizing coach is having an objective person who can observe behaviors about which the individual has become oblivious.  Unfortunately, killing themselves with over work is a frequent concern of mine with clients.  In the fall, I was interviewed about workaholism, which is a significant problem in our culture, and I took a deeper dive into the problem.  Could you be a workaholic?  Before you summarily reject this notion, let’s explore a bit.  Even if your answer is “No!” this information could be valuable to someone you care about.  A commonly held belief is that overwork is driven by money.  It can be but often you see just the opposite.  When someone is focused on income and success, they are often eager to be as efficient and focused on the end goal as possible.  They will do what is necessary and move on to the next task, project, or opportunity.  It’s important to differentiate between issues of success versus achievement.  Achievement oriented people often have unrealistic standards for themselves.  If they are not “doing” they are not achieving.  Individuals desiring achievement are more prone to workaholism.  However, if one’s success and need for high dollar accomplishments is driven by a belief that without high earning capacity, one is worthless, then it may lead to workaholism.

One the most consistent beliefs underlying workaholism is fear of failure. Additionally, fear of boredom, fear of laziness, and fear of self-discovery can be significant issues.  Ironically, the more you use work as a way of avoiding feelings and issues, the more problematic they become.  Face it, denial and avoidance ultimately will get you in the end.  Whatever self-concept struggles you have can only be hidden by overwork just so long.  When  you don’t feel worthy or enough, you tend to fill it with SOMETHING, in this case, work.  One of the questions I was asked in the interview was, “Is overwork a nature or nurture dilemma?”  As is always true, the answer is not simple.  Our genetic predispositions can play a significant role in workaholism and so can our environmental learned behavior.  If your family of origin placed high value on achievement, it can set the groundwork for perfectionism.  Perfectionism is a breeding ground for workaholism.  Important here to identify the difference between excellence and perfectionism.  Excellence leads to success, a sense of satisfaction, and moves you forward.  Perfectionism, on the other hand, leads to failure, a sense of unworthiness, and keeps you stuck.

I was also asked if workaholism is as bad as alcohol or drug addiction.  In that it effects relationships, mental health, and physical health, the parallels are similar.  It may surprise you to know studies show that workaholics have distinct neurological and psychological profiles similar to those addicted to narcotics.   Plus, in the United States, many people view overwork as a positive, almost a badge of courage.  When you work in an environment that praises and sometimes rewards overwork, a perfect storm can brew.

Some recent studies reveal 30% of the general population are workaholics.  The higher up the ladder women climb in the workplace, the higher probability they will show workaholic behaviors.  Of individuals earning $150,00 to $199,000, 52% of women consider themselves workaholics but just 22% of men at this salary range identify this way.  Additionally, women in our society are taught to please others.  When you are dependent upon pleasing, it’s difficult to say “No”.  If every task and project that is thrown your way is accepted, overwork is inevitable.

Statistics tell us that approximately 83% of health problems in the United States are related to stress.  The stress of overwork will put anyone a at risk for problems:

  • High blood pressure
  • High cholesterol
  • High Triglycerides
  • Stoke
  • Gastrointestinal issues
  • Heart disease
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Sleep issues

The adrenaline rush of being a workaholic creates such a high that people with a work addiction may be unable to stop the behavior on their own.  When truly addicted to the behavior, even the negative effects on their physical and psychological well-being aren’t enough to stop. As with any addiction, professional help is required. 

What are we to do?  How can we impact a culture that seems to reward this behavior?  There are other countries, such as Sweden and Denmark that now have a maximum of 48 hours a week that employees can work.  They mandate vacations.  But as more people work from home today, laws may not thwart the workaholic. 

What if you began a paradigm shift?  What if you began the process of seeing excessive overwork and workaholism as an insidious disease that will rob you of your health, happiness, relationships and career?  It’s possible!  I have worked with many clients who have begun to see this behavior as something they are paying far too high a price.  They have unlearned these behaviors and transformed themselves.  

