Tag Archive for career

| November 28, 2016
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Self-Limiting Behaviors

Have you reached your full potential in your current situation? While my focus is typically on women’s career success, a personal life review (particularly at this time of year) also merits some healthy introspection. We were born with an unlimited capacity to think, create, achieve and love.  Through the innumerable situations we experience, we either ‘grow and go’ or ‘slip and slide’.  The difference in our reaction is locked within our thinking patterns and self-belief, which combine to form limiting behaviors that either propel us forward or keep us grounded firmly in fear.  A limiting behavior or belief can be like a broken record or set of tapes that play a continuous loop in our minds, typically in our subconscious.  They are riddled with negativity.  Sometimes we are vaguely aware of them, often they’ve been there for so long we just accept them as the norm.  Let’s explore.

What are the top limiting behaviors?  In my over 25 years experience in working with women in all levels of management, three limiting beliefs rise to the top again and again.  They play out in the professional world, to be sure, but can also play a significant role in our personal lives.

1.  Not enough self-love – This is the number one issue so many women face.  It’s also the best-kept secret many women hide.  You would be amazed at the number of powerful women I have coached over the years whose outward presence, confidence and communication style exude success.  Yet, when we dig a little deeper, sometimes just beneath that seemingly solid shell, what lies beneath is a lack of self-love.  The reasons are manifold; a childhood issue, an unresolved relationship, a past (perceived) unforgivable error, and the biggest culprit – the comparison game.

The common thread among each reason is also the most important yet challenging thing to accept; the past cannot be changed.  A perfect upbringing is virtually nonexistent. Relationships and errors of the past are ancient history; most often only thought of in the prisons of our own mind.  Granting forgiveness to someone that hurt you, or to yourself for a past error is one of the biggest gifts and favors you can give yourself.  Doing so enables negative feelings to flow out and positive thoughts and the beginning to self-love to take root.

You are a masterpiece of your past; from the genes you received at birth and the formative years of learning to life experiences and choices, you are who you are.  Small changes are possible, but for the most part what you see is what you get; both in the mirror and in your mind.  My point?  Stop the comparison game!  Embrace who and what you are (the good and bad) and use it all to the best of your ability.  You will never be the best ________________ or the worst ____________.  Fill in the blanks for yourself.  With almost 7.5 billion people on the planet and over 330 million in the US, this is an undeniable truth.  Accepting yourself as who you are and were created to be is the beginning of self-love and one step away from self-limiting behaviors.

2.  Not enough ‘other-love’ of other women – If we suffer from the comparison game (and I think it’s safe to say we’ve all afflicted at some point) it festers on the inside, but worse, it creates significant damage in its outward manifestation.  Negative thoughts and energy don’t just sit in a vacuum.  They flow outward and reach others whether in body language, written or verbal communication, or in the way we treat people.  And no one is immune.  Just as we have our own strengths and talents to use, the same is true for other women.  However, if you play the comparison game, it is one of the biggest barriers to collaboration, creativity, achieving a mission and bonding.

When we busy ourselves not liking ‘her’ because she speaks up for what she wants, maybe a better approach is to appreciate the assertiveness skills that can be helpful in bringing a negotiation to a close.  If you don’t like that ‘she’ is too bossy, try to appreciate that someone can lead others to get the job done.  Ultimately, remember that those same women (and men) all have their own insecurities and self-doubt.  This applies to women in all areas of our lives; business colleagues, relatives, neighbors, in volunteer situations, etc.

Instead, make a commitment to stop comparing, and replace those thoughts and feelings with acts and words of empowerment.  You will be amazed at the difference in your own thinking and feeling, in the relationships you have with other women, and in their behavior.  For example, when you publicly recognize someone for a job well done the positivity has a domino effect.  Your positivity reflects well on yourself and feels good, the recognition is both motivating and affirming to the person receiving it, and others are motivated to both do well and emulate your behavior.  Such positive outcomes won’t happen immediately or spontaneously, but over time the payout will create an environment where everyone feels more loved, accepted and able to reach their fullest potential.  Ultimately, working harmoniously and practicing ‘other-love’ for women will dispel and help eliminate limiting beliefs and thinking.

3.  Now, claim your power! – After clearing the way for positive thoughts for yourself and toward others by emptying out negativity and eliminating the comparison game, it’s time to claim your power!  That’s right!  Your power; it lies deep within you and was there from the moment your conception.  Think about it – what a process to become a human being.  That’s a lot of power. Learning to eat, talk, walk, run, think and other life skills; that all takes a lot of power.  When we are young and full of imagination, we believe we can do and become anything.  Yet, somewhere along the way, we begin to collect untruths, limiting beliefs and restrictive behaviors, which all combine to hold us back and restrain our power.

The good news is that the same power we were born with, tapped into as a young child and now call upon occasionally still resides within us.  But, oh do we have our reasons for letting it lie dormant.  Although we want to be successful in our career and other important areas of our lives, so many women hold back due to fear of success.  At first glance, it’s a paradox.  If we possess the power to achieve, what are we waiting for? Why hold back?

No one answer is the same or true for each woman, but I have discovered a common list:

  • If I succeed at first, how will I continue, and will I have the strength to keep it up?
  • What will others think of my success, and how will they treat me, especially if it means a promotion?
  • What if I claim my power and fail at what I try?
  • What if I make the wrong decision either in the short or long term?
  • It won’t feel safe or secure, and I will be out of my comfort zone.

Fear of failure or use of personal power often leads people to ask for more information before they will decide to move forward.  It makes people stuck.  If you feel stuck, I would love to help you work out a plan of success to move forward. Please give me a call at (513) 561-4288  or connect with me via email at Kay@highheeledsuccess.com or so we can tap into your power together!

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
| September 20, 2016
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The Art of Negotiation

Is your career where you want it, or do you have work goals and future ambitions to conquer that seem out of reach?  Working hard at what you do won’t always garner a promotion or contract.  More often than not, you have to ask for it, or negotiate your way to it.  Now, don’t let the word ‘negotiation’ scare you off.  And, if you think the art of negotiation only applies to top-level politicians or six figure salespeople, think again.  Negotiating skills are a necessary tool for every business person, and the mastery of it begins with assessing your own self-worth.

Begin your negotiation plan by asking ‘how much do I value myself, and what do I need and want’?  Do you feel worthy of the very thing you have your sights set upon?  If you dream about a career advancement, but deep down feel you are undeserving, or don’t have what it takes, begin your work there.  Set aside feelings of unworthiness for a moment and take a look at your resume, or Linked-In profile.  If you haven’t created either, it’s time to begin a chronological inventory of your work history and skill sets.  A full review of your accomplishments and abilities should provide a realistic picture of your background and an objective representation of what you’ve accomplished.

After such an exercise (given you’ve been in the workforce a while) you should have an undeniable sense of your value as an employee, entrepreneur or freelancer.  When you doubt your value, do a self-check by looking at your accomplishments in black and white.  With a boost in confidence, then ask yourself ‘what do I want, or what is it I need?’  Sometimes we feel we need more, but can’t always define it for ourselves.  Here are a few goals and needs some of my clients have expressed to their employers over the years:

Promotion Pay increase Benefits increase
Bonus Vacation time Special assignment
Larger workspace Work from home Earlier/later start/end time

Perhaps these examples pertain to you, or maybe they’ve helped you connect with what it is you want or need in your career.  Negotiation is a give and take, so the next step involves figuring out what others need and looking toward the future.  What are you willing to give, give up, invest in or do in return for what you want?  Whatever it is, link it to what interests your negotiating partner.  Your company, team or manager could have the following wants or needs:

New product innovation Increasing revenue Company merger
Reducing overhead Employee reduction Industry nomination
Company award Reduced workload Successful project completion

Do you have the ideas, capacity or skill set to help your manager reach his or her goals?  Maybe a combination of these suggested ideas and/or other unmet company needs would make an attractive proposition to a manager.  If your manager’s future or unmet goals are tiered up to a greater company goal, even better.  Now it’s time to create the deal or build your negotiation strategy.

