Archive for Career Path

Recognizing and Coping with the Saboteurs in the Workplace

If you have been in the workplace for more than about two minutes, you are bound to have encountered saboteurs.  You may just want to ignore them and hope they go away. That’s understandable, it can be unnerving to think about taking these people on.  They come in several forms:  employee saboteurs; peer saboteurs; and boss saboteurs.  If you get nothing else from this article, hear this — ignoring it is self-sabotage.  You must act!  It’s the variety of ways you can act that can be confusing yet gives multiple options.  Remember, while saboteurs are doing their dirty work, the dirt is flying around and landing on you.  Saboteurs are everywhere.  Right now, I have four clients dealing with this issue and they each come from a different type of workplace:  large corporation; small business; non-profit; and government sector.  No one is safe. 

Saboteurs come in three general flavors:  1) Employees; 2) Bosses; 3) Peers.  Let’s look at how the problem shows up with each and different ways to handle it. 

  1. Employees – Imagine you have hired a new employee that you believe is going to do a great job, plus you like her and suddenly she is acting like she wants your job. Another scenario is that you become the boss of people that were once your peers. Either way, let’s say she believes she could do your job better than you do.  One way she may proceed is to spread lies about you, to get your job or to retaliate if she thought she should have been chosen.  What to do?  Your inclination may be to do nothing, you are her boss, after all.  Do not be naïve, this type of coup does happen. You may want to protect yourself by doing the following: 
    • Document everything immediately.
    • Act fast by having a one-on-one, putting her on notice of the behavior you have observed.
    • Get your name on all ideas and reports.
    • Let your boss know about her shenanigans.
    • Curtail her power.
  1. Bosses – Do not be surprised when a boss feels threatened by you and decides to keep you in your place.  Maybe the boss is older, and you come in with fresh ideas, enthusiasm and energy.  That can strike fear in many people. What are the signs that you have a boss saboteur?  If your boss keeps you out of meetings that would be appropriate for you to attend, that’s a sign.  If you are left off emails that are pertinent to you, that’s a red flag.  If you have a duo presentation and he tells you he will do your part, at the last minute, that’s a tip-off.  Now what do you do?
    • Get a mentor and or sponsor who can advocate for you.
    • Keep important people abreast of your work progress and successes.  These successes are often customer success stories, new sales figures or other news that your thumbprint is on.
    • Bring this behavior to your boss by framing it something like this: “I am somewhat confused that I was not included the budget meeting, especially since I had done a deep dive into the numbers that were that be presented.”
    • Don’t blindside the boss!  Making the boss look bad because she wasn’t informed of something you did, can rachet up saboteur behavior by the boss pretty darn quick. 
  1. Peers – These can be the worst saboteurs of all.  Usually, you have little control over peers.  Peers may want you to look bad, so they look good.  They may try to take credit for your work.  They may try to get a leg up by sucking up to the boss and cutting you out.  They may try to undercut you because you have a better relationship with the boss than they do.  How to proceed? 
    • Don’t be gullible, expect this behavior to happen and be thrilled if doesn’t.
    • Don’t share your ideas if you haven’t presented them to the boss yet.
    • Don’t complain about them to another peer!  I promise you; it will make you look bad.  If you need to process this, go to an outside trusted person like a coach or wise family member.
    • Call them out, not in a nasty way but let them know you are aware of their actions and antics.

What you probably notice about this entire article is that acting is the key.  The sooner you address this behavior the better. 

Does the prospect of addressing saboteur behavior scare the pants off you?  Would you rather do anything else?  You are not alone; many people would much rather hide from the entire mess.  I get it.  Would having someone aid you in navigating these pitfalls ease your mind?  That is what I do with my coaching clients.  Let’s discuss the situation.  High-Heeled Success offer 45-minute complimentary telephone consultations.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to get the ball rolling.

Exuding Calm Like a Duck Gliding on Water

My recent Tip Tuesday social media post read “To have a great professional reputation as confident, on top of things, and unflappable — be a duck!  Yep, be a duck!  You may be peddling like the very devil underwater but on top you look like you are gliding over water.  Bosses, employees, clients, and co-workers think highly of individuals who have their act together.  Craft your reputation by being a duck.”  After I posted it, three clients reached out to me asking me to do a deeper dive into how this applies to leaders.  I realized they were likely not the only ones who could benefit from this information.  So here you go, leaders take heed.  However, this information can apply to anyone in the workplace, whether you are in a leadership position or are a newbie to the workforce. 

In a previous article, I wrote about the way so many American women have adopted the mantle of stress as a Badge of Courage!  Many women equate stress to being a hard worker and successful.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  If you want a great reputation and to have others benefit from your demeanor, exude calm. 

