| June 27, 2026
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The Promotion Gap Starts Early:  How Young Women Can Get Ahead

If you are a recent college graduate entering the workforce, or the proud parent, grandparent, aunt, mentor, or coach of a young woman launching her career, there is an important workplace reality you need to understand:  the promotion gap starts early.  Most people assume gender inequality appears later in a woman’s career when she is competing for executive roles.  In reality, the first barrier often appears in the very first promotion.  Researchers call it the “Broken Rung.”

The Broken Rung refers to the first step up into management or higher-level professional roles, where women are promoted at lower rates than men.  Every promotion gap that follows can often be traced back to this first missed opportunity.  One reason is that young men are frequently promoted based on potential, while young women are promoted based on proven performance.  Think about that for a moment.  A young man may be viewed as someone who can grow into the role.  A young woman is often expected to prove she has already been doing the role before she is considered for promotion.  The result?  Women work harder, wait longer, and often fall behind before their careers have truly begun.

School had clear rules.  Work doesn’t.   For many young women, this comes as a surprise.  Throughout school, success was straightforward.  The syllabus explained exactly what was expected.  The rules were visible.

You knew:

  • When assignments were due.
  • How grades were calculated.
  • What was required to earn an A.
  • What success looked like.

The workplace is different.  The rules for getting promoted are often vague, informal, and unwritten.

Questions like:

  • How do promotions actually happen?
  • What makes someone “leadership material”?
  • What does executive presence mean?
  • How much visibility is enough?
  • Who influences promotion decisions?

These questions have no clear answers.  When the rules for success are vague, bias fills the gap.  Managers may unintentionally rely on assumptions about leadership potential, confidence, ambition, or readiness.  Unfortunately, those assumptions frequently favor young men over equally qualified young women.  That is why understanding how careers work is just as important as doing the work itself.  I have created a Playbook for you.

 

The Promotion Playbook

 

  • Make Your Manager’s Goals Your Goals

One of the fastest ways to stand out is to understand what keeps your manager up at night.

Ask:
“What are your top priorities this quarter?”  Then look for ways to help achieve them.  When your manager succeeds because of your contributions, your value becomes much more visible.

  • Ask the Magic Question: “How Can I Help?”

High-potential employees are problem solvers.  Rather than waiting for assignments, look for opportunities to contribute.  The simple question, “How can I help?” demonstrates initiative, ownership, and leadership potential.  Those are qualities managers remember during promotion discussions.

  • Align on Promotion Criteria Early

Do not wait until your annual review to talk about advancement.  When expectations are clarified, you are less likely to be evaluated against invisible standards.

Instead, ask directly:

    • What skills are required for the next level?
    • What accomplishments would demonstrate readiness?
    • What do I need to do to get promoted?
    • What experiences should I gain this year?

  • Earn Visibility with Senior Leaders

Many talented young women believe that excellent work will naturally get noticed.  Often it doesn’t.  Promotions frequently depend on whether decision-makers know who you are and understand the value you bring.  It is ensuring that your contributions are recognized.

Look for opportunities to:

    • Present your work.
    • Participate in cross-functional projects.
    • Volunteer for high-profile assignments.
    • Build relationships beyond your immediate team.

  • Keep a Record of Your Wins

Do not rely on memory when promotion discussions begin.  Maintain a simple document where you track:

    • Major accomplishments
    • Projects completed
    • Revenue generated
    • Costs reduced
    • Customer impact
    • Positive feedback
    • Leadership contributions

Data helps remove subjectivity from promotion conversations.

  • Raise Your Hand Before You Feel Ready

Many women wait until they feel 100% qualified before pursuing opportunities.  Many men don’t.  Growth comes from stretching into new challenges.  If you meet most of the requirements, raise your hand.  Confidence is built through action, not before it.

  • Build Relationships, Not Just Results

Strong performance matters.  Strong relationships matter too.  It is ensuring that your contributions are recognized.

Develop connections with:

    • Managers
    • Senior leaders
    • Mentors
    • Sponsors
    • Cross-functional colleagues

You are bound to be eager to start your career with your best foot forward.  Yet it’s not easy to learn your new job AND navigate the steps needed to ensure promotion success.  If you are feeling overwhelmed and need some guidance, let’s do a complimentary 45-minute consultation to determine if I might be the right person to get you off to a great start.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule.

 

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
| April 28, 2026
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It’s Your Career, You Direct It!

Waiting for your manager to map your future is the most expensive mistake you can make. The second most expensive is continuing to languish under the spell of your parents, teachers, guidance counselor, or anyone else from your past. No one knows better than you how you really tick, how you really work, what culture is a good fit for you, what could make you hate your job. None of this means your manager doesn’t matter. A great manager can open doors, advocate for you, and accelerate your growth in ways that are genuinely powerful. But here’s the distinction that changes everything: your manager can be a tremendous resource — she or he is not, and should never be, your career director. That job belongs to you and only you. Many women drift because they were taught early, they should be grateful for what they get in life, and they shouldn’t ask for what they want. To plan and direct their career would show they have ambition. We all know what society says about ambitious women, right? Not flattering! If you are still trying to live out someone else’s dream career—a parent, a grandparent—know that it’s YOUR turn. Perhaps you had an influential teacher or guidance counselor that underestimated your potential or who was functioning out of strict gender expectations. So many forces working against you directing your career, yet you deserve better, you deserve to have the career that is right for you!

