Tag Archive for women

| October 28, 2016
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Top 5 Barriers to Delegation

We all have so much to do, and so little time.  It’s become the way of life for most of us.  The affliction is expressed in many different ways; “I’m so busy,” “I have so much on my plate,” “There is never enough time,” “I can’t catch up,” “I have no idea how I’m going to get it all done.”   With the frequency we say and hear these things, it would seem that we’d be open to help for our condition.  Yet, with many of my clients, the opposite continually rings true.  The mere suggestion that a co-worker, employee, manager or subordinate could help lighten the load is more often than not met with “Oh, I could never to that!”.

Women in higher management tend to struggle with delegation the most.  Seems paradoxical, but it’s true.  Delegating was an easier task for many when coming up through the ranks, but I find that once women reach a certain level, they are remiss to let go of the reigns so to speak.  Below is a list of the most common barriers to delegation, and their common rationales behind them.

  1. Perfectionism – This issue is by far the most difficult challenge women face, regardless of their level, but it is especially pervasive at the top.  Many women feel they’ve worked really hard for a long time to get where they are, and fear losing what they’ve gained.  To them, delegation means losing control of the outcome or that the work or project won’t live up to their high standards or expectations.  In reality, having everything ‘just right’ can often cause much larger issues such as missing deadlines and burnout.  The anxiety that accompanies this often leads to depression and never feeling that they or their work is ‘good enough.’
  1. Do It Myself Attitude – This excuse is common in technical fields, finance or analysis-heavy projects.  Women who have this attitude often take great pride in their knowledge base and find it very difficult to accept that someone else could do just as good of a job.  Some women in this category fear that if they do delegate and someone else does a good (or better) job, the employee will get all the credit and recognition.  This issue runs strong in women who crave affirmation and thrive on recognition.
  1. Guilt in Delegating – Guilt is a combo issue.  On one hand, you may have the assumption that you should be able to do it all and if you delegate you may look weak and unable to carry the load.  On the other hand, you may be reluctant to add more to your employees’ plates.  Perhaps they are already working hard, don’t make high salaries, or the organization is going through a difficult time.  This may have some validity, but it still does not warrant stunting the growth of your team.
  1. Fear of Telling Others What to do and Reaping Criticism – As a female leader, you may garner some criticism for telling others what to do.  You may get responses verbally and through body language that imply, “Who do you think you are, anyway?”  Well, you are the boss.  Time to grow thicker skin!  If you don’t delegate for fear of receiving push back or criticism, you are allowing yourself to be held hostage by others.  Others may call you bossy.  Heed this quote from Mikki Paradis, “I’m not bossy.  I am THE boss.  Those who don’t understand the difference have no room in my world.”
  1. Understanding of What the Job Entails – This happens when women think they have to have ‘all the answers’ and can’t ask for help.  They worry that if they don’t know something, they will appear inept.  Women leaders who don’t delegate because of this roadblock can overcome it when they realize that no one has all the answers or the inside scoop on how to do it all correctly and efficiently.

Benefits of Delegating

When rising to the ranks of leadership, your role should naturally become more visionary with a focus on the bigger picture and outcomes.  Your role transforms from working ‘in’ the business to working ‘on’ the business.  As such a top priority as a leader must include developing the leader in others.  Below are some of the key benefits of delegating as it relates to leadershipes’.

  1. Empowers others – Delegating gives others a sense of empowerment.  Any control issues you may have at the onset will diminish as your team members feel empowered to take tasks head on.
  2. Builds confidence in others – You were given a team because someone had confidence in you and your abilities.  Someone took a chance on you.  Model that behavior by showing your confidence in others with delegating tasks that are either new to them, or just out of their comfort zone.
  3. Develops others – Delegating something complex (that you may think takes too long to explain), has a big payout here.  Teaching and training develops others to a higher level, increases their capacity, and makes them a more valuable asset to the team.  It also increases their sense of self-worth.
  4. Builds trust – There is nothing worse than secrets, mistrust and skepticism in the workplace.  It not only destroys relationships; it is incredibly counterproductive to the business.  Delegating important projects builds trust, especially when comes with significant responsibility.  It says, “I know you can do this!” to your employee.
  5. Breaks down barriers – Delegating takes time and can strengthen relationships.  Done correctly, it can create an environment of transparency where manager and employees feel safe in their roles and responsibilities, and know that someone always ‘has their back.’
  6. Builds a strong team – Delegating based on team members’ strengths will grow each one stronger.  Instead of fearing that you won’t get the credit, letting individuals shine in the limelight will reflect well on the whole team.
  7. Developing leadership – When your team grows strong and their leadership is recognized throughout the company, it will reflect well on you.  While it’s true that something could indeed go wrong (if that is your fear) people learn through their mistakes and the mistakes of others.  It’s all an important part of the development process, as the learning is applied going forward.
  8. Shows your faith in them – If you are known for perfectionistic tendencies, delegating to a team member can convey your faith in them.  If your team knows you have very high standards, and you delegate with words of encouragement and positivity, they will be assured of your faith in them.
  9. Builds loyalty – If your employees feel like they are on the receiving end of your trust and faith while also being developed as a leader, they will become fiercely loyal.  Your fear of appearing weak to others will be allayed when your company recognizes how committed your team is to you and their work.
  10. Encourages new ways of thinking – You may have always done things a certain way, and it’s been good.  Imagine delegating some of your favorite tasks and having them tweaked or built upon to be even better or stronger. This provides both an opportunity to recognize someone for their abilities, while providing efficiencies that have a positive impact on the business.

I’ve seen transformative results when women conquer hurdles to delegation.  One such instance occurred when I helped a client to delegate by overcoming her fear of being too bossy.  Growing up she continually heard messages from her mother like “stop being so bossy – you’ll never have any friends.”  She internalized this message through adulthood.  It manifested by her pushing down her ideas and needs, deferring to what others wanted in the hopes that everyone would “like her.”  Some of her needs were to delegate, and it was almost impossible for her to do it.

I helped her realize that she could establish boundaries for herself and outline the needs of the business (which included delegating) without being bossy.  This was a huge revelation for her.  Further, I helped her understand that if she executed these requests with diplomacy and professionalism, others would respect her more.  This was a completely different way for her to operate versus trying to be a pleaser all the time.  As a result, she was able to work with a new empowered attitude and work much more effectively and efficiently.