Every day can be stressful in the workplace for leaders.  There are deadlines to meet, budgets to create, feedback to give, etc.  Remember, you set the tone for others.  When you are calm, keep your emotions in check, and appear to have situations under control, staff members feel safe and secure.  You create an environment of stability that people pick up on. In an LA Times article by Joyce E.A. Russell, she reports that according to a study by TalentSmart, 90% of top performers demonstrate the ability to manage their emotions and stay calm during stressful times.  Leaders make better decisions and think more clearly when calm.  During times of crisis, it’s even more important to show calm.  When leaders become emotionally overwrought, so do their teams.  Look around, in a workplace where the leader often “loses it” you will see low morale, low creativity, team conflicts and errors made. 

Recently, one of my clients sent me feedback she had received about her leadership style from her team.  One of the consistent themes was how much they respected and appreciated her ability to keep calm during challenging and stressful times.  You can see how important it is to the team for the leader to remain calm but what about the leader herself? If the leader doesn’t keep calm under fire, Harvard Business School’s Online Blog reports:

  • 53% of leaders become more closed-minded and controlling during times of stress
  • 43% become angry and over-heated

Does that sound like the type of leader you would want to follow?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would have a great reputation?  Does that sound like the type of leader who would continue to be promoted? Unlikely, you would say “YES” to those three questions.  In my coaching business, I have encountered clients who say being rattled during stressful times is just their personality and emotional makeup.  Perhaps that has been your style in the past, but you can make headway toward becoming a duck.  Here are three important ways you can develop that critical calm, not just as a façade, but as a legitimate part of your leadership style.

  • Stop.  Don’t act quickly.  Give yourself time to really assess the situation.  If you jump in an over-heated state, you are apt to show up frenzied, rattled, and driven by emotion.  This doesn’t mean you won’t be emotional but take time to become more in control of your emotions.  When you are in this agitated state you are apt to take unwise actions and speak in unwise ways.  This may be a perfect time to recite the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can, and
The Wisdom to know the difference.

Knowing what you can and cannot change will enable you to focus and take more appropriate action.

  • Gather Support.  This is the time to call in the troops!  Hopefully, you have a support system that you can call on.  It’s during times of calm waters that you develop your leader support system.  I cannot state strongly enough that this is NOT your work team!!!  If you attempt to use your employees as your support system, you do them and yourself a huge disservice.  You do not need to be dumping on them, they are looking to you to be the oasis of calm.  Plus, you may lose their respect if they see you out of control.  This is the very reason my clients have Emergency Calls as part of their coaching package.  I am a critical part of their support system.  Sometimes we don’t even talk, they just send me an email and vent!  I am the safe place for them to do that without repercussions.  Sometimes all you need is an outlet, other times you need some perspective, and in some situations, you need advice. 

  • Gather History.  Unless you were promoted to leadership yesterday, you have been in similar situations before.  At the very least, you have other leadership challenges that you can pull from as a good self-role model.  Perhaps, you didn’t handle difficult situations like a duck in the past.  Consider what didn’t work then and do something significantly different now.  If you don’t have a written log of situations you have overcome, now would be a great time to start this history.  My log goes back decades.  I have used that history more times than I can count to talk myself off the edge!  This is an action I encourage many of my clients to develop for themselves.

Are you aware you are less like a gliding duck, and more like a flailing goose?  Is your style holding back your career?  Do you react versus respond wisely during difficult work situations?  I may be able to offer some guidance.  Let’s at least talk.  High-Heeled Success offers 45-minute complimentary telephone consulting.  Email Kay@hhighheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to set a time for us to chat.

Understanding Career Fears

It’s that scary time of year, Halloween, when fear is actually fun!  But the rest of the time, the Hobgoblins of fear, regarding your career, are anything but fun.  Overwhelming fear in your career can render you stuck, discontented, and even paralyzed.  If you are expecting this article to tell you not to be afraid, stop reading now.  That is lousy advice!  If you are feeling fearful, that is a legitimate feeling that you deserve to have validated.  Feeling your fear allows you to acknowledge and use tools to cope with that fear.  There is no magic wand to make it go away but you do not have to let fear rule you.  You will likely have to face fear throughout your career and life at each new stage. 

This quote by Nancy Anderson, author of Work with Passion, is key:Courage is not the absence of fear: rather, it is the ability to take action in the face of fear.”  Keep in mind, the way you think about, and address fear is often a gender issue.  Men are taught that fear is a signal to push through.  They aren’t supposed to be afraid and certainly should not show it.  And don’t cry!  In sports, men and boys are taught to look their opponent in the eye and be fearless.  The watch word men are taught is: Do Something!  Women are more frequently taught that fear is a sign to stop.  There is an ongoing message to women that “It’s dangerous out there!”  There is some truth to that, especially for women.  Sexual predators, domestic violence, and sexual harassment are just a few of the risks for women.  I can remember, visiting my mother once in the hospital after her serious surgery, as I left her parting words were, “Be careful.”  Throughout my entire life my parents admonished me to be careful!  Is it any wonder that I have spent a lifetime having to manage my fear, especially in the workplace?

