Archive for Career Path

| December 9, 2015
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Promoting Yourself Inside and Outside of the Workplace

You’re good at what you do, great in fact, and you know it. But, who else knows it? Further, do the right people know how good you are at your job, or about your excellent skills and abilities? If not, you could be at risk of being the best-kept secret in town. One of the top challenges for women in the workplace is that many work hard, keep their nose to the grindstone and no one knows about their outstanding work. Do you fall into this category? Your co-worker and manager might be aware of your capabilities, but how much farther are your successes being publicized?

If your manager or company doesn’t provide opportunities for you to create awareness for yourself as an employee or grant your position exposure to the levels where you think it needs to be, you may want to invest in some self-promotion strategies.

If you are new or not well-known within your department, company or industry, you can start small and build your strategy outward. Taking the first step can be challenging, but well worth the investment. In this article, I offer three ways to engage with your company on a larger scale, as well as three ideas that tie in with the holidays.

Special Projects – If you work in a mid- to large-sized organization, search your company’s website for news about special projects, or upcoming event or conferences. If your company is smaller, approach your manager or the person who hired you to inquire about special opportunities. Find one that aligns with your interest or skill set and determine how you can become involved. Avoid thinking things like ‘that’s not my style’, or ‘I’m too busy’. Step out of your comfort zone, and carve out the time in your schedule to get involved. Working on a collaborative short-term project could open your world to new people, ideas, and processes and, in turn, provide the perfect platform to showcase your talents.

Philanthropy – If your company is aligned with a charitable cause – get involved! Attend a philanthropy-related meeting with the intent of taking an active part in an upcoming event. Prior to attending, educate yourself on the cause and be ready to discuss it or ask questions should the opportunity arise. Volunteer for a role that either shows your skill set or allows for the most visibility or opportunity to interact with many co-workers.

If your company does not have an association with an organization or cause, be the catalyst. Research different causes that naturally align with your company’s service or product, and identify the best fit. Discover ways your company could help the organization as well as ways your company could benefit from becoming involved. Present the idea to your manager or your HR manager, and be ready with a first step suggestion. People working together for a cause builds community, and if you head up the cause, you will be viewed as a leader. If the idea is rejected, you will, at least, have demonstrated initiative, creative thinking and gained exposure as someone who has fresh ideas and the energy to do work.

Publicize and Promote – How do people in your company, or those in the community become well-known? Public speaking, blogging, networking at community events, or having the ear of the people in their company or industry are some of the most effective ways to build your ‘personal brand’ and become well-known. Pick one activity based on your comfort level and expertise and simply begin to build. Sharing your business expertise or experiences on a blog is a solid way to begin. WordPress, LinkedIn or Blogger are all simple and easy tools to use to begin a blog. Creating an inventory of content on your blog, and sharing it on social media will reach large audiences over time. Networking opportunities abound through local Chambers of Commerce, or larger city business organizations which offer mixers or events for meeting local and regional business owners. Invite a friend to join you during networking events so you can introduce each other to other attendees and assuage any potential nerves.

Over time, these incremental activities will build on themselves as your arsenal of knowledge. Eventually, you will have built up enough experience and content to compile and e-book, conduct a workshop, or give a small talk at a conference or networking event. Publishing, leading seminars, and public speaking will definitely build your personal brand and gain the attention of the upper management in your company.

Seasonal Ideas

This time of year provides a unique opportunity to engage with people on a more personal level. Try any one of the following ideas depending on the size and culture of your company and/or department.

Holiday Gathering – Organize a holiday get together. This doesn’t have to be at your home, extravagant or the picture perfect event. People enjoy the opportunity to gather during the holidays, especially when someone else does the planning. Reserve a conference room for a lunchtime event (which can be a potluck), select a local restaurant for a casual dinner party, or designate a day for a short after work happy hour event in a location suitable for everyone to mingle. Plan a fun activity that joins the group together for a while to make sure all attendees are included at one point during the evening. Ideas include a quick game of Left, Right, Center; White Elephant Game or a Christmas trivia game.

Use a printed invitation as the way to promote yourself with this idea. After the event details, include your name, title and contact information as the hostess. Whether people attend or not, you will have made an impression of someone who takes initiative and has creativity.

Holiday Giving – Organize a soup kitchen Saturday event, Toys for Tots collection or canned food drive for your office. Create a simple one-page flyer with the details of the event Include your name, title and contact information as the hostess. Distribute the flyer to each co-worker, and hang in a central place for high visibility. This method demonstrates the same characteristics as the invitation, as well as an ‘others-focused’ outlook, which translates into leadership skills.

Gifts of Thanks – Are you an independent contractor or freelance service provider? The holiday season is a unique opportunity to thank your clients (past and current) for their business. Gift ideas range from homemade goodies and packaged gifts of food to calendars or other business tools for the New Year. Personalize the latter with your company info, and enclose a handwritten note expressing your gratitude for their business. You could also include a quick list of accomplishments for 2015 and some business ideas or opportunities for 2016.

Gift giving to potential clients during the holiday season is also an effective way to promote your business and create awareness. In this category, personalized business gifts are more appropriate since they communicate your company name and services. A follow-up visit or note in the New Year is another great touch point in the process of promoting yourself and your business.

To Summarize…….

Whichever method you choose to create awareness of your skills and publicize your capabilities, do so with intention. Have the end-goal in mind when you begin, whether it’s a promotion, in-place salary increase, or job change. Build a plan of the activities and events so each one exemplifies a skill or capability that is a prerequisite of your end goal. If you need help building this strategy, give me a call and we can create a game plan together through one on one coaching (call me about the special pricing running this month on the Fast Start coaching package!). Attending my January workshop, “Kick Start Your High-Heeled Success™” will also arm you with a toolbox of ideas to help your career soar.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path | Tags: , , ,
| November 12, 2015
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Lessons in Leadership

Do you aspire to a leadership role within your organization, but the climb up the ladder seems insurmountable?  Start with small steps!  Leadership doesn’t happen all of a sudden at the top rung.  Developing leadership style, skills and tactics begins on the ground floor.  Let’s explore how to lay a game plan that builds to successful leadership.

A high profile title is not a prerequisite for being a leader.  You can be a leader whether you are in an entry level job or somewhere in middle management.  The best place to begin is to master your job responsibilities and execute them with excellence and authority.  Executing with authority should show mastery of your skills, and does not refer to upper-handed or arrogant authority.  Consistently executing your job deliverables with excellence (and without drama or martyrdom) will demonstrate your ability to drive projects and business forward, which is a true hallmark of a leader.  In tandem, scrutinize your work process and how it flows into your organization and aim to identify ways to implement change improvements.  A combined, continued effort in delivering with excellence and aiming to refine processes will self-promote you as a leader within your group, no matter its size.

Look for opportunities to lead outside of work.  This minimizes risk as you are developing your leadership muscle.  Search for volunteer or mentoring opportunities that relate to your career path.  Investing time and talent in this way will both hone your professional skills, and build your experience base with credible examples that will translate into your work life.  For example, serving on a marketing committee for a non-profit organization, and helping to build their mission statement and guide the development of marketing execution tactics would be an impressive story to share during an interview for a promotion level position.  Likewise, mentoring a young college student or recent grad in your area of expertise would position you as a developer of others.

