{"id":367,"date":"2016-11-28T16:59:50","date_gmt":"2016-11-28T21:59:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/?p=367"},"modified":"2018-04-17T14:32:50","modified_gmt":"2018-04-17T18:32:50","slug":"self-limiting-behaviors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/?p=367","title":{"rendered":"Self-Limiting Behaviors"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you reached your full potential in your current situation? While my focus is typically on women\u2019s career success, a personal life review (particularly at this time of year) also merits some healthy introspection. We were born with an unlimited capacity to think, create, achieve and love.\u00a0 Through the innumerable situations we experience, we either \u2018grow and go\u2019 or \u2018slip and slide\u2019.\u00a0 The difference in our reaction is locked within our thinking patterns and self-belief, which combine to form limiting behaviors that either propel us forward or keep us grounded firmly in fear.\u00a0 A limiting behavior or belief can be like a broken record or set of tapes that play a continuous loop in our minds, typically in our subconscious.\u00a0 They are riddled with negativity.\u00a0 Sometimes we are vaguely aware of them, often they\u2019ve been there for so long we just accept them as the norm.\u00a0 Let\u2019s explore.<\/p>\n

What are the top limiting behaviors?\u00a0 In my over 25 years experience in working with women in all levels of management, three limiting beliefs rise to the top again and again.\u00a0 They play out in the professional world, to be sure, but can also play a significant role in our personal lives.<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Not enough self-love<\/strong> \u2013 This is the number one issue so many women face.\u00a0 It\u2019s also the best-kept secret many women hide.\u00a0 You would be amazed at the number of powerful women I have coached over the years whose outward presence, confidence and communication style exude success.\u00a0 Yet, when we dig a little deeper, sometimes just beneath that seemingly solid shell, what lies beneath is a lack of self-love.\u00a0 The reasons are manifold; a childhood issue, an unresolved relationship, a past (perceived) unforgivable error, and the biggest culprit – the comparison game.<\/p>\n

The common thread among each reason is also the most important yet challenging thing to accept; the past cannot be changed.\u00a0 A perfect upbringing is virtually nonexistent. Relationships and errors of the past are ancient history; most often only thought of in the prisons of our own mind.\u00a0 Granting forgiveness to someone that hurt you, or to yourself for a past error is one of the biggest gifts and favors you can give yourself.\u00a0 Doing so enables negative feelings to flow out and positive thoughts and the beginning to self-love to take root.<\/p>\n

You are a masterpiece of your past; from the genes you received at birth and the formative years of learning to life experiences and choices, you are who you are.\u00a0 Small changes are possible, but for the most part what you see is what you get; both in the mirror and in your mind.\u00a0 My point?\u00a0 Stop the comparison game!\u00a0 Embrace who and what you are (the good and bad) and use it all to the best of your ability.\u00a0 You will never be the best ________________ or the worst ____________.\u00a0 Fill in the blanks for yourself.\u00a0 With almost 7.5 billion people on the planet and over 330 million in the US, this is an undeniable truth.\u00a0 Accepting yourself as who you are and were created to be is the beginning of self-love and one step away from self-limiting behaviors.<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong>\u00a0 Not enough \u2018other-love\u2019 of other women<\/strong> \u2013 If we suffer from the comparison game (and I think it\u2019s safe to say we\u2019ve all afflicted at some point) it festers on the inside, but worse, it creates significant damage in its outward manifestation.\u00a0 Negative thoughts and energy don\u2019t just sit in a vacuum.\u00a0 They flow outward and reach others whether in body language, written or verbal communication, or in the way we treat people.\u00a0 And no one is immune.\u00a0 Just as we have our own strengths and talents to use, the same is true for other women.\u00a0 However, if you play the comparison game, it is one of the biggest barriers to collaboration, creativity, achieving a mission and bonding.<\/p>\n

When we busy ourselves not liking \u2018her\u2019 because she speaks up for what she wants, maybe a better approach is to appreciate the assertiveness skills that can be helpful in bringing a negotiation to a close.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t like that \u2018she\u2019 is too bossy, try to appreciate that someone can lead others to get the job done.\u00a0 Ultimately, remember that those same women (and men) all have their own insecurities and self-doubt.\u00a0 This applies to women in all areas of our lives; business colleagues, relatives, neighbors, in volunteer situations, etc.<\/p>\n

Instead, make a commitment to stop comparing, and replace those thoughts and feelings with acts and words of empowerment.\u00a0 You will be amazed at the difference in your own thinking and feeling, in the relationships you have with other women, and in their behavior.\u00a0 For example, when you publicly recognize someone for a job well done the positivity has a domino effect.\u00a0 Your positivity reflects well on yourself and feels good, the recognition is both motivating and affirming to the person receiving it, and others are motivated to both do well and emulate your behavior.\u00a0 Such positive outcomes won\u2019t happen immediately or spontaneously, but over time the payout will create an environment where everyone feels more loved, accepted and able to reach their fullest potential.\u00a0 Ultimately, working harmoniously and practicing \u2018other-love\u2019 for women will dispel and help eliminate limiting beliefs and thinking.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Now, claim your power! \u2013 <\/strong>After clearing the way for positive thoughts for yourself and toward others by emptying out negativity and eliminating the comparison game, it\u2019s time to claim your power!\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\u00a0 Your power; it lies deep within you and was there from the moment your conception.\u00a0 Think about it \u2013 what a process to become a human being.\u00a0 That\u2019s a lot of power. Learning to eat, talk, walk, run, think and other life skills; that all takes a lot of power.\u00a0 When we are young and full of imagination, we believe we can do and become anything.\u00a0 Yet, somewhere along the way, we begin to collect untruths, limiting beliefs and restrictive behaviors, which all combine to hold us back and restrain our power.<\/p>\n

The good news is that the same power we were born with, tapped into as a young child and now call upon occasionally still resides within us.\u00a0 But, oh do we have our reasons for letting it lie dormant.\u00a0 Although we want to be successful in our career and other important areas of our lives, so many women hold back due to fear of success.\u00a0 At first glance, it\u2019s a paradox.\u00a0 If we possess the power to achieve, what are we waiting for? Why hold back?<\/p>\n

No one answer is the same or true for each woman, but I have discovered a common list:<\/p>\n