The price you pay for workaholic behavior is so high!  Like any negative behavior, managing these tendencies before they get out of hand is an important step.  If you believe your work style is ultimately a career wrecker or burnout is on the horizon, let’s tackle it now.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to determine if together we can find solutions to manage your work style now! Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to get the ball rolling.   

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
| October 27, 2022
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Self-Discipline for Success

Discipline is the ability to make yourself do something you don’t want to do, in order to get a result that you really want to get.

Andy Andrews

Even as I write this, I can feel the urge to postpone it until later. When I think about self-discipline, I must smile. My journey to self-discipline has been lifelong. I grew up in a family where there were no expectations of me. I didn’t have to do anything, not make my bed, not wash the dishes, not take out the trash. Not a particularly good environment for learning self-discipline. I developed no self-discipline muscle. My discipline and work ethic were strongly influenced by the role model set by my husband, who has an incredible work ethic and self-discipline. It has been a lifelong challenge to develop and maintain self-discipline. My definition of self-discipline is doing what is necessary when you don’t want to or when you don’t feel motivated. In fact, if you wait to feel motivated the action may never come!

When I became an entrepreneur and started my business, it was essential that I develop self-discipline, as I no longer had a boss. There was no one to monitor what I did. The only demands were the ever-present deadlines for sending proposals, creating programs, and presentations. Self-discipline is critical for every aspect of one’s life! Self-discipline is necessary to succeed in your career, to eat healthy, to exercise consistently, to keep organized, to be a responsible parent (human and pet) etc.

I worry about children raised today, especially those with helicopter parents. When a child has all their actions monitored, they never learn to create their own self-discipline. If mom and dad are responsible for you sitting down and doing your homework, what’s going to happen when you go off to college? Flunking out of school is a difficult result of no self-discipline, one that has ramifications far into the future.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the “carrot” when it comes to developing self-discipline – because it’s darn hard! Here are some “carrots”:

  • People who have strong self-discipline are people that reach their goals. It’s so much easier to stay focused on your goals when you are performing the actions necessary. There is no doubt that when you reach your goals it can make you a happier person. One goal reached, leads to multiple goals reached. Discipline is the antidote to procrastination.  I’m not saying there will not be setbacks and failures but when you have stayed the course that gives you time to shift when necessary. 
  • People with self-discipline consistently have higher self-esteem. When you do what you say you’re going to do, you are likely to be proud of yourself. When you see yourself as a person who has good habits and character, the result is a stronger sense of self. When I do my Fast Five (five-minute review of the day), and my discipline has been in gear, I hear myself saying aloud “Way to go!”  This pops up for my clients, too.  They are eager to share that they have been on task and succeeded.  They love hearing me exclaim, “Way to go” for them.  It’s fantastic to celebrate these wins with them.  When someone else knows how challenging your successes have been, it makes it even sweeter to celebrate together!
  • You will find your energy level soaring as you develop more self-discipline. It is incredibly energy sapping to constantly be thinking about what needs to be done and not do it. Often you put more energy into the worry and concern about it than it would take to just get it done. When you do what is in your plan, it can free you for time for yourself and that’s a great payoff. If I am not doing what I know I need to, I hear the loop in my head all day long admonishing myself to do it – that’s exhausting.
  • Finally, life looks better on the other side. Small sacrifices now lead to better outcomes in the future. I think about everyone I know who has ever authored a book. Sitting down at their keyboard chapter by chapter has ultimately created a book. That book is a fantastic ticket to credibility and Guru status in your industry. Plus, it can be a huge revenue generator. Having written four books, I assure you it has taken tremendous self-discipline for me and everyone else I know.  This applies to all your career goals. For example, with clients who are looking for that next great position, it means redoing their resume. Discipline allows for the time to reformat, tweak, and polish their resume. It’s unsettling to see a job posting and know your resume is not the best it could be.   

