From day one, male babies are dressed and swaddled in blue, females in pink.\u00a0 Boys play with trucks and like to wrestle, girls play with dolls and learn proper manners.\u00a0 Young men play to win on sports teams, young women do things in groups where everyone tries to get along.\u00a0 Yes, there are exceptions to these generalities like girls who play sports, or young men who focus on academics or the arts.\u00a0 Even in these scenarios, there are learned behaviors that carry through to adulthood and the workplace that shape the way males and females interact; and it can be confusing, because they are vastly different.<\/p>\n
If you work in a male-dominated setting, you must understand the environment in order to thrive in it.\u00a0 Similar to adapting to a new culture in a different country, or learning a new language, we have to understand the world around us before we can fully engage and participate.\u00a0 This is not to say that after a year of living in France (for example), or learning their language, that we become French!\u00a0 However; we would learn how to get along with and interact with the French better than if you held onto your American ways.\u00a0 Similarly, if you work in a male-dominated company, and that is still the construct of most American workplaces, to learn the customs, manners and speech that goes with the culture will not only help you be a part of it, but even lead within it.\u00a0 If your hard work is going unnoticed or unrewarded, if you are frustrated because your voice or ideas are not heard, or worse, if you find yourself complaining about your situation, it\u2019s time to learn some strategies and get in the game.\u00a0 It\u2019s not about relinquishing yourself or your feminine side, rather, it\u2019s about using what you have and what you know to successfully survive, strive and thrive.<\/p>\n
It is important to remember that, just like the French were the first people in France, men and the male culture of the workplace have been in business for centuries. Globally.\u00a0 It surprises me sometimes that women are miffed or incredulous that we haven\u2019t changed this culture in the last 50 years, when the rules and behaviors of men in business date back to the days of barter and trade, and when you had to sometimes fight and even kill to survive.\u00a0 Think about history.\u00a0 Shifts in civilizations and cultures take centuries if not millenniums before change occurs.\u00a0 If we are to succeed in a male-dominant culture (workplace), we need to shift our efforts from changing it, to improving our circumstance within it<\/strong>.\u00a0 Indeed, the optimal outcome is that equality in the workplace prevails, but for now, we need to focus on this point in time and our place within the grand shift.\u00a0\u00a0 If we pursue success with this mindset, rather than the thought that we aren\u2019t being granted a fair shake, we will get a lot farther a lot more quickly.\u00a0 The three keys to success lie within adapting these styles to survive, strive and thrive within the world around you:<\/p>\n Communication Approach<\/strong><\/p>\n Imagine you are in a business meeting in Paris.\u00a0 Speaking in English will not get your point across (I know many are bilingual, but stay with the example).\u00a0 Of course you are frustrated because English is all you know.\u00a0 Similar to speaking to someone hard of hearing, perhaps you shout in English to get your point across.\u00a0 This accomplishes not your goal, but instead succeeds in irritating those around you, and worse, their disdain or disregard for you.\u00a0 In essence, you are a nuisance, even if you have a meaningful or even life-saving point to make.\u00a0 You\u2019ll never get your point across with this approach.\u00a0 What do you do?\u00a0 Learn French and try again.<\/p>\n At this point, I know you\u2019re wondering \u2018what is the language of men in business, the language that they hear, understand and respond to?\u2019\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s not so much a language, as it is a communication style.\u00a0 Whereas women are masters of rapport building, men want to get straight to the point.\u00a0 Women are congenial conversationalists, men report and declare information and ideas.\u00a0 Generally, women speak in turn, whereas research has shown that men interrupt and dominate the floor.\u00a0 Tone and intonation matter also matter.\u00a0 In your business communication, stick to facts, steer away from feelings.\u00a0 Keep on topic, and by all means avoid drama at all costs.\u00a0 You might be cringing at this point, thinking back to certain communications gone bad.\u00a0 You can change and move forward.\u00a0 It is possible.\u00a0 Communicate as if you are on a mission, with a limited amount of time to accomplish a very important task, and that it\u2019s imperative that everyone understand your vision.\u00a0 Because, in fact, you are.\u00a0 Your mission is that of staking your professional ground and advancement.<\/p>\n Communication – Survival Strategies: <\/strong><\/p>\n Behavior Modification<\/strong><\/p>\n Using France as an example again, the culture has a certain set of values and etiquette that apply in all situations.\u00a0 To immerse into the culture, you must strive to understand your environment, and adapt in order to be a part of it.\u00a0 It\u2019s not about abandoning who you are, or changing your ways completely.\u00a0 It\u2019s about gaining knowledge of how things work in the world around you, making adjustments to become a part of it, and ultimately effectively contribute to its betterment.\u00a0 The goal is to change how you are perceived and understood, so that you will assimilate into and be accepted into the culture.