Here are some of the workplace fears that often come to light with my clients:

  • Fear of being laid off or terminated.
  • Fear of being harassed.
  • Fear of making a major mistake.
  • Fear of not getting a promotion.
  • Fear of wage stagnation.
  • Fear of asking for a raise. 
  • Fear of being left out of the circle of influence.
  • Fear of going back to school.
  • Fear of interviews.
  • Fear of changing careers.
  • Fear of business networking.
  • Fear of giving presentations.
  • Fear of retiring from the workforce.

Keep in mind there are two types of fears in this list, those things that happen TO US and those things that WE MUST INITIATE.  Both fears have at their core one antidote — ACTION.  Without action the risk is a fear spiral.  Fear followed by inaction results in a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and paralysis. 

You may be thinking, there is nothing I can do about my company deciding to lay employees off.  True, you can’t control that corporate decision but there are several actions you CAN take.  Always have your resume up to date and be adding new skills, certifications, and education.  Plus, having a good Financial Planner or a Financial Coach will help you save money, create a cushion, and reduce debt should a layoff occur.  Additionally, you always need to be networking and nurturing your network.  I have two family members who had career doors open for them because of my networking contacts. 

Maybe, you are terrified by interviewing!  Develop a strong list of expected questions and have answers, stories, and examples for each.  Do multiple mock interviews.  This is a step I frequently take with clients, even those individuals that are not freaked out by interviews.

Right now, go through the list in this article and circle a couple of career fears you have.  Identify one action you can take for each one.  This will show you that there IS something you can do.  With every action you take, fear diminishes.

Perhaps your career Hobgoblins are keeping you from the success you strive for in your career and you need more in-depth information and assistance.  Don’t let those fear Hobgoblins win!  I have guided terrified and stuck women to a point where they are in charge of fear, not the other way around.  Do we need to talk?  High-Heeled Success offers a 45-minute complimentary telephone consultation. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to determine our game plan for locking up those career fear Hobgoblins. 

Career Comparisons, the Road to Discontent

“Frequent social comparisons may, in the short-term, provide reassurance.  But in the long-term they may reinforce a need to judge the self against external standards.”  Judith White, Ph.D.

It starts early, the comparison trap.  You are on top one minute and are on the bottom the next.  You are the shortest kid in your class; the tallest; the kid struggling most with math; the player who hasn’t made a basket in any game, on and on and on!  Teenage years come and you KNOW what kind of judgment we place on ourselves.  Fast forward to the world of work and it continues to ramp up.  The fastest route to career discontent is the game of comparison.  This tendency to compare ourselves to others is called social comparison, and it is a natural way for us to evaluate how we are doing.  Unfortunately, it can be quite destructive, make you feel dissatisfied and maybe even sabotage your career!

I currently have a client who is struggling with this issue, and it has almost derailed her career.  We are going to call her Marti.  Marti came to me for career rehabbing because her sister saw the self-sabotaging path she was taking.  She was consistently complaining to her boss that she hadn’t received a raise, a promotion or a conference speaking opportunity like a colleague had.  Her boss was getting a negative impression of her.  Now don’t misunderstand me, I consistently prod clients to advocate those very things.  However, Marti did not have the evidence needed to self-advocate for any of those.  All Marti could see was she was BEHIND her work friend.  As we began to explore, I was to learn the colleague had been at the company longer, with stellar performance reviews, she had far more experience in the industry, and she consistently worked 60 hours a week!

The first insight Marti had was she has a family history of intense comparisons.  Her parents had consistently compared Marti to her siblings:  academically, socially, and physically.  She began to realize how automatic this response was for her.  Together we began the process of self-career definition, evaluation, and development.

If you are a coaching client of mine, have attended a keynote I have presented, have participated in a training of mine, or just read my articles, you have likely heard me use the phrase, “This is your game, and you get to play it any way you like!”  Not only in your career, but the game of life is more satisfying playing by your rules.  The first step for Marti was to remember a couple of important rules of HER game. 

  1.  She had taken a year off between high school and college.  As a result, in comparison to her friend, she would always be somewhat behind time wise.  This was set in stone, there was nothing Marti could do about this.  It had been the smart thing for her to do, as she just wasn’t ready socially or academically for college.
  2. It had taken her six years to graduate because of changing her major twice and she had worked full-time to afford her schooling.  Once again, in comparison to her friend, she was behind.  Marti was quick to affirm her final choice of a major was what was right for her.  Plus, working was necessary to augment her financial package.  She said the skills she learned while working were essential to the success of her college career. 
  3. Marti acknowledged she had health issues that made extremely long hours not wise for her.  She also commented that her buddy was having health problems because of the struggle for work/life balance.