Consider multiple combinations of ideas, and begin simply.  For example, you would like a raise, and in return, you agree to take on an important project.  In presenting the idea, demonstrate how your work on the project will help achieve your manager’s goal of increasing revenue, reducing their workload, or keeping within budget and timelines by avoiding a salaried new hire and training time.  Or, propose that you could increase revenue as the new assistant sales manager with your training and motivational skills.  The negotiating combinations are almost endless, just make sure the output is not.  Know your breaking point.

Define and understand what and when you are willing to walk away from.  Enter into the negotiation with a plan A, B and C.  Offer to assist with the most obvious goal, and ask for what you want in return – time off, raise, etc.  If the deal is met with some resistance, don’t give in immediately.  Tell your manager you understand they may need time to think about it, and set a time and date to reconnect on the proposal.  When you meet again, if your request is rebuffed, increase the stakes, but just a little.  Put option B on the table.  For example, if you offered to take on a special project in return for a raise, say you’ll deliver the work 4 weeks earlier than the original due date.  Whatever the second offering is, make sure it demonstrates that you are sincerely invested in the first offering in return for the raise (or whatever you asked for).  Upping the ante typically results in an acceptance or refusal, and you will know where you stand.  If, however, you still sense some resistance, now would be the time to pull out the ace in your back pocket.  On top of the first two offerings, include a clincher to the deal that you know your manager can’t possibly pass up.

If the negotiation has gone this far, know your bottom line.  The overall atmosphere and attitude during the negotiations should provide a gut check on how far you are willing to go.  If you feel the process is being considered in a fair light and a respectable sense, throwing down the gauntlet with your third offering may feel right.  If instead, you sense that you’re being exploited, be willing to walk away.  Further, before you enter into negotiations, understand how much you are willing to give, and stick to your resolve.  What are the non-negotiables?  Have a tough conversation with yourself prior to the negotiation, otherwise, you are at the mercy of the person you are negotiating with.  Your time, experience and talents are valuable.  Don’t give, give, give until it hurts.  The danger here is selling yourself short by giving too much away in return for too little payout.  Do so, and you will not only devalue your self-worth but your perceived worth by your employer as well.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , , ,
| August 27, 2016
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Standing out in the Crowd

Gaining a competitive edge in today’s business world requires a unique combination of skill, experience and the ability to stand out in a crowd.  Searching for a job, shining in your company, or being an industry expert; these activities and goals require various and many talents to be sure.  However; making your mark requires more than skill and experience.  You have to be truly unique to rise above the competition and stand out in the crowd; a daunting task.  In a society with pervasive social media noise and 24-7 news feeds, and a business climate saturated with voicemail and email overload, standing out in the crowd is challenging at best.  So how do you do it?

Deliver the unexpected.  In the business environment, this can range from a creative resume or job search approach to going above and being truly unique in the workplace.  The Huffington Post recently highlighted a young Australian job-seeker who created a candy bar wrapper out of her resume and sent it out on a chocolate bar to would-be employers.  When the story hit the news, she received offers from as far away as Europe.  Someone else I know sent her resume along with three copies of US News & World Report’s top-rated hospitals issue when applying for a marketing job at Cincinnati Children’s.  She shared how she would like to contribute to their marketing efforts to help keep them in the number 3 spot in the country.  Unique and unexpected; these two candidates stood out above the crowd.

In your daily job, experts give so much advice on how to stay ahead of the pack and get noticed.  ‘Under promise and over deliver’ is oft-quoted guidance.  Also popular are; be on time, work hard, be professional, stay goal-oriented, etc.  While these are solid ideas, the one I believe will make the greatest impact is effective communication skills; both speaking and listening.  In John Maxwell’s book Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, he maintains that “The ability to communicate and connect with others is a major determining factor in reaching your potential.  To be successful, you must work well with others.  To do that at your absolute best, you must learn to connect.”  Being powerful in your communication is unique in the workplace.  If you want to stand out above the crowd, try listening more and talking less.  You’ll be amazed at the attention and people it draws.

Now, let’s turn our attention to standing out in the crowd as a speaker.  In my experience as a speaker and an audience member at any event, I have found one common thread that garners the most attention – delivering the unexpected.  The element of surprise –  something that catches people off guard, makes them pause and think, or knocks them of their normal course of thought; these are the things that cause you to rise up above the crowd.  I have two personal stories of the unexpected; one giving, the other receiving.

I attended a James Malinchak Speaker Bootcamp in Los Angeles one year, and wanted to get noticed among the hundreds of attendees that would be there.  In researching his bio, I learned that James was a former UC basketball player under coach Tony Yates, whom my husband knew through a friend.  Prior to heading to LA, I purchased UC spirit items and made a gift bag for James, and obtained permission from Tony to give his cell number to James.  When the opportunity arose at the bootcamp, I presented James with the gift and shared Tony’s number.  James was absolutely blown away by the gesture because it had been years since they last spoke, and Yates had had a profound impact on James as a coach.  No doubt, this connection was memorable for James and it definitely made me stand out in the crowd.  He referenced me many times over the course of the bootcamp, and in doing so I made 10 times the connections than I typically do at such events.

Just a few weeks ago, after joining a coaching program, they followed up with the unexpected.  I was surprised when UPS delivered a package one day, as I hadn’t recently ordered anything.  To my pleasant surprise, the organization sent a surprise gift to me as a new member.  I had absolutely no idea it was coming, and the bonus of this gesture increased the value of the investment I’d made with the program.  The unanticipated event made them stand out above myriad other membership programs I’d joined in the past.

As a speaker and presenter, passion, humor, and storytelling are the top three elements of delivering the unexpected to my audiences.  People are wowed when I come in from the back of the room with boxing gloves asking, “Do you come out punching every time you speak?”  This combines a little bit of humor with the unexpected.  Women love the red vinyl shoes I use to mark the way to the training room for public workshops.  This is storytelling in a sense, in that it connects with how to achieve High-Heeled Success.  I’ve been known to use many props in my workshops, some humorous, some to drive home an important point, and others to underscore an idea I am passionate about.  One of my favorite props is a wand that lights up and plays a magical chord when I wave it (thanks to Jenifer Quin-Wilson for the gift of the want).  The wand is an unexpected object that underscores breakthroughs, ‘ahah’ moments, and steps of courage that many women take when they grow and develop in my workshops.