Reframe leadership.  Are you currently in a leadership role with subordinates (employees?) who are intimidated by or reluctant to receive authority?   If so, shift try shifting focus from telling and directing to being a solution finder.  Problems and challenges, which need fixing and resolution surface constantly in an organization – that’s why it’s called work!  Instead of calling out the problems as belonging to someone, or as an evil that needs to be dispelled, start with a discussion about the solution instead.  Or, again, if you’re not in a leadership role, you can still be a leader in this area.  The blame game rarely has a winner. In your current work drive, or that of your teams, look at the overall project and find areas or people that need assistance and offer solutions instead of pointing the finger.  Everyone wins with this approach, and it will shine a leadership spotlight on you in the process.

Determine what your leadership stance will be on important issues.  That way you can be ready to troubleshoot potential problems as they arise.  Some key business areas where it’s important to have a developed leadership stance include: finance and budget; human resources; infrastructure and hardware; organization changes; communication protocols; and project development and timelines.  Depending on your line of work, your company may have additional important areas which merit a leadership stance.

The first approach to developing a leadership stance in these areas is to understand and align to your company or organization vision and mission, which will often provide a sound framework to build upon.  In the absence of a specific vision or mission, your company may have stated principles, guidelines or a history that can shape your stance.

Once you’ve studied and fully understand your organization’s outlook and drive in the aforementioned areas, use them to develop your leadership stance in the important business areas surrounding your work.  To demonstrate, if your company values diversity and inclusion as a principle, it is a necessary part of any hiring process.  For example, a human resource leadership stance would favor interviewing all possible candidates regardless of ethnicity or sexual orientation, and would exclude favoritism such as nepotism or the ‘good ole boy’ system.

Lead with both a commanding and collaborative style.  This requires a fine balance between speaking with authority and confidence, yet at the same time being inclusive and making a concerted effort to engage all people in your work process or project.

Leading with a commanding presence and style includes speaking with confidence, and without apologizing, or asking for permission to speak.  Speaking with confidence also means waiting for the right moment, and to speak with an authority that doesn’t intimidate.  Aim for a communication style that inspires and provides a cohesiveness that encourages active participation and a feeling of ‘we are all in this together’.

Inspiring communication invites collaboration.  Likewise being inclusive by asking others their opinion or to help brainstorm a solution builds collaboration within a group.  Further, you can encourage people to collaborate by sharing a past example of success and asking for input from the responsible individual.  For example, if building out a project timeline, highlighting Jane’s successful management and delivery of a global marketing program, and then asking her to share her strategies with the group both encourages Jane and prompts collaboration with the group.

Without a doubt, leadership has its challenges and rewards.  If you would like more guidance in these or other areas of leadership in your organization, please give me a call today to start an exploratory conversation of how we can work together to your success.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Leadership, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| October 9, 2015
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Boost Your Professional Edge with Exercise

So often, when we think of professional improvement, things like earning a new degree, learning a new skill, taking a class, or attending networking events or workshops come to mind.  While these are all excellent choices, it’s easy to overlook our personal health and well-being as a way to gain a competitive edge in the workplace.  A healthy lifestyle routine of exercise can greatly improve energy, focus and mental sharpness on a daily basis.

 

The Brain Benefits

We all know that exercise helps with maintaining body weight, and improves muscle and heart strength.  But, did you also know that exercise actually improves your thinking skills?  There is direct scientific evidence.  In people who exercise regularly, studies have shown that the parts of the brain that control thinking and memory are greater in size than in people who don’t exercise.1  Exercise also contributes to the growth of new blood vessels in the brain, as well as new brain cells.

In fact, according to Dr. Scott McGinnis, neurology instructor at Harvard Medical School, “We know that exercise behaves like medicine to improve thinking skills.”  An improvement in thinking skills.  Imagine that!  The payout for exercise is a more efficient brain, thus upping your game and gaining a competitive edge.  This easily equates to higher productivity at work, as well as more room to think strategically or creatively.

Research at Harvard Medical School also has proven that a reduction of insulin resistance and inflammation directly correlate with exercise.1  Reducing insulin resistance staves off diabetes, while a reduction in inflammation takes care of muscle and joint aches and pains, as well as headaches and many other maladies.  Additional benefits of exercise include a (sometimes instant) reduction of stress and anxiety.  How wonderful is that?  Further, exercise contributes to improvements in mood and the ability to sleep.  One additional bonus is that exercise builds up calcium in your bones, which is a great advantage for women in the 50 plus age bracket.

 

Fitting it In

It’s easy to talk about and understand the benefits of exercise.  But, maybe it’s been a while since you put on your running shoes, hit the gym, or attended a fitness class.  Getting going can be the toughest part.  This is especially true with busy schedules that start early, end late and can often include kids’ activities in between.

The truth is however, we will make time for what is most important to us.  Think of all the ways you spend your time throughout the day.  Could you find time in your morning routine to take a walk, exercise at home with a fitness DVD, or take a 5:30AM yoga class?  If mornings are too hectic, how about a walk after eating lunch?  If your workplace has a fitness facility, think creatively about how you could take advantage of it before, during or after work.

After a long day, does surfing the internet, being on social media, or sitting down to watch Netflix round out your day?  There is room in there for an evening walk, or a quick workout, if it’s a priority.  Even starting with a 10 minute walk or exercise routine is better than sitting.  You can work your way up to 30 minutes or more over time as your stamina increases.  Creative ways to fit it in exist if you make it a top five on your to do list.  Over the years, I have built up an in-home gym where I get in a cardio workout on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, alternating with strength training on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Not every week is perfect, especially when unexpected things come my way, but this is the schedule I’ve committed to for years.

 

Make the Change

Just getting started is the key, and often the biggest challenge you will face.  It’s so easy to stay rooted in our comfortable, familiar routines.  Change can be challenging.  It may feel like you can never get to a point where exercise is a regular part of your life.  However, I challenge you to think of your accomplishments to date.  Our best achievements happen over time, with planning, hard work and dedication.  Those are the same elements needed to begin a meaningful fitness routine.

Need some motivation?  Try a leading task that will draw you into physical activity.  Is running or walking your way to ease back into fitness?  Take a visit to a shoe store that specializes in fitness shoes.  The specialized attention and fit you’ll receive is heads above department stores.  A comfortable and fashionable new shoe investment will be a great companion as you hit the pavement again.  Or, perhaps yoga is your thing.  A new yoga mat or DVD can help get you going on your journey.  If strength training is your preferred fitness choice, some new workout clothes and a pair of weight gloves might be just the ticket to help get you going.

What will you commit to do?  Walk 10 minutes, exercise for 15, or go to a beginner fitness class?  Even once a week is a great place to start.  If going it alone seems insurmountable, find an exercise partner.  Accountability can help enormously in this area.  Getting to bed earlier and waking earlier is also a great strategy.  I have a client who went to bed a little earlier each night over a period of weeks, with the goal of waking early to attend a 5:00AM boot camp.  The commitment has empowered her not only in her time management, but in the benefits she receives from regular exercise.  Her days at work after exercise are by far her most productive and enjoyable.