Wow, discipline has a ton of benefits, right? If there is such a huge payoff, why don’t you do it? Well, it’s just darn hard but if you want to start strengthening your self-discipline muscles, read Kay’s corner on how to get rolling on this important skill.

If you are painfully aware that self-discipline is a roadblock in your career success, don’t despair. It is possible to create this behavior no matter what stage of life you are in. If you would like assistance in creating the self-discipline you need, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we can set up a complementary 45-minute phone conversation to see if my coaching could be valuable for you.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
| February 27, 2022
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Understanding and Transforming the Need to Please

Strains of the Rick Nelson song, Garden Party, float through my head, “You see, you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.”  If you are not familiar with the song, take a minute to listen, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PECmjB9df0w. Am I being overly dramatic calling this article, Death by People-Pleasing? I don’t think so! There is a death of self when your very identity hinges on whether others approve of you and like you. This people-pleasing behavior will be pervasive in both your personal and professional life. How did you get in this pickle in the first place? What was it like in your home growing up? Was there addiction? You tried your best to appease them in hopes the addictive behavior would stop. Was there intense controlling behavior, anger, rage, or another dysfunction? As children, we try to manage our environment, as best we can. We may have the illusion of believing that if we are loveable enough, good enough, or pleasing enough, we can “fix” our world. That need to have an o.k. world follows us into adulthood and into the workplace.

Oprah, very astutely calls people-pleasing behavior, “the disease to please.”  Don’t get me wrong, we all want to be liked, hope to be kind, and desire to be helpful but when you cross the line into people-pleasing there is a high price to pay. You may already know that this is an issue for you, but others may be unsure. Take this quick assessment:

Do You?

  • Struggle to say “no”
  • Overly care what others think
  • Feel guilty when not being compliant
  • Worry that others will think you are mean or selfish
  • Agree to things you don’t want to do
  • Constantly say you are sorry
  • Live for approval
  • Take undo blame
  • Have no free time
  • Neglect your own needs
  • Take on work of others to the detriment of your workload
  • Match the opinion or behavior of others when it’s not sincerely yours

Sometimes the consequences must be drilled into our head to make a change. Long standing behaviors aren’t easy to change, I get that. Here are consequences of workplace people-pleasing behavior:

  • Exhaustion
  • High stress levels
  • Constant anger
  • Lack of happiness
  • Resentment
  • No time for self
  • Being mistake prone
  • Career stalling or derailment

Author, Mel Robbins wrote, “Letting things slide to keep the peace only starts a war inside of you.”  No one want a war inside. How do you begin to change this behavior? When you have been people-pleasing for a long time, it may be hard to know what you want anymore. That’s a good place to begin. Sit down at your keyboard or a journal identifying things you want and need at work. You want more time to have your projects be excellent, more respect from your upper management or colleagues, time to attend professional development opportunities, shorter work hours, etc. Knowing what you want can motivate you to make changes. It’s really o.k. to have people not be thrilled with your choices, let them be disappointed, or surprised – you will survive. Heck, you may be surprised that their reaction is less dramatic than expected. It’s really o.k. to have a difference of opinion. It’s really o.k. to not always be agreeable. How do you morph this ingrained behavior? Boundaries will be your new watchword. Look at the tips in Kay’s Consulting Corner to start on some basic boundary setting. If your career is suffering because of people-pleasing behavior, ongoing coaching would be beneficial.

Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
| December 22, 2021
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Reaping the Benefits of Rewards