What about you?  Have you slipped into the comparison game and come up short?  Are you feeling very dissatisfied with your career as a result?  Are you making a position that you could possibly love a miserable one because you are playing by some else’s rules?  You are unique, you and only you can determine how a successful career is defined.  Using standard rules of the game will likely result in a sub-standard career!

Are you perplexed by both how you got to this career dilemma and even more perplexed as to how you are going to get out?  Don’t resign yourself to being in a career that is not satisfying.  Remember, we work an average of 55,000 hours in the average career, that’s a great deal of misery if you are in comparison mode.  Time for a chat?  High-Heeled Success offers 45-minute complimentary telephone consulting, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to set a time to see how you can get out of the comparison game and into loving your career.

Capitalizing on Your Strengths at Work

Strengths and Weaknesses

Do you often feel like you are pushing a rock up a mountain at work?  Perhaps you are not working in your talents and strengths.  In 1993, I experienced several life-changing moments and events.  I was dissatisfied with my career at Mental Health Services North Central and had the screaming sense that I was being under-utilized and wasn’t fulfilling my potential.  I stood in the stacks at the Madeira Public Library, scanning the titles for help and direction.  My eyes seemed to be magically pulled to the book titled, Soar with Your Strengths, by Donald O. Clifton, Ph. D., and Paula Nelson.  I read that book from cover to cover in one day! To say it was an epiphany was to put it mildly, it changed my life!  It led me to starting my business and the rest is history, as they say.  Clifton started the strength-based development movement upon returning from WWII and empowered millions to be their best self. He asked, “What would happen if we studied what was right with people versus what’s wrong with people?”  Since that time, Tom Rath, wrote the book Strengths Finder 2.0 and he and Marcus Buckingham, of the Gallup Organization, have shepherded the Strengths Movement into a global phenomenon.  There is an easy and inexpensive assessment to take online, the link is here:

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/254033/strengthsfinder.aspx

You may have taken the assessment at work or independently but are you using the information?  Are you working in your talents and strengths daily?  From the time most of us are born, someone is telling us to “fix” ourselves!  Fix your weaknesses!  It comes from our parents, teachers, and coaches during our youth.  Then our workplace takes over in the form of feedback, conferences, and performance reviews.  Have you noticed how exhausting, frustrating, and unsatisfying fixing your weaknesses happens to be?  Many people beat themselves up daily for their weaknesses.  I am a recipient of this message and unfortunately, a perpetrator of it, as well.  In my own defense, these messages are so foundational for most of us, it’s hard to shake.  However, on the days that I stay focused on my talents and strengths, those are the days that fly by, I know I’ve made a profound difference and I feel THE most satisfied.  When you are not working in your strengths you likely:

  • Hate going to work
  • Have more negative than positive interactions with your colleagues
  • Treat your customers pretty lousy
  • Tell your friends what a terrible company you work for
  • Achieve less on any given day
  • Have a low number of positive and creative ideas

Just as a reminder, for those who are well versed in the concepts of Strengths Finder, and as information for those new to the concept, talents are innate, you are born with these. Early on my talents for empathy, influencing others, and seeing the uniqueness is people emerged.  The recipe looks like this:  talent + knowledge + practice = strengths.  It’s only when talents are given the opportunity to develop that they become strengths.  My talents morphed into my top five strengths:

  • Significance
  • Empathy
  • Individuation
  • Developer
  • Discipline

But you don’t care about my strengths, unless you are one of my clients, a future client, or a meeting planner.  YOU DO CARE about finding and using your strengths.

Consider the importance of working in your strengths, some of the benefits are:

  • Your work satisfaction
  • Satisfaction with your performance from managers, customers, and colleagues
  • Career advancement
  • Higher career compensation
  • A personal sense of a life well lived

Perhaps you know this information already and are not putting it to work, keep reading to Kay’s Corner. I will give you some simple steps in making this information come to life.  In this one life we get to live, use yours to the hilt!

Does this entire process seem formidable to you?  What might happen if we spent 45 minutes on a complimentary consultation call to discuss this.  It’s easy to make that happen, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call the office at (513) 561-4288 to set up a complimentary 45-minute consultation.

Understanding Attribution Theory for Success

It is critical that you see your thumbprint on your success.  Without owning and internalizing your successes, it’s challenging to raise your self-esteem, feel confident, believe you are worthy of higher pay, promotions, respect, great opportunities, etc.  There is an entire field of study around what you attribute your successes and failures to at work and in life.  Drumroll, please, we are talking about Attribution Theory.  Research has found that gender strongly impacts the way in which we explain our successes and failures.  Many studies have found that men tend to blame external forces for their failures and women assume the failure lies within them.  Men may say they were terminated because of the economy, a non-appreciative boss, or office politics.  Women are more prone to say it’s because they were not smart enough, skilled enough, or savvy enough.  Just NOT ENOUGH!  An interesting study was conducted at the Center for Creative Leadership in North Carolina. Program participants were asked to respond to the statement, “Tell me about a time you tried something and failed.”  All the women responded in detail, but half of the men said they could not come up with a single example.