Remember, little steps made each day lead us on the path to the goal we are trying to reach.  Take that first step today toward a healthier lifestyle that contributes to a competitive edge at work.  You’ll not only feel and look better, you’ll work smarter too!

1Harvard Health Letter, May, 2014

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| June 29, 2015
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How to Thrive and Advance in a Male-Dominated Workplace

From day one, male babies are dressed and swaddled in blue, females in pink.  Boys play with trucks and like to wrestle, girls play with dolls and learn proper manners.  Young men play to win on sports teams, young women do things in groups where everyone tries to get along.  Yes, there are exceptions to these generalities like girls who play sports, or young men who focus on academics or the arts.  Even in these scenarios, there are learned behaviors that carry through to adulthood and the workplace that shape the way males and females interact; and it can be confusing, because they are vastly different.

If you work in a male-dominated setting, you must understand the environment in order to thrive in it.  Similar to adapting to a new culture in a different country, or learning a new language, we have to understand the world around us before we can fully engage and participate.  This is not to say that after a year of living in France (for example), or learning their language, that we become French!  However; we would learn how to get along with and interact with the French better than if you held onto your American ways.  Similarly, if you work in a male-dominated company, and that is still the construct of most American workplaces, to learn the customs, manners and speech that goes with the culture will not only help you be a part of it, but even lead within it.  If your hard work is going unnoticed or unrewarded, if you are frustrated because your voice or ideas are not heard, or worse, if you find yourself complaining about your situation, it’s time to learn some strategies and get in the game.  It’s not about relinquishing yourself or your feminine side, rather, it’s about using what you have and what you know to successfully survive, strive and thrive.

It is important to remember that, just like the French were the first people in France, men and the male culture of the workplace have been in business for centuries. Globally.  It surprises me sometimes that women are miffed or incredulous that we haven’t changed this culture in the last 50 years, when the rules and behaviors of men in business date back to the days of barter and trade, and when you had to sometimes fight and even kill to survive.  Think about history.  Shifts in civilizations and cultures take centuries if not millenniums before change occurs.  If we are to succeed in a male-dominant culture (workplace), we need to shift our efforts from changing it, to improving our circumstance within it.  Indeed, the optimal outcome is that equality in the workplace prevails, but for now, we need to focus on this point in time and our place within the grand shift.   If we pursue success with this mindset, rather than the thought that we aren’t being granted a fair shake, we will get a lot farther a lot more quickly.  The three keys to success lie within adapting these styles to survive, strive and thrive within the world around you:

  • Communication
  • Behavior
  • Leadership

Communication Approach

Imagine you are in a business meeting in Paris.  Speaking in English will not get your point across (I know many are bilingual, but stay with the example).  Of course you are frustrated because English is all you know.  Similar to speaking to someone hard of hearing, perhaps you shout in English to get your point across.  This accomplishes not your goal, but instead succeeds in irritating those around you, and worse, their disdain or disregard for you.  In essence, you are a nuisance, even if you have a meaningful or even life-saving point to make.  You’ll never get your point across with this approach.  What do you do?  Learn French and try again.

At this point, I know you’re wondering ‘what is the language of men in business, the language that they hear, understand and respond to?’  Well, it’s not so much a language, as it is a communication style.  Whereas women are masters of rapport building, men want to get straight to the point.  Women are congenial conversationalists, men report and declare information and ideas.  Generally, women speak in turn, whereas research has shown that men interrupt and dominate the floor.  Tone and intonation matter also matter.  In your business communication, stick to facts, steer away from feelings.  Keep on topic, and by all means avoid drama at all costs.  You might be cringing at this point, thinking back to certain communications gone bad.  You can change and move forward.  It is possible.  Communicate as if you are on a mission, with a limited amount of time to accomplish a very important task, and that it’s imperative that everyone understand your vision.  Because, in fact, you are.  Your mission is that of staking your professional ground and advancement.

Communication – Survival Strategies:

  • Avoid chit chat and rapport building.
  • Get straight to the point and stick to it.
  • Declare your points versus posing them as questions or ideas for pondering.
  • Avoid your high-pitch voice, and drama.  Communicate with a strong even tone that exudes confidence.

Behavior Modification

Using France as an example again, the culture has a certain set of values and etiquette that apply in all situations.  To immerse into the culture, you must strive to understand your environment, and adapt in order to be a part of it.  It’s not about abandoning who you are, or changing your ways completely.  It’s about gaining knowledge of how things work in the world around you, making adjustments to become a part of it, and ultimately effectively contribute to its betterment.  The goal is to change how you are perceived and understood, so that you will assimilate into and be accepted into the culture.

In this case, adapting to your environment means being a team player, but according to the male definition of ‘team’.  From a young age, boys learn that to be a team player you must sacrifice for the good of the team, sometimes break the rules, and not take things personally.  You don’t necessarily like all the players on the team, but get along with them anyway because they allhave the same goal, which is to win with an organized strategy.  These learned behaviors are engrained and come into play again in the business world.  Conversely, from girlhood, females like to be friends with everyone on the team, make sure the outcome is best for everyone involved, and work to support the team by following the rules.  These concepts are at odds with each other.  If you find yourself in a male-dominant business team as a minority, it’s necessary to play by their accepted rules – whether or not you agree with or like them.

Following on the communication style differences, relationships men have with co-workers is quite different than those of women.  For starters, and in most cases, discussion of interpersonal topics are not for the office.  When someone (male or female) is friendly at a given point in time, it doesn’t mean they are your friend.  You can get along well in a meeting, or on a team, but understand that it doesn’t mean you now have a buddy, or that someone that has your back.  You have to have your own back.  Period.  Know your boundaries and act accordingly.  These rules are not true for every office, or every company, but if you’re reading this and experiencing an ‘ah ha’ moment, it is probably true for your office, and you are now aware of it.

Behavior – Strive Strategies

  • Get to know and understand the rules in your office.
  • Play by the rules, and understand you might lose a ‘friend’ in the process.
  • Get along with everyone, even if it hurts.
  • Fair is not always in the playbook.  Realize this, and accept it, but not to the point of compromising integrity.
  • Make frequent, meaningful contributions to the team, always with the end-goal in mind.

Leadership Style

There is no one or right way to lead, but there is a wrong way, which is trying to reach unanimous consensus among the team, or worse, sharing an idea and asking everyone’s opinion before making a move.  Some women try to apply their social rules of female relationships when in a leadership role; play nice, get along, everybody’s happy.  That’s doesn’t work in the office.  Not everyone is, nor can they be, on equal ground.  As a leader, it is inevitable that some decisions you make won’t be popular or liked by some members of your team.  How you react could be the linchpin in gaining the respect of your team.  If you have a high need to be liked by all, or want to assuage any and all dissonance within your team, it will be your downfall.  In sum, you will lose the respect of your team.

Many men, especially those who played team sports, inherently understand and operate this way by default.  They lead with their head.  Heart rarely plays a role at the office.  This is not to say that men are insensitive, it’s just that they are conditioned to compartmentalize emotions in the decision making process.  The higher up you go, or want to go, this type of strategic decision and action tends to get more intense.