Consider this: A Catalyst study found that women are more likely than men to wait to be tapped for advancement rather than actively seeking it. Meanwhile, research from McKinsey & Company’s Women in the Workplace report consistently shows that women ask for promotions and negotiate salaries at lower rates than men — and are often less likely to self-promote their accomplishments. The result? A career that drifts instead of drives.

So, what does it actually look like to get in the driver’s seat?

  • OWN YOUR VISION FIRST: Before you can direct your career, you have to know where you want it to go. That sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many talented women have never sat down and asked themselves: What do I actually want? Not what’s available. Not what I think I can get. What do I want? That question takes courage. It requires you to believe your ambitions are worth pursuing — which brings us straight into Power Professional Esteem territory. Imposter syndrome tells you to wait until you’re “ready enough.” Career ownership tells you to define the destination first, then build the readiness. Write down where you want to be in 3 years and in 7 years — be specific about title, scope, and impact. Identify the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. Skills? Visibility? Relationships? Treat this as a living document. Revisit it at least twice a year.
  • BUILD YOUR BOARD OF DIRECTORS: CEOs don’t answer to one person. They have a board. Your career needs one too. This means actively cultivating:
    • A mentor — someone who has navigated a path similar to the one you want and will give you honest guidance.
    • A sponsor — someone with influence who will speak up for you in rooms you’re not in. This is different from a mentor, and it is critical.
    • A peer network — women (and men) at your level across functions and industries who share intelligence, opportunities, and candid feedback.

The numbers don’t lie: According to a Harvard Business Review study, women with sponsors are 27% more likely to ask for a stretch assignment and 22% more likely to ask for a raise. Yet women are significantly less likely than men to have a sponsor at all. The lesson? Stop waiting to be discovered. Start building relationships that create opportunities.

  • HAVE THE CAREER CONVERSATION — DON’T WAIT FOR IT: How many women sit through annual reviews hoping their manager will bring up “what’s next” — and leave disappointed when they don’t? Here’s the reframe: you initiate that conversation. You walk in prepared with where you want to go, what you’ve accomplished, and what support you’re asking for. Your manager is a resource. Use that resource. Ask directly: “What would I need to demonstrate to be considered for [specific role or advancement]?” Then listen carefully, take notes, and hold both of you accountable. LinkedIn’s Workforce Confidence data shows that women who proactively discuss career development with their managers are significantly more likely to report career satisfaction and upward movement than those who wait for the conversation to be initiated from above.
  • A FEW THINGS TO STOP DOING: Directing your career isn’t only about what you start doing. It’s also about what you stop. Stop assuming loyalty is enough. Tenure and dedication matter, but they don’t guarantee advancement. Visibility and strategy do. Stop shrinking your ambitions to what seems “realistic.” That ceiling is often one you’ve built yourself. Stop waiting for permission. You don’t need approval to network, to learn, to raise your hand, or to ask for what you want. Stop outsourcing your career to chance. Luck favors the prepared — and the visible.

Your manager may be wonderful. I hope she or he is. But even the most supportive manager in the world is managing their own priorities, their own pressures, and their own career. You are the only person in your organization — in your entire professional life — who is 100% invested in your future. Act like it. The corner office doesn’t go to the woman who waited. It goes to the woman who planned, prepared, and made herself impossible to overlook.

Have you been a drifter? Are other people still screaming in your ear what your career should look like? It can be daunting to go from drifting to directing. Need another Board Member, in the form of a career strategist? Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute consultation to turn you into a director! Email Kay@highheeledsucess.com to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
| February 27, 2026
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Redefining Office Politics for Workplace Success

If you read the words in the photo on the left about office politics, you will only see one positive word – allies. Unfortunately, this is how many people react to a conversation about office politics, NEGATIVELY! They conjure up negative thoughts like backstabbing, lies, revenge, sabotage, etc. Certainly, I have worked in environments where this was in play, you probably have, too. Yet, if you ignore office politics, your career may get left in the dust of others moving ahead while you are standing still. You can navigate office politics without selling out. You can, if, you redefine and rethink what office politics can be. It is more than sucking up, brown nosing, and being a sycophant. My definition of smart office politics is building a network of mutual relationships to further each other’s careers. If you think just doing your job well will get you where you want to go, you may be terribly disappointed, resentful, and ultimately bitter. You MUST have relationships in the workplace that work for you. This is about building your own village. So, what is a smart woman to do? Consider the following segments.

