Following a recent interview with Michelle Obama regarding her new memoir, \u201cBecoming,\u201d there was a news cycle firestorm regarding her comments on the \u2018Lean In\u2019 movement that began when Sheryl Sandberg authored the book with the same title.<\/p>\n
What struck me most about the controversy was the intense backlash surrounding who is right and who is wrong \u2013 Sheryl Sandberg or Michelle Obama.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, this is a reflection of the all or nothing thinking that typically permeates the human condition, yet is exacerbated by our polarization around every issue these days.\u00a0 As politics becomes more polarized, we see the same intense approach to taking sides in every segment of our society.<\/p>\n
Rather than thinking in terms of Either\/Or, we need to move toward embracing the concept of Both\/And.\u00a0 For example, a very well known quote from Alcoholics Anonymous summarizes Both\/And thinking beautifully:\u00a0 \u201c<\/strong>Take what you need and leave the rest.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Obama is recognizing the reality of the struggle.\u00a0 Sometimes, it\u2019s just not feasible to lean in.\u00a0 There may be personal or family health issues, divorce or concerns with the kids \u2013 all are possible among the myriad of life crises that we endure.\u00a0 On top of the additional stress these life issues manifest, it\u2019s critical to reduce our own personal self-shaming during these periods.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay to say to yourself, \u201cRight now, it\u2019s just not realistic or feasible to be all-in for a promotion at work.\u201d<\/p>\n Let me be clear, this does not mean that during the other times, when your personal life is chugging along smoothly, that we embrace some of the concepts that Sandburg addresses in her book, \u201cLean In.\u201d\u00a0 Once again, polarity causes us to think in terms of Either\/Or, such as changes need to be made at a policy level OR we need to take personal responsibility and change our own actions.<\/p>\n \u201cThe most common way people give up their power is by believing they don\u2019t have any.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n –Alice Walker<\/p>\n One of my favorite quotes by Alice Walker is very appropriate when talking about personal responsibility.\u00a0 In other words, if we don\u2019t assess our own behavior, possibly we have abdicated control of our own life.<\/p>\n The Lean In movement doesn\u2019t promote that we can always have it all.\u00a0 The reality is that we can\u2019t have it all at the same time.\u00a0 The myth of being a superwoman is not just unrealistic, it\u2019s ridiculous.\u00a0 Often, we can\u2019t have it all; however, rather than shaming yourself, learn to recognize when now is not the time and don\u2019t use bad timing as an excuse to tell yourself \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n In other words, let\u2019s figure out what you can do, when you can do it and have a plan.<\/p>\n