Leadership – Thrive Strategies

  • Review the facts, formulate a strategy or decision, and be direct with your delivery.
  • Don’t agonize, assuage or apologize.
  • Stick to your guns. Backtracking is perceived as being weak or inconsistent.
  • Accept some dissension as normal and move on.  Eventually employees will too.
  • Understand that people want a leader to lead and coach.  Act accordingly.

These male-focused strategies of communication, behavior and leadership may seem cold and without regard to relationships.  Cultivation of relationships as a team player, or leader is a fundamentally important part of team building.  This observation may seem to fly in the face of the strategies I’ve outlined, but let me assure you, it does not.  Acting as the Lone Ranger won’t get you very far.  Workplace relationship cultivation has the goals and objectives of the business or organization are at the heart.  In a friendship outside of work, seeing a movie, shopping or chatting over coffee is appropriate.  At work, activities and behaviors that strengthen and further both the individual and the company are the core activities that cultivate relationships.  Examples include mentoring a younger employee, picking up a project for someone in dire need of help (not chronic need), showing up to all meetings (even the boring ones), or recognizing someone’s contributions or praising their work in front of a group.  These actions will gain the respect of your co-workers, set an example for others to follow, and in most cases, benefit you in some way.

Adapting your communication, behavior and leadership style, using the methods outlined within will help you survive, strive and thrive not only in a male-dominated culture, they will take you far in an all-female, or equally mixed environment as well.  I liken these methods to the environment one would expect in a higher-education classroom setting;

  • Direct, no nonsense, fact-driven, communication.
  • Appropriate, calm and participatory behavior.
  • Principle-based, direct and unwavering leadership

Has any of this advice struck a chord with you?  Did you find yourself identifying or struggling with some of these areas in your work life?  I’ve coached hundreds of women through challenging situations, freeing them of encumbered beliefs or behaviors, setting them on a path to success.  I can help you too.  Please contact me for an initial consultation to explore the possibilities of working together.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| May 28, 2015
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Relationships with Women in the Workplace

What was your relationship like with your mother when you were growing up?  I bet a flood of memories just came to you.  Whether good, bad, somewhere in between, or perhaps absent, many women forge relationships with other women based on the dominant female relationship in their formative years.  The struggle to develop a full sense of self and separateness from “mother” stays with us for a long time, extending into other relationships.1  Friendships, romantic relationships and professional relationships are all affected by this phenomenon, without even realizing it.  The top three struggles between women in the workplace revolve around blame, battles and boundaries.  These struggles happen either between peers, or in the subordinate/manager relationship, and are as complex as they are varied.  Let’s explore.

Women who struggle in relationships with their female colleagues tend to view other women through one of two lenses:  as a competitor, or as someone to be questioned and counseled.  The competitor lens is common between women who work at the same managerial level, or have similar responsibilities.  They either connect with the other woman and become allies, or view the woman as a threat or competitor.  If the colleague is seen as a competitor, a woman will often feel threatened about the security of her own position, or her performance.  The variety of perceived threats are many, but the most common fears women express are:  being undermined, criticized, or feeling inadequate or ineffective.  These fears are borne out of the competition associated with the lack of high-level positions.  Many women vying for the same open spot often creates rivalries between competitors.  These struggles can result in the blame game.

Blame

More commonly referred to as criticism, the blame game can be the equivalent of grade school bullying.  When women gang up on a co-worker and either gossip about them, or outright criticize them, the results can be devastating.  Even to the point of having a solid employee quit.  Often the catalyst for criticism is jealousy or fear toward the woman receiving it, because she is actually doing a superior job.  Conversely, it can be that she is doing a poor job and getting away with it.  Some workplaces even have an office sniper.  This is a person who makes snide remarks and leaves just before the recipient has a chance to respond or engage.  Many consider this ‘hit and run’ behavior, and it has the same effects.  It damages without recourse – but it doesn’t have to be that way.

The most productive response I have seen to a culture of criticism over the years is to create an environment of credit and praise.  Beginning with yourself, whether you are in a co-worker environment, or manage a team, be the change you’d like to see.  Here are just a few ideas that have produced dramatic results:

For Managers:

  • Develop a “Wall of Fame” where people are given credit and praise for a job well done.
  • Conduct strength development training, either in group settings or one-on-one.

For Co-Workers:

  • Initiate peer crediting.  Openly praise another person’s work in a meeting, or in front of a sniper or office bully.
  • Manage self-talk.  Be good to yourself!  If you are the object of criticism, (sometimes self-criticism is a huge issue), don’t join in on the conversation.  Remind yourself of your strengths and embrace them.
  • Likewise if someone is putting themselves down, share your positive observations about their work.

Battles and Conflict

Conflicts, and less frequently battles, will exist in any working relationship at some point.  It’s inevitable, and can even be a good thing because the resolution can bring about stronger relationships, and excellent problem solving opportunities.  Conflict happens between peers, and with managers and their direct reports.  Common catalysts to conflict include:  gossip, burnout, triangular communication, and viewing the manager as “Mom”.  Key symptoms or reactions to conflict can include eruptions, physical symptoms, burnout and in some cases tears.  If a coworker or direct report is exhibiting these behaviors, do not make the mistake of assuming the cause.  It is common to write off such behaviors as maturity issues or personal problems.  Instead, take a step back and assess.  Take some time with the employee to understand her situation.  If you learn that a conflict indeed exists, taking swift steps to resolve it is essential.  The first step in resolving the situation is to acknowledge the issue or conflict, and to focus on the issue, and not the personality of the individual.  Then, resolve the conflict:

Set the ground rules for the resolution – Select a neutral, third party mediator, and have that person explain the rules of engagement.  Typical examples include stating the desired outcome at the meeting onset, not interrupting, not judging or over reacting, and acknowledging the other person’s feelings and concerns.

Create a forum for conflict management – Once the ground rules have been established, select a proper spot for the discussion, and provide details of how the process will work.

Creative solutions – Often a discussion session or series of sessions, perhaps with HR involved, can resolve a conflict.  Sometimes it takes a little creativity. Consider the following options some of my clients have implemented: changing seating arrangements or offices; role reversals (where two people swap jobs or responsibilities); scattered work schedules where the two parties work at different times or from home; or force an agreement.

Some conflicts cannot be completely resolved, but can be mitigated through a forced agreement.  If the two parties cannot come to a resolution, you can suggest that they agree to disagree.  This approach should accompany the suggestion that focusing on the work at hand rather than the other person is the priority.  If one party is the clear offender, the resolution may be eventual termination after proper cause is established with the necessary documentation.

Boundaries

Boundary issues typically occur between a manager and someone on their team.  A common dilemma is when a subordinate that questions authority, manager decisions and actions, or worse, is a chronic advice giver.  This often occurs when a subordinate is older than their manager, but not always.  Boundary issues can even go so far as the direct report trying to usurp managerial power, and attempt to create a role reversal.  Actions surrounding boundary issues are a product of the desire to keep the playing field flat by women who want to create a “we’re all in this together” atmosphere.  Establishing clear boundaries from the beginning of taking on a managerial role, or after a boundary ‘dispute’ is essential.  Calling together your team, or creating a survey to identify staff wants and needs is a great first step.

