Strategies for Coping with Failure

Fall is not just about falling leaves.  We are talking about the big falls in a career.  It happens to everyone at some time in your career, you have experienced a failure.  How you manage the situation will depend on your personality but even more importantly on what you learn to do in that situation.  You got fired from your job, you did not get promoted, your proposal was rejected, your presentation bombed, or you received a terrible annual review — you fill in the blank.  I rail against those that say there is no such thing as failure, it is just a word.  Tell that to someone who has just had one of the above experiences, it really feels like failure to them!  Even more importantly, to discount their experience compounds the problem.  The first step in bouncing back, picking oneself up and moving forward, is to say the words “I failed” aloud.  The more we try to push it down, the higher the risk.  What is the risk?  Labeling oneself as a failure.  Having failed and being a failure are vastly different.

People fail numerous times every day, which is just a part of life and a career.  The more we try to hide our failures, the more internalized it becomes.  I remember presenting a terrible workshop a decade ago.  I had a two-hour drive back home afterwards.  The more I hashed it over in my mind, the more the failure stung.  It was not until I called a colleague on that drive back that the sting began to lessen a bit.  I am not a mind reader, but I can predict that you will have failures in your career.  Check out the recent cover song by Kelly Clarkson of Frank Sinatra’s classic “That’s Life.”  The words are, “You’re riding high in April shot down in May, but I know I’m gonna change that tune, when I’m back on top in June.  Each time I find myself flat on my face I pick myself up and get back in the race.”  Be ready, know the steps to take, plan now and getting back in the race will be far easier.

  • Allow yourself to grieve:  Failure hurts, it can be embarrassing and humiliating. You have experienced a loss, allow yourself to experience your emotions.  Identify your feelings, name them.  Allow yourself to cry, feel sad, and get angry.  Whatever your feelings, honor them.
  • Know what you did, or did not, do:  One of the comments I sometimes hear from clients is, “I don’t know how this happened.”  Are you sure about that?  Sometimes the initial humiliation is so intense that we cannot bring ourselves to acknowledge what happened.  As soon as possible, start identifying what really happened.  What part of this failure do you own?  Ask yourself:  Did I give it an earnest effort?  Did I really understand my audience?  Did I do my part in self-promotion to allow my boss to know my value?  Was I willing to adapt my leadership style?  Was I an effective team member?  If there are factors outside of your control, acknowledge them as well.  Resist taking responsibility for circumstances that you had no way of seeing coming.
  •  Find your grief team: Who are your perfect supporters?  At various times of working your way through this failed attempt, you will need different support.  In the beginning, supporters who listen, offer empathy, affirm your feelings, and allow you space to express are key.  There is nothing that feels less valuable than a big dose of positivity at this stage, there will be time for that later.  I often call these people my grieving partners.  They can tolerate tears, silence, and intense emotions.  Not everyone in your circle can do this.  It takes special people to “hold your hand and heart” in the grieving process.  Keep in mind that having failed at something can feel like a career death.  Work is a significant part of your life and identity.  Allow yourself the time and space for acknowledging workplace failures.
  • Find your cheerleading team:  The next people that can serve you well are your encouraging cheerleaders.  Identify the people that convince you that you have it in you to bounce back. These people know you well.  They know your history of what you have overcome personally and professionally.  They have a memory of your history when you may have filtered it out.  That is one of the evils of failure, it can wipe your memory clean.  The scenario can sound like, “I failed, I have always failed, and I will fail again.”  They can be the voice of reality.
  • Find your action team:  Fear creeps in with failure.  It can cause even the strongest person to hunker down in their foxhole.  It feels safer there.  Action can seem overwhelming.  Who will be a bit of gentle butt-kicker?  Who will hold you accountable for acting?  You do not need a drill sergeant, but rather someone to nudge you along.  They may be the people that help you develop the action plan necessary to take your next steps.
  • Grow from failure:  As painful as it is, failures will be part of your road to success — if you grow from the failure!  What have you learned about yourself?  What have you learned about the workplace?  What have you learned about your skills?  If you learn nothing from a failure, all you have is failure.  However, if you unlock the treasure chest of failure there is gold.

If you are in the workplace growing, you will have failures.  Harness those failures to lead you to your next successes.

Have you fallen on your face?  Reeling from a recent career failure?  This can be such a painful time.  If you do not have the support team that I mentioned above, a career coach might be your best bet.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute consultation to see if we can turn this failure into your next success.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule.

Comments are closed.