Smart Steps

Did you find yourself identifying with any of the barriers to delegation, but also encouraged because you sparked to some of the benefits it could have?  I have guided hundreds of women who have successfully faced and conquered their challenges of delegating projects and authority.  If you would like someone to walk with on this journey, I would love to be your guide.  Email me at kay@highheeledsuccess.com or give me a call at (513) 561-4288 to discuss how I can help.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| September 20, 2016
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The Art of Negotiation

Is your career where you want it, or do you have work goals and future ambitions to conquer that seem out of reach?  Working hard at what you do won’t always garner a promotion or contract.  More often than not, you have to ask for it, or negotiate your way to it.  Now, don’t let the word ‘negotiation’ scare you off.  And, if you think the art of negotiation only applies to top-level politicians or six figure salespeople, think again.  Negotiating skills are a necessary tool for every business person, and the mastery of it begins with assessing your own self-worth.

Begin your negotiation plan by asking ‘how much do I value myself, and what do I need and want’?  Do you feel worthy of the very thing you have your sights set upon?  If you dream about a career advancement, but deep down feel you are undeserving, or don’t have what it takes, begin your work there.  Set aside feelings of unworthiness for a moment and take a look at your resume, or Linked-In profile.  If you haven’t created either, it’s time to begin a chronological inventory of your work history and skill sets.  A full review of your accomplishments and abilities should provide a realistic picture of your background and an objective representation of what you’ve accomplished.

After such an exercise (given you’ve been in the workforce a while) you should have an undeniable sense of your value as an employee, entrepreneur or freelancer.  When you doubt your value, do a self-check by looking at your accomplishments in black and white.  With a boost in confidence, then ask yourself ‘what do I want, or what is it I need?’  Sometimes we feel we need more, but can’t always define it for ourselves.  Here are a few goals and needs some of my clients have expressed to their employers over the years:

Promotion Pay increase Benefits increase
Bonus Vacation time Special assignment
Larger workspace Work from home Earlier/later start/end time

Perhaps these examples pertain to you, or maybe they’ve helped you connect with what it is you want or need in your career.  Negotiation is a give and take, so the next step involves figuring out what others need and looking toward the future.  What are you willing to give, give up, invest in or do in return for what you want?  Whatever it is, link it to what interests your negotiating partner.  Your company, team or manager could have the following wants or needs:

New product innovation Increasing revenue Company merger
Reducing overhead Employee reduction Industry nomination
Company award Reduced workload Successful project completion

Do you have the ideas, capacity or skill set to help your manager reach his or her goals?  Maybe a combination of these suggested ideas and/or other unmet company needs would make an attractive proposition to a manager.  If your manager’s future or unmet goals are tiered up to a greater company goal, even better.  Now it’s time to create the deal or build your negotiation strategy.

Consider multiple combinations of ideas, and begin simply.  For example, you would like a raise, and in return, you agree to take on an important project.  In presenting the idea, demonstrate how your work on the project will help achieve your manager’s goal of increasing revenue, reducing their workload, or keeping within budget and timelines by avoiding a salaried new hire and training time.  Or, propose that you could increase revenue as the new assistant sales manager with your training and motivational skills.  The negotiating combinations are almost endless, just make sure the output is not.  Know your breaking point.

Define and understand what and when you are willing to walk away from.  Enter into the negotiation with a plan A, B and C.  Offer to assist with the most obvious goal, and ask for what you want in return – time off, raise, etc.  If the deal is met with some resistance, don’t give in immediately.  Tell your manager you understand they may need time to think about it, and set a time and date to reconnect on the proposal.  When you meet again, if your request is rebuffed, increase the stakes, but just a little.  Put option B on the table.  For example, if you offered to take on a special project in return for a raise, say you’ll deliver the work 4 weeks earlier than the original due date.  Whatever the second offering is, make sure it demonstrates that you are sincerely invested in the first offering in return for the raise (or whatever you asked for).  Upping the ante typically results in an acceptance or refusal, and you will know where you stand.  If, however, you still sense some resistance, now would be the time to pull out the ace in your back pocket.  On top of the first two offerings, include a clincher to the deal that you know your manager can’t possibly pass up.

If the negotiation has gone this far, know your bottom line.  The overall atmosphere and attitude during the negotiations should provide a gut check on how far you are willing to go.  If you feel the process is being considered in a fair light and a respectable sense, throwing down the gauntlet with your third offering may feel right.  If instead, you sense that you’re being exploited, be willing to walk away.  Further, before you enter into negotiations, understand how much you are willing to give, and stick to your resolve.  What are the non-negotiables?  Have a tough conversation with yourself prior to the negotiation, otherwise, you are at the mercy of the person you are negotiating with.  Your time, experience and talents are valuable.  Don’t give, give, give until it hurts.  The danger here is selling yourself short by giving too much away in return for too little payout.  Do so, and you will not only devalue your self-worth but your perceived worth by your employer as well.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , ,
| August 27, 2016
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Standing out in the Crowd

Gaining a competitive edge in today’s business world requires a unique combination of skill, experience and the ability to stand out in a crowd.  Searching for a job, shining in your company, or being an industry expert; these activities and goals require various and many talents to be sure.  However; making your mark requires more than skill and experience.  You have to be truly unique to rise above the competition and stand out in the crowd; a daunting task.  In a society with pervasive social media noise and 24-7 news feeds, and a business climate saturated with voicemail and email overload, standing out in the crowd is challenging at best.  So how do you do it?

Deliver the unexpected.  In the business environment, this can range from a creative resume or job search approach to going above and being truly unique in the workplace.  The Huffington Post recently highlighted a young Australian job-seeker who created a candy bar wrapper out of her resume and sent it out on a chocolate bar to would-be employers.  When the story hit the news, she received offers from as far away as Europe.  Someone else I know sent her resume along with three copies of US News & World Report’s top-rated hospitals issue when applying for a marketing job at Cincinnati Children’s.  She shared how she would like to contribute to their marketing efforts to help keep them in the number 3 spot in the country.  Unique and unexpected; these two candidates stood out above the crowd.

In your daily job, experts give so much advice on how to stay ahead of the pack and get noticed.  ‘Under promise and over deliver’ is oft-quoted guidance.  Also popular are; be on time, work hard, be professional, stay goal-oriented, etc.  While these are solid ideas, the one I believe will make the greatest impact is effective communication skills; both speaking and listening.  In John Maxwell’s book Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, he maintains that “The ability to communicate and connect with others is a major determining factor in reaching your potential.  To be successful, you must work well with others.  To do that at your absolute best, you must learn to connect.”  Being powerful in your communication is unique in the workplace.  If you want to stand out above the crowd, try listening more and talking less.  You’ll be amazed at the attention and people it draws.

Now, let’s turn our attention to standing out in the crowd as a speaker.  In my experience as a speaker and an audience member at any event, I have found one common thread that garners the most attention – delivering the unexpected.  The element of surprise –  something that catches people off guard, makes them pause and think, or knocks them of their normal course of thought; these are the things that cause you to rise up above the crowd.  I have two personal stories of the unexpected; one giving, the other receiving.