When you read the word “reward,” I am betting your mind immediately went to you rewarding employees, or rewards you might receive from your employer, or rewards you might give to a client for a referral. Did rewarding yourself jump into your brain? The perspective of rewarding yourself may be foreign to you. Maybe you grew up in a family that espoused making your bed, doing the dishes, or taking out the trash were chores you should either want to do or do because you were a member of the family.  Being rewarded for doing these things was not something your family valued. Regardless of the source, somehow you may have received the message that you do not deserve rewards, accomplishing the goal is all the reward you should need. In a utopian world, that might fly but you live in the real world in which changing habits and reaching goals can be tough! There exists a mountain of research for using rewards to reinforce positive behavior. You may long for kindergarten, where you a received a gold star for not eating paste! Rewards can be one of the most powerful gifts you give yourself and others. Today’s parents have used rewards with children very effectively and we can use them as a model for ourselves.  There are many parenting websites that focus on changing children’s behavior through rewards. The Verywell Family parenting site sums it up well:  https://www.verywellfamily.com/behaviors-that-respond-well-to-reward-systems-1094749. Adults can use the same concept. I have a client, who is a business owner, with some new sales goals for her business in 2022. The one major obstacle is getting to the paperwork she hates. That paperwork is necessary to keep the business running and to reaching those goals, but it is boring! She’s an extrovert who is excited and energized by others, being alone doing paperwork is drudgery. We have developed a reward system to get that necessary task done.

Every behavior you want to change, every new habit you want to develop, every goal that you seek can be reinforced by rewards. However, for this to work there may be beliefs you have to let go. You deserve to let go of the belief that to reward is juvenile and to reward is self-indulgent. Why fight what works? Here are components that are part of the system we have devised for her. She is not unique; I have created a similar type of system with many clients. Our first step was to identify what would feel like a reward to her. Then she identified that an hour of paperwork a day will be necessary. She plans to track that and at the end of the week she will assess how she has done. For each daily hour of paperwork, she will give herself a star. If she has five stars at the end of the week, she will go to T.J. Maxx and purchase an outfit; three stars and she’s off to purchase a desk accessory; one star earns her a new eyeliner.

Here are three components to remember when setting up a system like this:

  • The rewards must feel important to YOU! This is your plan, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone.
  • The rewards must be timely, the shorter the gap of time between the behavior and the reward the better.
  • The rewards must be consistent, skipping a reward will diminish the effect of the reinforcement.

This is something I do myself. I own a Michael Kors purse that was purchased as a reward. It is a constant reminder of reaching an important goal.

There are all sorts of challenges you have in the workplace. A toolbelt full of tools is an asset in overcoming those obstacles. Using rewards is one more tool at your disposal.

If you are facing many challenges in your career and not reaching your goals in the workplace, guidance is only a click or a phone call away.

Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
| August 30, 2021
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Sounding Powerful and Professional

Some of you may react to this article with a shrug of your shoulders.  You may be thinking, “As long as I do a good job and know my stuff, I will succeed.”  Though doing a good job and knowing your area of expertise is critical, how you express your knowledge can be a game changer.  Let’s face it, women have a disadvantage in the workplace.  Period.  It is in your best interest to have everything possible working for you.  That is what I strongly recommend that you start paying close attention to your language.  If you recorded yourself today, would you hear a woman who sounds assertive, confident, and powerful?  Maybe not.  In the media, I have been quoted saying, “Every time you open your mouth it’s a speaking opportunity.”  When YOU open your mouth, are your words advancing your career or undermining it?  You likely are presenting department reports, or pitching to a potential client, or speaking on a podcast. Unfortunately, you may have learned verbal habits that undercut your power in each of those situations.  They are so entrenched you don’t notice you are using them.  Sometimes you use these phrases intentionally, in an effort to be accepted, soften the blow, or seem less aggressive.  Regardless of the foundational reason, it’s still causing you to shoot yourself in your High-Heeled foot. 

There are many power-robbing phrases that I hear women use.  The focus is going to be on three in this article:  hedges, add-ons, and the indecisive “I”.  Curb your inclination to be defense about this, I am not scolding or berating you, instead guiding you.  We need every tool in our career tool belt.   

