Tag Archive for professionalism

| August 29, 2024
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The Girl Scout Motto – “Be Prepared” – is Critical to Workplace Success

As a lifelong Girl Scout, their motto, “Be Prepared” was drummed into my head from age 7.  I have found there is no better career advice, than to be prepared.  For instance, when I am coaching female presenters, the warning is to be prepared to present without your PowerPoint; be prepared to present to half or double the audience you were told to expect; be prepared to cut your presentation time in half or double it!  You get the idea. Recently, I got caught being unprepared!  I was doing a pro bono presentation and did not plan to sell books, so I had none with me.  Several people afterwards asked if they could buy one of my books and I had to send them to my website or Amazon.  Luckily, they all followed through but the chances were not good.  It’s the whole out of site out of mind mindset.  I won’t be caught unprepared like that again.

Let’s look at five categories that are essential areas in which to be prepared:

  1. Workplace basics: Leadership guru John Maxwell says, “Prepare Don’t Repair”!  It’s so much easier to prepare to protect your reputation than to try to repair your reputation. Are you coming in every day on time?  Are you constantly running late, realizing that when you arrive you’ve forgotten important items?  Starting the day feeling and looking frazzled is not smart for your career.  Do you look like you just rolled out of bed?  Does your hair look like it’s never met a brush?  Do your clothes look wrinkled and stained?  This sounds so basic but it’s easy to let the basics slide.

    Are you mentally and emotionally prepared for your day?  We all deal with “stuff” in our lives but the smart career woman does everything she can to leave these mental and emotional issues at the door.  Make sure you check Kay’s Corner for some specific ways to have this mental and emotional preparation.

  2. Your Day:  You are not prepared for you day unless you plan your day.  There will always be emergencies that pop up and you are smart to plan in time for urgent items that you have no control over.  When you plan depends on your peak and low energy times.  I always have tomorrow’s plan by the end of the day. I can’t relax until I know what tomorrow holds.  The next morning I likely know what may need to be added or deleted.  I admit my greatest challenge to preparation is procrastination.  I will be working on managing this trait until I die!  The greatest tool I have in combating procrastination is my history.  Every time I think of the things that would have completely derailed a speaking engagement or any other business task, it motivates me to tackle the task early.  I am preparing this newsletter NOW because I do not want to be working on it while we are on our annual chalet trip.  Historically, the newsletter due date falls during this trip and I remember procrastinating on the blog and having to work on it over vacation.  I get cranky with myself and it’s my own darn fault!  That history is a strong motivator for me.

  3. Opportunities:  Sometimes the best opportunities come before you when you least expect it.  Perhaps a friend knows you are seeking a new position and calls you out of the blue with news that her company has just posted a job that is perfect for you.  Can you jump on it?  You can if you always have a resume that is up to date.  A fresh resume is a key preparation component, even if you are not looking for a new job.  Maybe you will want to keep a jacket in the trunk of your car, that’s preparation. Imagine your current job dress code is rather casual but this same friend texts asking, ”Could you jump on a Teams interview in an hour?”  Jog down to your car, grab the jacket, take ten deep breaths and do the interview.  That’s preparation.

  4. Meetings:  It’s essential that you are prepared for your meetings.  Here are a few things to prepare:  Read the agenda and prepare one pithy/insightful question; bring one new idea to present; scout out who the “players” will be at this meeting; and determine a “player” you may want to have a meeting with before the meeting. 

  5. Networking:  How do you prepare before a networking event?  Determine your key objective for attending.  If it is a new group for you, perhaps the objective is to ask questions to determine whether this group is a good fit for you.  Determine at least two attendees you want to meet (if you can see who will be at this event).  Go armed with plenty of business cards or download the HiHello app, a digital business card.

Start brainstorming what it means to be prepared in your workplace, in your industry, with your strengths and foibles.  Be the best Girl Scout you can be!  Be prepared!

Are you always playing catch up?  Do you know what that’s all about for you?  If it seems this and other behaviors are standing in the way of your workplace success, we need to talk.  One of my super powers is seeing in others what they don’t see in themselves.  High-Heeled Success offers complimentary 45-minute telephone consulting.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time for us to talk.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , ,
| February 23, 2024
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Recognizing and Coping with the Saboteurs in the Workplace

If you have been in the workplace for more than about two minutes, you are bound to have encountered saboteurs.  You may just want to ignore them and hope they go away. That’s understandable, it can be unnerving to think about taking these people on.  They come in several forms:  employee saboteurs; peer saboteurs; and boss saboteurs.  If you get nothing else from this article, hear this — ignoring it is self-sabotage.  You must act!  It’s the variety of ways you can act that can be confusing yet gives multiple options.  Remember, while saboteurs are doing their dirty work, the dirt is flying around and landing on you.  Saboteurs are everywhere.  Right now, I have four clients dealing with this issue and they each come from a different type of workplace:  large corporation; small business; non-profit; and government sector.  No one is safe. 