I attended a James Malinchak Speaker Bootcamp in Los Angeles one year, and wanted to get noticed among the hundreds of attendees that would be there.  In researching his bio, I learned that James was a former UC basketball player under coach Tony Yates, whom my husband knew through a friend.  Prior to heading to LA, I purchased UC spirit items and made a gift bag for James, and obtained permission from Tony to give his cell number to James.  When the opportunity arose at the bootcamp, I presented James with the gift and shared Tony’s number.  James was absolutely blown away by the gesture because it had been years since they last spoke, and Yates had had a profound impact on James as a coach.  No doubt, this connection was memorable for James and it definitely made me stand out in the crowd.  He referenced me many times over the course of the bootcamp, and in doing so I made 10 times the connections than I typically do at such events.

Just a few weeks ago, after joining a coaching program, they followed up with the unexpected.  I was surprised when UPS delivered a package one day, as I hadn’t recently ordered anything.  To my pleasant surprise, the organization sent a surprise gift to me as a new member.  I had absolutely no idea it was coming, and the bonus of this gesture increased the value of the investment I’d made with the program.  The unanticipated event made them stand out above myriad other membership programs I’d joined in the past.

As a speaker and presenter, passion, humor, and storytelling are the top three elements of delivering the unexpected to my audiences.  People are wowed when I come in from the back of the room with boxing gloves asking, “Do you come out punching every time you speak?”  This combines a little bit of humor with the unexpected.  Women love the red vinyl shoes I use to mark the way to the training room for public workshops.  This is storytelling in a sense, in that it connects with how to achieve High-Heeled Success.  I’ve been known to use many props in my workshops, some humorous, some to drive home an important point, and others to underscore an idea I am passionate about.  One of my favorite props is a wand that lights up and plays a magical chord when I wave it (thanks to Jenifer Quin-Wilson for the gift of the want).  The wand is an unexpected object that underscores breakthroughs, ‘ahah’ moments, and steps of courage that many women take when they grow and develop in my workshops.

Are you delivering the unexpected in what you do every day?  If you need help standing out above the crowd I’d love to help.  We can explore ways to develop your presentation skills, increase your passion, your delivery or storytelling skills.  Connect with me via email at kay@highheeledsuccess.com, or give me a call at (513) 561-4288.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
| July 27, 2016
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The Art of Self-Care; Lessons from Michelangelo and Painting the Sistine Chapel

How fast, how much, how high? From an early age we are measured by our achievements. From first words as a baby and sporting accomplishments as an adolescent and teen, to top grades in high school and college and how high the salary at the coveted job – we are measured, judged and evaluated. Messages from social media, management, self-improvement books, and prominent business people or publications encourage raising the bar, achieving your greatest potential, and place ‘best in class’ on a pedestal.

Goal setting and accomplishments are important, but we need to balance and evaluate the toll they take on our personal life and health. Letting ‘how many’ or ‘how high’ define and rule our lives can lead to significant, and sometimes life-altering burnout. When we feel over-worked, stressed out or trapped, it’s time to see what we can let go, and take steps toward self-care. Over the years, I’ve discovered three behaviors that pose the greatest risk to self-care for my clients; 1) being prone to perfectionism, 2) taking on too much and 3) have difficulty relinquishing control (lest someone else doesn’t do it as well, or worse, does it better!) This is nothing new for humans, nor is it unique to women. Let’s explore a lesson in history to learn how detrimental these behaviors can be when taken to the extreme.

It took four years for Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Although completed centuries ago, he exhibited the same self-sabotaging behaviors enumerated above in his approach. They are fairly easy to identify.

Michelangelo was commissioned by Pope Julius II to paint a fresco on the Sistine Chapel ceiling in 1508; a vaulted structure almost half the length of a football field and 15 feet wide. Michelangelo had never painted anything in his life; sculpture was his primary art form. After reluctantly agreeing the task, and reviewing the ceiling, he sketched a composition that was to include 300 figures in the finished fresco. Never working with this medium, he recruited other accomplished fresco artists to demonstrate the technique on the ceiling, but not liking their procedure, he sent them away and decided to do it his own way. He constructed a scaffolding of his own after not liking the one provided, and painted in a standing position with his head continually bent backwards. He worked hard, and slept little.

After completing the first section, he took the scaffolding down and reviewed it from below. Upon finding it was too small, he reproduced the entire work. Although he did take a significant break in 1510, he over scrutinized his completed work during that time. (Note: the break was due to a disagreement with the Pope, not for relaxation or self-care). Finding numerous areas to improve upon, he set about finishing his work to correct any perceived imperfections in the first section. Even after finishing the masterpiece, he never considered himself a painter. Michelangelo developed significant health issues as a result of painting the massive fresco, which included a goiter, going half blind, significant back issues, and arthritis.

In this extreme example, it is very easy to identify Michelangelo’s perfectionist tendencies; building his own scaffolding, not using proven fresco techniques or the help of accomplished artists, complete reproduction of a finished work and nitpicking his own skills. Let’s compare his behavior with some common modern world example in the workplace:

  1. Creating a new work procedure without input from others, which equates to the “I know best” syndrome.
  2. Scrapping our work and effort or that of a co-worker because it’s not ‘good enough’ and going back to a blank canvas.
  3. Going through every detail with a scrutinizing mentality to find fault.
  4. Dismissing anyone who doesn’t measure up or meet your standards.

Perfectionism is one of the most detrimental and common roadblocks not only to self-care, but ironically to success as well. Perfectionist tendencies not only deplete our own energy; they are exhausting for the people around us because they take up a considerable amount of time and effort. A manager with perfectionist tendencies has the potential to breed a culture of fear in an organization, create a ‘watch-your-back’ mentality, and completely demotivate a team; none of which lead to success. In addition to physical fatigue, it can be mentally draining as well. Consumed with getting it right or presenting flawless work detracts from things that bring joy, the mental capacity to focus on things we like, and true accomplishment.

It’s plain to see that Michelangelo took on too much, the second most common factor contributing to burn out and not taking care of ourselves. Can you imagine saying ‘sure I’ll paint a 5,00 square feet vaulted ceiling’? While we don’t sabotage ourselves to that degree, our own ‘taking-on-too-much’ tendencies show up in over-scheduling our families and ourselves at work and in our personal lives. Going from one thing to the next makes us feel like a mouse in a maze, and sorry is the poor soul that gets in our way. We can begin to think we should be able to do everything well, and paint others into a box when we expect the same of them, or get angry when they are inefficient or not quick enough.

The problem with taking on too much is that we are so focused on what and when we have things to do, that we can’t see beyond our calendars and to-do lists. It’s all too easy to see how taking on too much impacted Michelangelo. He slept little, suffered much discomfort during the process, and ended up with horrible physical ailments as a result of his work. In modern-day society, our over committing creates a continuous sense of urgency and stress for ourselves, our families and co-workers; and health hazards which can include physical reactions to stress like numbness, stroke, or a heart attack.