Are you delivering the unexpected in what you do every day?  If you need help standing out above the crowd I’d love to help.  We can explore ways to develop your presentation skills, increase your passion, your delivery or storytelling skills.  Connect with me via email at kay@highheeledsuccess.com, or give me a call at (513) 561-4288.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
| June 22, 2016
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Dealing with Lack of Motivation

We’ve all suffered from lack of motivation in our careers at some point, there’s no way around it.  External stress factors beyond our control, negative emotions, feeling overwhelmed with the task at hand, feeling ill equipped; these are just a sampling of reasons that may impact our motivation levels.  Whether for an hour, a day or a season, dealing with lack of motivation is a common issue for which many of my clients seek resolution.  People ask for a secret formula or silver bullet with which to combat lack of motivation.  Oh, how I wish I had the cure!  People are often surprised when I share that the best recipe for lack of motivation is creating a vision of passion and purpose.

That prescription doesn’t always settle well.  Some clients actually ask me if I can inspire and motivate them, either through a pep talk, words of wisdom, or actually checking in and keeping tabs on their progress with a certain project.  The last of which I would never agree to.  News flash folks – relying on others to motivate you doesn’t work!  Sure you can gain inspiration from a book, a class, a Ted Talk, or even enlist the help of an accountability partner, but sustained motivation must come from within.

Motivation isn’t conjured through emotion or the environment.  You can’t wait until the mood is right, or strikes you just so.  Neither can you wait for the circumstances in your life to align in the perfect fashion.  Waiting for the precise mood and perfect setting is like counting on the lotto to serve your financial future; it ain’t gonna happen.

Creating and sustaining motivation begins with identifying your vision.  What do you really want out of life, or in the short-term?  If you’re not sure what your short or long-term goals are, you have a little work to do before you can get motivated.  Create a list of things you want in the short-term and in the future; maybe even as it relates to retirement.  Make sure they are achievable and realistic.  With my individual coaching clients, I provide them with a set of vision questions that always jump starts the process.  Above all make sure it is your vision, and that it is aligned with your spirit and your passion.  This is a very important distinction and part of the process.  You must be true to yourself when determining what you want, anything short of that will hinder the process of motivation.  My point here, is that if your goal is actually someone else’s dream for you, or their dream that they want you to be a part of, it won’t fill your heart with hope.  Others’ expectations of us often hinder us from living out our own vision or dreams, which is no way to live, and is certainly not motivational.

Which brings me back to the prescription for motivation.  Once you’ve identified your own future goals, bring them to life with a ‘vision board’.  Whether it’s a dream home, new car, vacation, new wardrobe, promotion, or certain retirement lifestyle, imagine what that looks like.  Using either a small poster board or document on the computer, fill it with pictures and words of your short and long-term goals that comprise your dreams.  Put the board in a place where you will see it every day; on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, in your office or workspace.  Over time, you can add to it, or change aspects of it if necessary.

Now, with the end goal in mind (and your vision board), remember why you started in the first place to help you with motivation.  You may not currently be in your dream job, or particularly excited about the project or task in front of you, but remember this: it is a means to an end.  Knowing that the work at hand is part of the path to your future dreams will motivate you if you make that connection in your mind.  Piecing work tasks and projects together over time are the building blocks to your vision.  Holding that knowledge top of mind will serve as an excellent source of motivation.

Is a vision board a fail-safe, sure-fire method to motivation?  Of course not.  However, it is an excellent way to deal with the negative emotions that can be de-motivators and hold us in our patterns of inactivity.  And, although no one can intrinsically motivate you, and be responsible for your actions, you can surround yourself with positive people and enlist their help.  Share your hopes and visions with a friend, spouse, significant other, or trusted colleague.  Sometimes a more neutral party, or a coach, can be most effective in aiding you in your vision.  If you feel comfortable, show them your vision board.  If they are willing, ask your accountability partner or coach if you they can check in with you once or twice a month.  Not that they will play the role of keeping you on task, but to serve as someone who might offer up a sobering dose of reality, or knock you out of an immobilized state if you’re feeling stuck.

Just a word of warning as I close.  As I mentioned, we all suffer from lack of motivation from time to time.  It’s just part of life.  However, if you are feeling chronically unmotivated, and at the same time not finding joy in the things you used to enjoy, you may be suffering from depression.  If you feel this describes your situation, please seek the help of a physician or mental health professional.  Identifying the root of the problem is essential.  If you suffer from typical lack of motivation, and would like help identifying your goals and dreams, and making the connection work for you, I would love to help.  Please reach out either via email at kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call me directly at 513-561-4288.

©Copyright 2016.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| November 12, 2015
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Lessons in Leadership

Do you aspire to a leadership role within your organization, but the climb up the ladder seems insurmountable?  Start with small steps!  Leadership doesn’t happen all of a sudden at the top rung.  Developing leadership style, skills and tactics begins on the ground floor.  Let’s explore how to lay a game plan that builds to successful leadership.

A high profile title is not a prerequisite for being a leader.  You can be a leader whether you are in an entry level job or somewhere in middle management.  The best place to begin is to master your job responsibilities and execute them with excellence and authority.  Executing with authority should show mastery of your skills, and does not refer to upper-handed or arrogant authority.  Consistently executing your job deliverables with excellence (and without drama or martyrdom) will demonstrate your ability to drive projects and business forward, which is a true hallmark of a leader.  In tandem, scrutinize your work process and how it flows into your organization and aim to identify ways to implement change improvements.  A combined, continued effort in delivering with excellence and aiming to refine processes will self-promote you as a leader within your group, no matter its size.

Look for opportunities to lead outside of work.  This minimizes risk as you are developing your leadership muscle.  Search for volunteer or mentoring opportunities that relate to your career path.  Investing time and talent in this way will both hone your professional skills, and build your experience base with credible examples that will translate into your work life.  For example, serving on a marketing committee for a non-profit organization, and helping to build their mission statement and guide the development of marketing execution tactics would be an impressive story to share during an interview for a promotion level position.  Likewise, mentoring a young college student or recent grad in your area of expertise would position you as a developer of others.

Reframe leadership.  Are you currently in a leadership role with subordinates (employees?) who are intimidated by or reluctant to receive authority?   If so, shift try shifting focus from telling and directing to being a solution finder.  Problems and challenges, which need fixing and resolution surface constantly in an organization – that’s why it’s called work!  Instead of calling out the problems as belonging to someone, or as an evil that needs to be dispelled, start with a discussion about the solution instead.  Or, again, if you’re not in a leadership role, you can still be a leader in this area.  The blame game rarely has a winner. In your current work drive, or that of your teams, look at the overall project and find areas or people that need assistance and offer solutions instead of pointing the finger.  Everyone wins with this approach, and it will shine a leadership spotlight on you in the process.

Determine what your leadership stance will be on important issues.  That way you can be ready to troubleshoot potential problems as they arise.  Some key business areas where it’s important to have a developed leadership stance include: finance and budget; human resources; infrastructure and hardware; organization changes; communication protocols; and project development and timelines.  Depending on your line of work, your company may have additional important areas which merit a leadership stance.

The first approach to developing a leadership stance in these areas is to understand and align to your company or organization vision and mission, which will often provide a sound framework to build upon.  In the absence of a specific vision or mission, your company may have stated principles, guidelines or a history that can shape your stance.

Once you’ve studied and fully understand your organization’s outlook and drive in the aforementioned areas, use them to develop your leadership stance in the important business areas surrounding your work.  To demonstrate, if your company values diversity and inclusion as a principle, it is a necessary part of any hiring process.  For example, a human resource leadership stance would favor interviewing all possible candidates regardless of ethnicity or sexual orientation, and would exclude favoritism such as nepotism or the ‘good ole boy’ system.

Lead with both a commanding and collaborative style.  This requires a fine balance between speaking with authority and confidence, yet at the same time being inclusive and making a concerted effort to engage all people in your work process or project.