Saboteurs come in three general flavors:  1) Employees; 2) Bosses; 3) Peers.  Let’s look at how the problem shows up with each and different ways to handle it. 

  1. Employees – Imagine you have hired a new employee that you believe is going to do a great job, plus you like her and suddenly she is acting like she wants your job. Another scenario is that you become the boss of people that were once your peers. Either way, let’s say she believes she could do your job better than you do.  One way she may proceed is to spread lies about you, to get your job or to retaliate if she thought she should have been chosen.  What to do?  Your inclination may be to do nothing, you are her boss, after all.  Do not be naïve, this type of coup does happen. You may want to protect yourself by doing the following: 
    • Document everything immediately.
    • Act fast by having a one-on-one, putting her on notice of the behavior you have observed.
    • Get your name on all ideas and reports.
    • Let your boss know about her shenanigans.
    • Curtail her power.
  1. Bosses – Do not be surprised when a boss feels threatened by you and decides to keep you in your place.  Maybe the boss is older, and you come in with fresh ideas, enthusiasm and energy.  That can strike fear in many people. What are the signs that you have a boss saboteur?  If your boss keeps you out of meetings that would be appropriate for you to attend, that’s a sign.  If you are left off emails that are pertinent to you, that’s a red flag.  If you have a duo presentation and he tells you he will do your part, at the last minute, that’s a tip-off.  Now what do you do?
    • Get a mentor and or sponsor who can advocate for you.
    • Keep important people abreast of your work progress and successes.  These successes are often customer success stories, new sales figures or other news that your thumbprint is on.
    • Bring this behavior to your boss by framing it something like this: “I am somewhat confused that I was not included the budget meeting, especially since I had done a deep dive into the numbers that were that be presented.”
    • Don’t blindside the boss!  Making the boss look bad because she wasn’t informed of something you did, can rachet up saboteur behavior by the boss pretty darn quick. 
  1. Peers – These can be the worst saboteurs of all.  Usually, you have little control over peers.  Peers may want you to look bad, so they look good.  They may try to take credit for your work.  They may try to get a leg up by sucking up to the boss and cutting you out.  They may try to undercut you because you have a better relationship with the boss than they do.  How to proceed? 
    • Don’t be gullible, expect this behavior to happen and be thrilled if doesn’t.
    • Don’t share your ideas if you haven’t presented them to the boss yet.
    • Don’t complain about them to another peer!  I promise you; it will make you look bad.  If you need to process this, go to an outside trusted person like a coach or wise family member.
    • Call them out, not in a nasty way but let them know you are aware of their actions and antics.

What you probably notice about this entire article is that acting is the key.  The sooner you address this behavior the better. 

Does the prospect of addressing saboteur behavior scare the pants off you?  Would you rather do anything else?  You are not alone; many people would much rather hide from the entire mess.  I get it.  Would having someone aid you in navigating these pitfalls ease your mind?  That is what I do with my coaching clients.  Let’s discuss the situation.  High-Heeled Success offer 45-minute complimentary telephone consultations.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to get the ball rolling.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
| December 25, 2023
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Exuding Calm Like a Duck Gliding on Water

My recent Tip Tuesday social media post read “To have a great professional reputation as confident, on top of things, and unflappable — be a duck!  Yep, be a duck!  You may be peddling like the very devil underwater but on top you look like you are gliding over water.  Bosses, employees, clients, and co-workers think highly of individuals who have their act together.  Craft your reputation by being a duck.”  After I posted it, three clients reached out to me asking me to do a deeper dive into how this applies to leaders.  I realized they were likely not the only ones who could benefit from this information.  So here you go, leaders take heed.  However, this information can apply to anyone in the workplace, whether you are in a leadership position or are a newbie to the workforce. 

In a previous article, I wrote about the way so many American women have adopted the mantle of stress as a Badge of Courage!  Many women equate stress to being a hard worker and successful.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  If you want a great reputation and to have others benefit from your demeanor, exude calm. 

Every day can be stressful in the workplace for leaders.  There are deadlines to meet, budgets to create, feedback to give, etc.  Remember, you set the tone for others.  When you are calm, keep your emotions in check, and appear to have situations under control, staff members feel safe and secure.  You create an environment of stability that people pick up on. In an LA Times article by Joyce E.A. Russell, she reports that according to a study by TalentSmart, 90% of top performers demonstrate the ability to manage their emotions and stay calm during stressful times.  Leaders make better decisions and think more clearly when calm.  During times of crisis, it’s even more important to show calm.  When leaders become emotionally overwrought, so do their teams.  Look around, in a workplace where the leader often “loses it” you will see low morale, low creativity, team conflicts and errors made. 