  • Every workplace has a hierarchy. We typically think of those at the top having role power. The CEO, COO, CFO, department heads, likely have power and influence. However, they are not the only people with power. You must understand where power lies in your organization. You will need to go into investigative mode and start observing closely. Observe and determine who else seems to have power and influence. It might be the person who has been there the longest. It could be the executive assistant, who is the gatekeeper. It might be the person who has a weekly golf date with the boss. That was one of my first wake up calls in my career. I lost out for an opportunity in my career, though I had the best credentials. The boss picked his new buddy, his weekly golf pal. That was a true wakeup call for me. Welcome to the reality of workplace power and relationships. Watching for who gets attention in meetings is important. Who must be consulted before a decision is reached? Whose name is mentioned frequently? These are all signs that these individuals have power and influence, though they may not have the title that indicates power. Once you know how decisions are made in your workplace, you can make a game plan for where to strategically develop relationships.
  • Relationships, it’s all about relationships. Solid, respectful, and reciprocal relationships! Identify the people who have power and that you respect, like, and feel comfortable with. Reach out! Have lunch with them, coffee, or an after-hour drink, in-person or virtually. Discuss the intersection of your work. Show that you care about their work and that you are willing to support them. Ask how you can be of benefit to them. Just like in your personal life, work relationships take time. Don’t assume one coffee meeting is going to do much, but it is a start. Send them an article that you think will be useful to them. Mention their name when there is an appropriate opportunity or role to fill. Within my network, I always feel a kinship and feel supported when someone sends me a picture or an item with red high heels, reminiscent of my logo. I have a high-heeled eraser, a high-heeled keychain, a high-heeled ceramic shoe, a high-heeled Christmas wreath, high-heeled earrings, bracelet, necklace, pin, post-its etc. That merely scratches the surface. These are small items, but they are often the opener to a relationship. After deepening the relationship and knowing more about the expertise of these thoughtful people, I have suggested them for more opportunities than I can count. Because when someone has a need to fulfill, I think of the people that have thought of me.
  • Other points of view are critical. One of my clients has a new job and in a recent coaching call she was feeling frustrated. Understand that she is very experienced and is knowledgeable in her field. She has effective solutions to some of the challenges that are coming up in her workplace. However, she is running into a stone wall of resistance. Remember egos are delicate, people often consider their work their baby, plus she is the new kid on the block. You can imagine how someone might be resistant to her recommendations. Developing great workplace relationships often means understanding other people and what is meaningful to them. Together we created numerous questions for her to understand the work from the other person’s point of view. Here are three that I have sanitized to make the questions more universal and protect her identity:
  1. What are you most proud of in this work?
  2. How could my expertise help you the most?
  3. What would make this a win for you?

I am immediately reminded of the quote from the great motivational speaker and author Zig Ziglar, “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” If you define office politics like that, it is a smart move.

Still feeling uncomfortable about the whole issue of office politics? It can be daunting, especially if you have resisted office politics your entire career. You do not have to navigate this gauntlet alone. Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute consultation to see if my perspective and expertise could be valuable to you. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule. “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.”

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
| December 22, 2025
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Be the Sheriff of Your Time

Time’s-a-wastin’ may be an archaic term but the message is loud and clear – manage YOURSELF, so you will not waste precious time. You have heard it said 1000’s of times, “We all have 24 hours every day. It is what we do with them that makes us different.”  If you are expecting an article about productivity tools, you might as well stop reading now. This article focuses on that internal debate about the value of your time, the value of your career and the value of yourself. Neither is this a “shame on you” article. You are human, with human needs, fears, and struggles. This is a retrospective of what I have learned about time in my career and what I have learned from client experiences.

Some timewasters are external. Women I coach frequently tell me that co-workers, employees, and clients are stealing their time. Let’s be real here, they are not porch pirates stealing your time, you are Santa giving it away! (Indulge me here, it is December and I am thinking about holidays, lol) The struggle with others comes in many forms, here are two:

  • The Chatters! Co-workers, staff, or clients that are chatty can derail you, if you do not set some boundaries. Chatting comes in the form of actual face-to-face conversations, texts, emails. You do not have to participate in every personal conversation, respond to every lengthy email, or text that arises. Thankfully, caller I.D. exists. There are people I avoid answering and let it go to voicemail every day. When I am focused, I know answering will be fatal. If it is a face-to-face conversation, develop your “go to” phrases: “I would love to chat, right now I am finishing the monthly report. Let’s talk at 3:00.”  It is your time, take it back for you.
  • The Dumpers! One of my favorite clients had an employee that was famous for dumping her work on her! Yes, you read that right, the employee was dumping work on her boss. “Monica” needed to leave early, would the boss finish it for her? “Monica” was overwhelmed, would the boss do a section of the work? “Monica” was going on vacation would the boss help her knock off some work before she left? It took a great deal of coaching to empower my client to put a stop to this dumping behavior and develop her assertive chops. Perhaps you are thinking, I would never let myself be abused like that! What about co-workers? Do you pick up the slack for co-workers? What is your version of being dumped on?

