{"id":246,"date":"2016-01-25T10:44:33","date_gmt":"2016-01-25T15:44:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/?p=246"},"modified":"2018-04-17T14:38:36","modified_gmt":"2018-04-17T18:38:36","slug":"can-you-hear-me-now-are-you-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/?p=246","title":{"rendered":"Can You Hear Me Now?  Are You Listening?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s important to be heard, so much so that we go to great lengths to do it; finding the right \u2018spot\u2019 for our cell phone connection, posting on social media, repeating ourselves, even yelling at times!\u00a0 Companies use commercials, coupons, online ads and all sorts of media in order to be heard.\u00a0 But, is anyone really listening?\u00a0 Are you listening?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s no secret that our digital age attention spans have shortened right along with our patience.\u00a0 What I don\u2019t think most of us realize is that our listening skills have withered as well.\u00a0 In fact, sometimes we can\u2019t even remember \u2018where\u2019 we \u2018heard it\u2019.\u00a0 How many of you have told someone a story, and finished with; \u201cI think I read that on Facebook, or Google news, or maybe it was in the paper.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure, but I heard it somewhere.\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Likewise, with online digital consumption, are you really \u2018listening\u2019 to what you\u2019re hearing (reading), or mindlessly partaking in a time-wasting habit?\u00a0 We only have so many hours in a day, and frankly, so much time on this Earth.\u00a0 Listening, and being really present when you do it, is very important for our own development, and the building of relationships with others, but more on that later.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get to the nuts and bolts of listening.<\/p>\n<p>True listening entails many factors, but I believe at the heart of it is a combination of true desire and compassion.\u00a0 I have a whole toolbox of techniques and skills to share with you about how to listen, but first you must desire to be a better listener.\u00a0 You have to ask yourself if you really want to listen to your relative, neighbor, co-worker, family member, or if you\u2019re just waiting to respond and talk.<\/p>\n<p>Active listening begins with a blank slate.\u00a0 If you truly desire to be a better listener, and receive the message or words someone is trying to communicate, you have to first let go of many things:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Your preconceived ideas<\/li>\n<li>The urge to talk<\/li>\n<li>Surrounding distractions<\/li>\n<li>Your agenda<\/li>\n<li>Time<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>After letting go of these barriers to truly listening, you begin to realize it\u2019s like an art form, much of which centers around the eyes rather than the ears.\u00a0 Intentional use of our eyes, our body language and our mouths, are the three physical components comprising an active listening mindset.\u00a0 You can really improve your listening skills (and many relationships) by really <em>hearing<\/em> the person talking to you.<\/p>\n<p>An active listening mindset includes effectively using:<\/p>\n<p>Your eyes \u2013<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Give your undivided attention and focus.<\/li>\n<li>Look the person in the eye.<\/li>\n<li>Avoid looking at a clock.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t fidget with something or doodle.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Your body language \u2013<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Use positive body language to affirm the listener; a nod of the head, a smile, an expression that matches their emotion.<\/li>\n<li>Let the person \u2018see\u2019 you listening as if you\u2019ll be tested or quizzed on the conversation.<\/li>\n<li>Make mental notes (or physical) to which you want to respond<\/li>\n<li>Try to put yourself in the other person\u2019s shoes as you listen.<\/li>\n<li>Really think about your response before talking.<\/li>\n<li>Keep your facial expressions in check.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Your mouth \u2013<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Don\u2019t interrupt.<\/li>\n<li>Refrain from asking about small details while someone is talking \u2013 save it for later.<\/li>\n<li>Begin talking only when the person is done, or at a natural pause.<\/li>\n<li>Resist the urge to \u2018relate\u2019 by sharing a similar story that is the same or \u2018better\u2019.<\/li>\n<li>Allow the person to finish their own thought rather than completing their sentence.\u00a0 You may be surprised at what they say versus what you anticipated to hear.<\/li>\n<li>Respond with conversation that reinforces what you heard.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t criticize or demean the person with negative feedback.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Active listening is challenging.\u00a0 We all have a story to tell, and want to be heard. However, the payout is great on many levels.\u00a0 On a basic level, you will truly receive and process what you hear, and benefit from it either professionally or personally.\u00a0 The upside could make your job easier, or help you understand a friend better.<\/p>\n<p>An often unanticipated benefit of true listening is the incredible validation you offer to the speaker.\u00a0 Providing undivided attention; making a facial or emotional connection to their words; and speaking words that affirm what they said are all gifts to the listener.\u00a0 Together, they build trust with the listener, create a positive foundation for new relationships and bolster existing ones.<\/p>\n<p>Another positive product of active listening is self-growth.\u00a0 The discipline it takes to actively listen will make you a stronger person, enable new learnings, and promote strong relationships and friendships.\u00a0 Combined, these benefits contribute to an overall healthy lifestyle, both on the job and on your own.<\/p>\n<p>I encourage you to choose one thing to let go of, and one thing to engage in your next conversation and discover what the benefits have to offer.\u00a0 After you\u2019ve tried it a few times, let me know how it went.\u00a0 I promise, I\u2019ll listen.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a9Copyright 2016.\u00a0 Kay Fittes.\u00a0 All Rights Reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s important to be heard, so much so that we go to great lengths to do it; finding the right \u2018spot\u2019 for our cell phone connection, posting on social media, repeating ourselves, even yelling at times!\u00a0 Companies use commercials, coupons, online ads and all sorts of media in order to be heard.\u00a0 But, is anyone<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[3,26,17],"tags":[35,12,34,6,43],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7Qkhe-3Y","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=246"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":471,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246\/revisions\/471"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.highheeledsuccess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}