Recently, one of my clients sent me feedback she had received about her leadership style from her team.  One of the consistent themes was how much they respected and appreciated her ability to keep calm during challenging and stressful times.  You can see how important it is to the team for the leader to remain calm but what about the leader herself? If the leader doesn’t keep calm under fire, Harvard Business School’s Online Blog reports:

  • 53% of leaders become more closed-minded and controlling during times of stress
  • 43% become angry and over-heated

Does that sound like the type of leader you would want to follow?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would have a great reputation?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would continue to be promoted? Unlikely, you would say “YES” to those three questions.  In my coaching business, I have encountered clients who say being rattled during stressful times is just their personality and emotional makeup.  Perhaps that has been your style in the past, but you can make headway toward becoming a duck.  Here are three important ways you can develop that critical calm, not just as a façade, but as a legitimate part of your leadership style.

  • Stop.  Don’t act quickly.  Give yourself time to really assess the situation.  If you jump in an over-heated state, you are apt to show up frenzied, rattled, and driven by emotion.  This doesn’t mean you won’t be emotional but take time to become more in control of your emotions.  When you are in this agitated state you are apt to take unwise actions and speak in unwise ways.  This may be a perfect time to recite the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can, and
The Wisdom to know the difference.

Knowing what you can and cannot change will enable you to focus and take more appropriate action.

  • Gather Support.  This is the time to call in the troops!  Hopefully, you have a support system that you can call on.  It’s during times of calm waters that you develop your leader support system.  I cannot state strongly enough that this is NOT your work team!!!  If you attempt to use your employees as your support system, you do them and yourself a huge disservice.  You do not need to be dumping on them, they are looking to you to be the oasis of calm.  Plus, you may lose their respect if they see you out of control.  This is the very reason my clients have Emergency Calls as part of their coaching package.  I am a critical part of their support system.  Sometimes we don’t even talk, they just send me an email and vent!  I am the safe place for them to do that without repercussions.  Sometimes all you need is an outlet, other times you need some perspective, and in some situations, you need advice. 

  • Gather History.  Unless you were promoted to leadership yesterday, you have been in similar situations before.  At the very least, you have other leadership challenges that you can pull from as a good self-role model.  Perhaps, you didn’t handle difficult situations like a duck in the past.  Consider what didn’t work then and do something significantly different now.  If you don’t have a written log of situations you have overcome, now would be a great time to start this history.  My log goes back decades.  I have used that history more times than I can count to talk myself off the edge!  This is an action I encourage many of my clients to develop for themselves.

Are you aware you are less like a gliding duck, and more like a flailing goose?  Is your style holding back your career?  Do you react versus respond wisely during difficult work situations?  I may be able to offer some guidance.  Let’s at least talk.  High-Heeled Success offers 45-minute complimentary telephone consulting.  Email Kay@hhighheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to set a time for us to chat.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
| October 30, 2023
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Understanding Career Fears

It’s that scary time of year, Halloween, when fear is actually fun!  But the rest of the time, the Hobgoblins of fear, regarding your career, are anything but fun.  Overwhelming fear in your career can render you stuck, discontented, and even paralyzed.  If you are expecting this article to tell you not to be afraid, stop reading now.  That is lousy advice!  If you are feeling fearful, that is a legitimate feeling that you deserve to have validated.  Feeling your fear allows you to acknowledge and use tools to cope with that fear.  There is no magic wand to make it go away but you do not have to let fear rule you.  You will likely have to face fear throughout your career and life at each new stage. 

This quote by Nancy Anderson, author of Work with Passion, is key: “Courage is not the absence of fear: rather, it is the ability to take action in the face of fear.”  Keep in mind, the way you think about, and address fear is often a gender issue.  Men are taught that fear is a signal to push through.  They aren’t supposed to be afraid and certainly should not show it.  And don’t cry!  In sports, men and boys are taught to look their opponent in the eye and be fearless.  The watch word men are taught is: Do Something!  Women are more frequently taught that fear is a sign to stop.  There is an ongoing message to women that “It’s dangerous out there!”  There is some truth to that, especially for women.  Sexual predators, domestic violence, and sexual harassment are just a few of the risks for women.  I can remember, visiting my mother once in the hospital after her serious surgery, as I left her parting words were, “Be careful.”  Throughout my entire life my parents admonished me to be careful!  Is it any wonder that I have spent a lifetime having to manage my fear, especially in the workplace?