Leading with a commanding presence and style includes speaking with confidence, and without apologizing, or asking for permission to speak.  Speaking with confidence also means waiting for the right moment, and to speak with an authority that doesn’t intimidate.  Aim for a communication style that inspires and provides a cohesiveness that encourages active participation and a feeling of ‘we are all in this together’.

Inspiring communication invites collaboration.  Likewise being inclusive by asking others their opinion or to help brainstorm a solution builds collaboration within a group.  Further, you can encourage people to collaborate by sharing a past example of success and asking for input from the responsible individual.  For example, if building out a project timeline, highlighting Jane’s successful management and delivery of a global marketing program, and then asking her to share her strategies with the group both encourages Jane and prompts collaboration with the group.

Without a doubt, leadership has its challenges and rewards.  If you would like more guidance in these or other areas of leadership in your organization, please give me a call today to start an exploratory conversation of how we can work together to your success.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| October 9, 2015
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Boost Your Professional Edge with Exercise

So often, when we think of professional improvement, things like earning a new degree, learning a new skill, taking a class, or attending networking events or workshops come to mind.  While these are all excellent choices, it’s easy to overlook our personal health and well-being as a way to gain a competitive edge in the workplace.  A healthy lifestyle routine of exercise can greatly improve energy, focus and mental sharpness on a daily basis.

 

The Brain Benefits

We all know that exercise helps with maintaining body weight, and improves muscle and heart strength.  But, did you also know that exercise actually improves your thinking skills?  There is direct scientific evidence.  In people who exercise regularly, studies have shown that the parts of the brain that control thinking and memory are greater in size than in people who don’t exercise.1  Exercise also contributes to the growth of new blood vessels in the brain, as well as new brain cells.

In fact, according to Dr. Scott McGinnis, neurology instructor at Harvard Medical School, “We know that exercise behaves like medicine to improve thinking skills.”  An improvement in thinking skills.  Imagine that!  The payout for exercise is a more efficient brain, thus upping your game and gaining a competitive edge.  This easily equates to higher productivity at work, as well as more room to think strategically or creatively.

Research at Harvard Medical School also has proven that a reduction of insulin resistance and inflammation directly correlate with exercise.1  Reducing insulin resistance staves off diabetes, while a reduction in inflammation takes care of muscle and joint aches and pains, as well as headaches and many other maladies.  Additional benefits of exercise include a (sometimes instant) reduction of stress and anxiety.  How wonderful is that?  Further, exercise contributes to improvements in mood and the ability to sleep.  One additional bonus is that exercise builds up calcium in your bones, which is a great advantage for women in the 50 plus age bracket.

 

Fitting it In

It’s easy to talk about and understand the benefits of exercise.  But, maybe it’s been a while since you put on your running shoes, hit the gym, or attended a fitness class.  Getting going can be the toughest part.  This is especially true with busy schedules that start early, end late and can often include kids’ activities in between.

The truth is however, we will make time for what is most important to us.  Think of all the ways you spend your time throughout the day.  Could you find time in your morning routine to take a walk, exercise at home with a fitness DVD, or take a 5:30AM yoga class?  If mornings are too hectic, how about a walk after eating lunch?  If your workplace has a fitness facility, think creatively about how you could take advantage of it before, during or after work.

After a long day, does surfing the internet, being on social media, or sitting down to watch Netflix round out your day?  There is room in there for an evening walk, or a quick workout, if it’s a priority.  Even starting with a 10 minute walk or exercise routine is better than sitting.  You can work your way up to 30 minutes or more over time as your stamina increases.  Creative ways to fit it in exist if you make it a top five on your to do list.  Over the years, I have built up an in-home gym where I get in a cardio workout on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, alternating with strength training on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Not every week is perfect, especially when unexpected things come my way, but this is the schedule I’ve committed to for years.

 

Make the Change

Just getting started is the key, and often the biggest challenge you will face.  It’s so easy to stay rooted in our comfortable, familiar routines.  Change can be challenging.  It may feel like you can never get to a point where exercise is a regular part of your life.  However, I challenge you to think of your accomplishments to date.  Our best achievements happen over time, with planning, hard work and dedication.  Those are the same elements needed to begin a meaningful fitness routine.

Need some motivation?  Try a leading task that will draw you into physical activity.  Is running or walking your way to ease back into fitness?  Take a visit to a shoe store that specializes in fitness shoes.  The specialized attention and fit you’ll receive is heads above department stores.  A comfortable and fashionable new shoe investment will be a great companion as you hit the pavement again.  Or, perhaps yoga is your thing.  A new yoga mat or DVD can help get you going on your journey.  If strength training is your preferred fitness choice, some new workout clothes and a pair of weight gloves might be just the ticket to help get you going.

What will you commit to do?  Walk 10 minutes, exercise for 15, or go to a beginner fitness class?  Even once a week is a great place to start.  If going it alone seems insurmountable, find an exercise partner.  Accountability can help enormously in this area.  Getting to bed earlier and waking earlier is also a great strategy.  I have a client who went to bed a little earlier each night over a period of weeks, with the goal of waking early to attend a 5:00AM boot camp.  The commitment has empowered her not only in her time management, but in the benefits she receives from regular exercise.  Her days at work after exercise are by far her most productive and enjoyable.

Remember, little steps made each day lead us on the path to the goal we are trying to reach.  Take that first step today toward a healthier lifestyle that contributes to a competitive edge at work.  You’ll not only feel and look better, you’ll work smarter too!

1Harvard Health Letter, May, 2014

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| June 29, 2015
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How to Thrive and Advance in a Male-Dominated Workplace

From day one, male babies are dressed and swaddled in blue, females in pink.  Boys play with trucks and like to wrestle, girls play with dolls and learn proper manners.  Young men play to win on sports teams, young women do things in groups where everyone tries to get along.  Yes, there are exceptions to these generalities like girls who play sports, or young men who focus on academics or the arts.  Even in these scenarios, there are learned behaviors that carry through to adulthood and the workplace that shape the way males and females interact; and it can be confusing, because they are vastly different.

If you work in a male-dominated setting, you must understand the environment in order to thrive in it.  Similar to adapting to a new culture in a different country, or learning a new language, we have to understand the world around us before we can fully engage and participate.  This is not to say that after a year of living in France (for example), or learning their language, that we become French!  However; we would learn how to get along with and interact with the French better than if you held onto your American ways.  Similarly, if you work in a male-dominated company, and that is still the construct of most American workplaces, to learn the customs, manners and speech that goes with the culture will not only help you be a part of it, but even lead within it.  If your hard work is going unnoticed or unrewarded, if you are frustrated because your voice or ideas are not heard, or worse, if you find yourself complaining about your situation, it’s time to learn some strategies and get in the game.  It’s not about relinquishing yourself or your feminine side, rather, it’s about using what you have and what you know to successfully survive, strive and thrive.