<\/p>\n In this case, adapting to your environment means being a team player, but according to the male definition of \u2018team\u2019.\u00a0 From a young age, boys learn that to be a team player you must sacrifice for the good of the team, sometimes break the rules, and not take things personally.\u00a0 You don\u2019t necessarily like all the players on the team, but get along with them anyway because they allhave the same goal, which is to win with an organized strategy.\u00a0 These learned behaviors are engrained and come into play again in the business world.\u00a0 Conversely, from girlhood, females like to be friends with everyone on the team, make sure the outcome is best for everyone involved, and work to support the team by following the rules. \u00a0These concepts are at odds with each other.\u00a0 If you find yourself in a male-dominant business team as a minority, it\u2019s necessary to play by their accepted rules \u2013 whether or not you agree with or like them.<\/p>\n Following on the communication style differences, relationships men have with co-workers is quite different than those of women.\u00a0 For starters, and in most cases, discussion of interpersonal topics are not for the office.\u00a0 When someone (male or female) is friendly at a given point in time, it doesn\u2019t mean they are your friend.\u00a0 You can get along well in a meeting, or on a team, but understand that it doesn\u2019t mean you now have a buddy, or that someone that has your back.\u00a0 You have to have your own back.\u00a0 Period.\u00a0 Know your boundaries and act accordingly.\u00a0 These rules are not true for every office, or every company, but if you\u2019re reading this and experiencing an \u2018ah ha\u2019 moment, it is probably true for your office, and you are now aware of it.<\/p>\n Behavior \u2013 Strive Strategies<\/strong><\/p>\n Leadership Style<\/strong><\/p>\n There is no one or right way to lead, but there is a wrong way, which is trying to reach unanimous consensus among the team, or worse, sharing an idea and asking everyone\u2019s opinion before making a move.\u00a0 Some women try to apply their social rules of female relationships when in a leadership role; play nice, get along, everybody\u2019s happy.\u00a0 That\u2019s doesn\u2019t work in the office.\u00a0 Not everyone is, nor can they be, on equal ground.\u00a0 As a leader, it is inevitable that some decisions you make won\u2019t be popular or liked by some members of your team.\u00a0 How you react could be the linchpin in gaining the respect of your team.\u00a0 If you have a high need to be liked by all, or want to assuage any and all dissonance within your team, it will be your downfall.\u00a0 In sum, you will lose the respect of your team.<\/p>\n Many men, especially those who played team sports, inherently understand and operate this way by default.\u00a0 They lead with their head.\u00a0 Heart rarely plays a role at the office.\u00a0 This is not to say that men are insensitive, it\u2019s just that they are conditioned to compartmentalize emotions in the decision making process.\u00a0 The higher up you go, or want to go, this type of strategic decision and action tends to get more intense.<\/p>\n Leadership \u2013 Thrive Strategies <\/strong><\/p>\n These male-focused strategies of communication, behavior and leadership may seem cold and without regard to relationships.\u00a0 Cultivation of relationships as a team player, or leader is a fundamentally important part of team building.\u00a0 This observation may seem to fly in the face of the strategies I\u2019ve outlined, but let me assure you, it does not.\u00a0 Acting as the Lone Ranger won\u2019t get you very far.\u00a0 Workplace relationship cultivation has the goals and objectives of the business or organization are at the heart.\u00a0 In a friendship outside of work, seeing a movie, shopping or chatting over coffee is appropriate.\u00a0 At work, activities and behaviors that strengthen and further both the individual and the company are the core activities that cultivate relationships.\u00a0 Examples include mentoring a younger employee, picking up a project for someone in dire need of help (not chronic need), showing up to all meetings (even the boring ones), or recognizing someone\u2019s contributions or praising their work in front of a group.\u00a0 These actions will gain the respect of your co-workers, set an example for others to follow, and in most cases, benefit you in some way.<\/p>\n Adapting your communication, behavior and leadership style, using the methods outlined within will help you survive, strive and thrive not only in a male-dominated culture, they will take you far in an all-female, or equally mixed environment as well.\u00a0 I liken these methods to the environment one would expect in a higher-education classroom setting;<\/p>\n Has any of this advice struck a chord with you?\u00a0 Did you find yourself identifying or struggling with some of these areas in your work life?\u00a0 I\u2019ve coached hundreds of women through challenging situations, freeing them of encumbered beliefs or behaviors, setting them on a path to success.\u00a0 I can help you too.\u00a0 Please contact me for an initial consultation to explore the possibilities of working together.<\/p>\n \u00a9Copyright 2015.\u00a0 Kay Fittes.\u00a0 All Rights Reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" From day one, male babies are dressed and swaddled in blue, females in pink.\u00a0 Boys play with trucks and like to wrestle, girls play with dolls and learn proper manners.\u00a0 Young men play to win on sports teams, young women do things in groups where everyone tries to get along.\u00a0 Yes, there are exceptions 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