Here are some of the workplace fears that often come to light with my clients:

  • Fear of being laid off or terminated.
  • Fear of being harassed.
  • Fear of making a major mistake.
  • Fear of not getting a promotion.
  • Fear of wage stagnation.
  • Fear of asking for a raise. 
  • Fear of being left out of the circle of influence.
  • Fear of going back to school.
  • Fear of interviews.
  • Fear of changing careers.
  • Fear of business networking.
  • Fear of giving presentations.
  • Fear of retiring from the workforce.

Keep in mind there are two types of fears in this list, those things that happen TO US and those things that WE MUST INITIATE.  Both fears have at their core one antidote — ACTION.  Without action the risk is a fear spiral.  Fear followed by inaction results in a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and paralysis. 

You may be thinking, there is nothing I can do about my company deciding to lay employees off.  True, you can’t control that corporate decision but there are several actions you CAN take.  Always have your resume up to date and be adding new skills, certifications, and education.  Plus, having a good Financial Planner or a Financial Coach will help you save money, create a cushion, and reduce debt should a layoff occur.  Additionally, you always need to be networking and nurturing your network.  I have two family members who had career doors open for them because of my networking contacts. 

Maybe, you are terrified by interviewing!  Develop a strong list of expected questions and have answers, stories, and examples for each.  Do multiple mock interviews.  This is a step I frequently take with clients, even those individuals that are not freaked out by interviews.

Right now, go through the list in this article and circle a couple of career fears you have.  Identify one action you can take for each one.  This will show you that there IS something you can do.  With every action you take, fear diminishes.

Perhaps your career Hobgoblins are keeping you from the success you strive for in your career and you need more in-depth information and assistance.  Don’t let those fear Hobgoblins win!  I have guided terrified and stuck women to a point where they are in charge of fear, not the other way around.  Do we need to talk?  High-Heeled Success offers a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to determine our game plan for locking up those career fear Hobgoblins. 

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
| June 29, 2023
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Capitalizing on Your Strengths at Work

Strengths and Weaknesses

Do you often feel like you are pushing a rock up a mountain at work?  Perhaps you are not working in your talents and strengths.  In 1993, I experienced several life-changing moments and events.  I was dissatisfied with my career at Mental Health Services North Central and had the screaming sense that I was being under-utilized and wasn’t fulfilling my potential.  I stood in the stacks at the Madeira Public Library, scanning the titles for help and direction.  My eyes seemed to be magically pulled to the book titled, Soar with Your Strengths, by Donald O. Clifton, Ph. D., and Paula Nelson.  I read that book from cover to cover in one day! To say it was an epiphany was to put it mildly, it changed my life!  It led me to starting my business and the rest is history, as they say.  Clifton started the strength-based development movement upon returning from WWII and empowered millions to be their best self. He asked, “What would happen if we studied what was right with people versus what’s wrong with people?”  Since that time, Tom Rath, wrote the book Strengths Finder 2.0 and he and Marcus Buckingham, of the Gallup Organization, have shepherded the Strengths Movement into a global phenomenon.  There is an easy and inexpensive assessment to take online, the link is here:

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/254033/strengthsfinder.aspx

You may have taken the assessment at work or independently but are you using the information?  Are you working in your talents and strengths daily?  From the time most of us are born, someone is telling us to “fix” ourselves!  Fix your weaknesses!  It comes from our parents, teachers, and coaches during our youth.  Then our workplace takes over in the form of feedback, conferences, and performance reviews.  Have you noticed how exhausting, frustrating, and unsatisfying fixing your weaknesses happens to be?  Many people beat themselves up daily for their weaknesses.  I am a recipient of this message and unfortunately, a perpetrator of it, as well.  In my own defense, these messages are so foundational for most of us, it’s hard to shake.  However, on the days that I stay focused on my talents and strengths, those are the days that fly by, I know I’ve made a profound difference and I feel THE most satisfied.  When you are not working in your strengths you likely:

  • Hate going to work
  • Have more negative than positive interactions with your colleagues
  • Treat your customers pretty lousy
  • Tell your friends what a terrible company you work for
  • Achieve less on any given day
  • Have a low number of positive and creative ideas

Just as a reminder, for those who are well versed in the concepts of Strengths Finder, and as information for those new to the concept, talents are innate, you are born with these. Early on my talents for empathy, influencing others, and seeing the uniqueness is people emerged.  The recipe looks like this:  talent + knowledge + practice = strengths.  It’s only when talents are given the opportunity to develop that they become strengths.  My talents morphed into my top five strengths:

  • Significance
  • Empathy
  • Individuation
  • Developer
  • Discipline

But you don’t care about my strengths, unless you are one of my clients, a future client, or a meeting planner.  YOU DO CARE about finding and using your strengths.

Consider the importance of working in your strengths, some of the benefits are:

  • Your work satisfaction
  • Satisfaction with your performance from managers, customers, and colleagues
  • Career advancement
  • Higher career compensation
  • A personal sense of a life well lived

Perhaps you know this information already and are not putting it to work, keep reading to Kay’s Corner. I will give you some simple steps in making this information come to life.  In this one life we get to live, use yours to the hilt!

