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Kay Fittes | January 12, 2015

Resolution Reframing

So, how’s your New Year’s resolution coming along? If you didn’t cringe at that question, you among the elite 8% of the American population. A 2013 college study found that 92% of people don’t follow through on their resolutions.* These statistics should not be a surprise. Throwing everything you’ve got at a new way of doing things once a year, and expecting results is a monumental task and hope. Instead, I believe our resolutions should be a weekly event and check-in.

Our self-renewal must be a continual process; a work in progress. If we want to improve ourselves, it must be done in an ongoing, disciplined way, not in a ‘throw-everything-you’ve-got-at-it’ once a year event. Consider the effort it takes to get an education, work through a project at your job, raise a family, or plan a trip. It’s not a one-time event. True, it starts with one decision, but continues with ongoing commitment and work. So it is with ongoing renewal. It’s for the long haul.

Instead, I encourage you to reframe the way you think about your life. Reframing is a new way of looking at something with the goal of approaching it in a better way (see my thoughts on reframing conflict in Kay’s Consulting Corner in my November newsletter). To reframe your life, I’d like to suggest putting it in buckets such as family, health, professional life and development, friendships, spiritual, daily responsibilities, and recreation. This method is very similar to the Franklin Covey approach of organizing your priorities, with one additional step, which is formulating your personal mini mission statements.

By creating mini mission statements, you move from an idealist approach of hope, to an action-oriented reality of what you are really willing to do. I would categorize most New Year’s resolutions in the ‘hopeful’ category, often made without a lot of forethought and a plan to move forward. A well-written mini mission statement will naturally produce action-oriented goals and to-do lists for each of your buckets. The basic framework of your mini mission statement is this: “I want to go from X to Y by Z.” No, it’s not an algebraic equation. It’s a way to put a start, end and achievable measurement on your goal.

For example:

“I want to go from a level 2 manager (X) to level 3 manager (Y), by the end of the year (Z).”
“I want to go from 170 pounds (X) to 130 pounds (Y) by December (Z).
“I want to work less (X) and spend more time with my son (Y) each week (Z).”

Notice these mission statements are all in different buckets; work, health and family. They also have reasonable timeframes. Example 1 allows you 12 months to work on projects to reach your promotion goal. Example 2 focuses on losing just 3 pounds a month to reach your goal weight by the end of the year. And, example 3 can be as simple as carving out a weekly half hour of time to play a board game or go out for an ice cream. Small steps toward a larger mission.

The thing I like most about the mini mission statement is that it sets realistic goals, and gets rid of the perfectionist problem. You know, the one that often plagues women who think they have to ‘do it all’, ‘be it all’ and ‘give it all’? Mini mission statements for each bucket takes perfectionism out of the equation, and brings your goals into focus. However; you must commit to reviewing them weekly.

I like to take Sunday afternoons or evenings to reflect on the week, review each bucket and see what I’ve done to fill up the mission. In 2015, carve out time for yourself each weekend for self-renewal. Begin this weekend with the following steps:

Identify your buckets
Reflect on your mini mission statement for each bucket, and then write it down using the from “Go from X to Y in Z” framework.
Break down the steps you need to take to get to Z. (Like in the above examples; 3 pounds a month or ½ hour per week.)
As you plan the coming week, refer to each bucket and see how you might make the first step for each mission statement with the things you already have on your plate.
Your first step needs to be small enough that you could it immediately, or at least tomorrow. These leading tasks will get you going.

The following weekend, review your buckets and goals. How did you do for the week? The most important part in this process is to refuse to indict yourself. Each week, there will be something moving you closer toward some goals, chances are it will be the momentum of success. There’s always more we ‘could’ do, but the focus needs to be on what we ‘have’ done. Celebrate that and move forward instead of beating yourself up.

The key here is to be intentional, and really think about what you want out of life, rather than letting life toss you around with unnecessary obligations (finishing that Words with Friends game, or having all the laundry done), and sudden enticing opportunities (spur of the moment shopping outing) that can sidetrack us. I use some of the following tools to help with mini mission statements and tracking. Some have been recommended by colleagues:

Wunderlist – Simple list of things to do – https://www.wunderlist.com/
Trello – Aligns with the bucket strategy, mini goals and list with deadlines. Allows other people to work with your projects. https://trello.com/
Irunurun – Helps with goal writing and ‘gamifies’ goal tracking with scores for completion. http://www.irunurun.com/
Google Keep – Like Pinterest, but for your thoughts, links, lists and ideas. https://keep.google.com/
SmartSheet – Intuitive project timeline creator with dependent due dates. https://www.smartsheet.com/
Inbox and Calendar labels – Use colored tabs and folders to organize your messages and appointments. Gmail and Google calendar have this feature, as do most other email and calendar apps.

These helpful apps and tools will help organize your goals, and hopefully make it easier and a little fun as you make progress on each mini-mission. If you feel like you need ongoing help to reach your mission statements, and some coaching or accountability as you move toward your goals, give me a call to discuss professional coaching. I’d love to help you meet your High-Heeled Success® and then some!

*Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Psychology study, January 1, 2014.

Category: Career Path, Workplace | Tags: career, Goals, women, Workplace

Kay Fittes | September 3, 2013

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Do you have the will to succeed?

You’ve heard the stories. Writers like J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, or Kathryn Stockett, author of The Help, overcoming rejection and rising to literary stardom. Rowling famously penned the first Harry Potter novel while living in poverty. Oprah Winfrey overcame a childhood of abuse and hardship to become an internationally syndicated celebrity, regarded by TIME magazine as “the world’s most powerful woman.” Supreme Court Justice Sonya Sotomayor was raised by a single mother and still, at age 10, knew exactly what she wanted for her future.

What do you have in common with these great women? The will to succeed. The number of inspiring women who have come from “nothing” to “something” could fill volumes, and there’s absolutely no reason not to aspire to their ranks. Whatever your socio-economic background, education, or ethnicity, you, too, can be a career success.

Still have your doubts? Join me on Sept. 21 from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m. at the Crowne Plaza Cincinnati Blue Ash for “Kick Up Your Self-Esteem: How Do You Know When You Are Somebody?” where you will reaffirm, recommit, and rediscover that you are somebody.

Category: Career Path |

Kay Fittes | August 14, 2013

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Opting in? Opting out? Have a plan!

Perhaps you saw the recent segment on the Today Show where host Matt Lauer interviewed Lisa Belkin, author of “The Opt-Out Revolution,” and several women who, ten years ago, did just that. These women chose to put their careers on hold to raise their children and they are now attempting to re-enter the workforce. While none of these mothers regrets her decision to leave her job – and all three women interviewed attest to just how much work it is be a parent! – they encourage women who might be considering making the choice to stay home now to have a plan.

So whether you’re in their shoes and attempting to “opt back in” or you’re a young woman who has some tough choices ahead of her, I would encourage you to think about adding a few things to your plan.

Keep up with your workplace connections. You will need them when you go back , and you’ll want the adult conversation when you’re home alone with children!
Continue to participate in professional associations where you have high profile volunteer responsibilities and the opportunity to keep up with your industry and industry insiders.
Do some kind of paid part-time work.
Keep an accomplishment log of your successes, skill development, and activities. You are very likely a potentially better employee now than you were then, as you have evolved and matured.
Consistently keep your resume updated. You might forget these accomplishments when you are interested in going back.

Never totally opt-out. This is important not only for your future in your career, but also for your sanity, and for the example you will set for your children.

Category: Career Path, Work/Life Balance | Tags: career, lisa belkin, mothers, professionalism, women, working mothers

Kay Fittes | November 7, 2011

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The Woman’s High-Heeled Manifesto

Women to the Right of You, Women to the Left of You:
The Value of Single Gender Classrooms, Labs, Trainings

As more young women are encouraged to pursue education and careers in the STEM fields: science, technology, engineering and math, yet another area for the raging controversy re: single gender environments emerge. Do we do a service or disservice to females putting them in a single gender atmosphere? Some would propose that without the opportunity to learn “real world” gender behavior we do females a disservice.

When the AAUW first published Short Changing Girls, Short Changing America there was no question that girls were treated differently in the classroom than boys. They were often ignored, not challenged to provide in-depth answers, and generally held to lower expectations. The controversy rears its head again in STEM collegiate laboratories across the country, school districts studying the value of single gender classrooms and trainers, like me, who offer female only workshops. Read the article by Martha Irvine about Dr. Elizabeth Harbron’s lab at the University of William and Mary. This lab is a perfect example of the value of single gender environments. Though she didn’t set out to create a “female only” lab, that is what emerged and what led many female students to flourish.

As women, we ask ourselves why we often reach our highest potential in single sex classrooms, labs, or training environments. It’s an opportunity to practice, practice, and practice. Practice identifying our opinions, beliefs, and perspectives free from testosterone fueled bravado. If you have never been asked your opinion, never been asked to “prove your case”, or stand your ground then chances are your confidence level is shaky. Add a pinch of shaky plus a big cup of bluster and what do you get? You create an atmosphere much like the asinine chaos of Sports Center. If you have ever watched the “desk wars” on Saturday morning prior to or during a collegiate football game then you know what I’m talking about. Who can interrupt the loudest, most frequently, and with greatest arrogance? Is it any wonder that many women would prefer to test their confidence and skills in an environment that at least is civil?

On those occasions that my seminars have both female and male participants, this “step up and speak out” issue arises even for mature professionals. Time after time, I have observed competent, bright, and articulate women defer to the men in the room. If grown women will continue to yield to men in professional training workshops, then it should be no surprise you that school girls and college women struggle. Given the opportunity, find every opportunity to create environments where women can test their wings without male wing clippers on the loose. Every corporation that has Women’s Initiatives should be applauded.