Lastly, not relinquishing control can be the final brush stroke of self-sabotage. During the initial work, Michelangelo hired assistants to help him paint, but became frustrated with their efforts and fired them all for not meeting his standards. To his credit, he did keep some of them on to mix paints and plaster. Perhaps he could have taken a month or two to mentor one of them, and ultimately cut his worktime down significantly. Instead, he took all work upon himself and encountered intense disagreements with the Pope Julius II about the finish date; suffered the setback of recreating a huge portion of the mold-damaged work (alone); and put other projects on hold.

When we refuse to ask for help, delegate tasks, and keep everything under our direct government, we will eventually run out of creativity, patience and sanity. Our rationales for not delegating are similar to the plague of perfectionism; we think we are the only one capable of the work, and of doing it just right. While it can be hard to let go of control at work and home, in the end, delegating contributes to working strategically and intelligently. We also provide the opportunity for others to grow and shine.

Delegating, letting go of perfectionism, and not taking on too much requires us to slow down a bit. It necessitates taking stock of the people in our professional and personal lives, and appreciating the palettes of qualities and skills they bring to the big picture. Further, when we delegate it not only reduces stress, it builds relationships and allows us to show our true colors to people; to be real with them. When we are our true selves, and allow people to bring their abilities to the forefront it is easier to let go of perfectionism. When we delegate, we appreciate. Taking things off our plate allows us margin for taking care of ourselves, and the opportunity to be thankful for the gifts and efforts of others.

After doing the hard work of letting go in some areas, you will also have more time to rest and rejuvenate. Read Kay’s Corner to discover three ways you can begin positive habits of self-care.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| May 25, 2016
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Crafting and Assessing your Reputation

Everyone has a reputation.  Through our actions and interactions over time, we build a reputation that defines and eventually precedes us; whether for good or for bad.  Most people really don’t know what their own reputation is, and you may even doubt you have one.  Let me assure you – you do!

Spend a minute going through your mental Rolodex and think of one relative, one friend, and one colleague.  As you go through this exercise, jot down the first adjective that comes to mind that identifies their reputation.  You may characterize some acquaintances as having some fairly common reputations; perfectionist, cynic, unreliable, or even a risk-taker.  Many people have one defining reputation, and a few ancillary ones as well.

As easy as it probably was for you to quickly peg someone else’s reputation, you might find yourself equally stumped about your own.  Perhaps you think you couldn’t possibly have a reputation.  Think again.  You have a reputation that precedes you in the workplace, and others can identify it just as easily as you did in the above exercise.

The nuts and bolts of a good business or career reputation are not too difficult to surmise; being on time or early for work, a positive attitude, a strategic thinker, problem solver, a good work ethic, being a team player, even having someone’s back, doing ‘whatever it takes’, etc.  All the things that make us like others, or working with them, are qualities that build a good reputation.  Take a few minutes to inventory your strengths, and since you aren’t broadcasting your answers, be real about your gifts.  Are you a great public speaker, an analytical thinker, good deal maker, key negotiator, master task executer?

While that may have been easy, figuring out what blemishes may reside on your reputation is quite another endeavor.  People usually fall into three categories during this exercise.  Some people name their shortcomings with proficiency and ease, even adding disparaging qualities or inadequacies that are not merited.  The second group of people have some idea of where they lack skill, knowledge or savvy.  Then there is the group that thinks they are free and clear of any faults, blemishes or failings whatsoever.

A bad or blemished reputation is a mixture of actions, inactions and poorly reflecting behaviors.  The tough part is coming to grips with the reality that you may need to do some damage control.  So, what causes blemishes on a reputation?  Below is a list to get you thinking:

Unmet promises.  Examples include delivering an assignment late, not showing up for a meeting, poor contribution to a project, or consistently delivering low quality work.

Poor follow up.  Are you non-responsive to emails, voice mails or meeting requests?  Do you recap meetings or provide project updates with regularity and on time?  After submitting a proposal, do you follow up with your client to clarify questions or cost?  Follow up and follow through shows others that you can carry work through to a successful completion.

Lateness.  Are you on time for meetings and work in the morning?  Do you take a 1-hour lunch, or push the limit and take extra time more often than not?  Being late tells others that you value your time over their time, agendas or activities.

Excuses and Whining.  Shirking responsibility and pointing the finger will quickly degrade your reputation.  Complaining about your job responsibilities to others wastes both your time and theirs, and is completely unproductive.  It also labels you as high-maintenance and someone to stay away from.  Results speak louder than words of blame and excuses.

Being overwhelmed/Dropping the ball.   Are you consistently frazzled by your workload?  Do you respond with emotion and drama to your ‘to-do’ list versus handling it in a professional manner?  This type of behavior often leads to dropping the ball with responsibilities because so much effort is spent on swirl and reaction that it steals time from productivity.  If you fall into this category, come to my June 18 Equilibrium in High-Heels Workshop.  You will leave with a full toolbox of techniques to successfully balance work and life.   (See details and register here:  http://www.highheeledsuccess.com/events-20160618.html.)

Interrupting.  Whether in meetings, on the phone, one-on-one, or butting in on someone’s conversation, this pet peeve can create a huge black mark on your reputation.  Interrupting causes others to lose their train of thought, can convey a ‘know-it-all attitude’, and tells others that you are not listening.

Be a Leader, Not a Follower.  Do you merely carry out the plans and projects assigned to you, or do you truly think about your work?  The learning curve in a new role can be steep, and it’s perfectly acceptable to execute tasks as assigned during this period.  As you grow in your position, however, stagnating or doing the bare minimum will negatively affect your reputation.  Leaders truly thing about the work at hand, how it will impact other initiatives and the future of the business.  Leaders also anticipate outcomes, consequences, and new opportunities by looking at the big picture.  Acting on these types of leadership thoughts by crafting a plan or proposal for consideration is definitely thinking like a leader and will reflect positively on your reputation.

Social Media Errors.  Last, but definitely not least are social media faux pas.  Posting pictures or statuses about any of the following subjects should be done with the utmost discretion and prudence: alcohol, sex, religion, politics, dating, and opinions about your workplace.  A picture enjoying a craft beer with a friend is fine.  Posting pictures of heavy partying is not.  Uploading a picture of you and your date at dinner is suitable.  Posting about the private details of your dating life is not OK.  Positive remarks about your company or one of its initiatives is fine, ranting about your boss is not.  Hopefully, you get the idea.