Does this entire process seem formidable to you?  What might happen if we spent 45 minutes on a complimentary consultation call to discuss this.  It’s easy to make that happen, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call the office at (513) 561-4288 to set up a complimentary 45-minute consultation.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership | Tags: , , , , , , ,
| February 28, 2023
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The Overwork Paradigm Shift – “Death is bad for your career!”

Many of my clients have heard the above quote of mine more times than they would like to admit.  One of the values of having a career-maximizing coach is having an objective person who can observe behaviors about which the individual has become oblivious.  Unfortunately, killing themselves with over work is a frequent concern of mine with clients.  In the fall, I was interviewed about workaholism, which is a significant problem in our culture, and I took a deeper dive into the problem.  Could you be a workaholic?  Before you summarily reject this notion, let’s explore a bit.  Even if your answer is “No!” this information could be valuable to someone you care about.  A commonly held belief is that overwork is driven by money.  It can be but often you see just the opposite.  When someone is focused on income and success, they are often eager to be as efficient and focused on the end goal as possible.  They will do what is necessary and move on to the next task, project, or opportunity.  It’s important to differentiate between issues of success versus achievement.  Achievement oriented people often have unrealistic standards for themselves.  If they are not “doing” they are not achieving.  Individuals desiring achievement are more prone to workaholism.  However, if one’s success and need for high dollar accomplishments is driven by a belief that without high earning capacity, one is worthless, then it may lead to workaholism.

One the most consistent beliefs underlying workaholism is fear of failure. Additionally, fear of boredom, fear of laziness, and fear of self-discovery can be significant issues.  Ironically, the more you use work as a way of avoiding feelings and issues, the more problematic they become.  Face it, denial and avoidance ultimately will get you in the end.  Whatever self-concept struggles you have can only be hidden by overwork just so long.  When  you don’t feel worthy or enough, you tend to fill it with SOMETHING, in this case, work.  One of the questions I was asked in the interview was, “Is overwork a nature or nurture dilemma?”  As is always true, the answer is not simple.  Our genetic predispositions can play a significant role in workaholism and so can our environmental learned behavior.  If your family of origin placed high value on achievement, it can set the groundwork for perfectionism.  Perfectionism is a breeding ground for workaholism.  Important here to identify the difference between excellence and perfectionism.  Excellence leads to success, a sense of satisfaction, and moves you forward.  Perfectionism, on the other hand, leads to failure, a sense of unworthiness, and keeps you stuck.

I was also asked if workaholism is as bad as alcohol or drug addiction.  In that it effects relationships, mental health, and physical health, the parallels are similar.  It may surprise you to know studies show that workaholics have distinct neurological and psychological profiles similar to those addicted to narcotics.   Plus, in the United States, many people view overwork as a positive, almost a badge of courage.  When you work in an environment that praises and sometimes rewards overwork, a perfect storm can brew.

Some recent studies reveal 30% of the general population are workaholics.  The higher up the ladder women climb in the workplace, the higher probability they will show workaholic behaviors.  Of individuals earning $150,00 to $199,000, 52% of women consider themselves workaholics but just 22% of men at this salary range identify this way.  Additionally, women in our society are taught to please others.  When you are dependent upon pleasing, it’s difficult to say “No”.  If every task and project that is thrown your way is accepted, overwork is inevitable.

Statistics tell us that approximately 83% of health problems in the United States are related to stress.  The stress of overwork will put anyone a at risk for problems:

  • High blood pressure
  • High cholesterol
  • High Triglycerides
  • Stoke
  • Gastrointestinal issues
  • Heart disease
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Sleep issues

The adrenaline rush of being a workaholic creates such a high that people with a work addiction may be unable to stop the behavior on their own.  When truly addicted to the behavior, even the negative effects on their physical and psychological well-being aren’t enough to stop. As with any addiction, professional help is required. 

What are we to do?  How can we impact a culture that seems to reward this behavior?  There are other countries, such as Sweden and Denmark that now have a maximum of 48 hours a week that employees can work.  They mandate vacations.  But as more people work from home today, laws may not thwart the workaholic. 

What if you began a paradigm shift?  What if you began the process of seeing excessive overwork and workaholism as an insidious disease that will rob you of your health, happiness, relationships and career?  It’s possible!  I have worked with many clients who have begun to see this behavior as something they are paying far too high a price.  They have unlearned these behaviors and transformed themselves.  

The price you pay for workaholic behavior is so high!  Like any negative behavior, managing these tendencies before they get out of hand is an important step.  If you believe your work style is ultimately a career wrecker or burnout is on the horizon, let’s tackle it now.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to determine if together we can find solutions to manage your work style now! Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to get the ball rolling.   