Some timewasters are internal. Fears, feelings of intimidation, and being unsure of your competency can drive timewasters. I am reminded of a time when I had one of the most important client opportunities looming, early in my business. My new business was struggling and I needed clients desperately. I had gotten a lead on a potential game changing client. However, those internal demons were taking over. They showed up in two powerful ways:

  • Perfection Pattern. I revised, revised, and revised the proposal and presentation. Perfection was rearing its ugly head. This time wasting caused me to reschedule the meeting not once but twice, terribly unprofessional. In fact, the gentleman with whom I eventually had the meeting, called out my lack of professionalism re: twice rescheduling. In retrospect, being uneasy about the proposal, a better use of my time would have been to get feedback from a couple of people in my network.
  • Purposeless Pattern. I found every time-wasting, low priority task possible to fill my time. I cleaned out desk drawers, filed paperwork, and I straightened my office. Pitiful, I know! These timewasters were internal and all based on fear, perfectionism, and procrastination. In my defense, it was not until much later that I realized how I was using these insignificant tasks.

Some timewasters are not timewasters at all! Historically, you have been fed the belief that rest breaks are timewasters, nothing could be farther from the truth. Short breaks are essential for re-energizing, restoring creativity, and improving focus. There is a difference between taking a short break for reenergizing versus going down rabbit holes of social media that can squander tons of time. Here are two mini-break ideas to try:

  • Stretch Breaks: Take stretch breaks at your desk. Easy neck rolls and shoulder shrugs are quick and easy to do. The key is to focus on those intentionally. Do not attempt to do these and read email, texts, or type something while you are doing the stretches. This is intended as a break, do not cheat yourself out of your break!
  • Walk Breaks: When I need a true reboot, I must walk. I need to get away from my desk, my computer, and phone. Take a trek around your house if you work from home. If you are in a company office, you are likely to have steps. A couple of trips up and down the steps should do the trick.

Has your ability to corral your time gotten out of control? Do you feel like a hopeless case? Don’t worry, you are not alone! I have coached many women, just like you, who did not think they could get a handle on their time. Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute consultation to determine if I could be the right person to assist you. Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
| October 29, 2025
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Managing Up is Essential for Career Success

What does it mean to navigate your boss?  Perhaps you are familiar with the term: managing up?  The Harvard Business Review defines managing up as “being the most effective employee you can be, creating value for your boss and your company.”  If you do not have a good relationship with your manager, chances are life isn’t going to be easy, and your career could stall or even derail.  This soft skill, of managing up, can greatly enhance your career.  This isn’t about being a “suck up”!  If you don’t understand what makes your boss tick, you can’t possibly know how to navigate the waters with her/him.  Even if you don’t particularly like your manager, you can manage up.  The quote from the late Zig Zigler is appropriate here, “You can get everything in life you want, if you will just help enough people get what they want.”  Let’s say you don’t like your boss, and you buck him at every turn, maybe you have even been known to sabotage him.  You may feel a bit of internal satisfaction, but you are sabotaging your own career.  

Perhaps this sounds like a daunting task. It doesn’t have to be, if you take it step by step. Here are some keys to managing your manager. 

  • Determine the goals and priorities of your boss.  Every boss is different, even in the same workplace.  Perhaps your boss is an extrovert, and the priority is having you out of the office, networking to expand the reputation of the company.  Your focus has instead been on making sure every report is perfect, with no errors.  It is essential that you are focused on the work the boss cares about the most.  In addition to where to focus, you must know what your boss is shooting for.  Where does she see herself in five years?  Perhaps you work in the marketing department, where she desires to be the VP of Marketing when the current VP retires. Every opportunity you have to amplify her work with senior management is smart. With a great relationship, your boss may take you along with her as she moves upward. 
  • Determine the personality of your boss. Most workplaces do some find of personality assessment.  Perhaps your company uses DiSC Profile or other personality assessments.  Get your hands on that information!  That will tell you whether your boss tends to be dominant/action oriented, knowledge/logic oriented, nurturing/relationship oriented, or social/relationship oriented.  Action oriented bosses use words like: winning, excitement, opportunity; knowledge/logic-oriented use: research, competence, accuracy; nurturing/relationship-oriented use: authenticity, harmony, and ethics; social-oriented use: fun, image, significant.  Every personality assessment has different language.  Once you know the personality style of your manager, you can speak to them in their language.
  • Determine the communication style of your boss.  Is your boss very sociable and loves and really wants warm workplace relationships?  You would be smart to start your exchanges by asking about his weekend.  Does his daughter play basketball?  Ask about how her game went against her school’s archrival. If you jump in first with business, without some social interaction, you may be damaging your relationship.  Maybe that’s not your style, do it anyway.  Perhaps your boss is just the opposite, she is all business, all the time.  If you expect ten minutes of conversation about the weekend, you are not being smart!  Jump in ASAP, to the business at hand.  Every email should get to the point quickly, use bullets. Give a quick overview of what you need to communicate.  This is not difficult to discern, just listen and observe your manager for a week.  What are your meetings like with her?  What does her communication look like?  Does she stay in her office all the time or is she out frequently?  These interactions will give you the clues you need in communicating with her.   
  • Determine what could make life easier for your boss.  When you have a different personality than your manager, there are bound to be things you are great at doing that he absolutely hates.  Offer to take something off his plate that is not a fit for him.  He will thank you for that.  Perhaps he is a non-sense numbers kind of guy, but he does think a department newsletter is a smart idea.  Offer to write the newsletter with just a bullet list of items he says need to be covered.  Perhaps you can solve a problem for your boss.  I remember when I was the director of a department and spent frustrating hours on scheduling employees.  I not only hated doing it, but I was also not good at it.  Luckily, my employee Marty offered to do the scheduling!  She did it fast, without errors, and staff complained to her when they didn’t like how they were scheduled.  This was brilliant on her part, as I was eternally grateful and I showed my gratitude! 