Did some of these areas strike a chord with you, or create some self-awareness?  If you think you need to do some damage control in any of these categories, it’s time to put a plan together.  To uncover the truth about your own reputation, you’ll need to humbly enlist the help of others and be open to feedback and growth.  Check out Kay’s Corner (in the May 2016 newsletter) for a three-step action plan to rebuild or repair your reputation.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| February 25, 2016
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Unrealistic Expectations

Self-expectations are one of the biggest stumbling blocks challenging many women I coach.  Pressure to perform to a certain level on a daily basis in work, career and home or personal life can be overwhelming.  In this month that we celebrate love, I’d like to demonstrate how easy it is to fall away from loving ourselves and suggest some paths back to realistic expectations, which provide opportunities for self-growth and care.  Let’s begin by exploring the ‘ideal’ day.

In your quest to perform, deliver and achieve, are the expectations you put on yourself attainable or loaded with unrealistic vignettes that fill and overflow your life?  What does your perfect day look like?

Here’s one for you:

  • Arise at 5:00 (after going to bed at 9:00 pm).
  • Have a healthy breakfast.
  • 5:30 yoga.
  • Ready, energized and out the door (in the perfect outfit) by 7:15.
  • Arrive at work and take some quiet time to think and plan your day while sipping a skinny latte.
  • Spend the morning in deep concentration to complete a project which is due in three days.
  • Give a late morning presentation showcasing your department’s recent achievements and an outline for continued success.
  • Eat a nutritious lunch.
  • Engage with several colleagues in a fruitful brainstorming session for an upcoming project, offering many thought-provocative ideas.
  • Finish the afternoon getting a solid head start on a project due next week.
  • Leave work at 5:00.
  • Prepare a healthy dinner with ingredients from a fully-stocked fridge and pantry.
  • Check a few things off your ‘to do’ list for your home/personal life.
  • Spend the remainder of the evening engaging in meaningful relationships or enriching activities.

Do you feel that only after you have accumulated weeks and months of your version of the ‘perfect day’ that you will have it ‘all together’ and possess the discipline needed to be successful?  I have coached many women who feel that anything short of a rigid schedule, and specific daily accomplishments means they have to ‘start over’.  They literally found themselves ‘throwing in the towel’ day after day if they didn’t accomplish certain things within a given timeframe.  Many women perpetuate these behaviors for years before coming to terms with how unrealistic and hard they are being on themselves.

The problem with this thinking is that the ‘perfect day’ doesn’t take into account real life, allow other people to enter our circles, or allow us to be ‘human.’  Unscheduled events happen daily.  Things like oversleeping, emergency meetings, not making it to the grocery store, crisis management, interruptions, traffic jams, the needs of significant others, illness and countless other real-life events.  These things keep us from the perfection we seek, and they will always exist.  Yet, many women constantly fight this uphill battle by trying to strategically devise ways to achieve everything on their ‘to do’ list, and place unrealistic burdens upon themselves that are only achievable in edited movies or airbrushed ads.

Do you find yourself in this situation?  If so, take your version of the ‘perfect day’, and place it on a loved one’s plate.  Would you expect your spouse, significant other, child, sibling, friend or parent to reach the same expectations day after day without fault?  Most likely not, and if they fell short of their own self-expectations you would likely be the first one to advise them not to be so hard on themselves and cut themselves some slack.

Today, I offer the same advice to you – begin to love yourself more by throwing away one or two unreasonable expectations.  Maybe for you, it’s giving up the fact that you can’t keep a perfectly clean house or apartment, post an enlightening article on Linked-In every week, or continue to volunteer at the same level you have been.  Take a look at your January calendar, or three months prior if possible, and place your to-do items in a four column list.  Below are some examples:

1

2

3

4

Non-Negotiables

Necessities

Electives

Unreasonable Expectations

Work

Well check-ups

Volunteering

Every meal nutritious

Pay bills

Car maintenance

Girls’ night out

Perfectly completed work projects

Grocery shopping

Home upkeep

Hobbies

Consistently early bedtime

Eating

Continuing Ed

Vacation

Size 2 clothing

 

Just looking at all the items together should begin to eliminate any notion of having to ‘do it all’.  Keeping our untold amount of responsibilities and activities flowing flawlessly is impossible.  Scrutinize the activities in columns 3 and 4. Beginning with just one item, make a plan to eliminate some of your unreasonable expectations, or reframe them.  For example, instead of shooting for perfect nutrition at each meal, perhaps you stop snacking after 8:00pm, or leave a few bites on the plate.  Similarly, instead of delivering the perfect PowerPoint at work, perhaps it’s 85% ‘there’ when submitted, providing necessary room for feedback, and making room for other important things in columns 1 and 2.

Take a good, hard look at column 3 and see what activities are not serving you well, especially those you feel are sapping your personal time or energy.  Volunteering is great on many levels, but in doing so at this point in your life, are you neglecting responsibilities in columns 1 & 2 just to live up to your own unreasonable expectations?  Your list of elective activities might also include watching TV, social media or other time sapping actions.  If you find little room in your day for things you’ve listed in columns 1 & 2, it’s time to unburden yourself of unrealistic expectations and open up some room for a little self-love instead.

We experience the most stress when the gap between our self-expectations and reality is wide.  Start by changing two or three small things.  Doing so will make an impact big enough to feel, but also provide the feeling of not losing complete control.  Need help with both the practical and mental aspects of simplifying?  I can help put a plan together to streamline your professional and personal life, and provide the tools you need to stay on track.  Through the process, I can help you be accountable to your commitment and provide guidance to get back on track if needed.  Email me today to get started, and take that first step toward loving yourself, and your life, more.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| January 25, 2016
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Can You Hear Me Now? Are You Listening?

It’s important to be heard, so much so that we go to great lengths to do it; finding the right ‘spot’ for our cell phone connection, posting on social media, repeating ourselves, even yelling at times!  Companies use commercials, coupons, online ads and all sorts of media in order to be heard.  But, is anyone really listening?  Are you listening?

It’s no secret that our digital age attention spans have shortened right along with our patience.  What I don’t think most of us realize is that our listening skills have withered as well.  In fact, sometimes we can’t even remember ‘where’ we ‘heard it’.  How many of you have told someone a story, and finished with; “I think I read that on Facebook, or Google news, or maybe it was in the paper.  I’m not sure, but I heard it somewhere.”?

Likewise, with online digital consumption, are you really ‘listening’ to what you’re hearing (reading), or mindlessly partaking in a time-wasting habit?  We only have so many hours in a day, and frankly, so much time on this Earth.  Listening, and being really present when you do it, is very important for our own development, and the building of relationships with others, but more on that later.  Let’s get to the nuts and bolts of listening.

True listening entails many factors, but I believe at the heart of it is a combination of true desire and compassion.  I have a whole toolbox of techniques and skills to share with you about how to listen, but first you must desire to be a better listener.  You have to ask yourself if you really want to listen to your relative, neighbor, co-worker, family member, or if you’re just waiting to respond and talk.