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
| October 27, 2022
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Self-Discipline for Success

Discipline is the ability to make yourself do something you don’t want to do, in order to get a result that you really want to get.

Andy Andrews

Even as I write this, I can feel the urge to postpone it until later. When I think about self-discipline, I must smile. My journey to self-discipline has been lifelong. I grew up in a family where there were no expectations of me. I didn’t have to do anything, not make my bed, not wash the dishes, not take out the trash. Not a particularly good environment for learning self-discipline. I developed no self-discipline muscle. My discipline and work ethic were strongly influenced by the role model set by my husband, who has an incredible work ethic and self-discipline. It has been a lifelong challenge to develop and maintain self-discipline. My definition of self-discipline is doing what is necessary when you don’t want to or when you don’t feel motivated. In fact, if you wait to feel motivated the action may never come!

When I became an entrepreneur and started my business, it was essential that I develop self-discipline, as I no longer had a boss. There was no one to monitor what I did. The only demands were the ever-present deadlines for sending proposals, creating programs, and presentations. Self-discipline is critical for every aspect of one’s life! Self-discipline is necessary to succeed in your career, to eat healthy, to exercise consistently, to keep organized, to be a responsible parent (human and pet) etc.

I worry about children raised today, especially those with helicopter parents. When a child has all their actions monitored, they never learn to create their own self-discipline. If mom and dad are responsible for you sitting down and doing your homework, what’s going to happen when you go off to college? Flunking out of school is a difficult result of no self-discipline, one that has ramifications far into the future.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the “carrot” when it comes to developing self-discipline – because it’s darn hard! Here are some “carrots”:

  • People who have strong self-discipline are people that reach their goals. It’s so much easier to stay focused on your goals when you are performing the actions necessary. There is no doubt that when you reach your goals it can make you a happier person. One goal reached, leads to multiple goals reached. Discipline is the antidote to procrastination.  I’m not saying there will not be setbacks and failures but when you have stayed the course that gives you time to shift when necessary. 
  • People with self-discipline consistently have higher self-esteem. When you do what you say you’re going to do, you are likely to be proud of yourself. When you see yourself as a person who has good habits and character, the result is a stronger sense of self. When I do my Fast Five (five-minute review of the day), and my discipline has been in gear, I hear myself saying aloud “Way to go!”  This pops up for my clients, too.  They are eager to share that they have been on task and succeeded.  They love hearing me exclaim, “Way to go” for them.  It’s fantastic to celebrate these wins with them.  When someone else knows how challenging your successes have been, it makes it even sweeter to celebrate together!
  • You will find your energy level soaring as you develop more self-discipline. It is incredibly energy sapping to constantly be thinking about what needs to be done and not do it. Often you put more energy into the worry and concern about it than it would take to just get it done. When you do what is in your plan, it can free you for time for yourself and that’s a great payoff. If I am not doing what I know I need to, I hear the loop in my head all day long admonishing myself to do it – that’s exhausting.
  • Finally, life looks better on the other side. Small sacrifices now lead to better outcomes in the future. I think about everyone I know who has ever authored a book. Sitting down at their keyboard chapter by chapter has ultimately created a book. That book is a fantastic ticket to credibility and Guru status in your industry. Plus, it can be a huge revenue generator. Having written four books, I assure you it has taken tremendous self-discipline for me and everyone else I know.  This applies to all your career goals. For example, with clients who are looking for that next great position, it means redoing their resume. Discipline allows for the time to reformat, tweak, and polish their resume. It’s unsettling to see a job posting and know your resume is not the best it could be.   

Wow, discipline has a ton of benefits, right? If there is such a huge payoff, why don’t you do it? Well, it’s just darn hard but if you want to start strengthening your self-discipline muscles, read Kay’s corner on how to get rolling on this important skill.

If you are painfully aware that self-discipline is a roadblock in your career success, don’t despair. It is possible to create this behavior no matter what stage of life you are in. If you would like assistance in creating the self-discipline you need, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we can set up a complementary 45-minute phone conversation to see if my coaching could be valuable for you.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
| February 27, 2022
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Understanding and Transforming the Need to Please

Strains of the Rick Nelson song, Garden Party, float through my head, “You see, you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.”  If you are not familiar with the song, take a minute to listen, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PECmjB9df0w. Am I being overly dramatic calling this article, Death by People-Pleasing? I don’t think so! There is a death of self when your very identity hinges on whether others approve of you and like you. This people-pleasing behavior will be pervasive in both your personal and professional life. How did you get in this pickle in the first place? What was it like in your home growing up? Was there addiction? You tried your best to appease them in hopes the addictive behavior would stop. Was there intense controlling behavior, anger, rage, or another dysfunction? As children, we try to manage our environment, as best we can. We may have the illusion of believing that if we are loveable enough, good enough, or pleasing enough, we can “fix” our world. That need to have an o.k. world follows us into adulthood and into the workplace.