Have you thought while reading this article that you need to navigate your boss? Are the specifics challenging in your situation?  Need more assistance in taking this journey?  I have tackled managing up with many clients. Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute consultation to determine if I might be the right person to direct you in navigating your boss.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| June 29, 2025
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Paving the Way for Help and Reciprocity in the Workplace

Yesterday, we had work done on our patio – pressure washing, repair, sealing, etc. It was 92 degrees, with no shade. My office is in my home, so periodically I checked on progress. I became increasingly concerned about the man doing the work. I loaded up a small cooler with ice and bottles of water and took it out to him.  He looked surprised, thanked me, and went back to his tasks. Later he knocked and told me he was finished for the day. Then he said, “By the way, I power washed your small deck and steps, just my way of saying thanks for being so kind. Just don’t tell my boss!”  A simple act of kindness came full circle for me. I didn’t do it to get something in return, rather because I was concerned for him. Sometimes we are kind just because it is the right thing to do.  Sometimes, it’s just plain smart.

If you are newer to the workplace, you may not be aware of how much of your workday may be controlled, at least influenced, made easier or more difficult by people in service roles. Administrative Assistants; Delivery People; Mail Carriers; Security Guards; Schedulers; Lunchroom Servers; Cleaning Staff; Interns, etc.  First and foremost, everyone deserves respect. Second, these people can be key in whether your day goes smoothly or it’s a nightmare. Third, if you are a *+& $, the lunchroom server may spit in your tomato soup!

You NEVER know who those people know, who they have great relationships with, what they may be involved with outside of work.  Don’t be so narrowly focused that you only can see people on your rung or above as valuable to your career.  Perhaps, I don’t need to remind you not to yell at servers when they are backed up or be snippy or snotty because someone has priority work and can’t get to you until later.  I’m advocating not just being kind because it’s right.  I am advocating going a step further.  Get to know these people, as people.

I am beyond grateful for a relationship I built ten years ago.  I had been hired for a keynote and my main contact was the Admin.  We got to know each other rather well prior to the event.  At that time, our son and daughter-in-law were living in Columbus with our baby granddaughter.  They were eager to be back in Cincinnati with family.  The challenge was, at least one of them had to secure a position here before they could move.  In my conversations with Chris, the Admin, I mentioned the situation.  She asked several questions about my daughter-in-law and then asked me to have her email resume to her.  She has a friend at GE who was looking for someone just like Abby.  As a result, Chris forwarded the resume, Abby came to Cincinnati for the interview and got the job.  Now our son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter live seven minutes from us!  It wasn’t just being kind to her; it was developing a relationship. 

How does all this start?  Questions and really listening to the answers.  But what do you ask someone who you know nothing about?  Here are ten questions that might start a relationship, they are inquisitive but not horribly intrusive and they build upon the previous question:

  1. What’s the best thing that has happened so far today?
  2. What’s made you laugh today?
  3. If you could start the day over, what would you avoid doing?
  4. If you could start the day over, what would you do again?
  5. What surprised you today?
  6. What dumbfounded you today?
  7. If you weren’t at this job today, what would you love to be doing?
  8. What are you dying to do when you leave work today?
  9. What recommendation do you have to make this job easier?
  10. What do you wish I knew about you?

Perhaps many workplace relationships are challenging for you, not just with peripheral individuals.  Relationships can make or break your career.  It’s critical to know how to effectively develop connections that will aid you in moving your career where you wish it to go.  If you struggle with creating workplace bonds, you don’t have to navigate this path alone.  Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation to determine if coaching with me might be the guidance you need.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Uncategorized |
| April 22, 2025
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Standing Out to Step Up

You will not protect yourself by running under the radar! You may have the illusion of safety but it’s only an illusion. There is no protection in anonymity. If no one knows you, you risk everything in the workplace. Are you thinking that this doesn’t apply to you because of your position? Sorry, it applies to you, too! Thinking that it’s only important to stand out when you move up is counterproductive.

The wonderful thing about emerging from being under the radar is that it takes no more time!  Well, maybe a little bit of thinking.  However, it does take courage.  If you have always been in the shadows, it takes courage to start stepping into the light.  In fact, it may be terrifying.  It’s also frightening to be very skilled, full of ideas, and working your tail off and not be reaping the rewards.

Let’s think about the why of many women stay under the radar, then I will give you simple ideas for emerging into the light.