In doing so, you establish several things:

  • An atmosphere of trust
  • A willingness to understand
  • The opportunity to establish standards

When your team feels you are interested in and care about their input, it builds trust.  Further, enabling your team to express their wants and needs helps them feel ‘understood’.  Done correctly, this exercise can boost morale considerably.  While some of the wants and needs may be unrealistic, collectively they will paint a picture of the underlying reasons boundaries are being tested.

Once you assess their responses as a whole, you can then establish standards for boundaries.  You may find there is a common theme in the responses.  Some responses may give you pause, and the opportunity to self-examine if the issue hits home.  If the main response pertains to the team rather than your management style or a policy you’ve implemented (for example), the approach to establishing a standard can take a couple of different forms.  It may be quite simple, with a clear fix that is easily identifiable.  In this case, you can implement a standard to eliminate the boundary issue.

Say, for example, a co-worker is reluctant about providing a due date or details of an assignment that is part of a bigger project.  In her nebulous response, she projects superiority to the group members and comes off as being in charge.  This response is a boundary issue because she is trying to be above the group, when in fact she is a member of the team.  One solution could be to implement a timeline with clear expectations of weekly updates and solid due dates.  The timeline would be team created and approved, and be the new standard.  Whatever the case, the solution lies in digging in to find the issue, resolving it together as much as possible, and making the new standard, which resolves the conflict, known to all.

On the other hand, the boundary issue may be more personal.  You may have a subordinate that tends to challenge you in different ways, offers unsolicited advice, or even goes around you to circumvent your authority.  Recently, a client shared that a team member had submitted a project update to a senior leader in her company without routing it to her first for review.  The incident caused dissension between upper management and my client, and the need to establish a clear boundary with her subordinate.  Yet, she was reluctant to address it.  Worse yet, this was not the first time this behavior happened.  However, my client realized she now had to address it in order to protect her own reputation and possibly her position.  The issue was that this particular team member had a volatile personality and my client was has a calm management style.  I armed her with the following techniques to tactfully and successfully correct the situation.

1)    Acknowledge the conflict. Calmly tell the person with whom you’re in conflict that you’d like to set up a meeting to discuss the incident.  State that you realized you both have a different view or opinion, and you’d like to reach some common ground.

2)    Focus on the issue, not the personality.  My client had to accept that her employee might indeed become angry or flippant, but was ready to bring the conversation back to the issue at hand.  She was ready to say, “I understand you’re upset, but we need to discuss the process,” instead of; “you’re over reacting, calm down and let’s talk.”  After your subordinate has expressed her rationales, concerns or frustrations, be sure you understand them.  Repeat back her concerns to convey you have heard her.  Perhaps you can assuage them, and perhaps not (if company policy or procedure prohibits it), but the act of hearing her out will go a long way toward correcting the issue.

3)    Set the ground rules.  Once you have addressed and answered her concerns, establish the ground rules going forward.  Be very clear in the details of the process and your expectations that she will follow them to the letter.  The key here is your delivery, which needs to be calm, and matter of fact.

One of the most common boundary issues occur when a woman from a peer group becomes manager of that same group.  I counsel clients in this situation to take some serious time, maybe a weekend away, to consider how they will approach their new role.  A successful step-up transition includes having a plan to implement the following.  Understand that you will need to:

  • Break the rules of the ‘flat plane’.  You are no longer part of the group.
  • Lead by collaboration and directives.  Get group input if necessary, but in the end, you call the shots.
  • Change your relationships with former peers.  This tends to be the most difficult for women.  You need to strive for an atmosphere of friendliness versus friendship.
  • Know that some will find the new situation “unfair”, and plan a response to it.
  • Endeavor to take issues less personally, and develop a shield.  This will involve some level of detachment from the situation.  In other words dealing with the situation at hand, and leaving the emotions behind.

If you are currently challenged in the areas of blame, battles or boundaries and need some additional counsel, please give me a call to set up an appointment.  I would love to help you become your best self in the workplace.

1 Women and Self-Esteem. Sanford and Donovan, 2004

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , ,
| April 28, 2015
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Networking – Overcoming the Fear, Its Importance and How to Do It

Maybe you think “you either have it, or you don’t” when it comes to networking.  Or, maybe you think that connecting, making conversation, and socializing comes more naturally to others, than to you.  Well, guess what?  You do have what it takes.  I know this because I was the consummate wall flower in a former life, so and I am here to tell that you can do it!  Further, networking is an important part of career development.  It’s an investment worth making for yourself and in others, and it’s not as hard as you may think.  Let’s explore.

In my case, and in the case of almost every woman I’ve ever coached, the driving factor in avoiding networking (and many other things in life) is fear.  In fact, fear holds people back from many opportunities in life that can enrich, propel, and grow us in significant ways. Real fear does serve a purpose.  It is intended to help us avoid danger.  When we encounter potential real danger like fire, an impending tornado, or entering a crime-ridden area, we use our knowledge and judgement of the situation to make the best possible choice about how to proceed.  However; the objects of phobias like heights, spiders, or flying, are not dangerous in and of themselves, but they may make us uncomfortable.  If we dwell on that discomfort, and the ‘what if’s’ that accompany it, fears can grow into full blown phobias.  The driving reason women are fearful of networking is often due to a lack of self-esteem, which is ironic, because networking is a fantastic way to boost your self-esteem!  Overcoming this hurdle requires improving how we value or see ourselves, which can be done when we really look at the truth of the matter.

Although you may fear interacting with a group of people at a networking event, it is not a dangerous situation!  Approaching any one of them will do you no harm – quite the opposite!  There is absolutely nothing to fear.  You may be nervous, and slightly afraid perhaps, but debilitating fear that paralyzes is irrational.

Let’s review these following truths about networking.

People at networking events:

  1. Are all there for the same reason; to network!
  2. Are typically in an open and receptive mindset.
  3. Usually want to help you as much as you want to be helped.
  4. Are not going to hurt or harm you in any way.
  5. Are very interested in what you can provide in terms of a connection.

But, if you are fearful, you may be feeling and thinking just the opposite.  Here are some falsehoods about networking.

People at networking events:

  1. Are all there to make fun of and laugh at me.
  2. Will ignore me and make me feel unwanted.
  3. Will want to make me look like a fool.
  4. Will bite me if I say something stupid, or humiliate me.
  5. Will think ‘who do you think you are, and what are you doing here?’.

Ridiculous, isn’t it?  When we are fearful, it is typically because we have chosen to believe a pack of lies about ourselves, a situation or others that simply isn’t true!  To overcome the fear is a process of thought replacement – quit lying to yourself, and replace those outlandish thoughts with the truth – whatever the situation may be!

Perhaps your fear of networking isn’t on such a grand scale, but rather in one-on-one settings, small group opportunities, or at a party.  The same logic applies.  Fill your mind with the reality of the situation, and positive thoughts, and then choose to proceed with what you know to be true.  It also helps to focus on other people, their interests and needs, rather than yourself and your perceived shortcomings.