  • Eliminate hedges:  By the time you are presenting at a meeting, to a client, or are on a Podcast, you have thought things through.  You have a stance, perspective, or recommendation to make.  You see it as the right direction.  You have crunched the numbers, done research, or conferred with others.  It’s not mere opinion.   You may sound unsure, subjective, or tentative if you use hedges.  Hedging may be your attempt at reducing rejection, but it has the opposite result.  Consider these hedge statements:
    • “This may not be important, but…”
    • “I just wanted to say…”
    • “In my opinion…”
    • “This may not be right, but…”

“This may not be right, but I think shifting the marketing plan to a new target audience could be beneficial.”  No doubt you recognize how the hedge under sells your well thought out direction.  

  • Eliminate add-ons:  Add-ons, phrases added at the end of sentences, are frequently reflective of female learned behavior growing up.  Keep the peace, don’t ruffle feathers, get along!  Add-ons may be a sign of your leadership style.   If you have a more collaborative than commanding leadership style, you are apt to use these phrases.  If you are seeking collaboration, there are better verbal tools to use then add-ons.  Your add-ons may be more a sign of easing your discomfort with taking a position.  If you seek changing the marketing strategy, own it.  This is the time to be persuasive, impactful, and convincing.  You will recognize these add-ons:
    • “don’t you think?”
    • “right?”
    • “okay?”
    • “isn’t it?

“Changing the target market is aligned with the company vision, right?”  This add-on opens the door for controversy and dissent.  Your collaborative efforts, fact-finding, and alternate perspectives need to come well before you take a stance.

  • Eliminate I think and I feel:  One of the disadvantages women have had for decades is the belief by many men that women are too emotional in the workplace.  You see it in every industry, companies small and large, and in politics.  In 2019, an analysis by Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce found 1 in 8 Americans believe women are not as emotionally suited as men to serve in elected office.  This presents a significant barrier for women.  We don’t want to do anything that reinforces this bias.  Starting our sentences with the words “I think…” or “I feel…” is self-sabotaging.  You can readily see the issue.  By using this verbal habit, you are suggesting to others that this is merely an opinion, or you are speaking from an emotional response.  Sometimes we DO have an emotional response to and issue and that may need to be expressed.  But by starting every other sentence with I think, or I feel can be disastrous. 

“I feel changing the target market will be align it with the company vision.”  Are you convinced this is a valuable direction?  If you are, say so.  Surely, this is not just your gut talking.  You’ve done your homework, say so.  Followers of my articles, keynotes, workshops, and books will recognize tis quote from author and Pediatrician, Sally E. Shaywitz, MD, “To be someone, a woman doesn’t have to be more like a man, but she does have to be more of a woman.”  Women are strong and powerful, let your language reflect that strength and power.

Are you concerned that you are undercutting your career with your speaking style?  Many women face this problem, and it can be solved.  If these and other challenges are preventing you from your goals in the workplace, guidance is only a click or a phone call away.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
| February 22, 2020
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Assessing Your Professional Identity

Years ago a client asked me, “How will I know when I am SOMEBODY?” It was such a well-phrased and poignant question.  It emanated from a place of pain and struggle for her.  It was clear she was not alone, as many of my clients expressed similar dilemmas.  In fact, it is just part of the human condition.  You want to know that you matter.  If you think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow about human motivation, that quest is identified as Self-actualization.  If you are unfamiliar with Maslow’s work, check this out: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  It was such a compelling question that I created a workshop entitled “Kick Up Your Self-Esteem:  How Do You Know When You Are Somebody?” ™

My actual answer to my client was, “You won’t know if you are SOMEBODY unless you do two things: 1) Identify success for yourself and 2) Pay rapt attention to your progress.  What does being a professional mean to you?  Your definition of success will likely change over time.  Your goal as you entered the workforce will probably be quite different from your goal now if you have been in the workplace 5, 10, 20 plus years.  This is YOUR goal, not one that your boss or employer identifies for you.  If you are a business owner, it’s not necessarily what your professional association or industry considers successful.  This is all about YOU!  Plus, life is busy, your career is busy and you likely have made strides but they have gotten lost in the busy. 