  • Avoiding Conflict and Backlash:  The double standard is alive and well in 2025!  Some women believe they will be branded as aggressive if they are more visible.  This does happen.  Fighting the bias of being “bossy” haunts us from girlhood into womanhood.  The pushback comes from both men and women.  Few people like to be criticized and changing your behavior may garner some “who does she think she is” backlash.  DO IT ANYWAY!

  • Fighting Personality:  Are you introverted and more comfortable under the radar?  I have many clients who are introverts.  The fact that they were not achieving their goals motivated them the light.  It didn’t happen overnight.  They put in a toe, then a foot, an arm, then in “Hockey Pokey” fashion, they put their whole self in!  Are you equating visibility with a commanding style?   If that’s not you, it is o.k.!  You can still be collaborative, mission driven, and have a quieter style and be visible.  DO IT ANYWAY!

  • Work Life Balance:  Are you under the illusion that staying under the radar will protect you from extra work or more complex assignments?  If you are striving for a more balanced life, great!  I have witnessed that the more women are under the radar, the more they get work dumped on them!  As you get more visible, you may notice that your self-image begins to shift.  As your self-image and sense of worth are stronger, you will find your boundaries also get stronger.  The ability to assertively manage your workload will certainly enhance your work life balance.  DO IT ANYWAY!

Simple “Classroom” Steps to Increased Visibility

  • Please stand up and go to the head of the class.  When there is an opportunity to introduce yourself, get out of your chair, stand, and introduce yourself with your first and last name.  When appropriate, go to the front of the room.
  • Lead the class.  Think about some meetings you attend.  Are any of those meetings chaotic?  Has the designated leader lost control of the meeting or have no idea how to lead an effective meeting?  Could you step in and say something as simple as, “It seems we have veered from our meeting goal.  How can we get back on track?”  Your co-workers will thank you.
  • Write your classroom essay.  I am betting you send multiple emails every day.  Many of my clients have significantly shifted their writing style.  Delete phrases like: “I just wanted to say…;” “Just a quick question…;” “Just checking in on….”  All of these are under the radar phrases.  Stealing from Nike’s “Just Do It,” just say it.
  • Dress for classroom picture day.  Recently I presented a workshop for women in leadership positions.  One woman was in sweatpants.  She commented that that was her style, and she could not imagine ever changing.  The more she talked the more it seemed that her clothing style matched her leadership style, casual.  In fairness, she was new to her leadership role.  Her biggest complaint was that her staff ignored her directives.  The visibility of leadership includes the visibility of having the mantle of a leader.  Her attire would be a suitable place to start in the transformation of her leadership quest.

If you have been under the radar for most of your career, even these simple steps can seem overwhelming.  With assistance, you can move into the light.  If you are ready to put a toe in and need a need a hand, let’s have a conversation.  Let’s do a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation to determine if coaching with me might be the guidance you need.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
| February 26, 2025
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The Scourge of Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome! This term is used frequently but do you really understand what it is, what it does, and how to manage it?  Most people do not, so let’s take a deeper dive.  In my decades of coaching women in the workplace to greater success, most of my clients have struggled with this scourge.  In fact, The International Journal of Behavioral Science states that 70% of people in the United States have experienced imposter syndrome sometime in their lives.  The term was first coined in the 1970’s by clinical psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.  They noted that many high-achieving women believed they were not competent even though they had many accomplishments.  Often, this is a silent saboteur, feeling like fraud is often unvoiced due to feelings of shame.  The more it is not expressed, the more it is internalized.

Do you know the feeling of being terrified that other people will figure out that you do not belong in your role, that you are not up to promotion, that you are not who you say you are?  That is imposter syndrome.  Maybe you have a lifelong foundation of self-doubt and anxiety.  That is the breeding ground for imposter syndrome.  It often rears its ugly head at each new level of success for you.

Another underpinning of imposter syndrome can be understood through Attribution Theory.  Attribution Theory is the psychological concept that explains how people interpret their own behavior of success.  This often divides across gender lines.  More men tend to attribute their successes to being smart, skilled, and competent.  More women tend to attribute their successes to luck, the help of others, or a fluke.  It’s not surprising if a woman attributes all of her success to external factors, the groundwork is set for feeling like an imposter. 

There are many ways imposter syndrome thwarts success.  Imposter syndrome may prevent you from applying for a position for which you are qualified.  Often women will not apply unless they have every qualification the position lists.  Many men will apply with just a few qualifications.  At the very least, feeling like a fraud makes you anxious, hesitant, and restricted, not a good foundation for succeeding at the next opportunity.

One of the fascinating things about imposter syndrome is the inclusiveness of the behavior.  In my coaching practice, I coached CEO’s; COO’s, CFO’s; doctors; attorneys, tenured professors; all who have struggled with imposter syndrome.  Education level, position, and salary level are not protective shields from this undermining belief system.  So, if you are thinking – when I receive my Master’s; when I pass my CPA exam; when I have been in my field longer – then imposter syndrome will vanish, don’t delude yourself.  It is a hitchhiker that goes along for the ride.