It is important to remember that, just like the French were the first people in France, men and the male culture of the workplace have been in business for centuries. Globally.  It surprises me sometimes that women are miffed or incredulous that we haven’t changed this culture in the last 50 years, when the rules and behaviors of men in business date back to the days of barter and trade, and when you had to sometimes fight and even kill to survive.  Think about history.  Shifts in civilizations and cultures take centuries if not millenniums before change occurs.  If we are to succeed in a male-dominant culture (workplace), we need to shift our efforts from changing it, to improving our circumstance within it.  Indeed, the optimal outcome is that equality in the workplace prevails, but for now, we need to focus on this point in time and our place within the grand shift.   If we pursue success with this mindset, rather than the thought that we aren’t being granted a fair shake, we will get a lot farther a lot more quickly.  The three keys to success lie within adapting these styles to survive, strive and thrive within the world around you:

  • Communication
  • Behavior
  • Leadership

Communication Approach

Imagine you are in a business meeting in Paris.  Speaking in English will not get your point across (I know many are bilingual, but stay with the example).  Of course you are frustrated because English is all you know.  Similar to speaking to someone hard of hearing, perhaps you shout in English to get your point across.  This accomplishes not your goal, but instead succeeds in irritating those around you, and worse, their disdain or disregard for you.  In essence, you are a nuisance, even if you have a meaningful or even life-saving point to make.  You’ll never get your point across with this approach.  What do you do?  Learn French and try again.

At this point, I know you’re wondering ‘what is the language of men in business, the language that they hear, understand and respond to?’  Well, it’s not so much a language, as it is a communication style.  Whereas women are masters of rapport building, men want to get straight to the point.  Women are congenial conversationalists, men report and declare information and ideas.  Generally, women speak in turn, whereas research has shown that men interrupt and dominate the floor.  Tone and intonation matter also matter.  In your business communication, stick to facts, steer away from feelings.  Keep on topic, and by all means avoid drama at all costs.  You might be cringing at this point, thinking back to certain communications gone bad.  You can change and move forward.  It is possible.  Communicate as if you are on a mission, with a limited amount of time to accomplish a very important task, and that it’s imperative that everyone understand your vision.  Because, in fact, you are.  Your mission is that of staking your professional ground and advancement.

Communication – Survival Strategies:

  • Avoid chit chat and rapport building.
  • Get straight to the point and stick to it.
  • Declare your points versus posing them as questions or ideas for pondering.
  • Avoid your high-pitch voice, and drama.  Communicate with a strong even tone that exudes confidence.

Behavior Modification

Using France as an example again, the culture has a certain set of values and etiquette that apply in all situations.  To immerse into the culture, you must strive to understand your environment, and adapt in order to be a part of it.  It’s not about abandoning who you are, or changing your ways completely.  It’s about gaining knowledge of how things work in the world around you, making adjustments to become a part of it, and ultimately effectively contribute to its betterment.  The goal is to change how you are perceived and understood, so that you will assimilate into and be accepted into the culture.

In this case, adapting to your environment means being a team player, but according to the male definition of ‘team’.  From a young age, boys learn that to be a team player you must sacrifice for the good of the team, sometimes break the rules, and not take things personally.  You don’t necessarily like all the players on the team, but get along with them anyway because they allhave the same goal, which is to win with an organized strategy.  These learned behaviors are engrained and come into play again in the business world.  Conversely, from girlhood, females like to be friends with everyone on the team, make sure the outcome is best for everyone involved, and work to support the team by following the rules.  These concepts are at odds with each other.  If you find yourself in a male-dominant business team as a minority, it’s necessary to play by their accepted rules – whether or not you agree with or like them.

Following on the communication style differences, relationships men have with co-workers is quite different than those of women.  For starters, and in most cases, discussion of interpersonal topics are not for the office.  When someone (male or female) is friendly at a given point in time, it doesn’t mean they are your friend.  You can get along well in a meeting, or on a team, but understand that it doesn’t mean you now have a buddy, or that someone that has your back.  You have to have your own back.  Period.  Know your boundaries and act accordingly.  These rules are not true for every office, or every company, but if you’re reading this and experiencing an ‘ah ha’ moment, it is probably true for your office, and you are now aware of it.

Behavior – Strive Strategies

  • Get to know and understand the rules in your office.
  • Play by the rules, and understand you might lose a ‘friend’ in the process.
  • Get along with everyone, even if it hurts.
  • Fair is not always in the playbook.  Realize this, and accept it, but not to the point of compromising integrity.
  • Make frequent, meaningful contributions to the team, always with the end-goal in mind.

Leadership Style

There is no one or right way to lead, but there is a wrong way, which is trying to reach unanimous consensus among the team, or worse, sharing an idea and asking everyone’s opinion before making a move.  Some women try to apply their social rules of female relationships when in a leadership role; play nice, get along, everybody’s happy.  That’s doesn’t work in the office.  Not everyone is, nor can they be, on equal ground.  As a leader, it is inevitable that some decisions you make won’t be popular or liked by some members of your team.  How you react could be the linchpin in gaining the respect of your team.  If you have a high need to be liked by all, or want to assuage any and all dissonance within your team, it will be your downfall.  In sum, you will lose the respect of your team.

Many men, especially those who played team sports, inherently understand and operate this way by default.  They lead with their head.  Heart rarely plays a role at the office.  This is not to say that men are insensitive, it’s just that they are conditioned to compartmentalize emotions in the decision making process.  The higher up you go, or want to go, this type of strategic decision and action tends to get more intense.

Leadership – Thrive Strategies

  • Review the facts, formulate a strategy or decision, and be direct with your delivery.
  • Don’t agonize, assuage or apologize.
  • Stick to your guns. Backtracking is perceived as being weak or inconsistent.
  • Accept some dissension as normal and move on.  Eventually employees will too.
  • Understand that people want a leader to lead and coach.  Act accordingly.

These male-focused strategies of communication, behavior and leadership may seem cold and without regard to relationships.  Cultivation of relationships as a team player, or leader is a fundamentally important part of team building.  This observation may seem to fly in the face of the strategies I’ve outlined, but let me assure you, it does not.  Acting as the Lone Ranger won’t get you very far.  Workplace relationship cultivation has the goals and objectives of the business or organization are at the heart.  In a friendship outside of work, seeing a movie, shopping or chatting over coffee is appropriate.  At work, activities and behaviors that strengthen and further both the individual and the company are the core activities that cultivate relationships.  Examples include mentoring a younger employee, picking up a project for someone in dire need of help (not chronic need), showing up to all meetings (even the boring ones), or recognizing someone’s contributions or praising their work in front of a group.  These actions will gain the respect of your co-workers, set an example for others to follow, and in most cases, benefit you in some way.

Adapting your communication, behavior and leadership style, using the methods outlined within will help you survive, strive and thrive not only in a male-dominated culture, they will take you far in an all-female, or equally mixed environment as well.  I liken these methods to the environment one would expect in a higher-education classroom setting;

  • Direct, no nonsense, fact-driven, communication.
  • Appropriate, calm and participatory behavior.
  • Principle-based, direct and unwavering leadership

Has any of this advice struck a chord with you?  Did you find yourself identifying or struggling with some of these areas in your work life?  I’ve coached hundreds of women through challenging situations, freeing them of encumbered beliefs or behaviors, setting them on a path to success.  I can help you too.  Please contact me for an initial consultation to explore the possibilities of working together.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| May 28, 2015
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Relationships with Women in the Workplace

What was your relationship like with your mother when you were growing up?  I bet a flood of memories just came to you.  Whether good, bad, somewhere in between, or perhaps absent, many women forge relationships with other women based on the dominant female relationship in their formative years.  The struggle to develop a full sense of self and separateness from “mother” stays with us for a long time, extending into other relationships.1  Friendships, romantic relationships and professional relationships are all affected by this phenomenon, without even realizing it.  The top three struggles between women in the workplace revolve around blame, battles and boundaries.  These struggles happen either between peers, or in the subordinate/manager relationship, and are as complex as they are varied.  Let’s explore.