If you aren’t fearful of such situations, or now that you are armed with the knowledge of how to overcome your fears, you might be thinking ‘Why do I need to network?  Things at work are just fine.’  Well, they may be fine today, tomorrow or next week, but what about after that?  The business landscape is in a continuous evolution of change that typically keeps pace with rapid technology improvements, regardless of industry.  Just as you need to invest in your health by eating proper foods and exercising, and in your financial future by building and monitoring your investments, so it goes with work.  Networking is like paying job insurance. Invest a little bit every month, and if you find yourself unemployed, you will have a network to reach to for help in finding a new job.

Even if your job is as stable as Mt. Everest, networking is still a huge idea.  The advantages are almost endless.  Meeting new people in other industries or jobs and cultivating those relationships pays big time.  For example, say you sell widgets and you meet someone that sells gizmos.  Your widget and their gizmo may have nothing in common initially, but you like Mr. Gizmo seller, and you decide to meet up with him for coffee every once in a while.  One day you call upon Acme, and they really want to buy your widget, but they just can’t buy it unless they have gizmos, because, well it’s complicated.  You have the perfect solution for them, because you just happen to know someone who sells gizmos, and the deal is done.  In the process, you’ve made many people happy; your customer, their clients, and Ms. Gizmo seller.  So networking, in the end, isn’t just for your benefit.  It’s for the greater good, and really keeps business humming.

So, now you may be convinced that networking is a good thing, and that you can actually do it.  But how?  If you’re busy, introverted, or not very well connected to begin with, the task may seem monumental.  It’s really not.  Below are several easy, relatively painless ways to get started:

  • Ask a colleague to lunch or morning coffee
  • Email an article to a supplier that pertains to their business, and comment on it
  • Call or connect on Linked-In with a former business associate to see what they’re up to
  • Take a continuing education class in your business area (or a new one) and get to know the other students and teacher

Enter into each of these scenarios with the intent of giving something like a tip, a business opportunity, a compliment for a job well done, or contributing something meaningful.  Over time, these small acts will build on themselves, and you will see that people respond in kind.  Once you’ve built a beginning base, branch out to larger functions such as:

  • Joining Toastmasters
  • Attending a local Linked-In networking event (check for your local group – they exist)
  • Going to an industry trade show in your line of work
  • Attend a High-Heeled Success® workshop  (http://www.highheeledsuccess.com/events.html)

If these larger events seem daunting, enlist a colleague or friend to go with you.  Someone with established connections who does well in social situations is ideal, but even going with a friend who shares your same goals will bolster your confidence.  You can support each other and work together as a team.  Work the room and meet groups of people or an individual together.  Introduce your colleague by name, title and company, and then share some amazing qualities, talents, skills or current project they are leading.  Your friend in turn will do the same for you.

In the end, networking is all about building meaningful relationships that are mutually beneficial.  It’s similar to making friends, meeting a significant other, or investing time with your children or other family members.  Work can consume well over half of our waking hours.  This unavoidably means working with and being around many people.  Doesn’t it make sense to build bridges and a network to support your career that comprises such a large part of your life?  Invest a little time in networking every month, and year over year you will have a strong foundation lifting you up, as well as creating meaning in your job and life, which provides a way to ‘give back’ in kind for what you’ve been given.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| March 21, 2015
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Creating Laser Focus

March is Women’s History Month, and a good time to think about the historic imprint you will leave on those around you.  What kind of legacy are you leaving behind for the women in your life; daughters, nieces, co-workers, women whom you mentor, or manage?  Involvement in purposeful projects, events and missions that create positive, meaningful outcomes is a very effective way to make your personal mark on history.  Such a goal takes the discipline of moving along things that must get done (tasks, errands, routine work responsibilities), and creating room for these important things that will leave a lasting legacy.  It also requires thoughtful weekly planning, and the skill of executing your ideas and work with efficiency and focus. Let’s explore this further.

Is staying focused on the work in front of you a challenge?  Do you find yourself starting and restarting a task multiple times because of distractions, interruptions or because of your own sidetracking thoughts?  If so, you are not alone.  A study published in Psychology Today by Larry Rosen, PhD, observed the study habits of 300 middle school, high school and university students.  Rosen and his team were startled by the results which showed that, on average, students were only able to focus on their studying for three minutes at a time, with nearly all of their distractions coming from technology.  The researchers found similar results with computer programmers and medical students.  The biggest technology offenders were smartphones, and the very computers on which the research participants were either studying or working!

The truth is, we have too many inputs vying for our attention; ring tones, instant messaging, reminder alerts, buzzing email, text tones, and even Facebook and social media notifications!  Then there are meetings, phone calls, crisis situations and office chatter.  It’s endless, and those examples don’t even include our own distracting thoughts such as the errands to run, bills to pay, family schedules and more.  If we are not careful, interruptions can bounce us around like a ping pong ball all day long.  Are you letting distractions take your attention and keep you from being focused, or are you in the driver’s seat of your life?

If staying on task is challenging you, I offer you a double-pronged approach that will help create laser focus.  First is a commitment to weekly goal planning.  The second is mindfulness, but we will come back to that later.

I am convinced making a weekly plan with goals is the first step to successfully creating habits that lead to laser focus.  Most of us are familiar with the Covey method of project planning, or perhaps you’ve used other techniques, or your own version of task prioritization and organization.  The question to ask yourself is, do you use it consistently, without fail?  The weekly planning process needs to be a top priority if you want to drive your success in meaningful areas, versus being pulled along the path of uncertainty, and only accomplishing small tasks.

Weekly planning takes foresight and commitment.  When creating your plan, consider and identify these key elements before creating it:

1.  Top priorities for the week – what must absolutely get done?  Remember the following in this process:

You can’t:

  • Do it all – focus only on the impactful, meaningful and important
  • Please everyone
  • Always say yes
  • Have blurry boundaries

You can:

  • Get first things done first – leave or delegate small tasks for another time
  • Please yourself with a job well done
  • Say yes to top priorities
  • Set up respectable boundaries

2.  Top energy zones – when are you most productive?

  • Morning or afternoon?
  • Before or after a workout, lunch or break?
  • Alone or with others around?

These are the two key questions to ask yourself when planning and prioritizing for the week – what do you have to do, and when are you at your best to complete them? From this genesis, you can create your ideal schedule with attainable goals.  Don’t overschedule yourself, or spread yourself too thin.  Leave white space for emergencies, and margins for thinking and creativity.  Once you’ve successfully prioritized and scheduled your week’s goals, congratulate yourself, and make a date with yourself to do it again – same time, same place next week.  Use that smart phone wisely.  Set a reminder on Sunday to review the upcoming week and plan out your productivity!

With the first step of the approach to laser focus complete (planning), your stage is set for step two.  The second step to obtain laser focus on a daily basis is by practicing ‘mindfulness’.  Mindfulness is ‘a state of active, open attention on the present’.  With practice and patience you can actually ‘reprogram’ your brain to be in a state of mindfulness throughout the day.  To prepare yourself (your brain really) for a mindfulness approach to laser focus during the work day, it is important to begin your day with a deeper sense of mindfulness.