O.K., you have determined, “Yep, this is me!  I am suffering from imposter syndrome.”  Maybe you are feeling very discouraged?  Now what?  I always remind my clients, “Shame surges in silence!”  When you have the courage to voice your deepest fears of feeling like a fraud to another human being, that’s when healing begins.  Understanding that you are not alone, knowing that this is a pretty common experience for women, can go a long way in reducing the shame.  Your first powerful step forward is finding a trusted individual to express these feelings.  Choose wisely, hopefully you have another woman in your circle who has shown up for you as a trusted confidante.  You are seeking someone who listens effectively, empathizes, and acknowledges your feelings.  Just like you need a buddy to go swimming, you need a buddy to crush imposter syndrome.  The best news of all?  You do not have to stay stuck in this success sabotaging loop.  There are concrete steps you can take to kick the feeling of being an imposter to the curb.  Keep reading, in Kay’s Corner I will give you a step-by-step process to actively attack imposter syndrome.  Try going through the steps in Kay’s Corner with your trusted friend.  Talking through each of the seven steps is a powerful experience that can begin to lift the weight of feeling like a fraud.  There is light at the end of this tunnel!  You deserve to own your accomplishments and feel confident as you step up in responsibility and roles!

Have you had your hand raised throughout this article?  Have you said, “I know imposter syndrome is sabotaging my career success.”  Are you looking for guidance in tackling this obstacle?  This is a frequent issue that clients come to me for coaching.  Would you like to determine if I might be the right person to assist you in turning this around?  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute phone consultation to see if we can kick imposter syndrome and other self-sabotaging behaviors to the curb for you.   Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Uncategorized, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
| December 29, 2024
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The Career Impact of Mental Overload

No, you don’t have a migraine, not having a stroke, no aneurysm, thank goodness!  Yet, you do have a serious problem.  It’s the women’s dilemma of mental overload.  It is the mental burden for working women that includes juggling children and households.  We are not talking about the actual physical labor of taking care of children, shopping, cleaning, etc., that physical work is visible and exhausting.  However, the invisible mental overload can be even more destructive.  Time management gurus usually talk about planning, prioritizing, time blocking etc., to be able to focus more effectively on work.  We talk less often about the mental overload that limits women’s careers.  What if you cannot focus at work because you are worrying about scheduling vet appointments, children’s parent/teacher conferences, and buying new clothes for your child?  It’s bound to take a hit on your career.  This mental overload for women is significant.  It drains focus, creativity, problem solving and work satisfaction.

Below is an article recently published by the Most Powerful Women Daily Newsletter from Fortune, with Emma Hinchliffe on December 20, 2024.  It is captured verbatim to not miss any insightful information. 

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Ana Catalano Weeks, a senior lecturer in comparative politics at the University of Bath who often studies gender and society, has two new research papers that study the impact of the mental load on women.  The first, published with University of Melbourne sociology professor Leah Ruppanner in the Journal of Marriage and Family, follows parents in the U.S. and found that mothers carry, on average, 71% of the mental load.  This includes the unseen work that precedes physical work: noticing that the faucet is leaking and must be repaired, remembering when to schedule a doctor’s appointment or cut the kids’ nails, or keeping track of who to give gifts to each holiday season.

Catalano Weeks’ research is among the first to quantitatively, rather than qualitatively, study this labor.  “This is work that goes on in people’s heads, so it’s not really possible to observe it,” she explains — compared to typical measures of physical labor like time-use surveys.

So why do women get stuck doing the overwhelming majority of this work?  Like with the physical labor of housework, it’s a way of “performing gender,” the researchers found.  “The work itself isn’t visible, but the implications of it are,” Catalano Weeks says.  If parents don’t remember that it’s Christmas sweater day at school or that the kids are outgrowing their shoes, the mom is typically the one who internalizes that lapse.

Which brings us to Catalano Weeks’ second study:  the impact of all this labor on women’s roles in public life through a study of working parents in the U.K.  The research, accepted by the British Journal of Political Science but not yet published, finds some of the first causal evidence between the mental load and women’s participation in the workforce and political life.  It’s not that women don’t have enough time, but that the cognitive load takes up more space in their minds and “crowds out” the ability or desire to take on additional responsibility at work.  Men, who more often are able to forget about the never-ending work of managing a home and family, don’t see that phenomenon to the same degree.

What’s unique about the mental load is the way it cuts across class and privilege.  Unlike physical household labor like chores, it’s near impossible to outsource the entire mental load; even for the wealthiest couples who hire a household manager or equivalent staffer to handle much of this work, someone would still carry the mental load of managing that person.

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Does this sound like you?  This is a topic that I have addressed in keynotes, training, and with individual clients for many years.  Here is an activity I conduct at corporate training events that always causes laughter, sometimes tears, and nods of recognition:

Two female volunteers pretend to be watching a football game, and I become a journalist interviewing them.  One volunteer reacts as a female and the other reacts as a male.  I ask the female “What are you thinking about right now?”  She often responds, “I am worried that the sitter is actually paying attention to my twins, if I remembered to get out their pajamas, and if my presentation at work tomorrow needs to be tweaked.”  When I ask the “male”, he responds, “Is Burrow going to be sacked on this play?”  This could easily be reversed asking women what they are thinking about when they are at their work desk.  You can see the potential challenge of focus, productivity, and career advancement.