Women who struggle in relationships with their female colleagues tend to view other women through one of two lenses:  as a competitor, or as someone to be questioned and counseled.  The competitor lens is common between women who work at the same managerial level, or have similar responsibilities.  They either connect with the other woman and become allies, or view the woman as a threat or competitor.  If the colleague is seen as a competitor, a woman will often feel threatened about the security of her own position, or her performance.  The variety of perceived threats are many, but the most common fears women express are:  being undermined, criticized, or feeling inadequate or ineffective.  These fears are borne out of the competition associated with the lack of high-level positions.  Many women vying for the same open spot often creates rivalries between competitors.  These struggles can result in the blame game.

Blame

More commonly referred to as criticism, the blame game can be the equivalent of grade school bullying.  When women gang up on a co-worker and either gossip about them, or outright criticize them, the results can be devastating.  Even to the point of having a solid employee quit.  Often the catalyst for criticism is jealousy or fear toward the woman receiving it, because she is actually doing a superior job.  Conversely, it can be that she is doing a poor job and getting away with it.  Some workplaces even have an office sniper.  This is a person who makes snide remarks and leaves just before the recipient has a chance to respond or engage.  Many consider this ‘hit and run’ behavior, and it has the same effects.  It damages without recourse – but it doesn’t have to be that way.

The most productive response I have seen to a culture of criticism over the years is to create an environment of credit and praise.  Beginning with yourself, whether you are in a co-worker environment, or manage a team, be the change you’d like to see.  Here are just a few ideas that have produced dramatic results:

For Managers:

  • Develop a “Wall of Fame” where people are given credit and praise for a job well done.
  • Conduct strength development training, either in group settings or one-on-one.

For Co-Workers:

  • Initiate peer crediting.  Openly praise another person’s work in a meeting, or in front of a sniper or office bully.
  • Manage self-talk.  Be good to yourself!  If you are the object of criticism, (sometimes self-criticism is a huge issue), don’t join in on the conversation.  Remind yourself of your strengths and embrace them.
  • Likewise if someone is putting themselves down, share your positive observations about their work.

Battles and Conflict

Conflicts, and less frequently battles, will exist in any working relationship at some point.  It’s inevitable, and can even be a good thing because the resolution can bring about stronger relationships, and excellent problem solving opportunities.  Conflict happens between peers, and with managers and their direct reports.  Common catalysts to conflict include:  gossip, burnout, triangular communication, and viewing the manager as “Mom”.  Key symptoms or reactions to conflict can include eruptions, physical symptoms, burnout and in some cases tears.  If a coworker or direct report is exhibiting these behaviors, do not make the mistake of assuming the cause.  It is common to write off such behaviors as maturity issues or personal problems.  Instead, take a step back and assess.  Take some time with the employee to understand her situation.  If you learn that a conflict indeed exists, taking swift steps to resolve it is essential.  The first step in resolving the situation is to acknowledge the issue or conflict, and to focus on the issue, and not the personality of the individual.  Then, resolve the conflict:

Set the ground rules for the resolution – Select a neutral, third party mediator, and have that person explain the rules of engagement.  Typical examples include stating the desired outcome at the meeting onset, not interrupting, not judging or over reacting, and acknowledging the other person’s feelings and concerns.

Create a forum for conflict management – Once the ground rules have been established, select a proper spot for the discussion, and provide details of how the process will work.

Creative solutions – Often a discussion session or series of sessions, perhaps with HR involved, can resolve a conflict.  Sometimes it takes a little creativity. Consider the following options some of my clients have implemented: changing seating arrangements or offices; role reversals (where two people swap jobs or responsibilities); scattered work schedules where the two parties work at different times or from home; or force an agreement.

Some conflicts cannot be completely resolved, but can be mitigated through a forced agreement.  If the two parties cannot come to a resolution, you can suggest that they agree to disagree.  This approach should accompany the suggestion that focusing on the work at hand rather than the other person is the priority.  If one party is the clear offender, the resolution may be eventual termination after proper cause is established with the necessary documentation.

Boundaries

Boundary issues typically occur between a manager and someone on their team.  A common dilemma is when a subordinate that questions authority, manager decisions and actions, or worse, is a chronic advice giver.  This often occurs when a subordinate is older than their manager, but not always.  Boundary issues can even go so far as the direct report trying to usurp managerial power, and attempt to create a role reversal.  Actions surrounding boundary issues are a product of the desire to keep the playing field flat by women who want to create a “we’re all in this together” atmosphere.  Establishing clear boundaries from the beginning of taking on a managerial role, or after a boundary ‘dispute’ is essential.  Calling together your team, or creating a survey to identify staff wants and needs is a great first step.

In doing so, you establish several things:

  • An atmosphere of trust
  • A willingness to understand
  • The opportunity to establish standards

When your team feels you are interested in and care about their input, it builds trust.  Further, enabling your team to express their wants and needs helps them feel ‘understood’.  Done correctly, this exercise can boost morale considerably.  While some of the wants and needs may be unrealistic, collectively they will paint a picture of the underlying reasons boundaries are being tested.

Once you assess their responses as a whole, you can then establish standards for boundaries.  You may find there is a common theme in the responses.  Some responses may give you pause, and the opportunity to self-examine if the issue hits home.  If the main response pertains to the team rather than your management style or a policy you’ve implemented (for example), the approach to establishing a standard can take a couple of different forms.  It may be quite simple, with a clear fix that is easily identifiable.  In this case, you can implement a standard to eliminate the boundary issue.

Say, for example, a co-worker is reluctant about providing a due date or details of an assignment that is part of a bigger project.  In her nebulous response, she projects superiority to the group members and comes off as being in charge.  This response is a boundary issue because she is trying to be above the group, when in fact she is a member of the team.  One solution could be to implement a timeline with clear expectations of weekly updates and solid due dates.  The timeline would be team created and approved, and be the new standard.  Whatever the case, the solution lies in digging in to find the issue, resolving it together as much as possible, and making the new standard, which resolves the conflict, known to all.

On the other hand, the boundary issue may be more personal.  You may have a subordinate that tends to challenge you in different ways, offers unsolicited advice, or even goes around you to circumvent your authority.  Recently, a client shared that a team member had submitted a project update to a senior leader in her company without routing it to her first for review.  The incident caused dissension between upper management and my client, and the need to establish a clear boundary with her subordinate.  Yet, she was reluctant to address it.  Worse yet, this was not the first time this behavior happened.  However, my client realized she now had to address it in order to protect her own reputation and possibly her position.  The issue was that this particular team member had a volatile personality and my client was has a calm management style.  I armed her with the following techniques to tactfully and successfully correct the situation.

1)    Acknowledge the conflict. Calmly tell the person with whom you’re in conflict that you’d like to set up a meeting to discuss the incident.  State that you realized you both have a different view or opinion, and you’d like to reach some common ground.

2)    Focus on the issue, not the personality.  My client had to accept that her employee might indeed become angry or flippant, but was ready to bring the conversation back to the issue at hand.  She was ready to say, “I understand you’re upset, but we need to discuss the process,” instead of; “you’re over reacting, calm down and let’s talk.”  After your subordinate has expressed her rationales, concerns or frustrations, be sure you understand them.  Repeat back her concerns to convey you have heard her.  Perhaps you can assuage them, and perhaps not (if company policy or procedure prohibits it), but the act of hearing her out will go a long way toward correcting the issue.