To be clear, I’m not pushing a brand of spirituality or religion, but rather a method by which you can clear your mind, obtain some peace, and get grounded for the day ahead of you.  To that end, I am proposing that prior to the start of your work day, you spend 10 minutes in a quiet, peaceful state in an attempt to empty your mind of thoughts and feelings by the process of recognizing them when they come into your brain, but then letting them go without reacting to them.  You can do this upon waking, before you leave for work, on the drive to work, at your desk, or in the car before you go into the office (especially if being completely still at your desk will have co-workers wondering if you are OK!)

The goal of practicing 10 minutes of deep mindfulness sets your brain into action, rather than leaving it vulnerable to reaction.  It prepares your brain for approaching work with basic mindfulness (the ‘a state of active, open attention on the present’), and ultimately a laser focus.  Practice and patience are essential to maintain basic mindfulness in order to achieve laser focus.  The technology distractions listed earlier are the biggest culprits of distraction, but there are others.  How many of the following do you identify with?

  • Conversations at your desk
  • Phone conversations that last too long (personal or professional)
  • Checking and responding to non-essential email and social media
  • Thoughts of personal/home issues
  • Multiple projects at once
  • Snacking, coffee or water run
  • Non-urgent tasks (cleaning email inbox, organizing files, making lists, etc.)

The first step in avoiding these distractions is to recognize them as just that.  It may be that you are not even aware that these activities are robbing you of your time, productivity and prohibiting you from laser focus on the task at hand.  Mentally go through a day at work, and write down everything that distracts you and places your brain in a reactive mode.  Then, pick the top three things to conquer first.  Now, make a plan for proactively responding to them when they occur.  Below are some examples:

Conversations at your desk Close your door, or put up a sign requesting no interruptions
Telephone interruptions Let it go to voicemail
Conversation getting too long Explain that you have a deadline
Checking email too much Designate two or three times a day to check email, responding only to those pertaining to your plan for the day, or minimally reply with a time and date you will get respond.
Multiple projects at once Put away other work project
Text messages Set your timer to work for 15 – 30 minutes solid, then take 3 or 5 minutes to check and respond to relevant text messages.  Non-urgent messages can wait.
Thoughts of personal/home issues Keep a list of things to address at a later time
Being diverted outside your workspace Don’t engage in miscellaneous interruptions from co-workers

 

While some of these responsive techniques may seem too radical, they are perfectly acceptable ways to create boundaries for yourself and create ‘a state of being active with open attention on the present’ (mindfulness) enabling you to laser focus.  The process of choosing to actively engage in the task at hand rather than react to stimuli takes discipline. While you won’t achieve laser focus on the first day, you will be surprised at how quickly practicing mindfulness will begin to yield laser focus and positive results.

Weekly planning sessions coupled with the daily mindfulness approaches I’ve described will do so much more for you than help you achieve laser focus.  It will empower you to be in complete control of your thoughts and actions.  It will also reward you with additional mental space and opportunities to produce creative, quality and meaningful work.  These opportunities are the foundation from which your lasting legacy can flow.  Keep a diary of your accomplishment and successes as a result of your new approach.  This will motivate you to continue your practice of laser focus, build self-confidence, and make your mark on history.  When you train your brain to use both states of mindfulness to the point where it becomes natural and exciting, you will have mastered the art being able to laser focus.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , , , ,
| February 16, 2015
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Building Self-Confidence

Are you lacking confidence in aspects of your professional life?  Does it seem impossible to imagine that you could ever have the confidence necessary to handle certain situations?  If it seems everywhere you look, confident people dominate the landscape, and you are the exception, take heart.  The truth is, babies are the most confident people on the planet, not adults.  Although it seems counter intuitive, self-confidence is a natural state of being.  It is the state of being completely comfortable with who and what you are, independent of what others think of you, or how you perceive them to think of you.

Think about it.  Infants will ‘tell’ you exactly what they need and when they need it.  No qualms about it.  They cry when they are hungry, tired, bored or hurt, and they don’t think twice about it. As they grow, they will try with all their effort and might to reach an object, sit up, crawl, verbalize and engage with you.  There is no hesitation in their actions, and they certainly don’t stop to think about how others are perceiving their efforts, or if another baby is doing it better.  They move forward with confidence.  Of course, babies receive a lot of positive reinforcement during these activities, which does help propel their progress forward.

However, when a baby becomes a toddler and begins to understand language and human response, they also learn ‘stop’ signals.  A ‘stop’ signal is a communication that goes against the natural state of being.  Such as, ‘No, don’t touch’; ‘do it this way, not that way’; or ‘that’s incorrect, try again.’  Of course, these directions are for safety and teaching, but they also interfere with the natural state of being confident.  This natural state is one that drives us forward to act, almost without regard of who we are, and definitely without regard to what others think.

As we grow, we begin to realize the world around us,  compare ourselves to others, and see the differences between our abilities versus others.  Perhaps we try to be something or someone we are not, and seek the approval of others.  This can sometimes result in self-doubt, self-criticism, and fear of failure.  These are the two basic elements of lacking self-confidence; doubt and fear.

Now for the good news!  It doesn’t have to be that way! Even if you have struggled with issues of confidence your entire life.  You are capable of overcoming it, and stepping into a new way of thinking and being.

Conquering lack of self-confidence begins with realizing that it is not all encompassing.  A common misconception of people with confidence issues is that they think that in order to be confident, it is necessary to go around feeling good about everything.  Not true!  Lack of self-confidence may exist in some areas of your life, but not in others.  Think about the things you can do well from the simple to the complicated – putting together a nice outfit, cooking a great meal, organizing, writing, project management, being strategic or visionary, playing an instrument, socializing or speaking a foreign language.  You may be very good at one or more of these things, but not in others.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t possess the ability to be confident, it’s just that in certain areas, you don’t feel as competent as you either need to be, of feel you ought to be.

The simple acknowledgement of recognizing your weaknesses and accepting that you need to improve in that area is the cornerstone of self-confidence.  With this acceptance, you give yourself the permission to step out of your comfort zone and make mistakes.  And you will make mistakes – and, so what?  It’s not the end of the world (unless you have a self-image that is obliterated by a mistake), it’s the beginning of gaining strength in that area by recognizing how you could do better the next time.

For example, say you lack confidence in the area of socializing in a large group setting.  You go into a networking event, business meeting or social setting with a roomful of successful, bright or seemingly perfect people and break out into a cold sweat.  Self-doubt, fear of saying something stupid, or not knowing what to say, just takes over.

First, accept it as both a weakness and challenge to improve upon. Take on the challenge by strategizing ways to conquer your fear.  The best way to do this is to visualize an upcoming situation, and imagine yourself having a successful encounter.  Pick three things and envision doing them successfully.  The first may be as simple as telling yourself that not every person in the room has it all figured out.  Second, think of conversation starters related to the event and imagine yourself engaging in a meaningful conversation.  Play the entire scenario out in your mind from beginning to end envisioning yourself entering with confidence, having a nice chat with many people in the room, and looking and feeling confident for the duration.  You will be surprised at how empowering the exercise can be, and how it will build faith in your abilities.  In fact, the word ‘confidence’ simply means ‘with faith’, coming from the Latin words con; meaning ‘with’, and fide meaning ‘faith’.  When you think about it, confidence is simply moving forward with faith in yourself that you will succeed, or do well in a situation.