For decades I have done a process at the beginning of every year to reevaluate the age old question, “Who am I?”  This is a process that I recommend to all of my clients.  This is a pause, a time for self-assessment, for reflection.  I do not have a gambling bone in my body but I’d still bet you will surprise yourself with this endeavor.  What you will be doing is writing, at the beginning of the year, a statement of who you are as a professional.  If you have never done this before it may seem daunting.  Take a deep breathe and relax, you will not be graded.  This is not about right or wrong.  You don’t have to show it to a darned soul.  This is an opportunity for you to acknowledge, celebrate, revise, and revamp.  It’s a great time to look at the gap.  Huh?  What gap?  Take an assessment of who you see yourself to be today and compare it to who you really want to be. 

Reinvention is possible!  I dedicate this article to my Zeta Tau Alpha Sorority Big Sister, Kathleen Clarkson Frey.  On February 20, 2020, after a brief stay in Hospice, she transitioned out of this life as we know it.  I watched Kathy reinvent herself as a young woman in an extraordinary way.  What a role model of possibility she was for me.  Can you reconfirm or reinvent yourself?  Yes you can!  Need more help?  Please read Kay’s Corner for some action steps.  If you would like some professional guidance, please call me at 513-561-4288 or email me at Kay@highheeledsuccess.com.  It just so happens, that’s what I do for a living.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| June 28, 2019
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Create a Different Filter for Workplace Interactions

If you’re someone who Is easily put-off, feels you’re being criticized, overwhelmed or picked-on at work, maybe it’s time for you to learn how to not take things so personally in the workplace.  To be blunt, it’s time to grow a thicker skin and grow up!  Put your big girl pants on!

I’ve seen this issue surface with coaching clients many times, and once you realize how to have a thicker skin, the benefits are huge.  When you can be pragmatic and less emotional, you will be seen as more of a professional, as someone who is tougher in the workplace and capable of playing with the big dogs.

A certain toughness will make you less vulnerable to the constant changes that can simply be part of everyday office politics and workplace changes.  For example, if you’re used to doing a project a certain way and parameters change, there’s less stress on you as the individual if you can roll with the changes.

Taking things too personally also takes a toll on your productivity.  For example, you are more creative and productive when you take things less personally.  The reality is, it takes mental and sometimes physical energy just to get through the day when you take things too personally.

And, the risks are too great, when you outwardly display your inability to put your big girl pants on.  When you respond to perceived slights and show that you’ve taken something personally, you’re seen as someone who is defensive at best and worst case, you’re perceived as a whiner.  Unfortunately, you can be seen as someone who is not willing and ready to grow in your professional development.

Bottom line, you live in intense fear and stress, maybe to the point of paranoia, when you take things personally in the workplace.  To help you learn how to deflect these unnecessary and sometimes harmful reactions in the workplace, remember some of these important realizations in your everyday dealings at work:

  • People want what they want and you may be an obstacle to what they want — this is not about you, you may simply be getting in the way
  • Workplace is the business of business and getting a good result — if you’re there to do a job and you’re not performing or producing, you’re obstructing business
  • It’s everywhere — you’re not going to move to a new position, a new job, a new state, a new country and find a place that’s different

When taking things personally, a common first instinct is to get a new job.  You need to manage that response and simply learn to own your behaviors and take things less personally.  I’m here to tell you this isn’t easy — we are who we are, flawed and growing all the time.

For example, I had a coaching client come to me, because she felt persecuted at work.  She reported crying about everything and left in tears every day.  One of the first things she said was, “I’m constantly being criticized by my boss.”  Her issues showed up right away in her interactions with me, making this criticism seem justified.

Unfortunately, she was late for coaching calls and didn’t complete her assessments.  She would agree to everything I suggested, then she didn’t have it done.  These were the exact same things she was hearing from her boss.  She was always late, didn’t get work done, and always had an excuse.  Yes, she would always agree and say, “Yes, I can get that done.”

When we uncovered what was happening, I think it was one of the longest pregnant pauses I’ve ever experienced.  She said, “You’re right, I’m taking things personally because these are personal problems.”  So, if this is you or you have some growing up to do, you’re not a bad person, just put your big girl pants on and move on!