Active listening begins with a blank slate.  If you truly desire to be a better listener, and receive the message or words someone is trying to communicate, you have to first let go of many things:

  • Your preconceived ideas
  • The urge to talk
  • Surrounding distractions
  • Your agenda
  • Time

After letting go of these barriers to truly listening, you begin to realize it’s like an art form, much of which centers around the eyes rather than the ears.  Intentional use of our eyes, our body language and our mouths, are the three physical components comprising an active listening mindset.  You can really improve your listening skills (and many relationships) by really hearing the person talking to you.

An active listening mindset includes effectively using:

Your eyes –

  • Give your undivided attention and focus.
  • Look the person in the eye.
  • Avoid looking at a clock.
  • Don’t fidget with something or doodle.

Your body language –

  • Use positive body language to affirm the listener; a nod of the head, a smile, an expression that matches their emotion.
  • Let the person ‘see’ you listening as if you’ll be tested or quizzed on the conversation.
  • Make mental notes (or physical) to which you want to respond
  • Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you listen.
  • Really think about your response before talking.
  • Keep your facial expressions in check.

Your mouth –

  • Don’t interrupt.
  • Refrain from asking about small details while someone is talking – save it for later.
  • Begin talking only when the person is done, or at a natural pause.
  • Resist the urge to ‘relate’ by sharing a similar story that is the same or ‘better’.
  • Allow the person to finish their own thought rather than completing their sentence.  You may be surprised at what they say versus what you anticipated to hear.
  • Respond with conversation that reinforces what you heard.
  • Don’t criticize or demean the person with negative feedback.

Active listening is challenging.  We all have a story to tell, and want to be heard. However, the payout is great on many levels.  On a basic level, you will truly receive and process what you hear, and benefit from it either professionally or personally.  The upside could make your job easier, or help you understand a friend better.

An often unanticipated benefit of true listening is the incredible validation you offer to the speaker.  Providing undivided attention; making a facial or emotional connection to their words; and speaking words that affirm what they said are all gifts to the listener.  Together, they build trust with the listener, create a positive foundation for new relationships and bolster existing ones.

Another positive product of active listening is self-growth.  The discipline it takes to actively listen will make you a stronger person, enable new learnings, and promote strong relationships and friendships.  Combined, these benefits contribute to an overall healthy lifestyle, both on the job and on your own.

I encourage you to choose one thing to let go of, and one thing to engage in your next conversation and discover what the benefits have to offer.  After you’ve tried it a few times, let me know how it went.  I promise, I’ll listen.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| November 12, 2015
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Lessons in Leadership

Do you aspire to a leadership role within your organization, but the climb up the ladder seems insurmountable?  Start with small steps!  Leadership doesn’t happen all of a sudden at the top rung.  Developing leadership style, skills and tactics begins on the ground floor.  Let’s explore how to lay a game plan that builds to successful leadership.

A high profile title is not a prerequisite for being a leader.  You can be a leader whether you are in an entry level job or somewhere in middle management.  The best place to begin is to master your job responsibilities and execute them with excellence and authority.  Executing with authority should show mastery of your skills, and does not refer to upper-handed or arrogant authority.  Consistently executing your job deliverables with excellence (and without drama or martyrdom) will demonstrate your ability to drive projects and business forward, which is a true hallmark of a leader.  In tandem, scrutinize your work process and how it flows into your organization and aim to identify ways to implement change improvements.  A combined, continued effort in delivering with excellence and aiming to refine processes will self-promote you as a leader within your group, no matter its size.

Look for opportunities to lead outside of work.  This minimizes risk as you are developing your leadership muscle.  Search for volunteer or mentoring opportunities that relate to your career path.  Investing time and talent in this way will both hone your professional skills, and build your experience base with credible examples that will translate into your work life.  For example, serving on a marketing committee for a non-profit organization, and helping to build their mission statement and guide the development of marketing execution tactics would be an impressive story to share during an interview for a promotion level position.  Likewise, mentoring a young college student or recent grad in your area of expertise would position you as a developer of others.

Reframe leadership.  Are you currently in a leadership role with subordinates (employees?) who are intimidated by or reluctant to receive authority?   If so, shift try shifting focus from telling and directing to being a solution finder.  Problems and challenges, which need fixing and resolution surface constantly in an organization – that’s why it’s called work!  Instead of calling out the problems as belonging to someone, or as an evil that needs to be dispelled, start with a discussion about the solution instead.  Or, again, if you’re not in a leadership role, you can still be a leader in this area.  The blame game rarely has a winner. In your current work drive, or that of your teams, look at the overall project and find areas or people that need assistance and offer solutions instead of pointing the finger.  Everyone wins with this approach, and it will shine a leadership spotlight on you in the process.

Determine what your leadership stance will be on important issues.  That way you can be ready to troubleshoot potential problems as they arise.  Some key business areas where it’s important to have a developed leadership stance include: finance and budget; human resources; infrastructure and hardware; organization changes; communication protocols; and project development and timelines.  Depending on your line of work, your company may have additional important areas which merit a leadership stance.

The first approach to developing a leadership stance in these areas is to understand and align to your company or organization vision and mission, which will often provide a sound framework to build upon.  In the absence of a specific vision or mission, your company may have stated principles, guidelines or a history that can shape your stance.

Once you’ve studied and fully understand your organization’s outlook and drive in the aforementioned areas, use them to develop your leadership stance in the important business areas surrounding your work.  To demonstrate, if your company values diversity and inclusion as a principle, it is a necessary part of any hiring process.  For example, a human resource leadership stance would favor interviewing all possible candidates regardless of ethnicity or sexual orientation, and would exclude favoritism such as nepotism or the ‘good ole boy’ system.

Lead with both a commanding and collaborative style.  This requires a fine balance between speaking with authority and confidence, yet at the same time being inclusive and making a concerted effort to engage all people in your work process or project.

Leading with a commanding presence and style includes speaking with confidence, and without apologizing, or asking for permission to speak.  Speaking with confidence also means waiting for the right moment, and to speak with an authority that doesn’t intimidate.  Aim for a communication style that inspires and provides a cohesiveness that encourages active participation and a feeling of ‘we are all in this together’.

Inspiring communication invites collaboration.  Likewise being inclusive by asking others their opinion or to help brainstorm a solution builds collaboration within a group.  Further, you can encourage people to collaborate by sharing a past example of success and asking for input from the responsible individual.  For example, if building out a project timeline, highlighting Jane’s successful management and delivery of a global marketing program, and then asking her to share her strategies with the group both encourages Jane and prompts collaboration with the group.