The opposite of this behavior is over-thinking the situation as it approaches.  If you spend time considering every possible horrible scenario or feeling that might occur during the event, you’re setting yourself up for failure.  This type of thinking can lead to avoidance behavior, and make you skip the event, situation or activity all together.  Replace your ‘what happens if’ thinking with ‘I wonder what will happen’ thinking, and it will empower to go forth with faith in yourself.  Each time you try to overcome a situation where are fearful, you will build self-confidence by discovering that you can make progress in areas you never thought possible.  The most important part is to always remember to keep your sense of humor.  Even if something doesn’t go according to plan, try not to take yourself so seriously.  Recognize where you could have done better, laugh about it, and plan to do a little better next time – because you can do it!

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , ,
| January 12, 2015
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Resolution Reframing

So, how’s your New Year’s resolution coming along?  If you didn’t cringe at that question, you among the elite 8% of the American population.  A 2013 college study found that 92% of people don’t follow through on their resolutions.*  These statistics should not be a surprise.  Throwing everything you’ve got at a new way of doing things once a year, and expecting results is a monumental task and hope.  Instead, I believe our resolutions should be a weekly event and check-in.

Our self-renewal must be a continual process; a work in progress. If we want to improve ourselves, it must be done in an ongoing, disciplined way, not in a ‘throw-everything-you’ve-got-at-it’ once a year event.  Consider the effort it takes to get an education, work through a project at your job, raise a family, or plan a trip.  It’s not a one-time event.  True, it starts with one decision, but continues with ongoing commitment and work.  So it is with ongoing renewal.  It’s for the long haul.

Instead, I encourage you to reframe the way you think about your life.  Reframing is a new way of looking at something with the goal of approaching it in a better way (see my thoughts on reframing conflict in Kay’s Consulting Corner in my November newsletter).  To reframe your life, I’d like to suggest putting it in buckets such as family, health, professional life and development, friendships, spiritual, daily responsibilities, and recreation.  This method is very similar to the Franklin Covey approach of organizing your priorities, with one additional step, which is formulating your personal mini mission statements.

By creating mini mission statements, you move from an idealist approach of hope, to an action-oriented reality of what you are really willing to do.  I would categorize most New Year’s resolutions in the ‘hopeful’ category, often made without a lot of forethought and a plan to move forward.  A well-written mini mission statement will naturally produce action-oriented goals and to-do lists for each of your buckets.  The basic framework of your mini mission statement is this: “I want to go from X to Y by Z.”  No, it’s not an algebraic equation.  It’s a way to put a start, end and achievable measurement on your goal.

For example:

  1. “I want to go from a level 2 manager (X) to level 3 manager (Y), by the end of the year (Z).”
  2. “I want to go from 170 pounds (X) to 130 pounds (Y) by December (Z).
  3. “I want to work less (X) and spend more time with my son (Y) each week (Z).”

Notice these mission statements are all in different buckets; work, health and family.  They also have reasonable timeframes. Example 1 allows you 12 months to work on projects to reach your promotion goal.  Example 2 focuses on losing just 3 pounds a month to reach your goal weight by the end of the year.  And, example 3 can be as simple as carving out a weekly half hour of time to play a board game or go out for an ice cream.  Small steps toward a larger mission.

The thing I like most about the mini mission statement is that it sets realistic goals, and gets rid of the perfectionist problem.  You know, the one that often plagues women who think they have to ‘do it all’, ‘be it all’ and ‘give it all’?  Mini mission statements for each bucket takes perfectionism out of the equation, and brings your goals into focus.  However; you must commit to reviewing them weekly.

I like to take Sunday afternoons or evenings to reflect on the week, review each bucket and see what I’ve done to fill up the mission.  In 2015, carve out time for yourself each weekend for self-renewal.  Begin this weekend with the following steps:

  1. Identify your buckets
  2. Reflect on your mini mission statement for each bucket, and then write it down using the from “Go from X to Y in Z” framework.
  3. Break down the steps you need to take to get to Z. (Like in the above examples; 3 pounds a month or ½ hour per week.)
  4. As you plan the coming week, refer to each bucket and see how you might make the first step for each mission statement with the things you already have on your plate.
  5. Your first step needs to be small enough that you could it immediately, or at least tomorrow.  These leading tasks will get you going.

The following weekend, review your buckets and goals. How did you do for the week?  The most important part in this process is to refuse to indict yourself.  Each week, there will be something moving you closer toward some goals, chances are it will be the momentum of success.  There’s always more we ‘could’ do, but the focus needs to be on what we ‘have’ done.  Celebrate that and move forward instead of beating yourself up.

The key here is to be intentional, and really think about what you want out of life, rather than letting life toss you around with unnecessary obligations (finishing that Words with Friends game, or having all the laundry done), and sudden enticing opportunities (spur of the moment shopping outing) that can sidetrack us.  I use some of the following tools to help with mini mission statements and tracking.  Some have been recommended by colleagues:

Wunderlist – Simple list of things to do – https://www.wunderlist.com/
Trello – Aligns with the bucket strategy, mini goals and list with deadlines. Allows other people to work with your projects. https://trello.com/
Irunurun – Helps with goal writing and ‘gamifies’ goal tracking with scores for completion. http://www.irunurun.com/
Google Keep – Like Pinterest, but for your thoughts, links, lists and ideas. https://keep.google.com/
SmartSheet – Intuitive project timeline creator with dependent due dates. https://www.smartsheet.com/
Inbox and Calendar labels – Use colored tabs and folders to organize your messages and appointments.  Gmail and Google calendar have this feature, as do most other email and calendar apps.

These helpful apps and tools will help organize your goals, and hopefully make it easier and a little fun as you make progress on each mini-mission.  If you feel like you need ongoing help to reach your mission statements, and some coaching or accountability as you move toward your goals, give me a call to discuss professional coaching.  I’d love to help you meet your High-Heeled Success® and then some!

*Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Psychology study, January 1, 2014.

©Copyright 2015.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: , , ,
| September 3, 2013
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Do you have the will to succeed?

You’ve heard the stories.  Writers like J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, or Kathryn Stockett, author of The Help, overcoming rejection and rising to literary stardom.  Rowling famously penned the first Harry Potter novel while living in poverty.  Oprah Winfrey overcame a childhood of abuse and hardship to become an internationally syndicated celebrity, regarded by TIME magazine as “the world’s most powerful woman.”  Supreme Court Justice Sonya Sotomayor was raised by a single mother and still, at age 10, knew exactly what she wanted for her future.

What do you have in common with these great women?  The will to succeed.  The number of inspiring women who have come from “nothing” to “something” could fill volumes, and there’s absolutely no reason not to aspire to their ranks.  Whatever your socio-economic background, education, or ethnicity, you, too, can be a career success.

Still have your doubts? Join me on Sept. 21 from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m. at the Crowne Plaza Cincinnati Blue Ash for “Kick Up Your Self-Esteem: How Do You Know When You Are Somebody?” where you will reaffirm, recommit, and rediscover that you are somebody.

©Copyright 2014.  Kay Fittes.  All Rights Reserved.

Category: Career Path |
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