3)    Set the ground rules.  Once you have addressed and answered her concerns, establish the ground rules going forward.  Be very clear in the details of the process and your expectations that she will follow them to the letter.  The key here is your delivery, which needs to be calm, and matter of fact.

One of the most common boundary issues occur when a woman from a peer group becomes manager of that same group.  I counsel clients in this situation to take some serious time, maybe a weekend away, to consider how they will approach their new role.  A successful step-up transition includes having a plan to implement the following.  Understand that you will need to:

  • Break the rules of the ‘flat plane’.  You are no longer part of the group.
  • Lead by collaboration and directives.  Get group input if necessary, but in the end, you call the shots.
  • Change your relationships with former peers.  This tends to be the most difficult for women.  You need to strive for an atmosphere of friendliness versus friendship.
  • Know that some will find the new situation “unfair”, and plan a response to it.
  • Endeavor to take issues less personally, and develop a shield.  This will involve some level of detachment from the situation.  In other words dealing with the situation at hand, and leaving the emotions behind.

If you are currently challenged in the areas of blame, battles or boundaries and need some additional counsel, please give me a call to set up an appointment.  I would love to help you become your best self in the workplace.

1 Women and Self-Esteem. Sanford and Donovan, 2004

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| April 28, 2015
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Networking – Overcoming the Fear, Its Importance and How to Do It

Maybe you think “you either have it, or you don’t” when it comes to networking.  Or, maybe you think that connecting, making conversation, and socializing comes more naturally to others, than to you.  Well, guess what?  You do have what it takes.  I know this because I was the consummate wall flower in a former life, so and I am here to tell that you can do it!  Further, networking is an important part of career development.  It’s an investment worth making for yourself and in others, and it’s not as hard as you may think.  Let’s explore.

In my case, and in the case of almost every woman I’ve ever coached, the driving factor in avoiding networking (and many other things in life) is fear.  In fact, fear holds people back from many opportunities in life that can enrich, propel, and grow us in significant ways. Real fear does serve a purpose.  It is intended to help us avoid danger.  When we encounter potential real danger like fire, an impending tornado, or entering a crime-ridden area, we use our knowledge and judgement of the situation to make the best possible choice about how to proceed.  However; the objects of phobias like heights, spiders, or flying, are not dangerous in and of themselves, but they may make us uncomfortable.  If we dwell on that discomfort, and the ‘what if’s’ that accompany it, fears can grow into full blown phobias.  The driving reason women are fearful of networking is often due to a lack of self-esteem, which is ironic, because networking is a fantastic way to boost your self-esteem!  Overcoming this hurdle requires improving how we value or see ourselves, which can be done when we really look at the truth of the matter.

Although you may fear interacting with a group of people at a networking event, it is not a dangerous situation!  Approaching any one of them will do you no harm – quite the opposite!  There is absolutely nothing to fear.  You may be nervous, and slightly afraid perhaps, but debilitating fear that paralyzes is irrational.

Let’s review these following truths about networking.

People at networking events:

  1. Are all there for the same reason; to network!
  2. Are typically in an open and receptive mindset.
  3. Usually want to help you as much as you want to be helped.
  4. Are not going to hurt or harm you in any way.
  5. Are very interested in what you can provide in terms of a connection.

But, if you are fearful, you may be feeling and thinking just the opposite.  Here are some falsehoods about networking.

People at networking events:

  1. Are all there to make fun of and laugh at me.
  2. Will ignore me and make me feel unwanted.
  3. Will want to make me look like a fool.
  4. Will bite me if I say something stupid, or humiliate me.
  5. Will think ‘who do you think you are, and what are you doing here?’.

Ridiculous, isn’t it?  When we are fearful, it is typically because we have chosen to believe a pack of lies about ourselves, a situation or others that simply isn’t true!  To overcome the fear is a process of thought replacement – quit lying to yourself, and replace those outlandish thoughts with the truth – whatever the situation may be!

Perhaps your fear of networking isn’t on such a grand scale, but rather in one-on-one settings, small group opportunities, or at a party.  The same logic applies.  Fill your mind with the reality of the situation, and positive thoughts, and then choose to proceed with what you know to be true.  It also helps to focus on other people, their interests and needs, rather than yourself and your perceived shortcomings.

If you aren’t fearful of such situations, or now that you are armed with the knowledge of how to overcome your fears, you might be thinking ‘Why do I need to network?  Things at work are just fine.’  Well, they may be fine today, tomorrow or next week, but what about after that?  The business landscape is in a continuous evolution of change that typically keeps pace with rapid technology improvements, regardless of industry.  Just as you need to invest in your health by eating proper foods and exercising, and in your financial future by building and monitoring your investments, so it goes with work.  Networking is like paying job insurance. Invest a little bit every month, and if you find yourself unemployed, you will have a network to reach to for help in finding a new job.

Even if your job is as stable as Mt. Everest, networking is still a huge idea.  The advantages are almost endless.  Meeting new people in other industries or jobs and cultivating those relationships pays big time.  For example, say you sell widgets and you meet someone that sells gizmos.  Your widget and their gizmo may have nothing in common initially, but you like Mr. Gizmo seller, and you decide to meet up with him for coffee every once in a while.  One day you call upon Acme, and they really want to buy your widget, but they just can’t buy it unless they have gizmos, because, well it’s complicated.  You have the perfect solution for them, because you just happen to know someone who sells gizmos, and the deal is done.  In the process, you’ve made many people happy; your customer, their clients, and Ms. Gizmo seller.  So networking, in the end, isn’t just for your benefit.  It’s for the greater good, and really keeps business humming.

So, now you may be convinced that networking is a good thing, and that you can actually do it.  But how?  If you’re busy, introverted, or not very well connected to begin with, the task may seem monumental.  It’s really not.  Below are several easy, relatively painless ways to get started:

  • Ask a colleague to lunch or morning coffee
  • Email an article to a supplier that pertains to their business, and comment on it
  • Call or connect on Linked-In with a former business associate to see what they’re up to
  • Take a continuing education class in your business area (or a new one) and get to know the other students and teacher

Enter into each of these scenarios with the intent of giving something like a tip, a business opportunity, a compliment for a job well done, or contributing something meaningful.  Over time, these small acts will build on themselves, and you will see that people respond in kind.  Once you’ve built a beginning base, branch out to larger functions such as:

  • Joining Toastmasters
  • Attending a local Linked-In networking event (check for your local group – they exist)
  • Going to an industry trade show in your line of work
  • Attend a High-Heeled Success® workshop  (http://www.highheeledsuccess.com/events.html)

If these larger events seem daunting, enlist a colleague or friend to go with you.  Someone with established connections who does well in social situations is ideal, but even going with a friend who shares your same goals will bolster your confidence.  You can support each other and work together as a team.  Work the room and meet groups of people or an individual together.  Introduce your colleague by name, title and company, and then share some amazing qualities, talents, skills or current project they are leading.  Your friend in turn will do the same for you.

