Self-expectations are one of the biggest stumbling blocks challenging many women I coach.\u00a0 Pressure to perform to a certain level on a daily basis in work, career and home or personal life can be overwhelming.\u00a0 In this month that we celebrate love, I\u2019d like to demonstrate how easy it is to fall away from loving ourselves and suggest some paths back to realistic expectations, which provide opportunities for self-growth and care.\u00a0 Let\u2019s begin by exploring the \u2018ideal\u2019 day.<\/p>\n
In your quest to perform, deliver and achieve, are the expectations you put on yourself attainable or loaded with unrealistic vignettes that fill and overflow your life?\u00a0 What does your perfect day look like?<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s one for you:<\/p>\n
Do you feel that only after you have accumulated weeks and months of your<\/em> version of the \u2018perfect day\u2019 that you will have it \u2018all together\u2019 and possess the discipline needed to be successful?\u00a0 I have coached many women who feel that anything short of a rigid schedule, and specific daily accomplishments means they have to \u2018start over\u2019.\u00a0 They literally found themselves \u2018throwing in the towel\u2019 day after day if they didn\u2019t accomplish certain things within a given timeframe.\u00a0 Many women perpetuate these behaviors for years before coming to terms with how unrealistic and hard they are being on themselves.<\/p>\n The problem with this thinking is that the \u2018perfect day\u2019 doesn\u2019t take into account real life, allow other people to enter our circles, or allow us to be \u2018human.\u2019\u00a0 Unscheduled events happen daily.\u00a0 Things like oversleeping, emergency meetings, not making it to the grocery store, crisis management, interruptions, traffic jams, the needs of significant others, illness and countless other real-life events.\u00a0 These things keep us from the perfection we seek, and they will always exist.\u00a0 Yet, many women constantly fight this uphill battle by trying to strategically devise ways to achieve everything on their \u2018to do\u2019 list, and place unrealistic burdens upon themselves that are only achievable in edited movies or airbrushed ads.<\/p>\n Do you find yourself in this situation?\u00a0 If so, take your version of the \u2018perfect day\u2019, and place it on a loved one\u2019s plate.\u00a0 Would you expect your spouse, significant other, child, sibling, friend or parent to reach the same expectations day after day without fault?\u00a0 Most likely not, and if they fell short of their own self-expectations you would likely be the first one to advise them not to be so hard on themselves and cut themselves some slack.<\/p>\n Today, I offer the same advice to you \u2013 begin to love yourself more by throwing away one or two unreasonable expectations.\u00a0 Maybe for you, it\u2019s giving up the fact that you can\u2019t keep a perfectly clean house or apartment, post an enlightening article on Linked-In every week, or continue to volunteer at the same level you have been.\u00a0 Take a look at your January calendar, or three months prior if possible, and place your to-do items in a four column list.\u00a0 Below are some examples:<\/p>\n 1<\/p>\n<\/td>\n 2<\/p>\n<\/td>\n 3<\/p>\n<\/td>\n 4<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Non-Negotiables<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n Necessities<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n Electives<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n Unreasonable Expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Work<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Well check-ups<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Volunteering<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Every meal nutritious<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Pay bills<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Car maintenance<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Girls\u2019 night out<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Perfectly completed work projects<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Grocery shopping<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Home upkeep<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Hobbies<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Consistently early bedtime<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Eating<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Continuing Ed<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Vacation<\/p>\n<\/td>\n Size 2 clothing<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n Just looking at all the items together should begin to eliminate any notion of having to \u2018do it all\u2019.\u00a0 Keeping our untold amount of responsibilities and activities flowing flawlessly is impossible.\u00a0 Scrutinize the activities in columns 3 and 4. Beginning with just one item, make a plan to eliminate some of your unreasonable expectations, or reframe them.\u00a0 For example, instead of shooting for perfect nutrition at each meal, perhaps you stop snacking after 8:00pm, or leave a few bites on the plate.\u00a0 Similarly, instead of delivering the perfect PowerPoint at work, perhaps it\u2019s 85% \u2018there\u2019 when submitted, providing necessary room for feedback, and making room for other important things in columns 1 and 2.<\/p>\n Take a good, hard look at column 3 and see what activities are not serving you well, especially those you feel are sapping your personal time or energy.\u00a0 Volunteering is great on many levels, but in doing so at this point in your life, are you neglecting responsibilities in columns 1 & 2 just to live up to your own unreasonable expectations?\u00a0 Your list of elective activities might also include watching TV, social media or other time sapping actions.\u00a0 If you find little room in your day for things you\u2019ve listed in columns 1 & 2, it\u2019s time to unburden yourself of unrealistic expectations and open up some room for a little self-love instead.<\/p>\n We experience the most stress when the gap between our self-expectations and reality is wide.\u00a0 Start by changing two or three small things.\u00a0 Doing so will make an impact big enough to feel, but also provide the feeling of not losing complete control.\u00a0 Need help with both the practical and mental aspects of simplifying?\u00a0 I can help put a plan together to streamline your professional and personal life, and provide the tools you need to stay on track.\u00a0 Through the process, I can help you be accountable to your commitment and provide guidance to get back on track if needed.\u00a0 Email me today to get started, and take that first step toward loving yourself, and your life, more.<\/p>\n \u00a9Copyright 2016.\u00a0 Kay Fittes.\u00a0 All Rights Reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Self-expectations are one of the biggest stumbling blocks challenging many women I coach.\u00a0 Pressure to perform to a certain level on a daily basis in work, career and home or personal life can be overwhelming.\u00a0 In this month that we celebrate love, I\u2019d like to demonstrate how easy it is to fall away from loving<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[3,26,4,17],"tags":[37,36,19,6],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7Qkhe-45","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/253"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=253"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/253\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":470,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/253\/revisions\/470"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=253"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=253"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=253"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n\n
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