What about successes?  Gender plays a role here, as well.  Often men own their successes, their result is great because they are smart, skilled, and savvy. Women frequently will attribute the success to luck, help, or hard work.  Hard work is a slippery slope. On the surface hard work would seem like a positive attribute but compare it to being smart, skilled, or savvy and you will see the difference.  I currently have a client who is a perfect example of not seeing her thumbprint on her success.  Let’s call her Lindsey.  Lindsey works for a large Fortune 500 corporation.  She has been performing the role of the leader in her department, without any perks.  She had not received a raise, the title of the leader, or any authority.  Together we have been positioning her successes to increase her credibility, increase her visibility, and increase her clout.  She emailed recently, she was overjoyed to report that she had landed the raise, the title, and the accompanying authority.  When I congratulated her, her response was, “It’s all thanks to my boss, he advocated for me.”  Where is her thumbprint?  Yes, he did advocate for her but without her skills, leadership, and smarts he would have had nothing to “sell” about Lindsey.

If you wonder, how did we end up in this success/failure gender discrepancy?  One origin can be found in our education system.  Groundbreaking work by Dr. Myra Sadker and Dr. David Sadker shows teachers often explain away boys’ poor performance by suggesting they were tired, distracted, or having a tough day, etc.  Rarely did the researchers find the teachers excused the behavior of girls in the same way. This is just the tip of the iceberg in the gender research done by this pair.  For an eye-opening read, get your hands on the book Failing at Fairness:  How Our Schools Cheat Girls.

Does all this mean we should never be appreciative of the efforts of our employees, team members, colleagues, bosses, sponsors, mentors, or coaches?  Of course not, but we certainly deserve at least equal ownership of having our thumbprint on successes. The belief that we have efficacy, that ability to produce a desired or intended result, gives us confidence in creating outcomes in the world. Outcomes not just once, but over and over.

Don’t stop reading here.  Kay’s Corner will give you a step-by-step plan for impacting the negative effects of gender-skewed Attribution Theory. 

To what you attribute your successes and failures can make and break your career.  These tendencies are deeply rooted and if you fear changing this may be daunting, perhaps guidance in this area would be impactful for you.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation and determine if coaching could change the tide for you!  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call the office at (513) 561-4288 to set up a complementary 45-minute consultation.

The Overwork Paradigm Shift – “Death is bad for your career!”

Many of my clients have heard the above quote of mine more times than they would like to admit.  One of the values of having a career-maximizing coach is having an objective person who can observe behaviors about which the individual has become oblivious.  Unfortunately, killing themselves with over work is a frequent concern of mine with clients.  In the fall, I was interviewed about workaholism, which is a significant problem in our culture, and I took a deeper dive into the problem.  Could you be a workaholic?  Before you summarily reject this notion, let’s explore a bit.  Even if your answer is “No!” this information could be valuable to someone you care about.  A commonly held belief is that overwork is driven by money.  It can be but often you see just the opposite.  When someone is focused on income and success, they are often eager to be as efficient and focused on the end goal as possible.  They will do what is necessary and move on to the next task, project, or opportunity.  It’s important to differentiate between issues of success versus achievement.  Achievement oriented people often have unrealistic standards for themselves.  If they are not “doing” they are not achieving.  Individuals desiring achievement are more prone to workaholism.  However, if one’s success and need for high dollar accomplishments is driven by a belief that without high earning capacity, one is worthless, then it may lead to workaholism.

One the most consistent beliefs underlying workaholism is fear of failure. Additionally, fear of boredom, fear of laziness, and fear of self-discovery can be significant issues.  Ironically, the more you use work as a way of avoiding feelings and issues, the more problematic they become.  Face it, denial and avoidance ultimately will get you in the end.  Whatever self-concept struggles you have can only be hidden by overwork just so long.  When  you don’t feel worthy or enough, you tend to fill it with SOMETHING, in this case, work.  One of the questions I was asked in the interview was, “Is overwork a nature or nurture dilemma?”  As is always true, the answer is not simple.  Our genetic predispositions can play a significant role in workaholism and so can our environmental learned behavior.  If your family of origin placed high value on achievement, it can set the groundwork for perfectionism.  Perfectionism is a breeding ground for workaholism.  Important here to identify the difference between excellence and perfectionism.  Excellence leads to success, a sense of satisfaction, and moves you forward.  Perfectionism, on the other hand, leads to failure, a sense of unworthiness, and keeps you stuck.

I was also asked if workaholism is as bad as alcohol or drug addiction.  In that it effects relationships, mental health, and physical health, the parallels are similar.  It may surprise you to know studies show that workaholics have distinct neurological and psychological profiles similar to those addicted to narcotics.   Plus, in the United States, many people view overwork as a positive, almost a badge of courage.  When you work in an environment that praises and sometimes rewards overwork, a perfect storm can brew.