Without a doubt, leadership has its challenges and rewards.  If you would like more guidance in these or other areas of leadership in your organization, please give me a call today to start an exploratory conversation of how we can work together to your success.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| October 9, 2015
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Boost Your Professional Edge with Exercise

So often, when we think of professional improvement, things like earning a new degree, learning a new skill, taking a class, or attending networking events or workshops come to mind.  While these are all excellent choices, it’s easy to overlook our personal health and well-being as a way to gain a competitive edge in the workplace.  A healthy lifestyle routine of exercise can greatly improve energy, focus and mental sharpness on a daily basis.

 

The Brain Benefits

We all know that exercise helps with maintaining body weight, and improves muscle and heart strength.  But, did you also know that exercise actually improves your thinking skills?  There is direct scientific evidence.  In people who exercise regularly, studies have shown that the parts of the brain that control thinking and memory are greater in size than in people who don’t exercise.1  Exercise also contributes to the growth of new blood vessels in the brain, as well as new brain cells.

In fact, according to Dr. Scott McGinnis, neurology instructor at Harvard Medical School, “We know that exercise behaves like medicine to improve thinking skills.”  An improvement in thinking skills.  Imagine that!  The payout for exercise is a more efficient brain, thus upping your game and gaining a competitive edge.  This easily equates to higher productivity at work, as well as more room to think strategically or creatively.

Research at Harvard Medical School also has proven that a reduction of insulin resistance and inflammation directly correlate with exercise.1  Reducing insulin resistance staves off diabetes, while a reduction in inflammation takes care of muscle and joint aches and pains, as well as headaches and many other maladies.  Additional benefits of exercise include a (sometimes instant) reduction of stress and anxiety.  How wonderful is that?  Further, exercise contributes to improvements in mood and the ability to sleep.  One additional bonus is that exercise builds up calcium in your bones, which is a great advantage for women in the 50 plus age bracket.

 

Fitting it In

It’s easy to talk about and understand the benefits of exercise.  But, maybe it’s been a while since you put on your running shoes, hit the gym, or attended a fitness class.  Getting going can be the toughest part.  This is especially true with busy schedules that start early, end late and can often include kids’ activities in between.

The truth is however, we will make time for what is most important to us.  Think of all the ways you spend your time throughout the day.  Could you find time in your morning routine to take a walk, exercise at home with a fitness DVD, or take a 5:30AM yoga class?  If mornings are too hectic, how about a walk after eating lunch?  If your workplace has a fitness facility, think creatively about how you could take advantage of it before, during or after work.

After a long day, does surfing the internet, being on social media, or sitting down to watch Netflix round out your day?  There is room in there for an evening walk, or a quick workout, if it’s a priority.  Even starting with a 10 minute walk or exercise routine is better than sitting.  You can work your way up to 30 minutes or more over time as your stamina increases.  Creative ways to fit it in exist if you make it a top five on your to do list.  Over the years, I have built up an in-home gym where I get in a cardio workout on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, alternating with strength training on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Not every week is perfect, especially when unexpected things come my way, but this is the schedule I’ve committed to for years.

 

Make the Change

Just getting started is the key, and often the biggest challenge you will face.  It’s so easy to stay rooted in our comfortable, familiar routines.  Change can be challenging.  It may feel like you can never get to a point where exercise is a regular part of your life.  However, I challenge you to think of your accomplishments to date.  Our best achievements happen over time, with planning, hard work and dedication.  Those are the same elements needed to begin a meaningful fitness routine.

Need some motivation?  Try a leading task that will draw you into physical activity.  Is running or walking your way to ease back into fitness?  Take a visit to a shoe store that specializes in fitness shoes.  The specialized attention and fit you’ll receive is heads above department stores.  A comfortable and fashionable new shoe investment will be a great companion as you hit the pavement again.  Or, perhaps yoga is your thing.  A new yoga mat or DVD can help get you going on your journey.  If strength training is your preferred fitness choice, some new workout clothes and a pair of weight gloves might be just the ticket to help get you going.

What will you commit to do?  Walk 10 minutes, exercise for 15, or go to a beginner fitness class?  Even once a week is a great place to start.  If going it alone seems insurmountable, find an exercise partner.  Accountability can help enormously in this area.  Getting to bed earlier and waking earlier is also a great strategy.  I have a client who went to bed a little earlier each night over a period of weeks, with the goal of waking early to attend a 5:00AM boot camp.  The commitment has empowered her not only in her time management, but in the benefits she receives from regular exercise.  Her days at work after exercise are by far her most productive and enjoyable.

Remember, little steps made each day lead us on the path to the goal we are trying to reach.  Take that first step today toward a healthier lifestyle that contributes to a competitive edge at work.  You’ll not only feel and look better, you’ll work smarter too!

1Harvard Health Letter, May, 2014

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| June 29, 2015
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How to Thrive and Advance in a Male-Dominated Workplace

From day one, male babies are dressed and swaddled in blue, females in pink.  Boys play with trucks and like to wrestle, girls play with dolls and learn proper manners.  Young men play to win on sports teams, young women do things in groups where everyone tries to get along.  Yes, there are exceptions to these generalities like girls who play sports, or young men who focus on academics or the arts.  Even in these scenarios, there are learned behaviors that carry through to adulthood and the workplace that shape the way males and females interact; and it can be confusing, because they are vastly different.

If you work in a male-dominated setting, you must understand the environment in order to thrive in it.  Similar to adapting to a new culture in a different country, or learning a new language, we have to understand the world around us before we can fully engage and participate.  This is not to say that after a year of living in France (for example), or learning their language, that we become French!  However; we would learn how to get along with and interact with the French better than if you held onto your American ways.  Similarly, if you work in a male-dominated company, and that is still the construct of most American workplaces, to learn the customs, manners and speech that goes with the culture will not only help you be a part of it, but even lead within it.  If your hard work is going unnoticed or unrewarded, if you are frustrated because your voice or ideas are not heard, or worse, if you find yourself complaining about your situation, it’s time to learn some strategies and get in the game.  It’s not about relinquishing yourself or your feminine side, rather, it’s about using what you have and what you know to successfully survive, strive and thrive.