Oprah, very astutely calls people-pleasing behavior, “the disease to please.”  Don’t get me wrong, we all want to be liked, hope to be kind, and desire to be helpful but when you cross the line into people-pleasing there is a high price to pay. You may already know that this is an issue for you, but others may be unsure. Take this quick assessment:

Do You?

  • Struggle to say “no”
  • Overly care what others think
  • Feel guilty when not being compliant
  • Worry that others will think you are mean or selfish
  • Agree to things you don’t want to do
  • Constantly say you are sorry
  • Live for approval
  • Take undo blame
  • Have no free time
  • Neglect your own needs
  • Take on work of others to the detriment of your workload
  • Match the opinion or behavior of others when it’s not sincerely yours

Sometimes the consequences must be drilled into our head to make a change. Long standing behaviors aren’t easy to change, I get that. Here are consequences of workplace people-pleasing behavior:

  • Exhaustion
  • High stress levels
  • Constant anger
  • Lack of happiness
  • Resentment
  • No time for self
  • Being mistake prone
  • Career stalling or derailment

Author, Mel Robbins wrote, “Letting things slide to keep the peace only starts a war inside of you.”  No one want a war inside. How do you begin to change this behavior? When you have been people-pleasing for a long time, it may be hard to know what you want anymore. That’s a good place to begin. Sit down at your keyboard or a journal identifying things you want and need at work. You want more time to have your projects be excellent, more respect from your upper management or colleagues, time to attend professional development opportunities, shorter work hours, etc. Knowing what you want can motivate you to make changes. It’s really o.k. to have people not be thrilled with your choices, let them be disappointed, or surprised – you will survive. Heck, you may be surprised that their reaction is less dramatic than expected. It’s really o.k. to have a difference of opinion. It’s really o.k. to not always be agreeable. How do you morph this ingrained behavior? Boundaries will be your new watchword. Look at the tips in Kay’s Consulting Corner to start on some basic boundary setting. If your career is suffering because of people-pleasing behavior, ongoing coaching would be beneficial.

Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
| December 22, 2021
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Reaping the Benefits of Rewards

When you read the word “reward,” I am betting your mind immediately went to you rewarding employees, or rewards you might receive from your employer, or rewards you might give to a client for a referral. Did rewarding yourself jump into your brain? The perspective of rewarding yourself may be foreign to you. Maybe you grew up in a family that espoused making your bed, doing the dishes, or taking out the trash were chores you should either want to do or do because you were a member of the family.  Being rewarded for doing these things was not something your family valued. Regardless of the source, somehow you may have received the message that you do not deserve rewards, accomplishing the goal is all the reward you should need. In a utopian world, that might fly but you live in the real world in which changing habits and reaching goals can be tough! There exists a mountain of research for using rewards to reinforce positive behavior. You may long for kindergarten, where you a received a gold star for not eating paste! Rewards can be one of the most powerful gifts you give yourself and others. Today’s parents have used rewards with children very effectively and we can use them as a model for ourselves.  There are many parenting websites that focus on changing children’s behavior through rewards. The Verywell Family parenting site sums it up well:  https://www.verywellfamily.com/behaviors-that-respond-well-to-reward-systems-1094749. Adults can use the same concept. I have a client, who is a business owner, with some new sales goals for her business in 2022. The one major obstacle is getting to the paperwork she hates. That paperwork is necessary to keep the business running and to reaching those goals, but it is boring! She’s an extrovert who is excited and energized by others, being alone doing paperwork is drudgery. We have developed a reward system to get that necessary task done.

Every behavior you want to change, every new habit you want to develop, every goal that you seek can be reinforced by rewards. However, for this to work there may be beliefs you have to let go. You deserve to let go of the belief that to reward is juvenile and to reward is self-indulgent. Why fight what works? Here are components that are part of the system we have devised for her. She is not unique; I have created a similar type of system with many clients. Our first step was to identify what would feel like a reward to her. Then she identified that an hour of paperwork a day will be necessary. She plans to track that and at the end of the week she will assess how she has done. For each daily hour of paperwork, she will give herself a star. If she has five stars at the end of the week, she will go to T.J. Maxx and purchase an outfit; three stars and she’s off to purchase a desk accessory; one star earns her a new eyeliner.

Here are three components to remember when setting up a system like this:

  • The rewards must feel important to YOU! This is your plan, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone.
  • The rewards must be timely, the shorter the gap of time between the behavior and the reward the better.
  • The rewards must be consistent, skipping a reward will diminish the effect of the reinforcement.