Some recent studies reveal 30% of the general population are workaholics.  The higher up the ladder women climb in the workplace, the higher probability they will show workaholic behaviors.  Of individuals earning $150,00 to $199,000, 52% of women consider themselves workaholics but just 22% of men at this salary range identify this way.  Additionally, women in our society are taught to please others.  When you are dependent upon pleasing, it’s difficult to say “No”.  If every task and project that is thrown your way is accepted, overwork is inevitable.

Statistics tell us that approximately 83% of health problems in the United States are related to stress.  The stress of overwork will put anyone a at risk for problems:

  • High blood pressure
  • High cholesterol
  • High Triglycerides
  • Stoke
  • Gastrointestinal issues
  • Heart disease
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Sleep issues

The adrenaline rush of being a workaholic creates such a high that people with a work addiction may be unable to stop the behavior on their own.  When truly addicted to the behavior, even the negative effects on their physical and psychological well-being aren’t enough to stop. As with any addiction, professional help is required. 

What are we to do?  How can we impact a culture that seems to reward this behavior?  There are other countries, such as Sweden and Denmark that now have a maximum of 48 hours a week that employees can work.  They mandate vacations.  But as more people work from home today, laws may not thwart the workaholic. 

What if you began a paradigm shift?  What if you began the process of seeing excessive overwork and workaholism as an insidious disease that will rob you of your health, happiness, relationships and career?  It’s possible!  I have worked with many clients who have begun to see this behavior as something they are paying far too high a price.  They have unlearned these behaviors and transformed themselves.  

The price you pay for workaholic behavior is so high!  Like any negative behavior, managing these tendencies before they get out of hand is an important step.  If you believe your work style is ultimately a career wrecker or burnout is on the horizon, let’s tackle it now.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to determine if together we can find solutions to manage your work style now! Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to get the ball rolling.   

Using Reflection for Career Success

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” Author Barbara De Angelis.

You may find that you are always the last on your list and you consistently have far too much to do!  You need to create a presentation for the board on Tuesday; your son has a basketball game tonight you want to attend; you realized this morning you are down to your last pair of panties; and your parents are coming for dinner Tuesday night AND it is only Monday morning.  Now you are telling me, Kay, I need to pause to self-reflect!  What kind of world are you living in?  The world where you take care of your needs and your career.

Reflection is an impactful tool for your professional growth.  Without self-reflection you are on career auto pilot.  Being on auto pilot is a sure-fire path to hating your job; not using your strengths and experiencing burnout.  Reflecting can help you learn what changes you want to make in your career in an intentional way, instead of just cruising along.  Besides being busy, why don’t you ever get around to career reflection?  I would propose to you that often it is because you are scared to death, scared of what you might hear!  If you get quiet, you may have thoughts and feeling come to the surface.  Pushing thoughts and feelings down are often our way of coping, just putting one foot in front of another.  If you got quiet, you might hear:

  • I have really made a ton of mistakes lately
  • I was a jerk today with Tony
  • I have not had a raise in six years
  • My boss dumps work on me and always get the credit
  • I am not moving up in this organization
  • There is not another position here I aspire to
  • I have been here too long

Or

  • I have never felt more respected in my career
  • My talents and strengths are being used every day
  • My manager really cares about my professional growth
  • I love my team
  • I see a clear path for promotion here
  • My employees are the best
  • Every project I work on is creating growth

Who knows what you might hear!  Indeed, the #1 job site in the world, proposes the following as possible benefits of quiet self-reflection:

  • Reducing negative thoughts
  • Increasing understanding of yourself and your coworkers
  • Emphasizing your strengths and improving your weaknesses
  • Clarifying your intentions for your time and talents
  • Defining professional goals and being strategic with opportunities for growth
  • Developing creative thinking skills
  • Encouraging engagement in work processes
  • Building confidence

I am not proposing you just get quiet and hope a lightening bolt of new awareness hits you.  Instead getting skilled at asking yourself great questions is the key.  Open-ended questions starting with the words: what, how, when, why, who, which, etc. will get you reflecting. Included below are some great questions to get you started.

  • What steps do I need to take now to advance in my career?
  • What professional changes do I want to see in my future?
  • Which of my work relationships need improvement?  What steps do I need to take to make them better?
  • What achievements am I most proud of this year?
  • How can I better reach my goals this year?
  • When will I take the first step to get those goals moving?
  • Who is the key person for me to get in my corner now?
  • How would I feel if every day were like today?

It’s time to move from auto pilot to planned, intentional, strategic career enjoyment.  You certainly deserve to have the career that fulfills you, uses your skills and talents, and makes an impact.  Self-reflection is a powerful tool in digging up the answers you need for your professional journey. 