It is important to remember that, just like the French were the first people in France, men and the male culture of the workplace have been in business for centuries. Globally.  It surprises me sometimes that women are miffed or incredulous that we haven’t changed this culture in the last 50 years, when the rules and behaviors of men in business date back to the days of barter and trade, and when you had to sometimes fight and even kill to survive.  Think about history.  Shifts in civilizations and cultures take centuries if not millenniums before change occurs.  If we are to succeed in a male-dominant culture (workplace), we need to shift our efforts from changing it, to improving our circumstance within it.  Indeed, the optimal outcome is that equality in the workplace prevails, but for now, we need to focus on this point in time and our place within the grand shift.   If we pursue success with this mindset, rather than the thought that we aren’t being granted a fair shake, we will get a lot farther a lot more quickly.  The three keys to success lie within adapting these styles to survive, strive and thrive within the world around you:

  • Communication
  • Behavior
  • Leadership

Communication Approach

Imagine you are in a business meeting in Paris.  Speaking in English will not get your point across (I know many are bilingual, but stay with the example).  Of course you are frustrated because English is all you know.  Similar to speaking to someone hard of hearing, perhaps you shout in English to get your point across.  This accomplishes not your goal, but instead succeeds in irritating those around you, and worse, their disdain or disregard for you.  In essence, you are a nuisance, even if you have a meaningful or even life-saving point to make.  You’ll never get your point across with this approach.  What do you do?  Learn French and try again.

At this point, I know you’re wondering ‘what is the language of men in business, the language that they hear, understand and respond to?’  Well, it’s not so much a language, as it is a communication style.  Whereas women are masters of rapport building, men want to get straight to the point.  Women are congenial conversationalists, men report and declare information and ideas.  Generally, women speak in turn, whereas research has shown that men interrupt and dominate the floor.  Tone and intonation matter also matter.  In your business communication, stick to facts, steer away from feelings.  Keep on topic, and by all means avoid drama at all costs.  You might be cringing at this point, thinking back to certain communications gone bad.  You can change and move forward.  It is possible.  Communicate as if you are on a mission, with a limited amount of time to accomplish a very important task, and that it’s imperative that everyone understand your vision.  Because, in fact, you are.  Your mission is that of staking your professional ground and advancement.

Communication – Survival Strategies:

  • Avoid chit chat and rapport building.
  • Get straight to the point and stick to it.
  • Declare your points versus posing them as questions or ideas for pondering.
  • Avoid your high-pitch voice, and drama.  Communicate with a strong even tone that exudes confidence.

Behavior Modification

Using France as an example again, the culture has a certain set of values and etiquette that apply in all situations.  To immerse into the culture, you must strive to understand your environment, and adapt in order to be a part of it.  It’s not about abandoning who you are, or changing your ways completely.  It’s about gaining knowledge of how things work in the world around you, making adjustments to become a part of it, and ultimately effectively contribute to its betterment.  The goal is to change how you are perceived and understood, so that you will assimilate into and be accepted into the culture.

In this case, adapting to your environment means being a team player, but according to the male definition of ‘team’.  From a young age, boys learn that to be a team player you must sacrifice for the good of the team, sometimes break the rules, and not take things personally.  You don’t necessarily like all the players on the team, but get along with them anyway because they allhave the same goal, which is to win with an organized strategy.  These learned behaviors are engrained and come into play again in the business world.  Conversely, from girlhood, females like to be friends with everyone on the team, make sure the outcome is best for everyone involved, and work to support the team by following the rules.  These concepts are at odds with each other.  If you find yourself in a male-dominant business team as a minority, it’s necessary to play by their accepted rules – whether or not you agree with or like them.

Following on the communication style differences, relationships men have with co-workers is quite different than those of women.  For starters, and in most cases, discussion of interpersonal topics are not for the office.  When someone (male or female) is friendly at a given point in time, it doesn’t mean they are your friend.  You can get along well in a meeting, or on a team, but understand that it doesn’t mean you now have a buddy, or that someone that has your back.  You have to have your own back.  Period.  Know your boundaries and act accordingly.  These rules are not true for every office, or every company, but if you’re reading this and experiencing an ‘ah ha’ moment, it is probably true for your office, and you are now aware of it.

Behavior – Strive Strategies

  • Get to know and understand the rules in your office.
  • Play by the rules, and understand you might lose a ‘friend’ in the process.
  • Get along with everyone, even if it hurts.
  • Fair is not always in the playbook.  Realize this, and accept it, but not to the point of compromising integrity.
  • Make frequent, meaningful contributions to the team, always with the end-goal in mind.

Leadership Style

There is no one or right way to lead, but there is a wrong way, which is trying to reach unanimous consensus among the team, or worse, sharing an idea and asking everyone’s opinion before making a move.  Some women try to apply their social rules of female relationships when in a leadership role; play nice, get along, everybody’s happy.  That’s doesn’t work in the office.  Not everyone is, nor can they be, on equal ground.  As a leader, it is inevitable that some decisions you make won’t be popular or liked by some members of your team.  How you react could be the linchpin in gaining the respect of your team.  If you have a high need to be liked by all, or want to assuage any and all dissonance within your team, it will be your downfall.  In sum, you will lose the respect of your team.

Many men, especially those who played team sports, inherently understand and operate this way by default.  They lead with their head.  Heart rarely plays a role at the office.  This is not to say that men are insensitive, it’s just that they are conditioned to compartmentalize emotions in the decision making process.  The higher up you go, or want to go, this type of strategic decision and action tends to get more intense.

Leadership – Thrive Strategies

  • Review the facts, formulate a strategy or decision, and be direct with your delivery.
  • Don’t agonize, assuage or apologize.
  • Stick to your guns. Backtracking is perceived as being weak or inconsistent.
  • Accept some dissension as normal and move on.  Eventually employees will too.
  • Understand that people want a leader to lead and coach.  Act accordingly.

These male-focused strategies of communication, behavior and leadership may seem cold and without regard to relationships.  Cultivation of relationships as a team player, or leader is a fundamentally important part of team building.  This observation may seem to fly in the face of the strategies I’ve outlined, but let me assure you, it does not.  Acting as the Lone Ranger won’t get you very far.  Workplace relationship cultivation has the goals and objectives of the business or organization are at the heart.  In a friendship outside of work, seeing a movie, shopping or chatting over coffee is appropriate.  At work, activities and behaviors that strengthen and further both the individual and the company are the core activities that cultivate relationships.  Examples include mentoring a younger employee, picking up a project for someone in dire need of help (not chronic need), showing up to all meetings (even the boring ones), or recognizing someone’s contributions or praising their work in front of a group.  These actions will gain the respect of your co-workers, set an example for others to follow, and in most cases, benefit you in some way.

Adapting your communication, behavior and leadership style, using the methods outlined within will help you survive, strive and thrive not only in a male-dominated culture, they will take you far in an all-female, or equally mixed environment as well.  I liken these methods to the environment one would expect in a higher-education classroom setting;

  • Direct, no nonsense, fact-driven, communication.
  • Appropriate, calm and participatory behavior.
  • Principle-based, direct and unwavering leadership

Has any of this advice struck a chord with you?  Did you find yourself identifying or struggling with some of these areas in your work life?  I’ve coached hundreds of women through challenging situations, freeing them of encumbered beliefs or behaviors, setting them on a path to success.  I can help you too.  Please contact me for an initial consultation to explore the possibilities of working together.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
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