Look at everything from a very pragmatic, business perspective.  Ask yourself, what will it take to do this?  If you’re making errors, do you need to slow down?  Maybe you need more technical skills to sharpen your performance.  Maybe there are areas where you actually need to say, okay fine, take the next step and don’t think about it too much.  Sometimes, it simply is what it is.

If you are struggling to have a more professional focus at work and know you need to take challenges less personally, coaching may be your answer.  Call Kay at 513-561-4288 or email kay@highheeledsuccess.com.

Category: Career Path, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| March 21, 2015
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Creating Laser Focus

March is Women’s History Month, and a good time to think about the historic imprint you will leave on those around you.  What kind of legacy are you leaving behind for the women in your life; daughters, nieces, co-workers, women whom you mentor, or manage?  Involvement in purposeful projects, events and missions that create positive, meaningful outcomes is a very effective way to make your personal mark on history.  Such a goal takes the discipline of moving along things that must get done (tasks, errands, routine work responsibilities), and creating room for these important things that will leave a lasting legacy.  It also requires thoughtful weekly planning, and the skill of executing your ideas and work with efficiency and focus. Let’s explore this further.

Is staying focused on the work in front of you a challenge?  Do you find yourself starting and restarting a task multiple times because of distractions, interruptions or because of your own sidetracking thoughts?  If so, you are not alone.  A study published in Psychology Today by Larry Rosen, PhD, observed the study habits of 300 middle school, high school and university students.  Rosen and his team were startled by the results which showed that, on average, students were only able to focus on their studying for three minutes at a time, with nearly all of their distractions coming from technology.  The researchers found similar results with computer programmers and medical students.  The biggest technology offenders were smartphones, and the very computers on which the research participants were either studying or working!

The truth is, we have too many inputs vying for our attention; ring tones, instant messaging, reminder alerts, buzzing email, text tones, and even Facebook and social media notifications!  Then there are meetings, phone calls, crisis situations and office chatter.  It’s endless, and those examples don’t even include our own distracting thoughts such as the errands to run, bills to pay, family schedules and more.  If we are not careful, interruptions can bounce us around like a ping pong ball all day long.  Are you letting distractions take your attention and keep you from being focused, or are you in the driver’s seat of your life?

If staying on task is challenging you, I offer you a double-pronged approach that will help create laser focus.  First is a commitment to weekly goal planning.  The second is mindfulness, but we will come back to that later.

I am convinced making a weekly plan with goals is the first step to successfully creating habits that lead to laser focus.  Most of us are familiar with the Covey method of project planning, or perhaps you’ve used other techniques, or your own version of task prioritization and organization.  The question to ask yourself is, do you use it consistently, without fail?  The weekly planning process needs to be a top priority if you want to drive your success in meaningful areas, versus being pulled along the path of uncertainty, and only accomplishing small tasks.

Weekly planning takes foresight and commitment.  When creating your plan, consider and identify these key elements before creating it:

1.  Top priorities for the week – what must absolutely get done?  Remember the following in this process:

You can’t:

  • Do it all – focus only on the impactful, meaningful and important
  • Please everyone
  • Always say yes
  • Have blurry boundaries

You can:

  • Get first things done first – leave or delegate small tasks for another time
  • Please yourself with a job well done
  • Say yes to top priorities
  • Set up respectable boundaries

2.  Top energy zones – when are you most productive?

  • Morning or afternoon?
  • Before or after a workout, lunch or break?
  • Alone or with others around?

These are the two key questions to ask yourself when planning and prioritizing for the week – what do you have to do, and when are you at your best to complete them? From this genesis, you can create your ideal schedule with attainable goals.  Don’t overschedule yourself, or spread yourself too thin.  Leave white space for emergencies, and margins for thinking and creativity.  Once you’ve successfully prioritized and scheduled your week’s goals, congratulate yourself, and make a date with yourself to do it again – same time, same place next week.  Use that smart phone wisely.  Set a reminder on Sunday to review the upcoming week and plan out your productivity!