This is something I do myself. I own a Michael Kors purse that was purchased as a reward. It is a constant reminder of reaching an important goal.

There are all sorts of challenges you have in the workplace. A toolbelt full of tools is an asset in overcoming those obstacles. Using rewards is one more tool at your disposal.

If you are facing many challenges in your career and not reaching your goals in the workplace, guidance is only a click or a phone call away.

Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
| August 30, 2021
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Sounding Powerful and Professional

Some of you may react to this article with a shrug of your shoulders.  You may be thinking, “As long as I do a good job and know my stuff, I will succeed.”  Though doing a good job and knowing your area of expertise is critical, how you express your knowledge can be a game changer.  Let’s face it, women have a disadvantage in the workplace.  Period.  It is in your best interest to have everything possible working for you.  That is what I strongly recommend that you start paying close attention to your language.  If you recorded yourself today, would you hear a woman who sounds assertive, confident, and powerful?  Maybe not.  In the media, I have been quoted saying, “Every time you open your mouth it’s a speaking opportunity.”  When YOU open your mouth, are your words advancing your career or undermining it?  You likely are presenting department reports, or pitching to a potential client, or speaking on a podcast. Unfortunately, you may have learned verbal habits that undercut your power in each of those situations.  They are so entrenched you don’t notice you are using them.  Sometimes you use these phrases intentionally, in an effort to be accepted, soften the blow, or seem less aggressive.  Regardless of the foundational reason, it’s still causing you to shoot yourself in your High-Heeled foot. 

There are many power-robbing phrases that I hear women use.  The focus is going to be on three in this article:  hedges, add-ons, and the indecisive “I”.  Curb your inclination to be defense about this, I am not scolding or berating you, instead guiding you.  We need every tool in our career tool belt.   

  • Eliminate hedges:  By the time you are presenting at a meeting, to a client, or are on a Podcast, you have thought things through.  You have a stance, perspective, or recommendation to make.  You see it as the right direction.  You have crunched the numbers, done research, or conferred with others.  It’s not mere opinion.   You may sound unsure, subjective, or tentative if you use hedges.  Hedging may be your attempt at reducing rejection, but it has the opposite result.  Consider these hedge statements:
    • “This may not be important, but…”
    • “I just wanted to say…”
    • “In my opinion…”
    • “This may not be right, but…”

“This may not be right, but I think shifting the marketing plan to a new target audience could be beneficial.”  No doubt you recognize how the hedge under sells your well thought out direction.  

  • Eliminate add-ons:  Add-ons, phrases added at the end of sentences, are frequently reflective of female learned behavior growing up.  Keep the peace, don’t ruffle feathers, get along!  Add-ons may be a sign of your leadership style.   If you have a more collaborative than commanding leadership style, you are apt to use these phrases.  If you are seeking collaboration, there are better verbal tools to use then add-ons.  Your add-ons may be more a sign of easing your discomfort with taking a position.  If you seek changing the marketing strategy, own it.  This is the time to be persuasive, impactful, and convincing.  You will recognize these add-ons:
    • “don’t you think?”
    • “right?”
    • “okay?”
    • “isn’t it?

“Changing the target market is aligned with the company vision, right?”  This add-on opens the door for controversy and dissent.  Your collaborative efforts, fact-finding, and alternate perspectives need to come well before you take a stance.

  • Eliminate I think and I feel:  One of the disadvantages women have had for decades is the belief by many men that women are too emotional in the workplace.  You see it in every industry, companies small and large, and in politics.  In 2019, an analysis by Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce found 1 in 8 Americans believe women are not as emotionally suited as men to serve in elected office.  This presents a significant barrier for women.  We don’t want to do anything that reinforces this bias.  Starting our sentences with the words “I think…” or “I feel…” is self-sabotaging.  You can readily see the issue.  By using this verbal habit, you are suggesting to others that this is merely an opinion, or you are speaking from an emotional response.  Sometimes we DO have an emotional response to and issue and that may need to be expressed.  But by starting every other sentence with I think, or I feel can be disastrous. 

“I feel changing the target market will be align it with the company vision.”  Are you convinced this is a valuable direction?  If you are, say so.  Surely, this is not just your gut talking.  You’ve done your homework, say so.  Followers of my articles, keynotes, workshops, and books will recognize tis quote from author and Pediatrician, Sally E. Shaywitz, MD, “To be someone, a woman doesn’t have to be more like a man, but she does have to be more of a woman.”  Women are strong and powerful, let your language reflect that strength and power.

Are you concerned that you are undercutting your career with your speaking style?  Many women face this problem, and it can be solved.  If these and other challenges are preventing you from your goals in the workplace, guidance is only a click or a phone call away.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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