If this self-reflection journey feels horribly daunting, you are not alone.  Many of my clients initially didn’t know the questions to ask or how to implement the answers when they did get answers, that’s where I come in.  My career maximizing coaching is based on asking the right questions at the right time to right you on your right course.  Unsure if this would make a difference?  Let’s find out by doing a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to see if coaching could maximize your career.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to get the ball rolling.   

Self-Discipline for Success

Discipline is the ability to make yourself do something you don’t want to do, in order to get a result that you really want to get.

Andy Andrews

Even as I write this, I can feel the urge to postpone it until later. When I think about self-discipline, I must smile. My journey to self-discipline has been lifelong. I grew up in a family where there were no expectations of me. I didn’t have to do anything, not make my bed, not wash the dishes, not take out the trash. Not a particularly good environment for learning self-discipline. I developed no self-discipline muscle. My discipline and work ethic were strongly influenced by the role model set by my husband, who has an incredible work ethic and self-discipline. It has been a lifelong challenge to develop and maintain self-discipline. My definition of self-discipline is doing what is necessary when you don’t want to or when you don’t feel motivated. In fact, if you wait to feel motivated the action may never come!

When I became an entrepreneur and started my business, it was essential that I develop self-discipline, as I no longer had a boss. There was no one to monitor what I did. The only demands were the ever-present deadlines for sending proposals, creating programs, and presentations. Self-discipline is critical for every aspect of one’s life! Self-discipline is necessary to succeed in your career, to eat healthy, to exercise consistently, to keep organized, to be a responsible parent (human and pet) etc.

I worry about children raised today, especially those with helicopter parents. When a child has all their actions monitored, they never learn to create their own self-discipline. If mom and dad are responsible for you sitting down and doing your homework, what’s going to happen when you go off to college? Flunking out of school is a difficult result of no self-discipline, one that has ramifications far into the future.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the “carrot” when it comes to developing self-discipline because it’s darn hard! Here are some “carrots”:

  • People who have strong self-discipline are people that reach their goals. It’s so much easier to stay focused on your goals when you are performing the actions necessary. There is no doubt that when you reach your goals it can make you a happier person. One goal reached, leads to multiple goals reached. Discipline is the antidote to procrastination.  I’m not saying there will not be setbacks and failures but when you have stayed the course that gives you time to shift when necessary. 
  • People with self-discipline consistently have higher self-esteem. When you do what you say you’re going to do, you are likely to be proud of yourself. When you see yourself as a person who has good habits and character, the result is a stronger sense of self. When I do my Fast Five (five-minute review of the day), and my discipline has been in gear, I hear myself saying aloud “Way to go!”  This pops up for my clients, too.  They are eager to share that they have been on task and succeeded.  They love hearing me exclaim, “Way to go” for them.  It’s fantastic to celebrate these wins with them.  When someone else knows how challenging your successes have been, it makes it even sweeter to celebrate together!
  • You will find your energy level soaring as you develop more self-discipline. It is incredibly energy sapping to constantly be thinking about what needs to be done and not do it. Often you put more energy into the worry and concern about it than it would take to just get it done. When you do what is in your plan, it can free you for time for yourself and that’s a great payoff. If I am not doing what I know I need to, I hear the loop in my head all day long admonishing myself to do it that’s exhausting.
  • Finally, life looks better on the other side. Small sacrifices now lead to better outcomes in the future. I think about everyone I know who has ever authored a book. Sitting down at their keyboard chapter by chapter has ultimately created a book. That book is a fantastic ticket to credibility and Guru status in your industry. Plus, it can be a huge revenue generator. Having written four books, I assure you it has taken tremendous self-discipline for me and everyone else I know.  This applies to all your career goals. For example, with clients who are looking for that next great position, it means redoing their resume. Discipline allows for the time to reformat, tweak, and polish their resume. It’s unsettling to see a job posting and know your resume is not the best it could be.   

Wow, discipline has a ton of benefits, right? If there is such a huge payoff, why don’t you do it? Well, it’s just darn hard but if you want to start strengthening your self-discipline muscles, read Kay’s corner on how to get rolling on this important skill.

If you are painfully aware that self-discipline is a roadblock in your career success, don’t despair. It is possible to create this behavior no matter what stage of life you are in. If you would like assistance in creating the self-discipline you need, email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we can set up a complementary 45-minute phone conversation to see if my coaching could be valuable for you.