With the first step of the approach to laser focus complete (planning), your stage is set for step two.  The second step to obtain laser focus on a daily basis is by practicing ‘mindfulness’.  Mindfulness is ‘a state of active, open attention on the present’.  With practice and patience you can actually ‘reprogram’ your brain to be in a state of mindfulness throughout the day.  To prepare yourself (your brain really) for a mindfulness approach to laser focus during the work day, it is important to begin your day with a deeper sense of mindfulness.

To be clear, I’m not pushing a brand of spirituality or religion, but rather a method by which you can clear your mind, obtain some peace, and get grounded for the day ahead of you.  To that end, I am proposing that prior to the start of your work day, you spend 10 minutes in a quiet, peaceful state in an attempt to empty your mind of thoughts and feelings by the process of recognizing them when they come into your brain, but then letting them go without reacting to them.  You can do this upon waking, before you leave for work, on the drive to work, at your desk, or in the car before you go into the office (especially if being completely still at your desk will have co-workers wondering if you are OK!)

The goal of practicing 10 minutes of deep mindfulness sets your brain into action, rather than leaving it vulnerable to reaction.  It prepares your brain for approaching work with basic mindfulness (the ‘a state of active, open attention on the present’), and ultimately a laser focus.  Practice and patience are essential to maintain basic mindfulness in order to achieve laser focus.  The technology distractions listed earlier are the biggest culprits of distraction, but there are others.  How many of the following do you identify with?

  • Conversations at your desk
  • Phone conversations that last too long (personal or professional)
  • Checking and responding to non-essential email and social media
  • Thoughts of personal/home issues
  • Multiple projects at once
  • Snacking, coffee or water run
  • Non-urgent tasks (cleaning email inbox, organizing files, making lists, etc.)

The first step in avoiding these distractions is to recognize them as just that.  It may be that you are not even aware that these activities are robbing you of your time, productivity and prohibiting you from laser focus on the task at hand.  Mentally go through a day at work, and write down everything that distracts you and places your brain in a reactive mode.  Then, pick the top three things to conquer first.  Now, make a plan for proactively responding to them when they occur.  Below are some examples:

Conversations at your desk Close your door, or put up a sign requesting no interruptions
Telephone interruptions Let it go to voicemail
Conversation getting too long Explain that you have a deadline
Checking email too much Designate two or three times a day to check email, responding only to those pertaining to your plan for the day, or minimally reply with a time and date you will get respond.
Multiple projects at once Put away other work project
Text messages Set your timer to work for 15 – 30 minutes solid, then take 3 or 5 minutes to check and respond to relevant text messages.  Non-urgent messages can wait.
Thoughts of personal/home issues Keep a list of things to address at a later time
Being diverted outside your workspace Don’t engage in miscellaneous interruptions from co-workers

 

While some of these responsive techniques may seem too radical, they are perfectly acceptable ways to create boundaries for yourself and create ‘a state of being active with open attention on the present’ (mindfulness) enabling you to laser focus.  The process of choosing to actively engage in the task at hand rather than react to stimuli takes discipline. While you won’t achieve laser focus on the first day, you will be surprised at how quickly practicing mindfulness will begin to yield laser focus and positive results.

Weekly planning sessions coupled with the daily mindfulness approaches I’ve described will do so much more for you than help you achieve laser focus.  It will empower you to be in complete control of your thoughts and actions.  It will also reward you with additional mental space and opportunities to produce creative, quality and meaningful work.  These opportunities are the foundation from which your lasting legacy can flow.  Keep a diary of your accomplishment and successes as a result of your new approach.  This will motivate you to continue your practice of laser focus, build self-confidence, and make your mark on history.  When you train your brain to use both states of mindfulness to the point where it becomes natural and exciting, you will have mastered the art being able to laser focus.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
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