If your career is floundering because of this mental overload, you are not alone.  This is an issue often discussed, processed, and managed with my individual clients.  It CAN be changed.  If you are ready to tackle this issue and need guidance, let’s talk.  We can do a complimentary 45-minute telephone consultation.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call 513-561-4288 to schedule. 

Category: Career Path, Gender Equity, Leadership, Work/Life Balance | Tags: , , , ,
| October 29, 2024
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Strategies for Coping with Failure

Fall is not just about falling leaves.  We are talking about the big falls in a career.  It happens to everyone at some time in your career, you have experienced a failure.  How you manage the situation will depend on your personality but even more importantly on what you learn to do in that situation.  You got fired from your job, you did not get promoted, your proposal was rejected, your presentation bombed, or you received a terrible annual review — you fill in the blank.  I rail against those that say there is no such thing as failure, it is just a word.  Tell that to someone who has just had one of the above experiences, it really feels like failure to them!  Even more importantly, to discount their experience compounds the problem.  The first step in bouncing back, picking oneself up and moving forward, is to say the words “I failed” aloud.  The more we try to push it down, the higher the risk.  What is the risk?  Labeling oneself as a failure.  Having failed and being a failure are vastly different.

People fail numerous times every day, which is just a part of life and a career.  The more we try to hide our failures, the more internalized it becomes.  I remember presenting a terrible workshop a decade ago.  I had a two-hour drive back home afterwards.  The more I hashed it over in my mind, the more the failure stung.  It was not until I called a colleague on that drive back that the sting began to lessen a bit.  I am not a mind reader, but I can predict that you will have failures in your career.  Check out the recent cover song by Kelly Clarkson of Frank Sinatra’s classic “That’s Life.”  The words are, “You’re riding high in April shot down in May, but I know I’m gonna change that tune, when I’m back on top in June.  Each time I find myself flat on my face I pick myself up and get back in the race.”  Be ready, know the steps to take, plan now and getting back in the race will be far easier.

  • Allow yourself to grieve:  Failure hurts, it can be embarrassing and humiliating. You have experienced a loss, allow yourself to experience your emotions.  Identify your feelings, name them.  Allow yourself to cry, feel sad, and get angry.  Whatever your feelings, honor them.
  • Know what you did, or did not, do:  One of the comments I sometimes hear from clients is, “I don’t know how this happened.”  Are you sure about that?  Sometimes the initial humiliation is so intense that we cannot bring ourselves to acknowledge what happened.  As soon as possible, start identifying what really happened.  What part of this failure do you own?  Ask yourself:  Did I give it an earnest effort?  Did I really understand my audience?  Did I do my part in self-promotion to allow my boss to know my value?  Was I willing to adapt my leadership style?  Was I an effective team member?  If there are factors outside of your control, acknowledge them as well.  Resist taking responsibility for circumstances that you had no way of seeing coming.
  •  Find your grief team: Who are your perfect supporters?  At various times of working your way through this failed attempt, you will need different support.  In the beginning, supporters who listen, offer empathy, affirm your feelings, and allow you space to express are key.  There is nothing that feels less valuable than a big dose of positivity at this stage, there will be time for that later.  I often call these people my grieving partners.  They can tolerate tears, silence, and intense emotions.  Not everyone in your circle can do this.  It takes special people to “hold your hand and heart” in the grieving process.  Keep in mind that having failed at something can feel like a career death.  Work is a significant part of your life and identity.  Allow yourself the time and space for acknowledging workplace failures.
  • Find your cheerleading team:  The next people that can serve you well are your encouraging cheerleaders.  Identify the people that convince you that you have it in you to bounce back. These people know you well.  They know your history of what you have overcome personally and professionally.  They have a memory of your history when you may have filtered it out.  That is one of the evils of failure, it can wipe your memory clean.  The scenario can sound like, “I failed, I have always failed, and I will fail again.”  They can be the voice of reality.
  • Find your action team:  Fear creeps in with failure.  It can cause even the strongest person to hunker down in their foxhole.  It feels safer there.  Action can seem overwhelming.  Who will be a bit of gentle butt-kicker?  Who will hold you accountable for acting?  You do not need a drill sergeant, but rather someone to nudge you along.  They may be the people that help you develop the action plan necessary to take your next steps.
  • Grow from failure:  As painful as it is, failures will be part of your road to success — if you grow from the failure!  What have you learned about yourself?  What have you learned about the workplace?  What have you learned about your skills?  If you learn nothing from a failure, all you have is failure.  However, if you unlock the treasure chest of failure there is gold.

If you are in the workplace growing, you will have failures.  Harness those failures to lead you to your next successes.

Have you fallen on your face?  Reeling from a recent career failure?  This can be such a painful time.  If you do not have the support team that I mentioned above, a career coach might be your best bet.  Let’s do a complementary 45-minute consultation to see if we can turn this failure into your next success.  Email Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 to schedule.

Category: Uncategorized |
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