Catapulting Your Career Dreams

In 1996 my speaking colleague, Lori Kleiner Eckert, published the book, With This Ring.  Excerpted from the forward of her book: “Upon her grandmother’s death, Lorie inherited her grandfather’s ring.  Recently, separated herself, she slipped her grandfather’s ring on and slipped off her own wedding band.  Feeling that some sort of vows were appropriate, she decided to make vows to herself — to become a quilt lecturer and teacher, to trust her inner voice, and to love herself.”  This is the dream Lorie pursued.  The beautiful book is filled with photographs of her quilts, that include powerful and inspirational words.  My personal favorite is the one you see to the left with the words, “If Not Now, When?”  This picture lives on my desk, in my car, on my desktop, in my journal, etc.  These were words that rang in my head often, in the month of July, when I landed in the hospital quite ill.  Many of the followers of this newsletter know about my bizarre bout with being sicker than I have ever been in my life.  This experience gave me a lot of time for reflection and a perspective shift.  My thoughts shifted to career dreams that have been conceived but not come to fruition.  I know I am not alone in dreams deferred.  This newsletter is dedicated to YOU my clients, followers, friends, and colleagues.  If not now, when?

There are soooooo many things that may cause you to put off career/business dreams:  fear of failure, fear of success, perfectionism, money, time, life stage, lack of clarity, opinions of others, etc.  My hospital stint reminded me of the fragility of life and that no more days are promised.  My dear readers, if not now, when?  Let’s take a leap into moving your career dreams into reality! 

Let’s focus on the obstacles before we move to my four-step process of getting these dreams out of your head and into reality.  Some of your obstacles are quite real.  Let’s say you are currently in a job that is not using your talents and strengths to the fullest, but you have a side hustle that you love.  You have a dream to expand your side hustle into a full-time business.  Money may be a significant stumbling block for you.  There is no doubt, there is gender disparity when it comes to lending.  Data from the annual Federal Reserve Banks “Small Business Credit Survey” shows that women-owned businesses apply for financing at similar rates to businesses owned by men, but women-owned businesses, on average, seek out smaller amounts. They also are less likely to receive the full amount they sought (43% vs. 48% of men).  Women still have a long way to go to gender equality in the lending market.  The Biz2Credit research found that the average size loan for women-owned businesses was 31% less than for male-owned businesses ($70,239) in 2018.  There may be several legitimate challenges to your dreams, that doesn’t mean they are insurmountable.  The dream starts the process but the action brings it into reality.  This process below will help you get that ball rolling.  You don’t want to suffer the regret of unfulfilled dreams.

Here are the four steps I use with my clients, let’s explore each:

  • Dream
  • Decide
  • Dedicate
  • Do

Dream:  There are plenty of people in your circle more than available to squash your dreams.  Some of those Debbie Downers are well-intentioned, trying to keep you from pain and failure.  Often these people are closest to you – parents, spouses, siblings, closest friends.  Listen and sift.  Perhaps in their warning framework they have some valid concerns.  There are also people who have never allowed themselves to dream and can’t conceive of going for it.  Unfortunately, there are people likely in your circle that want to keep you right where you are.  Your very success may be threatening to them.  Learn what you can from these people but stay focused on the dream.  You know your needs, talents, and strengths best.  You know if these unfulfilled dreams will be soul-crushers for you.

Decide:  This quote from author, motivational speaker and business strategist Tony Robbins is powerful.  “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”  You may plug along dreaming for years and suddenly something shifts, and you finally decide.  From my perspective this is the most powerful component in this four-step process.  After you decide, there is a weight that lifts, the conundrum is gone, and you often move forward with a rapid pace.  Honestly, sometimes external experiences help you decide.  I currently have a client who had been passed over multiple times for a promotion and raise.  She is skilled, hardworking, and dedicated!  After hearing of another person’s promotion, that she saw as less deserving, she decided THAT day to seek out a career counselor.  She spoke with a friend who she knew had used a career counselor and asked to be connected.  Obviously, the counselor was me.  Within three months, she had taken dramatic steps to be more visible and valuable to her upper management and received a promotion.  Decide and dramatic things happen.

Dedicate:  Dreams take dedication.  Sugar coating the dedication process is unfair to you.  Perseverance is key.  Your dedication may mean some sacrifice of time, money, leisure time, etc.  When you want to quit because it’s hard, having someone to encourage you along the way is essential.  Often my clients say next to the skill sets they learn with me, my belief in them is one of the things they value most.  You likely will remember someone in your life that kept you persevering when you were ready to give up.  We all need those people who believe in us when we have faltered.

Do:  Another favorite quote of mine, from author Joel Arthur Barker, focuses on the doing.  “Vision without action is merely a dream.  Action without vision just passes the time.  Vision with action can change the world.”  You DO have to take action on your dreams.  You must have an action plan, otherwise you will be overwhelmed, scattered, stuck.  Action plans are an important part of career maximizing with my clients.  Do you need an additional credential, do you need to know more about what it takes to succeed with your dream job, do you need to bolster your LinkedIn Profile?  Without a clear action plan, your dream may only stay a dream. 

There you have it, my four-step process for guiding clients into their dream job.  There is so much more to do, but this information will get you started.  Are you convinced you need more help?  It would be my honor to guide you in fulfilling your career dreams.  Call High-Heeled Success, LLC, (513) 561-4288 or email me Kay@highheeledsuccess.com and we will get the dream machine into gear.