In the end, networking is all about building meaningful relationships that are mutually beneficial.  It’s similar to making friends, meeting a significant other, or investing time with your children or other family members.  Work can consume well over half of our waking hours.  This unavoidably means working with and being around many people.  Doesn’t it make sense to build bridges and a network to support your career that comprises such a large part of your life?  Invest a little time in networking every month, and year over year you will have a strong foundation lifting you up, as well as creating meaning in your job and life, which provides a way to ‘give back’ in kind for what you’ve been given.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| March 21, 2015
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Creating Laser Focus

March is Women’s History Month, and a good time to think about the historic imprint you will leave on those around you.  What kind of legacy are you leaving behind for the women in your life; daughters, nieces, co-workers, women whom you mentor, or manage?  Involvement in purposeful projects, events and missions that create positive, meaningful outcomes is a very effective way to make your personal mark on history.  Such a goal takes the discipline of moving along things that must get done (tasks, errands, routine work responsibilities), and creating room for these important things that will leave a lasting legacy.  It also requires thoughtful weekly planning, and the skill of executing your ideas and work with efficiency and focus. Let’s explore this further.

Is staying focused on the work in front of you a challenge?  Do you find yourself starting and restarting a task multiple times because of distractions, interruptions or because of your own sidetracking thoughts?  If so, you are not alone.  A study published in Psychology Today by Larry Rosen, PhD, observed the study habits of 300 middle school, high school and university students.  Rosen and his team were startled by the results which showed that, on average, students were only able to focus on their studying for three minutes at a time, with nearly all of their distractions coming from technology.  The researchers found similar results with computer programmers and medical students.  The biggest technology offenders were smartphones, and the very computers on which the research participants were either studying or working!

The truth is, we have too many inputs vying for our attention; ring tones, instant messaging, reminder alerts, buzzing email, text tones, and even Facebook and social media notifications!  Then there are meetings, phone calls, crisis situations and office chatter.  It’s endless, and those examples don’t even include our own distracting thoughts such as the errands to run, bills to pay, family schedules and more.  If we are not careful, interruptions can bounce us around like a ping pong ball all day long.  Are you letting distractions take your attention and keep you from being focused, or are you in the driver’s seat of your life?

If staying on task is challenging you, I offer you a double-pronged approach that will help create laser focus.  First is a commitment to weekly goal planning.  The second is mindfulness, but we will come back to that later.

I am convinced making a weekly plan with goals is the first step to successfully creating habits that lead to laser focus.  Most of us are familiar with the Covey method of project planning, or perhaps you’ve used other techniques, or your own version of task prioritization and organization.  The question to ask yourself is, do you use it consistently, without fail?  The weekly planning process needs to be a top priority if you want to drive your success in meaningful areas, versus being pulled along the path of uncertainty, and only accomplishing small tasks.

Weekly planning takes foresight and commitment.  When creating your plan, consider and identify these key elements before creating it:

1.  Top priorities for the week – what must absolutely get done?  Remember the following in this process:

You can’t:

  • Do it all – focus only on the impactful, meaningful and important
  • Please everyone
  • Always say yes
  • Have blurry boundaries

You can:

  • Get first things done first – leave or delegate small tasks for another time
  • Please yourself with a job well done
  • Say yes to top priorities
  • Set up respectable boundaries

2.  Top energy zones – when are you most productive?

  • Morning or afternoon?
  • Before or after a workout, lunch or break?
  • Alone or with others around?

These are the two key questions to ask yourself when planning and prioritizing for the week – what do you have to do, and when are you at your best to complete them? From this genesis, you can create your ideal schedule with attainable goals.  Don’t overschedule yourself, or spread yourself too thin.  Leave white space for emergencies, and margins for thinking and creativity.  Once you’ve successfully prioritized and scheduled your week’s goals, congratulate yourself, and make a date with yourself to do it again – same time, same place next week.  Use that smart phone wisely.  Set a reminder on Sunday to review the upcoming week and plan out your productivity!

With the first step of the approach to laser focus complete (planning), your stage is set for step two.  The second step to obtain laser focus on a daily basis is by practicing ‘mindfulness’.  Mindfulness is ‘a state of active, open attention on the present’.  With practice and patience you can actually ‘reprogram’ your brain to be in a state of mindfulness throughout the day.  To prepare yourself (your brain really) for a mindfulness approach to laser focus during the work day, it is important to begin your day with a deeper sense of mindfulness.

To be clear, I’m not pushing a brand of spirituality or religion, but rather a method by which you can clear your mind, obtain some peace, and get grounded for the day ahead of you.  To that end, I am proposing that prior to the start of your work day, you spend 10 minutes in a quiet, peaceful state in an attempt to empty your mind of thoughts and feelings by the process of recognizing them when they come into your brain, but then letting them go without reacting to them.  You can do this upon waking, before you leave for work, on the drive to work, at your desk, or in the car before you go into the office (especially if being completely still at your desk will have co-workers wondering if you are OK!)

The goal of practicing 10 minutes of deep mindfulness sets your brain into action, rather than leaving it vulnerable to reaction.  It prepares your brain for approaching work with basic mindfulness (the ‘a state of active, open attention on the present’), and ultimately a laser focus.  Practice and patience are essential to maintain basic mindfulness in order to achieve laser focus.  The technology distractions listed earlier are the biggest culprits of distraction, but there are others.  How many of the following do you identify with?

  • Conversations at your desk
  • Phone conversations that last too long (personal or professional)
  • Checking and responding to non-essential email and social media
  • Thoughts of personal/home issues
  • Multiple projects at once
  • Snacking, coffee or water run
  • Non-urgent tasks (cleaning email inbox, organizing files, making lists, etc.)

The first step in avoiding these distractions is to recognize them as just that.  It may be that you are not even aware that these activities are robbing you of your time, productivity and prohibiting you from laser focus on the task at hand.  Mentally go through a day at work, and write down everything that distracts you and places your brain in a reactive mode.  Then, pick the top three things to conquer first.  Now, make a plan for proactively responding to them when they occur.  Below are some examples:

Conversations at your desk Close your door, or put up a sign requesting no interruptions
Telephone interruptions Let it go to voicemail
Conversation getting too long Explain that you have a deadline
Checking email too much Designate two or three times a day to check email, responding only to those pertaining to your plan for the day, or minimally reply with a time and date you will get respond.
Multiple projects at once Put away other work project
Text messages Set your timer to work for 15 – 30 minutes solid, then take 3 or 5 minutes to check and respond to relevant text messages.  Non-urgent messages can wait.
Thoughts of personal/home issues Keep a list of things to address at a later time
Being diverted outside your workspace Don’t engage in miscellaneous interruptions from co-workers

 

While some of these responsive techniques may seem too radical, they are perfectly acceptable ways to create boundaries for yourself and create ‘a state of being active with open attention on the present’ (mindfulness) enabling you to laser focus.  The process of choosing to actively engage in the task at hand rather than react to stimuli takes discipline. While you won’t achieve laser focus on the first day, you will be surprised at how quickly practicing mindfulness will begin to yield laser focus and positive results.

Weekly planning sessions coupled with the daily mindfulness approaches I’ve described will do so much more for you than help you achieve laser focus.  It will empower you to be in complete control of your thoughts and actions.  It will also reward you with additional mental space and opportunities to produce creative, quality and meaningful work.  These opportunities are the foundation from which your lasting legacy can flow.  Keep a diary of your accomplishment and successes as a result of your new approach.  This will motivate you to continue your practice of laser focus, build self-confidence, and make your mark on history.  When you train your brain to use both states of mindfulness to the point where it becomes natural and exciting, you will have mastered the art being able to laser focus.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
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